thehefner: (Iron Man: Life is Empty w/o GIN)
Wherein I too become one of the many absent people I've seen pop back onto LJ to write an "It's been a while since I've posted anything here, hasn't it?" post. I'm genuinely ashamed that I'm becoming one of those people who posts more about their general lives up on Facebook than here. No offense to those that do, but damn, I miss the thriving days of this place when people actually posted stuff and had something to say! Kill me before I break down and get a Tumblr account.

Right now, I'm savoring this brief moment of downtime to check in here while things ramp up to crazyland over the next few weeks. In less than a month, I'll be performing The Road to Nowhere at the Orlando Fringe Festival. Hard enough that I'll be trying to fill a hundred-seat venue for seven performances, but as Henchgirl may not be able to tag along (eight months pregnant and all), I'll need to master the tech for the projector. Which I need to do anyway, since I'll be flying solo for when I perform at the Capital Fringe Festival this July. Which, of course, will be the day that the tech finally explodes!

But until Orlando, there's plenty of other shit to do, mainly involving getting ready to sell the house. This means--gasp shock horror--actually cleaning my room. I just we just found Hoffa's body, so that's progress! Maybe we'll sell it for a quarter at the Garage Sale this Saturday. Anyone want to come to a Garage Sale? It'll be here! At least, I think it's happening this Saturday.

And of course, it's only in the past few days that I FINALLY feel ready to work on the Harvey Dent novel again. I made some great progress, actually. The first chapter is greatly improved, and with Henchgirl's strict editorial help, I'm finally ready to finish this bad boy. Given the suicidal manner in which DC Comics is running itself these days, I'm thinking that I might just suck it up and post it all online. At least that way it'll reach an audience, which is more than can be said if it ever did get published.

Of course, that's going to have to wait. God knows till when, since childbirth is imminent, following by moving to Delaware. Even for the immediate future, I don't know how much time I'll have to see any friends. Lord knows that I can't spend a whole glorious day with [livejournal.com profile] themadhatter26, driving Baltimore microbrews and playing Portal 2. At the very least, I'll try to make it a point to keep y'all in the loop, for those interested in loop-related subject matter.

If nothing else, you damn well bet I'll be throwing a going-away/baby-having party before we go. I'll keep you posted.
thehefner: (Default)
On Tuesday night, [livejournal.com profile] fiveseconddelay and [livejournal.com profile] tommx were awesome enough to treat me to a Boys Night Out* which, somehow, had the unspoken feeling for all involved of being a "last hurrah."

Thing is, I only have a few days left of having no life before... well, before life gets to have me, following by me quite literally getting a life.

Soon, we'll have to prepare for the journey to and from the Rogue Festival in Fresno, CA, to perform The Road to Nowhere, which we'll also be taking to Orlando Fringe in May. Along with the baby's due date as June 30th, and there's talk about us moving to Delaware permanently. There's going to be so much more preparation, and there's going to be so many things for which I simply don't know how to be prepared at all. My days feel distinctly numbered.

But it's not a bad thing. Speaking purely for myself, I'm ready for my life to change. At least, as ready as I can be. I just don't know what to expect. From ANY of it. I just feel adrift, knowing that land is finally in sight and ready to set foot there, but uncertain of what I'm going to find waiting for me.

Five years ago, I'd have been scared shitless. Now, I'm just waiting to see what comes next. No matter what, I think it's going to be great. I'm certain that the best years are still ahead. I just don't know, and it's the uncertainty that I'm feeling most right now.

Soon, I'm going to do two posts. The first will be to announce I'm accepting 2011 reservations for rentals of my beach house in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. As I'm doing less Fringes than usual this year, my income will be largely reliant on rentals, so I have to get the word out.

The second will be a list of baby-related stuff we'll be needing, if any of you family folks have extra stuff left over that you're willing to pass on. Henchgirl and I are compiling a list of what we have, what we'll need, and what we can get ourselves. Economy, naturally, is key here.

