thehefner: (Me: White Background)
This concerns all you DC/MD/VA/otherwise-local-ish friends who have any interest in seeing me perform.

SO... I've been accepted into the Capital Fringe Festival. Hooray! Except... ticket prices are now $17.00. I've never seen a festival charge that much. $17.00 per ticket? For a Fringe show? And yet, bear in mind, this would be my only chance to perform here, short of finding another space to rent out, or trying to get a professional theatre to take on my show.

So what do you guys think? Would you be willing to pay $17.00 for a ticket? Because frankly, I wouldn't, and neither would Henchgirl.

Considering the costs of performing ($575 venue fee, plus $200 insurance fee!), I don't know if I'd even make that back, depending on where they'd stick me. First year, I made a great profit, followed by barely breaking even the next year, and it all had to do with location. And with a baby on the way right before the festival--or possibly during, as I understand that first kids are notoriously late--that's time and money which might be better spent.

Really, what are the benefits of performing The Road to Nowhere at CapFringe? There are three, from where I sit:


1.) The possibility that maybe someone from, say, Woolly Mammoth Theatre Company will see the show and want give us a few performances, something I'm not sure will happen since my show is more geeky and romantic rather than political and social and thus not of interest to DC audiences

2.) Performing for friends, especially those who haven't yet seen me perform. You guys comprised about 80% of my audiences for How Hefnerian, after all.

3.) Getting more reviews.


Writing this all out, it kinda feels like I've already made my decision. But I want to know what you guys think. Neither Henchgirl nor I can objectively consider this now, as we're both CRAZY STRESSED over our impending trip to Fresno, among several other HUGE factors in our lives. I think I have a couple more days to accept or decline CapFringe, so let me know.

Alternate possibility: host a performance of the show (at my house or someone else's) and take donations? If I'm just doing it for friends, perhaps that'd be the better way all around.
thehefner: (Scott and Barda are US SO SCHMOOPY)
Henchgirl's mother was a strict Jehovah's Witness, which meant that she never had a single Christmas. When I heard this, I told Mom, and while depression and laziness kept us from ever doing much beyond a Jewish Christmas (Chinese food and a movie) in the years since Dad died (I always did Christmas with him, as was his demand), she agreed that we needed to give this girl a fucking Christmas. The whole thing: a tree, presents, stockings, nutcrackers, eggnog, IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE, cookies, and, of course, horrible family drama!

You see, my grandmother's in the hospital after having had a stroke. Or two. Or five, I'm really not certain how many she had, or has had since, but things are just kinda up in the air right now. And for those who don't know, Mom's relationship with her mother is a little strained. Put it this way: Mom's relationship with her mother was pretty much my relationship with my father: we both would take care of our parents who were invalids by choice, taking their abuse and buying their groceries, then coming back home so that Mom and I could look at each other and ask, "So, what did your parent do today?"

So Henchgirl has arrived smack-dab in the middle of this. But regardless, we had a Christmas. A real Christmas like I haven't had since I was, like, five. Hell, I didn't stop there! I was so determined to give Henchgirl the full experience, we spent Christmas afternoon getting Chinese food with the Jewish families in Potomac, then went to see THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG, which was excellent, by the way. I totally didn't get choked up at the end, are you kidding, of course not, no, cough.

That night, we had a full ham dinner with mashed potatoes, veggie stuffing, corn pudding, and white chocolate macamadamia nut cookies Henchgirl made that were made of naught but pure glorious fat I love her so. It was amazing.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: the best fucking Christmas e-ver!

Actually, I nearly ruined the whole thing by insisting that we sat down to watch my favorite Christmas move, Akira Kurosawa's IKIRU, which Henchgirl didn't care for, but Mom and I still loved it, so whatever. Still one of my favorite movies ever. I cry every damn time.

The next day, Henchgirl and I planned to head to the beach house in Rehoboth, to finally get some private time, bow-chicka-and-all-that, before New Year's Turkeymas dinner with the Rudes at Chez Duda. And as she descended the staircase to leave, that's when she got the phone call. She had to sit at the bottom step. I sat down next to her, even though we were next to the basket of pet leashes, and the area smelled like dog. And then told me that her mother was dying.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: two dying mothers, and the best fucking Christmas e-ver!


