thehefner: (Hulk Have Axe)
While I loved Thor, one of the biggest complaints I have is Volstagg. He was WRITTEN properly, but the actor was simply not up to the task, aside from one or two moments (most notably: "FOUND YOUUUU!" *waves*). Now, I'm no Thor buff, and my knowledge of the Warriors Three is limited. But the simple fact of the matter is that there was only one person in the nine realms who could have done justice to the Voluminous One:

I don't care if he's too old, Branagh should have been on that from day one! But eh, in a better world, Branagh himself should have played Fandral the Dashing. He's too puffy now, but combine the way he looked in Much Ado About Nothing with his vocal performance in Road to El Dorado... ahhh, what could have been.
thehefner: (Iron Man: Life is Empty w/o GIN)
I loved Thor. Loved, loved, loved it.

Now, it wasn't perfect. There was some serious Dutch Angle abuse (and you know it's bad when the photo on the Wikipedia entry for Dutch Angle is from Battlefield Earth), and I'm not sure how satisfying Thor's character arc was, plus I'm sure I'll notice more flaws upon revisiting the film. Which I plan to do. Several times.

I'm so glad I avoided reading any reviews, raves though they were. I went into this with very few expectations. I did my best to ignore the headlines that hyperbolically raved "Best superhero film since The Dark Knight/Iron Man/Blankman, etc!" because I already knew that this would (or at least should) be a different beast entirely. Only fools would compare them on the same level, as if all DC and Marvel superhero properties were the same. But even geeks make that mistake, it seems.

Ughhh, I'm crashing hard, and we still have a lot to accomplish IRL over here with rehearsal and packing up. I'm lacking the energy to give it a proper review right now, so I'll leave that for the comments. If you've seen the film, chime in with your thoughts! And if not, you'd best avoid reading the comments. I'm not gonna be able to hold back with certain things which made me giddy in ways that probably earned me weird looks from all the normal people in the movie theater.

So yeah, SPOILERS to follow in comments.
thehefner: (Batman: I Am The Night)
Considering how universally-praised Grant Morrison's Batman comics are by all comics blogs and press, it feels incredibly refreshing to read Georgethecat's frustrated response to yet another Morrison fan's condescending attitude:

Like, I honestly don’t give a fuck about how much Grant Morrison knows about the Batverse. What I care about is a good story and a story that has a point. And I’m really not sure I saw one with this nor did it do anything, but raise more questions and plot holes. And what is the point of the book? Like what is Grant’s overall arching theme? And why did he do all this introduction and development of Kathy Kane to only drop it?

And who are these characters, the Orto Netz? Where did he come from? And I swear, if anyone reblogs this and says, “Oh he’s from Batman issue #217” I will actually hit something. Because fuck, I do NOT want crib notes to read my Goddamn comics. This is EXACTLY one of the biggest problems with comics right now. They desperately need new readers and need to draw in new people and reading almost any Bat-story by Morrison is going to confuse the fuck out of them, then they are going to ask questions and be told they should read some obscure fucking story that they don’t have access to and then they’re going to feel like it’s not worth their time because the club is too exclusive and they don’t know enough to join in on the Great Morrison circle jerk.

The bolded parts are mine, but the whole thing is just... god, when can they make an app that allows you to hug comments? I need that in general, but especially now. Granted, I haven't been reading Batman Inc., but George's comments apply to ALL of the other Batman work he's done so far.

I really wouldn't mind them so much if it weren't for the elitist snobbery of the fans, who love the way that Morrison makes them FEEL smart. That right there is about the smartest thing about Morrison's writing, which is generally rich with clever ideas and devoid of anything that makes for a good story.
thehefner: (Default)
My pal [ profile] surrealname likes to cite Silver Age Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen as everything that's bad and wrong with comics. You know, the comics where Jimmy Olsen became anything from, oh, say, a giant freckled turtle monster, a wolfman, a Bizarro, a helium-bloated alien mule boy, a poor man's Elongated Man, not to mention the holy trilogy of filming a gorilla, becoming a gorilla, and marrying a gorilla (with the help of witch-doctor Superman). For Dave, it's the equivalent of disdain that many self-serious, old-school fans have for Adam West's Batman show: it's why superhero comics have and will never be taken seriously.