Will post other stuff too, hopefully featuring the glorious return of my sense of humor. :)





*I can't believe I'd never heard of Sidebar in Silver Spring, but dear lord, it's my new favorite bar ever. Although I probably won't feel the same way when 1.) I'm paying, 2.) I'm driving, and 3.) it's crowded like it's supposed to always be. So seriously, thank you again, [livejournal.com profile] tommx and [livejournal.com profile] fiveseconddelay, for a great time out and letting me get spectacularly drunk on amazing gourmet cocktails I may never get a chance to drink again.

Except for the bacon whiskey maple drink. I don't care if it's ten bucks, I AM getting that again.
thehefner: (Iron Man: Life is Empty w/o GIN)
Figures. I'm out of the key ingredients to my two favorite cocktails of the moment, both of which I've created myself (to the best of my knowledge). And now that I've discovered that the best way to chill a cocktail glass is with liquid nitrogen, I now have something else for the ol' liquor cabinet wish list.

I can only imagine what liquid nitrogen would do for my choice martini recipe. Really, it would add to perfect garnish of sci-fi to what can only be called the Johnny Go Martini... )



This creates the most lovely, clean-tasting, downright delicious Martinis I've ever had. What's really amazing is to drink any other kind of gin before trying Hendrick's, just to taste the difference. Bombay Sapphire used to be my gin of choice, but it tastes like window-cleaner compared to Hendrick's. Furthermore, it's the only drink I've ever known to actually not hinder me in writing (look at me, I'm Dorothy Parker!).

I know whiskey is the drink of choice, but more often than not, it's a monkeywrench in the creative works. Weirdly, beer is worst of all for this. I can't even have a single can of Natty Boh and hope to get any work done. Most drinks are reserved for kicking back and watching films or being social or trying to unwind after a rewarding/frustrating day of writing.


For that, I turn to my current very favorite drink, my personal take on the Old Fashioned... )


This is the finest drink I know how to make, and one of the few that appeals to pretty much every palate, from those who prefer girly drinks to guys like me and [livejournal.com profile] fiveseconddelay who prefer drier stuff. It's marvelously complex, filled with wonderful nuances, and is just plain delicious to enjoy.

And of course, I finally put together this dedication to my two current favorite drinks just as I've run out of both whiskey and Hendrick's right before being stuck in the middle of a fucking snowstorm. There is not enough "LE SIGH" in the world.
thehefner: (Default)
I put off the final (and most eventful!) part of my Vegas adventure--and thus derailed my entire "Road Trippin'" series--because of two reasons.

1.) I wanted to actually do a vlog for one of the stories, but every attempt was just too messy and tense. I really needed someone else there to whom I could actually be telling the story, but that never happened.

And 2.) because what happened was still too emotionally raw. It still is, a bit.

That's not to scare any of you off. Trust me, this was a day of extremes, and the highlights were definitely special indeed. In fact, I'm gonna split it off into those two parts. So finally, after about ten months of procrastination, here's part one of my final day in Vegas:



More story than photos, but it's a good'un! )


In Part 2, I encounter the best Thai food outside of Thailand (not kidding), witness a Rat Pack tribute concert, and receive some devastating news that literally changes the course of my entire return home.
thehefner: (Two-Face: Drink)
Using this recipe, Henchgirl and I are gonna attempt to make falernum. Yeah, I'd never heard of it either, until I read the ingredients of the wonderful grog they serve at Piratz Tavern in Silver Spring.

My goal is to make my own grog come the epic party this Saturday (you remember the epic party I'm throwing this Saturday evening, right?) based on theirs. They listed it as being no more than "light rum, gold rum, dark rum, falernum, and triple sec," so essentially rum, rum, rum, rum-derived syrup, and orange liqueur. Problem is, I don't know what measurements to give for each liquor, and there are real recipes for grog online. At least, none that sound like the Piratz Tavern's version. Does anyone have insight into grog-making?

My rum options are Bacardi white, Bacardi 151 (the recipe for falernum recommends an overproof rum), Gosling's Gold, Gosling's Black Seal*, Captain Morgan, Pusser's, Tortuga, and a li'l bit of Captain Morgan Private Stock. What would work best? If I nail that part, I can upgrade the Triple Sec to Cointreau or Grand Marnier, as it should be.