Come, join us for a totally non-depressing-we-swear sing-along about alcoholism, dying mothers, and nervous breakdowns! WHEEEEE!!! )


By the way, you know the best part of typing an LJ entry while your technologically-inclined girlfriend watches? It's when she laughs her ass off when...how would you put it, dear?

(--when she realizes the Boy has to cut and paste HTML code and doesn't even know the keyboard shortcuts, the poor stunted darling. From this day hence, the Henchgirl vows to do all the coding.)

We're so goddamned adorable, I could drink bleach.
thehefner: (Default)
I put off the final (and most eventful!) part of my Vegas adventure--and thus derailed my entire "Road Trippin'" series--because of two reasons.

1.) I wanted to actually do a vlog for one of the stories, but every attempt was just too messy and tense. I really needed someone else there to whom I could actually be telling the story, but that never happened.

And 2.) because what happened was still too emotionally raw. It still is, a bit.

That's not to scare any of you off. Trust me, this was a day of extremes, and the highlights were definitely special indeed. In fact, I'm gonna split it off into those two parts. So finally, after about ten months of procrastination, here's part one of my final day in Vegas:



More story than photos, but it's a good'un! )


In Part 2, I encounter the best Thai food outside of Thailand (not kidding), witness a Rat Pack tribute concert, and receive some devastating news that literally changes the course of my entire return home.
thehefner: (Farscape: Humans are Superior!)
There's an old Hollywood axiom that warns, "Movies are about their last twenty minutes," which is pretty much a direct rebuttal to the great writer's mantra, "It's the journey, not the destination."

So, questions, my lovely flisters:

Ever seen a brilliant movie or read an awesome book that was ruined by its shitty ending? For me, it was THE HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG. A magnificently moving tragedy utterly destroyed in the last fifteen minutes by the tacked-on subplot that served to do nothing but be an excuse to force everything to go to shit, because oooh, that's so literary!

Conversely, ever seen/read anything that was made--or even salvaged--by a great ending? Even if the first half or more was tedious, boring, awful, painful, did the ending at least make you forgive the story, if not outright love it? A couple examples of movies with much better second halves that come to mind for me are THE SPANISH PRISONER and KISS OF THE SPIDER-WOMAN. Has this ever happened to you? With what?

Your answers just might make it into the new monologue I'm composing. I'm actually considering maybe trying to do this as a podcast or a multi-part web video, trying to expand my creative horizons. Assuming I can find a sound/video editor to help me out.
thehefner: (The Hefner Monologues Sign)
So the folks at the Capital Fringe Festival *might* be able to organize an open dress rehearsal of THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES, free to everyone, sometime mid-February.

It'd take place at the theatre in the Fringe's office on New York Avenue, where ICONICITY was performed. It will be my chance to test out my newly revamped (and majorly improved!) original show before I take it to New York City for the Frigid Festival! I dearly need feedback and suggestions, and will be willing to ply folks with pizza to sweeten the deal.

I'd like to shoot for February 18th or 19th. That's a Wednesday and Thursday respectively, as on the 21st I have a preview performance in NYC. They'll let me know next Monday if anything is doable.

If so, I'll post the details here for anyone who wants to see the show, whether they've missed it the first time around or if they'd like to see how much it's truly grown and developed since last time! Really, I'm very proud of how it's shaped up. The original version was very much a young man's show. It's become something quite different, and I'm anxious to see how it plays.
thehefner: (The Hefner Monologues Sign)
So I'm contemplating my new costume for THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES. Costumes, specifically. I'm forgoing my classic ill-fitting $3.00 polyester shiny blue suit in favor of several layers of t-shirts and using different coats. Even the smoking jacket.*

This especially fits the new format of the show, which is less "sitting around at Bennigans telling everyone the story about something while still having emotional issues tied up in everything," and more, "flashbacks told in the present tense as the John Hefner that I was at that specific moment."** Like, for meeting Tammy with the Rude Mechanicals, I'll wear my black BDU top which I kept from our production of HENRY VI. For Captain Buzzkill, when I'm a bitter teenage outcast, I'll wear my Japanese Evil Dead shirt.