Needless to say, I love this crap. Maybe it's because I've grown up in the post-Miller era where comic fans and creators are terrified to be fun, because they're so desperate to be taken seriously. The Dark Knight's success has as much to do with this backwards mentality among fans as it does with actual quality. That's why I love the TV show, Batman: The Brave and the Bold, because it joyfully embraces all that's great and ridiculous in comics in an earnest way that's somehow reverently irreverent. When they recently did a whole episode of tributes to Silver Age Superman crackiness, I was in heaven. Do I want all my comics to be ridiculous crack? Hell no, I love a well-told, mature, serious superhero story, so long as it actually is all three of those things. But I also long to see comics embrace their history rather than run away from it, simply because that stuff is pure COMICS in ways that no superhero movies could be. It's fun as hell, and at its best, it emphasizes the "awe" aspect of "awesome," a badly-abused word in this day and age of Scott Pilgrim.

So theoretically, I should be in love with the current Jimmy Olsen comics coming out by Nick Spencer. After all, tons of fans and even comic bloggers adore this new take on Jimmy, which giddily incorporates all of his Silver Age silliness into a modern context. But as I read the universally-adored first few parts, something seemed amiss, starting with Jimmy's interaction with his ex-girlfriend, Chloe Sullivan (yes, Chloe from Smallville, making her comics debut). This Jimmy isn't the lovable dork who constantly gets caught up in trouble. He's an oh-so-cool slacker who lives in a world of wonders with smug bemusement rather than awe, fielding girl troubles due to his own douchebaggery and being the Nice Guy (TM) who clashes with a richer, more handsome, more overtly-jerkwadish rival.

In short... Jimmy Olsen is now Scott Pilgrim.

Pass me that Haterade, Dave. It's the perfect storm of meh-feh-BLAH.
thehefner: (Simpsons: ...Comic Books?)
Via becoming a new favorite geek site--this handy database lets you see which DC and Marvel comics were released the month you were born, with cover images. Here are the most notable (to me) issues that were released on my birth-year and month, March 1983:

The first appearance of Killer Croc, back when he was meant to be an A-list threat!

An issue from J.M. DeMatteis' great and unloved Captain America run! I think this is the issue where Cap goes to save the beloved "roommate" of his childhood best friend, Arnie Roth. And yes, "roommate" is in quotes. That's as explicit as it gets, but it's fairly clear--and made even more clear as the book progresses--that Arnie's gay. Was this the first instance of a gay character in comics? I mean, not counting Jim Shooter's oh-my-god-what-were-you-thinking story where the Hulk was nearly raped in a YMCA?

If ever there was a single Marvel issue that deserved to be hailed as a classic, it's this one. Coming right off the heels of Frank Miller's revitalizing run, Alan Brennert (writer for the 80's Twilight Zone, as well as a handful of excellent, excellent, EXCELLENT DC Comics in the 80's) crafted this wonderful tribute to Miller's work that captured all of the humanity and none of the crassness. In some ways, it feels like thematic foreshadowing to Miller and Mazzucchelli's Batman: Year One and Daredevil: Born Again, in that it's a superhero noir mystery grounded by a down-to-earth supporting character. And it's all in a story where Ben Urich wants to buy a house. Note the blue fedora and coat Ben Urich is wearing in the story. Compare that with the cover, and see if it doesn't catch the "spirit" of another great comics character.

Best X-Men story ever? I'd say yes, but aside from this book, I've never really cared about the X-Men at all. This definitely earned that exception. It's the nameless cop character. That's the part that really stays with me.

Oh god. Oh GOD. It's this issue. I don't know what's crackier about this issue: the fact that it features Superman and Batman crying over alien tentacle sex (NOT EVEN KIDDING), or all the canon slashiness (scans courtest of dcwomenkickingass):

Truly, it was an omen of something great to come (hurr). Namely, me. I don't know how that works, exactly. I'm just not sure how else to end this post.

Oh, wait, I know! Now it's your turn! What comics came out on the month YOU were born?
thehefner: (Iron Man: Life is Empty w/o GIN)
Wherein I too become one of the many absent people I've seen pop back onto LJ to write an "It's been a while since I've posted anything here, hasn't it?" post. I'm genuinely ashamed that I'm becoming one of those people who posts more about their general lives up on Facebook than here. No offense to those that do, but damn, I miss the thriving days of this place when people actually posted stuff and had something to say! Kill me before I break down and get a Tumblr account.