Also, my cocktail mixer app on the iPhone tells me that there's a way to make absinthe at home from vodka soaked in herbs, including the essential grande wormwood (artemisia absenthium). We're strongly considering giving that one a try too, assuming we can even find wormwood. I wonder if this will lead to me attempting to pull a [livejournal.com profile] tompurdue and try to make my own wine.

I go through booze phases. First, it was girly drinks. Then it was mixed drinks in general. Then it was making mixed drinks of my own, at which point I was blowing tons of money stocking my liquor cabinet with stuff purely because one cocktail recipe called for, like, a splash of Jagermeister and butterscotch schnapps. Then I became a fan of drinking beer with liquor to play off the flavors: Corona may be pisswater, but drink it paired with a fine Añejo tequila (and ideally with a great Mexican meal like my brother's chiles rellenos and zucchini quesadilla) is divine. Then it was beer. Then it was whiskey. Then it was scotch. Then it was absinthe.

Man, I do still love a good absinthe, hard though it is to find, and expensive too. I have no doubts that anything I might actually make will be a magnificent disaster, but hey, when's that ever stopped me?

My next obsession is shaping up to be all about bitters. I've fallen in love with using orange bitters in Blue Moon instead of a slice of orange, and am increasingly fascinating by the possibility of using Angostura bitters in more than Manhattans and Old Fashioneds. And there are so many other kinds of bitters out there! Almond bitters! Mint bitters! Lemon bitters! Just imagine the applications for aromatic flavorfulness!

Well, I suppose I shall simply have to experiment, won't I? How lucky am I, then, that I'll have guinea pigs at the party this Saturday? In the words of [livejournal.com profile] fiveseconddelay, "Here, drink this! It's terrible!"





*Ever had a proper Dark and Stormy? Ginger beer and Black Seal? YUM.
thehefner: (Iron Man: Life is Empty w/o GIN)
Man, I still never have posted the rest of my road trip photos from January, have I? You still have yet to hear the rest of my Vegas adventure! One of these days, man.

In the meantime, here, have photos of the world's largest six pack in La Crosse, WI, taken on my way to Winnipeg in July.



And yes, they really are filled with beer.

Six more photos, plus history of the six pack, and a super special bonus! )
thehefner: (Iron Man: Life is Empty w/o GIN)
Anyone else watching the Gabriel Byrne therapist show IN TREATMENT? It's the only show I've ever known to drive me to drink, Dan-Backslide-style. Seriously, I almost can't watch this show while sober. And even then, it hurts.

Because here's the thing: the show is brilliant. Every episode is a showcase of writing and acting* brilliance. Every. Single. Episode. Even the worst ones have moments that hit the writer and/or actor in me and make me sick to my stomach with how goddamned great they are by doing so very little.

And even then, it's not brilliant in a fun or exhilarating way, in the way many call LOST brilliant. This is brilliant in a "claw open your chest, crack open your ribs with a ball peen hammer, and then smear the insides with salt" kind of way. Each of Paul's patients are all deeply fucked-up in their own deeply fucked-up ways, human and complex and often disturbingly recognizable, and Paul himself...

... you know how you can start calling lines before characters even say them? That happens even on LOST. "You just killed everyone on that boat." Who the hell DIDN'T hear Ben's "So?" coming?

But on IN TREATMENT, Paul as therapist never, ever replies in that predictable, human manner, no matter how emotionally compromised he may be at the moment. In some of the most heated bits, when anybody else would be screaming back at these neurotic crazy people--some of whom are directly trying to attack Paul himself--he deflects that back like I imagine any good therapist would with another probing question.

That is, until you get to the episodes where Paul visits HIS psychiatrist (Diane Weist, in a beautifully and subtly manipulative performance) and all the anger and resentment he's been bottling up over the other sessions comes pouring out. And of course, he's as fucked-up as any of them.