And for the story about visiting the Playboy Mansion at seven-years-old, I was originally hoping to find a He-Man shirt that actually reads "HE-MAN" in big bold letters. Yeah, I was far more of a THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS*** kid, but I thought it's be perfect to have little John Hefner, the odd Hefner out, wearing a "He-Man" shirt at the Playboy Mansion. Sadly, they don't make any. Yes, they have shirts of He-Man, and some read "MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE," (well, there's this...) but it just doesn't have the same flair.

That said, between the child I was and the intolerant Captain I would become, I think this might just be the shirt to get. If I don't get laughs with that one, I'll know I have the wrong audience that night.

The final touch, however, is that I need a good suit. A matching coat and pants set that doesn't look too fancy, but rather comfortable. A matching pair that, after all the different ill-fitting and oddball shirts and coats, ends the show saying, "This is John Hefner, complete and secure." Well, in this respect, anyway.

I just need to go shopping. I can't do it alone, but it seems even my most enthusiastic shopping partners turn into indecisive mushballs when it comes to what's stylish for the Hefner. Welp, I have until the end of February to find the right one. Here's hopin'.



*Hm. I wonder, should I market the show dressed in the smoking jacket, but with a GL T-shirt underneath, and wearing my Superman PJ's? It's awfully close to my whole refusal to stoop to using the fucking bunny ears, but it could get attention while still showing the "Heffie" totally clashing with and overwhelming the "Hefner," if you know what I mean.

**This not only has made the show fresher and more relevant to me, but it might also ease the minds of some audience members who might wonder if I'm having a nervous breakdown right in front of their eyes and are unsure whether to laugh or not, as either way might result badly.

***I've been spending my sick days rewatching classic episodes of THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS, the ones written by future BABYLON 5 and Marvel Comics' scribe J. Michael Straczynski. There's a reason this show was actually more formative for my love of the Ghostbusters than the actual movie. His episodes are fucking awesome, up there with Paul Dini's Batman episodes for smart, witty, and thrilling fare supposedly for kids. Like, check this one out if you have the 22 minutes to spare. So great!
thehefner: (Two-Face: Snarl)
Every so often, I find another friend or acquaintance who is worried that he/she might end up in some future Hefner Monologue.

Currently, I theorize that such folks are either deeply insecure, don't know what my stories are really like, or think they're actually important enough that I'd even want to involve their puny little lives in my awesome, awesome monologues.



It's my last night as a lonely boy on the road for the next month and a half. Here's where it's really gonna get interesting.
thehefner: (Default)
So by normal person standards, I wasted my time here in Los Angeles. Far more interested in rest, movie-watching, photo-uploading, and script-revising, I barely went out to the city at all. But today, with my marvelous hostess [livejournal.com profile] adaptor in tow, I decided that there was one place, above all others, that I had to visit.



The Hefner comes home... and is still locked out. )
thehefner: (In the Mouth of Madness: Blue)
I was about an hour outside of Chicago, well on my way following the ghost of Route 66, when my nose exploded.

And just as when--three days earlier--I helplessly watched the air pissing out of my front tire, I remembered the words of a fellow solo performer, TJ Dawe: “An adventure's only really an adventure when you a reach a point where you seriously wonder if you're gonna come out alive.”

Now, I knew I’d get out of both of these cases alive, no wondering required. In the tire case, I was smart enough to get AAA two days before I left Cabin John. In the exploding nose case, it happened to me back in mid-September, during the last leg of recovery from deviated septum surgery. The last day before I was to get the splints taken out and the stitches removed, I began hemorrhaging from my right nostril and went to the emergency room, where I waited for two hours because anything less than a vital organ hanging out to the point of floor contact does not warrant immediate attention in the ER.

What’s more, they told me to lie down and wait, which did help relieve the nosebleed by diverting the steady flow down my throat instead. Didn’t they have a whole GI Joe PSA about how you’re not supposed to lean back with a nosebleed? Well this time, now I knew, and knowing was half the battle.