Right now, I'm savoring this brief moment of downtime to check in here while things ramp up to crazyland over the next few weeks. In less than a month, I'll be performing The Road to Nowhere at the Orlando Fringe Festival. Hard enough that I'll be trying to fill a hundred-seat venue for seven performances, but as Henchgirl may not be able to tag along (eight months pregnant and all), I'll need to master the tech for the projector. Which I need to do anyway, since I'll be flying solo for when I perform at the Capital Fringe Festival this July. Which, of course, will be the day that the tech finally explodes!

But until Orlando, there's plenty of other shit to do, mainly involving getting ready to sell the house. This means--gasp shock horror--actually cleaning my room. I just we just found Hoffa's body, so that's progress! Maybe we'll sell it for a quarter at the Garage Sale this Saturday. Anyone want to come to a Garage Sale? It'll be here! At least, I think it's happening this Saturday.

And of course, it's only in the past few days that I FINALLY feel ready to work on the Harvey Dent novel again. I made some great progress, actually. The first chapter is greatly improved, and with Henchgirl's strict editorial help, I'm finally ready to finish this bad boy. Given the suicidal manner in which DC Comics is running itself these days, I'm thinking that I might just suck it up and post it all online. At least that way it'll reach an audience, which is more than can be said if it ever did get published.

Of course, that's going to have to wait. God knows till when, since childbirth is imminent, following by moving to Delaware. Even for the immediate future, I don't know how much time I'll have to see any friends. Lord knows that I can't spend a whole glorious day with [ profile] themadhatter26, driving Baltimore microbrews and playing Portal 2. At the very least, I'll try to make it a point to keep y'all in the loop, for those interested in loop-related subject matter.

If nothing else, you damn well bet I'll be throwing a going-away/baby-having party before we go. I'll keep you posted.
thehefner: (SEXLEXIA)
Found via the dedicated [ profile] calliopes_pen, I bring you the best video you'll see today:

Henchgirl and I have been cackling about this hysterically throughout the day. Her immediate reaction: "It's [ profile] captaintwinings as a little girl!"

I hope our own child turns out this awesomely. But knowing our luck, teenage rebellion will result in it becoming an accountant quarterback who reads nothing Spawm and Scott Pilgrim.
thehefner: (Default)
Every so often, I remember that there actually was a cartoon where a Rooster Frank Sinatra and a Rooster Bing Crosby made a fully-clothed Porky Pig orgasm eggs.

Goddamn but they don't make 'em like that anymore.
thehefner: (Me: White Background)
I've known about it for months, and yet it's only now sinking in: I'm moving. I'm actually leaving the DC area.

Maybe it's because I only started telling people about it a few days ago. It was the same when Henchgirl got pregnant. It was one thing to know about it, to be aware, to plan for the future. It was something else entirely to tell others, to deal with their reactions, to hear their questions and often fumble with your response, whereupon you truly realize just how much you don't actually KNOW.

So yeah, we're moving. Me, Henchgirl, baby, Mom, the Captain (who will be down here at SOME point, dang it), all going off to live around Rehoboth Beach, DE.

Mom's already bought a new house, in addition to the beach house which we have for renting out. She'll be selling our current house soon, and I imagine we should fetch a decent price for it, even in this economy. For a myriad of reasons (many of which are beyond my understanding), this HAS to happen, and it HAS to happen now. I understand that. Fact is, when Mom had the house built--her dream house, which she has planned and designed for many, many years before it became a reality--we knew we'd have to sell it. It was simply too costly to maintain. We were damn lucky to get eight years there. Damn lucky.

To quote [ profile] box_in_the_box: "And yet... and yet..."

More and more, I realize that I don't want it to happen at all. It's probably just fear of change. Of the few friends I actually have in the area, I barely see anymore. Most others have scattered to the winds, gotten their own lives, or are internet/Fringe friends who already live far away. What will I miss about the DC area? Not much. Mainly regular visits to California Tortilla and Big Planet Comics. Clearly, I don't exactly embrace all that the DC area has to offer.

