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My Great Big Maxwell Lord Scheme
While I don't think I have it in me to become a regular work-for-hire comic writer, churning out plots and stories with a sharp deadline and little time for revision (I like to revise my work several times over before sending it off), there are a few stories that I am determined to see published.
For example, let it be henceforth known: I intend to someday reveal that the Maxwell Lord in THE OMAC PROJECT was not the Maxwell Lord from the JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED/I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT THE JUSTICE LEAGUE DAYS. Because that OMAC Maxwell Lord was clearly human, while everybody knows that in the dark nineties, Max died and had his brain put in a robot body. Like ya do.
And really, OMAC Max was way out of character for the Max we all knew and... tolerated. Dan DiDio and Greg Rucka defended his depiction there by saying, "But if you look back at his earliest appearances, you see he was a total scheming manipulative bastard! It's totally in character! Look at his first appearances!"
Yyyyyyyyessssss, buuut if you'd read past the first trade paperback (which is to say, the first six issues of JLI), they'd have seen that Max--gasp shock-- actually gained character development. And I don't care how manipulative and Machiavellian a character you are, unless Max knew about the fourth wall and was trying to fool the very comic readers into thinking he was improving, you can't fake first-person character development, unless you're totally self-delusional. And say what you will about Max, he was never that.
So my theory is that, okay, Max always was with Checkmate from the start, forming the JLI for less than noble reasons, but along the way--as we've seen over JLI 1to 50-something--he came to genuinely care about the superheroes and turned his back on those earlier plans. Eventually, Robot!Max decided he was sick and tired of being a robot, so he decided to go and clone himself a new body. Obviously, he'd go for a younger, handsomer, fitter version, with less cancer.
Unfortunately, Clone!Max is his younger, more evil self, and far more ruthless. Clone!Max betrayed Robot!Max (who kinda did wanna scoop out Clone!Max's brain and replace it with his own) and shut down his robot body, keeping his human brain in stasis. Clone!Max then dumped Robot!Max on Kooeykooeykooey, where the natives erected him as a statue, while Clone!Max reassumed power in Checkmate and carried out his younger self's evil plans.
Thus, the real Maxwell Lord has spent the entire INFINITE CRISIS/52/OYL/COUNTDOWN/FINAL CRISIS living as a prisoner inside his own robot body, being worshiped by natives and pooped on by birds.
Flawless logic!
One day, oh yes, once I've made a name for myself with THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES, DC's so gonna want to hire me. And then, the world shall behold my Max Lord idea, the Harvey Dent novel, and my epic introduction of Nuclear Man to the Superman mythos (kidding... maybe).
Stick by me, baby. I've got plans, and I'm going places.
For example, let it be henceforth known: I intend to someday reveal that the Maxwell Lord in THE OMAC PROJECT was not the Maxwell Lord from the JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED/I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT THE JUSTICE LEAGUE DAYS. Because that OMAC Maxwell Lord was clearly human, while everybody knows that in the dark nineties, Max died and had his brain put in a robot body. Like ya do.
And really, OMAC Max was way out of character for the Max we all knew and... tolerated. Dan DiDio and Greg Rucka defended his depiction there by saying, "But if you look back at his earliest appearances, you see he was a total scheming manipulative bastard! It's totally in character! Look at his first appearances!"
Yyyyyyyyessssss, buuut if you'd read past the first trade paperback (which is to say, the first six issues of JLI), they'd have seen that Max--gasp shock-- actually gained character development. And I don't care how manipulative and Machiavellian a character you are, unless Max knew about the fourth wall and was trying to fool the very comic readers into thinking he was improving, you can't fake first-person character development, unless you're totally self-delusional. And say what you will about Max, he was never that.
So my theory is that, okay, Max always was with Checkmate from the start, forming the JLI for less than noble reasons, but along the way--as we've seen over JLI 1to 50-something--he came to genuinely care about the superheroes and turned his back on those earlier plans. Eventually, Robot!Max decided he was sick and tired of being a robot, so he decided to go and clone himself a new body. Obviously, he'd go for a younger, handsomer, fitter version, with less cancer.
Unfortunately, Clone!Max is his younger, more evil self, and far more ruthless. Clone!Max betrayed Robot!Max (who kinda did wanna scoop out Clone!Max's brain and replace it with his own) and shut down his robot body, keeping his human brain in stasis. Clone!Max then dumped Robot!Max on Kooeykooeykooey, where the natives erected him as a statue, while Clone!Max reassumed power in Checkmate and carried out his younger self's evil plans.
Thus, the real Maxwell Lord has spent the entire INFINITE CRISIS/52/OYL/COUNTDOWN/FINAL CRISIS living as a prisoner inside his own robot body, being worshiped by natives and pooped on by birds.
Flawless logic!
One day, oh yes, once I've made a name for myself with THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES, DC's so gonna want to hire me. And then, the world shall behold my Max Lord idea, the Harvey Dent novel, and my epic introduction of Nuclear Man to the Superman mythos (kidding... maybe).
Stick by me, baby. I've got plans, and I'm going places.
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With lines like that, how could we not? And Eddie references! Yay! (Maybe someday I'll understand what these stories are about. *g* But I'll edit them for you anyway.)
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But it actually fits original continuity better than the OMAC stuff.
Also, the Dimitri that died in OMAC was supposedly Rocket Red #7. Furthering my theory that the guys behind OMAC only read the first trade paperback of JLI, Rocket Red #7 was the Manhunter Robot. Dimitri replaced him. Therefore, the Rocket Red that died in OMAC was really the Manhunter who thought he was Dimitri.
I can't be stopped!
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You ruined their next big plot twist.
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YOU STOP IT RIGHT NOW
FIXING ALL THE COMICS THAT SUCKED IS A FOOL'S ERRAND AND MAKES YOU INTO GEOFF JOHNS, OR WORSE, AUTHOR BRAD
DO NOT BE THAT GUY
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Oh god, is the marquee sparkling? Fucking sparkling?! HAHAHAHA
Yes, but it'd be a fool's errand for which I'd get paid.
or in Parallax terms, speaking of retconning retcons:
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But it would be full of zany hijinks, at least one chase scene and, of course: L-Ron.
SO I GUESS THEN, IT'S A RACE. :O
Oh, a rrrrace! A rrrrrace! I hope I WEEN!
Assuming L-Ron doesn't die a horrible robot death in the current METAL MEN mini-series.
Oh, it's on. It's on.
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You forgot to add "In accordance with the prophecy."
/what would you do without me? ;-)
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In accordance with the prophecy and whatnot.
and yet a THIRD reply
But in all honesty, I just keep coming back for the sparkles. ooooo.
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Because those folks at DC already did spend that time and creative energy going back to retcon those good stories into crap. Retcons are not in of themselves bad; the nature of myth is in the retelling and reinterpretation, I think. But they fucked up something that was good in the first place, and was shit in the second place.
I mean, seriously, did you read the original EMERALD TWILIGHT, by Ron Marz? Geoff Johns later retconning Parallax as a big yellow space bug did not deplete from the original retcon bullcrap they pulled there. And it opened the door to SINESTRO CORPS. Which is more awesome than DC has been in so, so, so many years.
But ultimately, you shouldn't worry. I have far more important personal projects to keep me occupied. Original stuff, not just playing with someone else's toys.
That said... I'm telling ya now, if they'd pay me, I don't know if I'd say no...
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