Going down the long straight dead stretch of Route 55 and seeing no signs for hospitals, I grabbed the napkin I’d used to write down Bloo’s directions out of Chicago and squeezed it over my wet nostrils, keeping my head tiled forward as I drove on. I figured I’d hold it there until I got to Springfield, where there would surely be a hospital, but that was an hour and a half drive. Thankfully, it only took an hour of driving and nose-holding for the wound to clot. I blame the dry weather. And really, it didn't so much "explode" as just drip continuously down my face and throat. No biggie, right?

Two potential crises, averted. Neither one all that critical, neither one leading to any life-changing Hefnerian stories. So with the rest of my trip as awesome as it’s been, you might forgive me for being so typically myself and worrying about when the hell the real adventure will begin.



Sadly no pictures, at present. Oh, I've taken tons, and was hoping to spend a few hours writing about the adventures I've had so far. But sadly, I have yet to find a reliable place for Wi-Fi. The cheapie motel I'm at now has--in keeping with the GRAPES OF WRATH theme of Route 66, and the recent SOUTH PARK parody thereof--just a little bit of internet.

Lacking internet aside, the only downside of avoiding the major expressways (aside from, y'know, speed) is that there are no rest areas where I can park the minivan and sleep for the night. I did it once on Monday, and let me tell you, it was awesome. I have my own little snuggy cozy set-up back there, and I far, *far* prefer it to spending $35+ for a large, lonely motel room where my imagination runs wild with images of the Blob, the little girl from the Ring, and even Freddy Kruger.

On the plus side, someone left four bottles of Coors Light in the Fridge. Crappy beer. But FREE crappy beer!

I miss you all. I can do this alone, and happily (and I mean happily, there have been moments like little golden epiphanies of joy as I've been on the road), but I miss my internet social life.



Oh, and the next day, my nose exploded again.
thehefner: (The Hefner Monologues Sign)
So I just won the CAFF lottery. That is, the Canadian Association of Fringe Festivals lottery, where you can apply for at least five Fringe Festivals in the CAFF union. There are ten winners selected in all: five Canadian, five international. Obviously, I was one of the latter. I figured my chances weren't too terrible, because who really has the time or sanity to devote to *five* whole Fringe festivals? Fuck, I nearly went mad doing three!

Now, I am officially signed up to perform THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES in...

New York City (Frigid): Feb. 25 – March 8, 2009
Montreal: June 11 - 21, 2009
Winnipeg: July 15 – 26, 2009
Indianapolis: Aug 21 – 30, 2009
Vancouver: September 9 - 20, 2009

I'm also almost certainly signed up for Orlando (May 14 - 25, 2009), to do the revised hour-long version of HOW HEFNERIAN, and as if that's not enough, I'm gonna shoot for Minnesota (July 30–Aug. 9, 2009), which I wouldn't do if I hadn't repeatedly heard how insanely awesome it is. So I'm definitely doing five festivals, probably six, and hopefully seven.

And maybe... I'm possibly considering doing Sydney, Australia in the Fall, after the US tour.

Oh my god. Oh my god. I need revise the Monologues soon. I need to get them fresh and tight, make them really mean something to me again. Not that they don't, but after performing this for a year and a half, you know what I mean. I need to get some kind of cheapie photoshop program to make posters. I need better marketing! "Meet the black sheep of the white bunny family" is tempting, but it might not be what I really need! What's better? "It's hard out there for a Hef?" GAH!

I need marketing people! I need a secretary! I need... I need a hundred beers! Exactly. Exactly a hundred, thank you.

I am having a heart attack. But in a good way. I think. I hope. I'm gonna die now.
thehefner: (Hamlet: Monologue)
Heading to NYC Thursday to Monday to attend Robert McKee's writing seminar, on the advice of a fellow solo performer who came to see the original HEFNER MONOLOGUES. McKee's a major name, and the performer called the three-day seminar "one of the greatest solo performances I've ever seen," but I've been told to take his work with a grain of salt. This is a guy who has very clear ideas of what is the right way and what is the wrong way to construct a story. Good to know.

[livejournal.com profile] suburbfabulous, take note: I'll be arriving Thursday afternoon. Let's meet up for dinner someplace before I have to resign myself to the hostel and three packed days of lecture. And [livejournal.com profile] tamburlaine, we will of course be in touch.