But I've lived here all my life. No matter how much I've traveled, no matter how much I've preferred hiding away at the Rehoboth Beach house, I've always called the nebulous area of Bethesda/Potomac/Cabin John my home. But there's no good reason for me to stay. Another reason to leave would be to fully separate myself from the ghosts of my past, mainly concerning Dad.

But when I think about the fact that I won't be driving past Glen Echo Park on a daily basis anymore, somehow that doesn't seem like comfort enough.

It has to happen. I am an impoverished actor with a child on the way, going where the whole boarding house family unit must go. Rehoboth Beach is a good area, with pretty much everything we need in the area. Everything except a comic shop. Hopefully that's not a bad omen or anything.

In the meantime, what can I do? Start selling stuff on eBay, clean and pack stuff, and most of all, prepare for the baby. Oh, and three more Fringe festivals (Orlando, DC, and Indy). A lot of changes are coming my way, all at the same time. Sometimes, I think it's the frivolous fan stuff I do at [ profile] about_faces which keeps me healthy, and gives me mental breathers between thinking about the big stuff.

If I sound morose, it's only because I'm exhausted from having spent the day doing Two-Face posts and editing pages on, trying to establish cred as a geek authority there. I promise, I'm actually in way better spirits than this! I just needed to let that all out a bit. Carry on, we now resume your regularly scheduled geekery, already in progress. :)
thehefner: (Batman: Alfred "NEVAH!")

There's no app... for desire.
thehefner: (Me: White Background)
We are now taking summer reservations for the house at Rehoboth Beach! HUZZAH! *throws confetti* It's not only makes for a great, private little getaway near the beach, but know that all proceeds will be going directly to the Help Pay For Hefner And Henchgirl's Baby Because Holy Crap Babies Are Expensive Fund.

WHERE IS IT EXACTLY? The house backs onto Cape Henlopen State Park and is on a dead end road away from the crowds. But it is just down the street from the outlets on Rt. 1 and minutes from the beaches.

WHAT'S THE HOUSE LIKE ITSELF? It has 3 bedrooms, a king bed in the master, a full bed in the second bedroom and a queen bed in the freestanding romantic cottage by the tidal creek, behind the house. There is also a love seat in the living room, which folds out to make a twin bed, and an ottoman which makes into another twin bed. There are 3 bathrooms. There are 2 full baths in the main house. The cottage has a sink and toilet off the bedroom and an outdoor shower adjacent to the bathroom door. There is a large screened porch in the back of the house overlooking the tidal Munchy Branch Creek.

HOW WELL-STOCKED IS IT? The kitchen is fully stocked with the usual pots and pans, dishes, utensils and appliances. There is a dining table and chairs along with lounger chairs on the porch. There is also a picnic table and a gas grill outside. There are unbrellas, chairs, coolers, etc in the shed for use by the renters. There are 2 basic adult bicycles in the shed.

AWESOME! IS THERE ANYTHING THAT I HAVE TO PROVIDE MYSELF? Yes. Renters provide their own bed linens and towels.

WHAT IS THERE TO DO IN THE AREA? Aside from tax-free shopping and beach fun, there in an awesome hiking /biking trail on the old railway line from Lewis to Rehoboth. The trail is very close to the house. I keep maps and brochures of things to do in the area at the house. This is a wonderfully diverse area with great things to do for all ages.

I STILL HAVE QUESTIONS AND/OR I AM READY TO SIGN ON TO THIS AMAZING DEAL. WHOM DO I CONTACT? Either me, or my mother, Roberta Hagen, at RHagen6902 at aol dot com, or by phone at 301-312-7247.
thehefner: (Farscape: Humans are Superior!)
Joss Whedon fans, you're good folks with good hearts and brains and gutty-works and all that... but this? This is why I hate your fandom. I don't care that this scenario's fictional, I've met fans like this.

Fictional dumped dream geek girlfriend, you're better off. If you were real, and if I didn't have a perfect, awesome, Firefly-apathetic girlfriend of my own, I'd already be on your doorstep with the complete box sets of Farscape and Babylon 5. Which reminds me, I can't wait to get home so I can continue getting Henchgirl through Farscape Season 1. She's liking it, but I'm dying to see what she'll think of Scorpius.