Which one can tend to forget when watching the other episodes, where he never talks about himself, doing his job and keeping the focus entirely on the patients. You can almost slip into the mentality that you're watching one-act plays, stand-alone stories, and miss all the many, many little tiny connective tissues about how each subplot affects the others, and how Paul's emotions shape his motivations with how he handles his patients. Layers upon layers, so subtle that repeat viewings might be necessary, but I dunno if I could handle that. I guess it all depends on how the final episodes of this season go, which I have yet to watch.

Good lord, and I haven't even seen Season One yet.

IN TREATMENT. So good it kills your soul a little bit five times a week. BYOB.




*Besides Byrne and Weist, you have heart-stopping performances by Hope Davis (who plays the most some of the most engagingly off-putting characters out there), Allison Pill (one of those "holy crap, she's just a bit younger than me and she can act like that? Kill me now" actors), and John Mahoney (god, Frasier's Dad has gotten old).

I've never thought, "Man, what I would give to be on this show" before for any other series, but to have the opportunity to work with that kind of material, in that setting, to be pushed to performances like those... I would seriously eat a puppy for a shot at getting cast in IN TREATMENT.

Seriously. A whole puppy. It's Gabriel Byrne, ladies, don't tell me you wouldn't do the same for that reason alone.
thehefner: (Default)
So! Who wants to see my new show and drink beer (it's BYOB, but I'll try to get a nice case of inexpensive something-something)?

Then come on by [livejournal.com profile] tommx's place next Friday, May 8th, for a special rough-as-hell run-through of THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES: HOW HEFNERIAN! Help prepare me for my return to triumphant return to the Orlando Fringe Festival, in the hopes that I don't make a complete and utter boob of myself!



But in the hopes of avoiding self-boobery, I'll be taking a day or two to hermit up in the Catoctin Mountain so I can work on the script without being distracted by my mother, my grandmother, my grandmother's friends, my stepfather, Mom's dogs, my needy bully of a cat, my grandmother's screeching Conure, or that robin who keeps humping his reflection in the window, leaving the glass smeared with robin jizz.

Hopefully I can also swing by Sugarloaf Mountain Vineyard, where I can finally get a vineyard tour by no one less than Judge James McKenna himself. I honestly have no idea what I'll say to this great man to whom I once emasculated myself before an entire traffic court, but hopefully, there'll be a new story in this reunion. I'm hoping to someday finally find a way to use the Traffic Court Story in a new show.

Also, his wine is wicked good to boot.



In other news, I am Twatting on Twitter, even though it's seriously not long-winded-bastard-friendly. YOU ARE NOT REPLACING MY LJ ANYTIME SOON, TWITTER.

Speaking of/in all caps, I wanted to finally start officially following ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER, only to discover this as his latest Tweet:

I GOTTA LEAVE THE STATE AND LAY LOW FOR AWHILE SO I WONT BE ONLINE SO ILL SEE YOU FUCKERS LATER IM OUT

3:42 PM Apr 22nd from web


I have no reason to doubt he's telling the truth. The internet shall be a poorer place until you return, or perish in a tragic flaming blimp accident. Whichever comes first. This can only be described in one way: WACK AS FUCK.
thehefner: (Iron Man: Life is Empty w/o GIN)
Because this will be of interest to some, including [livejournal.com profile] lonebear, who inquired about it last Fall, [livejournal.com profile] themadhatter26 has informed me that next week, on the 24th and 25th, Cranbrook Liquors in Cockeysville is doing SPRING DOLLAR DAYS, wherein most everything in the store is sold at just $1.00 above cost!

I, for one, am in need of better absinthe and a good scotch. Currently, I'm in love with Macallan 12 year, and while I'm sure the 18 year is indeed wonderful, I'm not sure I'm ready for that price hike even at a dollar above cost. Wait, there's also a 15 year too, right? Either way, yowza price hike. Either way, I'll have to celebrate St. Patrick's Day next week.

I can't drink anything today, because tomorrow I'm having surgery in a very unpleasant place, and will be very uncomfortable for the next couple days. I dare say I will have earned that scotch next week.
thehefner: (Ghostbusters: Ray w/ Cigarette)
This has been making the rounds on the internets--people asking "Is this for real?" "Has Dan Aykroyd gone completely mad?" "Is this viral marketing for GHOSTBUSTERS 3?" "No, seriously, has he gone fucking crazy?"--but so far, I've yet to see it on LJ.