Once I get through the seminar, I'm gonna take what I learned and see if it can apply to my HEFNER MONOLOGUES revisions. The same solo performer also suggested that I make the show present tense. He said that I'm a very writerly performer, and that most times I'm telling the story in past tense, sometimes shifting to present tense. He said such revisions would cut my show down by 20%, which would be exactly what I need.

I'm frankly nervous about what I might lose in the process, what beloved bits might go underfoot, how much of it is needless bulk and how much is just... my style. Y'know? But we'll find out, as I'm flat out of other ideas.

The show desperately needs to be shaved by at least fifteen minutes if it's gonna make it through my 2009 tour. Not just so it will be as tight and powerful as possible to audiences, but also... well, heck, I need to keep it fresh for myself too. Especially considering just how much I'm planning to perform the bloody thing.

Here are all the festivals I'm applying to for 2009:

Frigid (New York): Feb. 25 – March 8, 2009
Orlando: May 14 - 25, 2009 (doing a revised "How Hefnerian")
Montreal: June 11 - 21, 2009
Winnipeg: July 15 – 26, 2009
Minnesota: July 30–Aug. 9, 2009
Indianapolis: Aug 21 – 30, 2009
Vancouver: September 9 - 20, 2009

Have I mentioned that I'm goddamn insane? I barely managed to survive doing three this year alone.

Of course, there's no guarantee that I'll get into them all, but I'm gonna try my damnedest. This is what I've gotta do if I'm gonna make it. Also, it's gonna cost assloads of money, especially since some of that is in Canadian money. Thankfully, I will ideally also be earning some of that Canadian money back. If things keep going the way they do, I might seriously have a future sticking to the Canadian circuit!

But yeah, seriously, I am goddamn insane. I will also be poor, at least for the short run. Gotta sick at it. I should start making the cardboard signs now: "Will Monologue For Food Absinthe."
thehefner: (Al Bundy: Shoot Me)
And here I worried that my life of hermitude was keeping me from getting any more material. Hefnerian events will always find me.

Let me tell you, it's a complex feeling indeed to realize that you're only within the first fifteen minutes of a Hefner Monologue. And there's no way of knowing whether it'll end up being an anecdote, a show, a mini-series, or a tome.

I feel like Harold Crick. I just wish I knew whether it was a comedy or a tragedy. But then, with me, they've never been so clearly defined.

I guess what I'm saying is, get me a tattooed Maggie Gyllenhaal, stat!

...

Fuck it, have some videos.

First, watch this whole thing. It's only a minute long, just watch it all the way, for it ends... magically.



If you, like I, were totally confused while laughing your/my ass off, this should help clarify matters.


This has been making the rounds, but bears viewing for anyone who has missed it. Batman vs. Penguin: The Debate! (No mudslinging!)



They're good, but eh, I still believe in What's His Face.



Here's the trailer for a Swedish film I hadn't heard about until the announcement that it was being remade (by the director of CLOVERFIELD, no less), much to the universal disgust of critics. They say there is absolutely no point in remaking this brilliant, moving film, a film which may well be one of the greatest vampire movies ever made.

The trailer for LET THE RIGHT ONE IN.



Even considering how much I hate vampires, I cannot help but be intrigued. Hopefully we get to see it before it gets brownc... er... overhyped, so we can all look down upon the inevitably wrong-headed and inferior American remake. By the CLOVERFIELD guy.



EDIT: Two More!

Via [livejournal.com profile] kali921, KNEEL BEFORE ZOD'S KITCHENS!





And finally, via [livejournal.com profile] benchilada, who got it via [livejournal.com profile] foxhack, it now falls unto me to bring you a video of the hardest motherfucker on the planet:

thehefner: (Harvey Dent: I want to Believes)



My Crisis in Boulder. )
thehefner: (Me B&W)
Behold, my friends: the 2008 Roy Cox photo session for both THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES and my brand-new in-progress show, THE HEFNER'S PROGRESS (THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL).



Who's a pretty pretty princess? )
thehefner: (Me B&W)
This Saturday evening, 8:00pm at [livejournal.com profile] banquo26 and [livejournal.com profile] karmaflouge's house, I will be performing a open dress rehearsal of the 75-minute Orlando cut of THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES!