For the record, I *did* like Firefly, moreso than any other of Joss' shows, but I didn't think it was even close to be ZOMG BEST THING EVUR.

... Man, I probably shouldn't have posted this while I'm stressed and hungry. Ah well!
thehefner: (Bill the Butcher: Reflective)

Happy birthday, Will. Didn't realize you were a fellow Pisces.
thehefner: (Propoganda: Drive with HITLER)
As promised, Henchgirl has finally finished the story about our epic Winnebago fiasco of the past ten days. Read, laugh, cringe, laugh some more, facepalm, do a bit more laughing, and finally, pray for our safe return home.
thehefner: (Simpsons: Old Gray Mare)
Henchgirl is currently composing a post detailing every step of the fiasco that is our current road trip. It's going to be epic. It'll take you an hour or so to read, but trust me, it'll be worth it.

I never mentioned that we got a Winnebago, a Minnie Winnie to be exact. Before we left DC for Fresno two weeks ago, I'd planned to give the RV a grand introduction right here on LJ, along with a full description of how she's the ideal long-term investment for traveling performers like us. Just think of all the money we'd save on motels and restaurants, and what a perfect way to transport a child and someone else to help with baby and/or show needs! The RV was Mom's idea, as she wants to use it as well, but Henchgirl and I were both totally behind this investment. Everything about it seemed perfect.

Do I really need to cue the maniacal laughter at this point? Insane, desperate cackling was implied by that lead-in, right? Either way, just wait until she's finished the post. We might actually have a new show in the works from this trip alone, but so far, it's not so much a story as much as a series of unfortunate events... and punishing windstorms... and sideways snowstorms... and wanton property damage... and carbon monoxide. Yes, that too. And we're not even halfway through this trip.

To think, I've almost forgotten that my first performance of The Road to Nowhere is tonight! Be sure to check out for local CBS news coverage of the festival, featuring a special cameo appearance of my blue bowler derby. Also, Henchgirl's posted screenshots of my latest interview with Chuck Leonard. I love how she's totally on top of things even now.

I should be rehearsing. Instead, I'm just going to focus on breathing. I never knew that could be a luxury until this trip.

thehefner: (Scott and Barda are US SO SCHMOOPY)
We didn't really have plans for HOW we were gonna announce this, not even when we decided to do it via the mall's photo booth. Probably not the best of ideas, but hey, at least the most important one came out mostly kinda okay:

Hopefully that gets the idea across. :) And before you ask, no date's been set yet.

I'd show you pictures of the actual ring, but I fear it looks kinda terrible on its own. On her, it looks perfect. Somehow, it fits perfectly, in more ways than one. On its own, it's... very QVC. But it was the only one I could find that actually said something from the heart, and while the ring is not that great, it's definitely ours.
thehefner: (Me: White Background)
This concerns all you DC/MD/VA/otherwise-local-ish friends who have any interest in seeing me perform.

SO... I've been accepted into the Capital Fringe Festival. Hooray! Except... ticket prices are now $17.00. I've never seen a festival charge that much. $17.00 per ticket? For a Fringe show? And yet, bear in mind, this would be my only chance to perform here, short of finding another space to rent out, or trying to get a professional theatre to take on my show.

So what do you guys think? Would you be willing to pay $17.00 for a ticket? Because frankly, I wouldn't, and neither would Henchgirl.

Considering the costs of performing ($575 venue fee, plus $200 insurance fee!), I don't know if I'd even make that back, depending on where they'd stick me. First year, I made a great profit, followed by barely breaking even the next year, and it all had to do with location. And with a baby on the way right before the festival--or possibly during, as I understand that first kids are notoriously late--that's time and money which might be better spent.

Really, what are the benefits of performing The Road to Nowhere at CapFringe? There are three, from where I sit:

1.) The possibility that maybe someone from, say, Woolly Mammoth Theatre Company will see the show and want give us a few performances, something I'm not sure will happen since my show is more geeky and romantic rather than political and social and thus not of interest to DC audiences

2.) Performing for friends, especially those who haven't yet seen me perform. You guys comprised about 80% of my audiences for How Hefnerian, after all.

3.) Getting more reviews.