Let's rectify that.



I showed this to [livejournal.com profile] fiveseconddelay, expecting him at any point to go, "Okay, I've seen enough" and indicate that he was finished humoring me. Instead, as I did when I first saw it, he just watched all the way to the end. He said, "It's like... you keep waiting for the punchline. It keeps you enthralled, and you keep waiting for the joke and it... never comes. And now I want a bottle."

And yes, it's real. On Halloween, John Hodgman performed the noble task of conducting a personal taste test. You're a god among men, Hodg-Man.



Crazy or not, I too want a bottle. You've sold me, Ray.
thehefner: (Iron Man & THOR)
Hey film fans, what's your favorite single long shot from a movie?

Mine has to be this:





In other news, it seems I've somehow lost about fifteen pounds. As I have a totally skewed body image, I hadn't noticed. But yeah, I'm back down to 160, which is ten pounds more than what I was in the months after the Tammy Meltdown.* My doctor looked alarmed and a couple friends think I'm starting to verge on looking sickly again (although Mom thinks that they're just shocked to actually see me skinny). I've just been parsing out my meals to smaller increments over every couple hours, making one of those meals a smoothie, things like that. Also, my decreased diet post-nose-surgery helped.

Regardless, my new physique shall likely be shot to shit. For you see, I have discovered that a beer and wine store in Potomac stocks Schneider Aventinus:



[livejournal.com profile] lonebear introduced me to this German wheat doppelbock at the International House of Beer (aka Regional Food and Drink), describing it as a "chewy beer." Ohhhhhh my god, it's magnificent. Perhaps the best beer I've ever had, although it's so different from any of the ales and lagers I usually have that it probably shouldn't qualify. Even the snobs at Beer Advocate adore it, and nine bottles are mine, all mine!

At what's probably 400 calories a bottle, or something ridiculous (he said "chewy" and he means "chewy"), it's probably a matter of time before y'all get your chubby Heffie back. If it happens, I will be sad, but I will have no regrets. Save only that I regret not having any more of this beer.



*the fact that there are those of you who don't know what that means just indicates how far I've come.

By the way, going to Tammy's wedding? As predictably a bad idea as going to Misty's wedding should have been, but wasn't because that one ended up being miserable for whole other reasons.
thehefner: (Simpsons: ...Comic Books?)
Sadly, I fear I'm gonna be missing Baltimore Comic Con this weekend. I was thinking of skipping out anyway as I really didn't want to go alone; I've learned that being solo at comic conventions can be an overwhelming, frustrating, and rather depressing experience. What started out as geek excitement soon gave way to a sense of hollowness and solitude. There's no one with whom I can geek out about the good stuff and snark over the bad stuff.

But the fact is, I just can't afford it anyway. Bad enough the Riddler costume, the NYC writing seminar, and the impending road trip are sapping my budget, but I just blew a goodly wad of dough at a liquor store yesterday. This place has an annual sale where most booze is sold at a dollar over cost! That's generally a $15 discount on everything, more or less! I got some Crown Royal, a Macallan 12 yr. scotch, Patron Reposado tequila (I came DAMN close to splurging $95 for a huuuuuuge bottle of the anejo, but I resisted, damn me, I resisted), and finally some now-legal real absinthe, which rather helped enhance the experience of LOST Season 2, let me tell you.

I essentially spent about as much money in that trip that I would buying back issues and commissioning Two-Face drawings from artists, so yeah, I think Baltimore is out. Besides, SPX is around the corner. And this year, that one will be far more deserving of my time, energy, and cash, ohhh yes.

Sorry, Baltimore. I guess Frank Cho and I won't be reprising our running theme of "Hefner! How are ya! I still owe you a drawing, don't I?" But then, we'll have plenty more years to do that one.