We've done all we can to rehearse and develop it from here. Now I need you, my audience. Let us know if you're interested in coming! If you haven't seen it since the CapFringe performance last year, you might be interested to see how differently it's shaped up since then (for the better, of course!).
thehefner: (Me B&W)
ALL RIGHT, so Roy Cox (the photographer who did my kick-ass HEFNER MONOLOGUES photos last year) just got an opening for me in exactly one week for a two-outfit session of sexy photos. This is great news, because I was originally scheduled for April 29th, which would really have put a serious strain on the May 16th deadline for DC Fringe's promotional material. So that's one less thing to worry about.

I have just been so on edge, stressed, and depressed these past few weeks, struggling to get the new show under 75 minutes (without rushing AND with audience laughter), cutting the script down past the bone. The editing has been good, in some ways. It forces me to make the show tighter, to discard the less important bits that drag the show down (while at the risk of losing technically-unessential parts that people still love, like the whole "Day in Traffic Court" story). The "Drunk in Bath" story is decidedly different in several ways, but I think it's now much tighter and far more effective than it's ever been.

But all this editing, memorization and rehearsal of revised and new material has kept me from writing the new show, the one for which I'm doing at DC Fringe and seeing Roy Cox. Now, the idea is to go back into hermitage this Thursday to Saturday and write the fucking thing, to face my fears and nail this bad boy.

Because even besides the obvious I-need-the-fucking-script factor, I don't even know what kind of themes I'm gonna want when I see Roy, because I'm not entirely certain what themes will pop out in the script. DC Fringe head Julianne Brienza suggested that I do the opposite approach from last year: while THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES had a goofy crazy marketing style, this should be more serious, reflecting the tragicomic of the new show, whatever it's called.

Yes, I'm still struggling with the new title. I still kind of like SON OF THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES, even though it doesn't really make sense. [livejournal.com profile] fiveseconddelay is a big fan of SON OF A HEFNER (MONOLOGUE), but I dunno.

It's been suggested that maybe I don't necessarily want to use THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES in every show I do. After all, it works for the first show, but after that, it's kind of like how THE THIN MAN and THE PINK PANTHER reused the title purely for brand recognition, while having nothing to do with the stories. Not to mention that I might be seen as riding Eve Ensler too hard.

It occurred to me that the answer might come from [livejournal.com profile] cavenessity's bright idea: www.thehefner.com. Maybe the brand recognition shouldn't be THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES but simply THE HEFNER.

THE HEFNER'S PROGRESS.

THE HEFNER IDENTITY/SUPREMACY/ULTIMATUM.

THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF HEFNER. (props to [livejournal.com profile] angrylemur)

CHILDREN OF THE LESSER HEFNER (once I have kids, and all the stories that will come with 'em)

THE HEFNER, PARTY OF ONE (NO WAITING) ([livejournal.com profile] fiveseconddelay)

THE COMPLETE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO THE HEFNER.

YOU! ON THE HEFNER. (both [livejournal.com profile] spacechild's contributions)

Seriously, though, I won't really know until I write the fucking thing. Thursday to Saturday. Peace and quiet. No lallygagging.

We're gonna try to get some folks together Saturday the 19th for a test audience of the 75-minute HEFNER MONOLOGUES cut. If you want in, lemme know, we'd love to have you.
thehefner: (Me B&W)
Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] karmaflouge's tireless work, THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES' CafePress Store is open!

Because you know you need a Hefner Monologues thong.
thehefner: (Harvey Dent: Gilda)
You really start to notice how much you procrastinate when you cut yourself off from your usual distractions (TV, high-speed internet, IM, and other things we won't mention in polite company). As such, every single time you want to slack off or run away from a project, it's sort of like constantly trying to flip on the lights during a blackout: "Oh, right, SHIT!"

This was a good idea, and I was kind of sad to return to a house filled with four big, hyper, perpetually-starved (if you're to believe them) dogs, my mother, my grandmother, and my brother (who went on a bitter rant yesterday about how much he hates 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY and THE FOUNTAIN). I need to do this hermit thing for a week or so next time.

48 hours in the wilderness later, here's my progress report:



THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES: I think I have my 75-minute version nailed, survivable and complete even without the fan-favorite (yes, all fifteen of you!) traffic court story.