Writing this all out, it kinda feels like I've already made my decision. But I want to know what you guys think. Neither Henchgirl nor I can objectively consider this now, as we're both CRAZY STRESSED over our impending trip to Fresno, among several other HUGE factors in our lives. I think I have a couple more days to accept or decline CapFringe, so let me know.

Alternate possibility: host a performance of the show (at my house or someone else's) and take donations? If I'm just doing it for friends, perhaps that'd be the better way all around.
thehefner: (Curse you Richards Kitty!)
A few weeks back, Henchgirl and I went to Zelienople to visit [ profile] captaintwinings, thereby reuniting the entire team from the Durian Smoothie fiasco. Henchgirl also wanted to spend some quality time with her estranged kitty, a corpulent and none-too-bright tabby named Harvey (Bullock, not Dent). Unfortunately, Harvey stank of kitty litter, which was bad for preggers Henchgirl. So, naturally, there was only one thing to be done.

If you're short of time/patience/JOY, then cue the video to 4:45.

And if you crave precious, precious closure, here's a quick epilogue to the fiasco:

thehefner: (Scott and Barda are US SO SCHMOOPY)
I woke up much earlier than usual. Which isn't saying much, considering that our sleep schedules are so screwy these days that we often miss daylight entirely. And yet, I still hadn't expected waking up at around 8am, like normal people do. More than that, I hadn't expected to wake up alone.

Clearly, something was afoot. And that something... was pie.

She woke up at 5am, went to the store, and proceeded to spend five hours making an apple pie from scratch. And she'd never made apple pie before. The bar she was shooting for was sizzling orgasm pie like the kind found at this one particular diner in Claremore, OK, and I dare say she made it.

It helps that she literally used a pound of butter. A pound. Of butter. In PIE. And it was AMAZING.

I don't care if I have a coronary before my kid turns two, BEST HENCHGIRL EVER.

I decided to return the favor by making Thai green curry chicken for dinner. But the less said about that, the better.
thehefner: (Default)
On Tuesday night, [ profile] fiveseconddelay and [ profile] tommx were awesome enough to treat me to a Boys Night Out* which, somehow, had the unspoken feeling for all involved of being a "last hurrah."

Thing is, I only have a few days left of having no life before... well, before life gets to have me, following by me quite literally getting a life.

Soon, we'll have to prepare for the journey to and from the Rogue Festival in Fresno, CA, to perform The Road to Nowhere, which we'll also be taking to Orlando Fringe in May. Along with the baby's due date as June 30th, and there's talk about us moving to Delaware permanently. There's going to be so much more preparation, and there's going to be so many things for which I simply don't know how to be prepared at all. My days feel distinctly numbered.

But it's not a bad thing. Speaking purely for myself, I'm ready for my life to change. At least, as ready as I can be. I just don't know what to expect. From ANY of it. I just feel adrift, knowing that land is finally in sight and ready to set foot there, but uncertain of what I'm going to find waiting for me.

Five years ago, I'd have been scared shitless. Now, I'm just waiting to see what comes next. No matter what, I think it's going to be great. I'm certain that the best years are still ahead. I just don't know, and it's the uncertainty that I'm feeling most right now.

Soon, I'm going to do two posts. The first will be to announce I'm accepting 2011 reservations for rentals of my beach house in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. As I'm doing less Fringes than usual this year, my income will be largely reliant on rentals, so I have to get the word out.

The second will be a list of baby-related stuff we'll be needing, if any of you family folks have extra stuff left over that you're willing to pass on. Henchgirl and I are compiling a list of what we have, what we'll need, and what we can get ourselves. Economy, naturally, is key here.

Will post other stuff too, hopefully featuring the glorious return of my sense of humor. :)

*I can't believe I'd never heard of Sidebar in Silver Spring, but dear lord, it's my new favorite bar ever. Although I probably won't feel the same way when 1.) I'm paying, 2.) I'm driving, and 3.) it's crowded like it's supposed to always be. So seriously, thank you again, [ profile] tommx and [ profile] fiveseconddelay, for a great time out and letting me get spectacularly drunk on amazing gourmet cocktails I may never get a chance to drink again.

Except for the bacon whiskey maple drink. I don't care if it's ten bucks, I AM getting that again.

September 2012

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