Dunno when I'll next be able to hit up a big convention. San Diego will almost certainly conflict with my Canadian tour (assuming I get in), as might Dragon*Con, which I'd never been to but probably should considering, like, ten of you peeps here on my f-list went. I felt decidedly left out. My nerd self needs the occasional convention experience. I just don't think I can do it alone anymore.
thehefner: (Iron Man: Life is Empty w/o GIN)
After a year and of a month of acquiring my late father's unopened bottle of Martell V.S.O.P Médaillon cognac--which was already aged over ten years when my father acquired it over twenty years ago--I finally busted open the motherfucker.

I kept putting it off and putting it off, waiting for a proper occasion that never came, never feeling special enough, or maybe having someone along with a palate that could appreciate it better than I and give me an educated, refined opinion that I lack. But after getting through the past few months, not to mention the past year, and heck, with everything revolving around THE DARK KNIGHT and finally returning to the joyous (no irony) task of the Harvey Dent novel, it seemed like as good a time as any.

But it wasn't easy, especially as the cork was all gunky and crumbling. Once I dug out the cork and decanted the bottle, using a tea strainer to get out all the bits I could, I rebottled the cognac and poured a spit's worth into a shot glass.* Just for a taste.

Much like the 20-year-old half-consumed bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey that I found at the same time, the initial taste was so smooth to almost be flavorless, little more than heavy water. That said, I gave it to Mom and she reported a pained gasp of, "GAH, ROCKET FUEL!" but while that certainly points toward her being an even more sensitive soul than I, it's yet another reminder that I'm starting to lose my own sensitivity towards tastes.

But when I inhaled and exhaled... ohhhh, then I could taste it. Yes I could. My goodness gracious. I may not know cognacs, but that... is fine stuff.

I'm not gonna plow through the rest, don't worry. I've recorked the bottle and will definitely save the rest for special occasions, whenever they happen to pop up.

I read somewhere that it goes well with a fine cigar. I've never smoked one aside from taking the odd puff, but who knows? Perhaps it might be worth considering taking that for a special treat one of these days. Maybe once I finally get surgery on my deviated septum and therefore will hopefully be able to smell and taste things better.

Not to mention breathe; I haven't been able to breathe through both nostrils at the same time for about four years. Let's rectify that, shall we?



*Not just any shot glass, but my father's. The one he used repeatedly daily to apply Seagram's gin to his Canada Dry tonic water. The really nutty part? It was an official Frank Miller's SIN CITY Kadie's Club Pecos shot glass that I bought at my comic shop when I was thirteen, but gave to him because I knew he'd get more use out of it.

Now that it's mine again and I actually drink, the glass is permanently stained and worn, and no amount of scrubbing will make it look new and not... well-used.
thehefner: (Batman: Riddler)
Ever since I snagged this pimptastic icon of Frank Gorshin (god, isn't that how Eddie should always look?), I've been rather obsessed with making a Riddler costume for this year's costume contest. I have many elements together, but damn if I'm missing a few elements. Namely, a snazzy purple tie and matching handkerchief. Not just any will do, damn it!



Even though gin is the enemy--the most evil liquor on the planet and does not mix well with me at all, for it puts me in a certain mood and tempts me toward very foolish things--I was intrigued by the discovery of Tanqueray Rangpur, advertised as a lime-based gin at "goes with everything." After reading several glowing reviews online, one even preferring it to my choice gin Bombay Sapphire, I decided to splurge and give it a go.

The reviews and marketing were very wrong when they stated that it had a very light flavor, as taken straight, Tanqueray Rangpur is pretty damn orangey/limey (unsurprising, as the Rangpur lime is apparently like a cross between both fruits), a bit more like drinking straight Cointreau than I'd expected and hoped.

That said, last night I used Rangpur for a classic martini, letting the ice melt enough to both cool and dilute the gin just enough, and I must say the end result was pretty goddamn tasty. Now if only I could think of a good substitute for an olive, as I hate olives. Oh, the irony: I love a good martini, and yet, I hate olives! I can never truly enjoy a martini! Regardless, I wonder what would make a good garnish. A peel or wedge of lime? Hm.



Two losses from the past couple weeks:

I Hear The Robot's Roar No More: Mourning the loss of Universal Studio's King Kong, and by extension, the loss of animatronics everywhere (kinda makes me wish I'd actually seen the old Epcot Center back in the day.)