SON OF THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES (working title): The new script is shaping up, and let me tell you, it's been a fucking stressful endeavor. I was telling Mom about how it would be about my family, Dad's death, etc, and she sounded very doubtful. I'm like, "... what's wrong?" "But I like the funny stuff!"

Goddammit, as if it hasn't been hard enough trying not to insecurely shoe-horn in humor and jokes, to just let the strength of the story tell itself. This is hard for me anyway, but especially so since it'll concern my father and grandmother. It's going to be a serious tightrope-walk to discuss those subjects in an interesting, meaningful, and (in the latter case) sympathetic manner. Which of course means that the risk will pay off all the more if I pull it off.

Thankfully, I was encouraged by some of you as I reread this old entry last year, which will be the basis for SON. Your comments meant even more to me now than they did eight months ago.



HARVEY DENT NOVEL: Gilda and her relationship with Harvey has to be the spine of the book, the heart and soul, and I made some serious headway fleshing her out. Plus, I think I'm starting to crush on Gilda a bit.

I wonder how readers expecting a superhero crime thriller will react to a couple lengthy tangents entirely dedicated to a study of character and relationship? I can just see DC's rejection letter: "NEEDS MOAR ACTION/TIGHTS. THIS IS TWO-FACE, NOT THE CHERRY ORCHARD."



JOHNNY GO COMIC SCRIPT: Yeah, I did jack.
thehefner: (The Hefner Monologues Sign)
Egads. Three days out of Big Planet, and I'm wondering how the hell I ever got any work done back when I HAD a job!

The good news is that my writing is coming along much better than usual, now that I'm able to sleep in. I'm already pleased with how the original HEFNER MONOLOGUES are shaping up in revisions; this will be a richer, stronger show than before, hopefully improving with every performance.

I'm planning (assuming nothing's wrong with my car) to head up to Gordon's cabin in the Catoctin Mountains, near Camp David, so I can spend a few days being a hermit in the mountains to focus on 1.) revising/rehearsing THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES, 2.) writing SON OF THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES, 3.) researching/revising the Harvey Dent novel, and 4.) plotting a 22-page Johnny Go comic script.

The bad news is that I realized that I may need to cut out whole section of THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES for my Orlando performance.

Once again, I'm at the mercy of time constraints. I foolishly requested 75 minutes, when at this point, my show's a little over 90! Thankfully I'll have the full 90 for my Seattle dates, which will be filmed. But I'm afraid drastic measures will have to be taken if I'm to do a complete show within 75 minutes.

I'm afraid the entire "Day in Traffic Court" story has to go. Yes, on one hand, it's one of my best bits, beloved by all, and cutting it out utterly breaks my heart, but it's hardly essential to the points and themes of the show.

So, yeah, if you don't hear from me for a few days, I'm up in the mountains being an old hermit. Probably with beer.
thehefner: (The Hefner Monologues Sign)
I'm still having a hard time coming up with a title for my new HEFNER MONOLOGUES show. SON OF THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES or THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES: SON OF A HEF, neither one really works for me, not for this half-funny half-somber show about my family.

Thankfully, [livejournal.com profile] gnort has been pondering on my behalf, and we've come up with some possible titles for this and future shows:

Hefnerian Boogaloo

The Hefner Monologues and Tweety Show

Hefner Monologues: Year One

Hefner Monologues: Secret Origins (a perfect subtitle to add to my original show down the line. Or alternately, "Rise of the Hefner Monologues" or "Hefner Begins")

Hefner Returns

Hefner Forever

The Hefner Monologues: Quest for Peace

Crisis on Infinite Hefners

The Hefner Monologues: The Search for Hefner

The Hefner Monologues: The Voyage Hef

Someday we'll find it, The Hefner Connection

The Hefner Monologues: Hunt for the Blood Orchid

Hefner Monologues 2: Hef Harder

Hefner Monologues: The Quickening

When the Hefner Hits the Conflicts He Thinks like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing Fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You'll Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You Know That You're Right.

Hefner Monologues: The Legend of Flabbo's Gold



What's crazy is that I'm seriously considering some of these.

September 2012

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