The Ugly Ralph Fiennes Strikes Again!

[thehefner]

Up until a minute ago, I really could have given a rat's ass about the G.I. JOE movie.

Look, I was always more of a Joe fan as a kid than a Transformers fan. Not that I ever expressly loved the show or anything, but I loved the characters. What an awesome cast of heroes and villains! Flint, Snake Eyes, Major Bludd, Dr. Mindbender, Storm Shadow, Zartan, Cobra Commander, the Baroness...

... mmm... the Baroness... excuse me, be back in five minutes...

(two minutes pass)

Right. Now, where was I?

So, yeah. G.I. JOE. Truth be told, I was way more of a GHOSTBUSTERS kid with touches of HE-MAN, but G.I. JOE was ever-present, with all those great action figures. Indeed, if I wanted to sum up my childhood in three coked-out-on-pop-rocks-and-pixie-sticks minutes, this is the video to watch:

Pure, glorious crack, ain't it?

But really, especially after the epic cock-up that was TRANSFORMERS, I wasn't giving a damn about the G.I. JOE movie. Sure, Dennis Quaid as Hawk is nice, but then there's the thought of Sienna Miller playing the Baroness (Monica Bellucci immediately springs to mind, but Miller??), and have it all being helmed by Stephen "VAN HELSING" Sommers, and I just... ehh, apathy abounds.

But just minutes ago, they announced who was playing Destro. You know Destro? The no-nonsense hardcore metal-headed Scottish arms dealer, the only man badass enough to repeatedly sex up the Baroness while still being the emotional anchor to his hetero lifemate, Cobra Commander*?

Destro was going to be played by some guy named David Murray, but he dropped out. So who oh who did they get to replace him?

Christopher Eccleston.



Hell. Yes.

Fuck it. I'm interested now. Let's hope it's at least entertaining and that the characters are interesting. Because that alone? That's just casting excellence, that is.



*Destro's relationship to Cobra Commander is sort of like what a more badass, no-nonsense Kif would be to a megalomaniacal Zap Brannigan. Would others agree in this assessment?

Comments

[the-mithril-man.livejournal.com]

I'm more worried about the guy playing Duke, who's biggest movies to date were "Step Up" and "She's the man". Having watched both I'll say I'm not filled with confidence about him being able to pull off the teams resident badass Top SGT. And no Roadblock, due to some kind of copyright snag, no big Browning .30 cal toting gourmet chef. And I do agree, Bellucci seems tailor made to play my first boyhood crush. Still Ray park as Snake Eyes and Arnold Vosloo is rumored as Zartan, so I'll give them the benefit right now. I'm just glad they scrapped the UN peacekeeping force angle for the movie. As for Eccleston, the only thing I know him from is "Strumpet" but I liked him there. And now, because of this, you must make a few Futurama/GI Joe icons


Oh and 40 seconds in we get a good shot of the failed Cobra B.A.T.C.H Trooper.

[kali921.livejournal.com]

You totally stole the Sienna Miller as the Baroness rant and Bellucci being better from me. You should recognize!

[suburbfabulous.livejournal.com]

Well now.
Mr. Shallow Grave comes to REPRESENT.
Woo.
Hah.
And I left before that prattling twat Mindbender showed up, but I was a big fan, early on...you know, when only ONE guy had a laser rifle.

[kosher-jenny.livejournal.com]

Christopher Eccleston, you say? Well, fuck. I guess I'll be going to see the GI Joe movie then. And I know zip about GI Joe* (I think my brother had a couple of the 1/6 scales dolls?) so I can sit through the movie without worrying about my childhood being ruined.



*Like you, I was more of Ghostbusters and She-Ra/He-man fan as a little kid, until I became a slightly older little kid and Sailor Moon came along and eclipsed all other cartoons. Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat at the thought of Hollywood deciding to make that last one into a movie, but I don't think it's likely.

[droidboy010101.livejournal.com]

Joe held my attention (and much of my Summer lawnmowing money, ah the multi-faceted glory that was the Joe Hovercraft,) the toys then the comic books and the cartoon, up until I got into robotech and it was just over. Yes, yes, Robotech was a mishmash of three separate Japanese series, the most notable Macross, but what they pulled off to merge those series into a multigenerational story has never been done again in "after-school" cartoonery. And people fucking died, I mean lead characters, and the dude with glasses got the hot alien chick... that was big medicine. Nobody fucking died in the Joe cartoons.

But back to the Joe movie, Eccleston as Destro: Hot-Fucking-damn cool.

The Baroness was every boy's first introduction to German fetish suit wearing villains with glasses. ALSO BIG MEDICINE.

[senordildo.livejournal.com]

Nothing made by Stephen Sommers will ever be top-notch (ditto for Bay), though the casting sounds interesting. I'm just hoping the filmmakers are competent enough to at least achieve straight-faced camp, in the Flash Gordon vein.
I actually read through all 600+ comments on that youtube video. Sheer masochism on my part.

[eliyes.livejournal.com]

You know, I figure I must have watched G.I. Joe at some point, given as I had a small army of the toys (who intermingled freely with Transformers, Battlecat, She-Ra, and of course Barbies who'd been given buzzcuts to fight -- also they sometimes rode into battle on My Little Ponies), but I have only the vaguest memory of watching the cartoon, and I sure as hell don't remember that theme song.

Also, the Baroness is red-hot smokin' regardless, but I think it's the glasses that do me in.

[swimpenguin.livejournal.com]

Wow, Dr. Who (9) as Destro, that sounds pretty cool. Though it doesn't seem like Cobra Commander is listed in any casting list. No Cobra? They better not be deeming our eighties megalomaniac villains too cheesy for ultra cool 21st century.