J'onn J'onzz R.I.P. (for now). I like how Peter Tomasi isn't even trying to hide his disappointment, essentially saying, "Yeah, this blows, I hope he comes back in a couple years!" Poor guy was doomed the moment they tried to revamp his whole look; I know a skimpy harness and pirate boots may not be badass, but anybody who thinks the black Dark-Jedi-or-whatever redesign was an improvement just didn't give a shit about J'onn in the first place. But to die like he did? Shit, J'onn and Aquaman, DC's two most underappreciated characters, both died punk-ass deaths that made both Fetts--Jango and Boba--look dignified by comparison.



The A.V. Club has written up two neat classic film appreciations this past week.

First, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE?, one of my favorite horror films that isn't really a horror film, a pitch-black fucked-up movie made all the greater by the fact that it starred Bette David and Joan Crawford who haaaaaated each other in real life, just one of the many subversive meta layers of this film. Apparently WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE? is largely forgotten, save for the same subculture of drag queens who hold it up as a widely-mocked camp "classic" alongside MOMMIE DEAREST.

As the article's author laments, this is a real shame. "Like PSYCHO, it's paradoxically classy, artful trash, or a trashy art movie. There's something weirdly subversive about watching artists as towering and brilliant as Alfred Hitchcock or Bette Davis sink their fangs into such lurid, pulpy material. To me, Baby Jane isn't a camp classic or a cult classic so much as it's a straight-up classic.

And secondly, they discuss my favorite Johnny Depp film, DEAD MAN, as part of their ongoing series of "The New Cult Canon." As with all cult film, DEAD MAN ain't for everyone, but this essay rather beautifully summed up why I love it. I mean, above and beyond the cast alone! Not everyone can appreciate such things. Stupid fucking white man.
thehefner: (Life is Empty w/o GIN)
Question: what do you get when you start with a glass half filled with Jameson on the rocks and add equal splashes of Bailey's, Kahlua, vanilla vodka, Goldschlager, Jagermeister, and butterscotch schnapps?

Answer: a regretful Heffie.
thehefner: (Bub and Johnny Go)
Questions, o my learned friends:

1.) How do I go about copyrighting a character? Rather is there an easier or calmer method than trying to navigate through the seeming-quagmire of bureaucracy that is the US Copyright Office web site? I just want to make sure I'm doing all the right things. No worries, I think [livejournal.com profile] kmousie is kindly helping walk me through the process.

2.) I need a website. Which is to say, I need both a domain name and a designer. www.johnhefner.com is currently a redirecting site for a John Heffner Jr, whose own site is under construction (and who may be a cult member of some sort). So... where should I go or what should I do to undergo the process of getting a tasteful and snazzy web page for a non-rip-off amount?



And now, some answers to questions asked of me at New Year's Eve:

For [livejournal.com profile] pondering_duck: First, chill a cocktail glass with ice and water, and put it to the side while you mix 2 parts blended whiskey (Crown Royal is the best I've discovered so far), 1 part sweet vermouth (I've experimented with equal parts sweet and dry vermouth, half a part each, which has worked to lovely effect), plus a splash of grenadine (go for the authentic Stirrings brand if you can, available at Whole Foods, but the corn-syrup-and-red-40 version can work in a pinch too), and don't forget a dash of Angostura bitters (available at some supermarkets and most liquor stores)! If you'd like, a dash or splash of maraschino cherry juice can be added as well.

Whatever you choose to mix together, pour it all in a shaker over ice and shake well. Shake a teeny wee bit longer than you think is necessary. Dump the water out of your now-chilled glass, give it a quick dry, and strain the drink into it, then garnish with a maraschino cherry.

The trick is to find the perfect balance of dry and sweet. Only one out of every six or so Manhattans I make actually turn out perfectly. The rest are "eh, okay" at best, and some are so disappointing that I just dump them down the drain. Breaks my heart to waste good liquor, but a bad Manhattan is like drinking liquid failure.

Good luck, and feel free to experiment. I still do.

For [livejournal.com profile] swimpenguin: Here are three good starting points.



Finally, from that selfsame New Year's Eve party, here's a picture of crazy Heffie lording over the small folk.

I shall name them Breakfast, Lunch, and George.

thehefner: (I'm a pirate! YARR!)
So why did no one tell me of the existence of Piratz Tavern, the pirate-themed bar and restaurant in Silver Spring? Is it possible that my piratical-obsessed friends in the Rudes somehow missed this, or am I just so out of the loop that I'm the last person to find out? If it's the latter, then truly shall I know I have drifted from you guys.

([livejournal.com profile] disc_sophist, what else have you been keeping from me?!)

I went there yesterday to kill an hour before going to see GOJIRA (GODZILLA) at the AFI, a theater I absolutely must frequent more frequently. When I decided that it might be fun to try the grog, the bustier-clad waitress asked, "rail or top shelf?" Not knowing what exactly was in grog at the time, I nonetheless instantly asked for top shelf. The day I start drinking crap just to get drunk is the day we should all start worrying.

Then she asked, "Glass or mug?" Well, I had a couple hours to sober up, so I said, "mug." So out she returned with big ol' man's-mug of grog. For those who don't know, this particular grog was comprised of three kinds of rum (Tortuga, Bacardi, and some other notable name brand), triple sec, and a strange new substance called falernum, which also contains rum, ginger beer (they make alcoholic ginger beer?), and cloves. I think the cloves were they only nonalcoholic part of the entire mug.

So. Yeah. Kinda wasn't expecting that. Ha. Ha.

I still wasn't sober when I get out of GOJIRA, so I decided to make a double-feature of it and see the AFI's new print of MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL, which is even funnier when coming down from a mug of rum in a theater-full of aging geeks.

A good evening all in all, even though I still don't have all the feeling back in my lips. Next time, I'm definitely not going to Piratz Tavern alone. Also, I may sometime go dressed as Corsair, the space pirate from X-Men. Perhaps for my birthday party.
thehefner: (Green Lantern: WHOMP!)
Halloween Party turned out damn well. I had a grand time, and I hope everyone else did too. It was also a good opportunity to clean out my liquor cabinet, for which you guys were happy to help.

The highlight, those those of us who experienced it, was finishing off my father's 20-something-year-old bottle of Jameson. I don't know what the hell Dad had a bottle of Jameson for, as he never drank anything other than Miller Lite or Seagram's gin and tonic all his life (yuck!), and I wasn't really sure how well an open, half-consumed bottle of Irish whiskey would age. Ohhhhh ho, my friends... that was mellow. It hardly tasted alcoholic at all. It was almost bittersweet to kill what was left, but it was as good an opportunity as any. Dad's way was to horde and keep things locked in his possession.

Y'know, this is why I'm so intolerant around collectors. I mean, the folks who come in looking for "variant" covers and limited edition books and action figures. I'm a firm believer that these things are not meant to sit in their packages, hermetically sealed. They're meant to be taken out and enjoyed, perhaps even shared! Even if it means reducing its own shelf life, because... well, that's what they're for! And eventually, sad and difficult as it may be, one has to move on.

I still haven't busted open that 30-something-year-old bottle of Martell VSOP cognac, though. I'm still holding out for the perfect opportunity, and have no idea when that'll be. Drinking it with someone who knows what the hell they're tasting would also be ideal.

Meantime, Mom came back from Rehoboth beach with much stuff to restock the ol' liquor cabinet: Chambord, Jose Cuervo Tradicional, and four kinds of Vodka: Smirnoff's regular, raspberry, and citrus, and Absolut vanilla. Danny remarked that it's amusing how she's both a touch concerned for my drinking while gladly helping me restock and experiment with mixing.



In comic movie news, Warner Bros. has a strange plan regarding their upcoming DC Comics movies. I mean, the JUSTICE LEAGUE movie isn't even fully cast (and so far, not with any stars), and yet they've already announced spin-offs of THE FLASH (with a new director... again!) and GREEN LANTERN.

Ranting, contemplation, and big news regarding the FLASH and GL movies )

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