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Small Party, Accidental Voyeurism, and "Norman Bates Bangs Your Mom"
Soooo it looks like several people will be out of town for my Halloween Party this Saturday. I suppose this is what I get for only announcing it 1.) a month and a half ago, and 2.) two days ago.
Okay, small and intimate it'll be. That's fine. Just means less snacks and booze I need to buy. It's just as well, as I'm starting to fear that I can't wear the Two-Face makeup for long without it starting to drip blood over my new pinstripe suit. Stupid sweat.
So some of you may recall our female tenant having very loud sex in our thin-walled house. We hadn't heard much of her in the past few months. Heck, we hardly see her as it is; she leaves early in the morning and doesn't return until around 1 AM.
But last night, she was at it again. Boy oh boy, was she ever. She must have a new boyfriend, because the last guy was strictly a Six Minute Man. Best as I could figure over the hour, they went at least three times. And she was louder than ever.
And y'know, I'm no voyeur. I don't get off on listening or watching people have sex live in front of me no more than I like watching people enjoy a sumptuous banquet. But more than ever last night, you couldn't not hear this woman. It really got to the point of morbid fascination. Partially because she really doesn't seem to know we can all hear her.
Her mother moved in for a month a while back, and bragged to the mother (which the mother, in turned, bragged to my mother), "Yeah, Mr. ________ has been coming over late at night when I get home from work. He's been helping me out, as I've been so sick..." which is true, he has been because she's been sick as a dog, "Roberta probably thinks I'm sleeping with him, ha ha ha!"
Honey, either you're covering your ass for your Mom, or you think we're downright idiots. I mean, last night, it was the full ensemble.
"eeh, eeh, EEh..." (pause.) "... aaahUGHAHHH! Oh God! Oh my God!"
*creak creak creak creak creak*
*bedpost slamming into wall over and over*
"Oh my God! Oh my God! Augh! Augh! Auuuughh!"
Man: Shhhh!
"OH MY GODDDDD! AUUUGHHAH! AH! AH! AH! AH!"
Man: Shhhh! Shhhh!
*Mom and I, looking at each other with wide-eyed astonishment*
... I just don't know what to do with this girl. She's not bothering us, exactly. But there's no way to tell her (aside from my original plan), and I'd love to make a monologue about all this, but I don't know how to do it without humiliating her.
Watched fifteen minutes of the PSYCHO remake. While it's pointless to harp on such a universally despised bad idea, I have to ask: who the hell thought it was a good idea to cast Vince fucking Vaughn as Norman Bates? The guy's not a pube on Tony Perkins' nutsack. Let's compare the two...
Perkins: nervous, shifty, scared, creepy but not in a way that anyone had ever been creepy before. You know why? Because he invented that kind of character! On top of that, he also seemed in some ways genuinely innocent and kind of a nice guy with serious issues. In other words, a complex and wholly unique character.
Vaughn: Buff slimy-charming frat boy who looks like a stereotypically creepy rapist from the very fucking second you see him.
I don't want to be thinking, "Hey there, and welcome to my new show, 'Vince Vaughn Bangs Your Mom,'" especially not when he's supposed to be Norman Bates. *shudder*
*wags cigar* I've hoid of 'dry-humping', but this is ree-dick-er-ous! *rimshot* Hot-ta-cha-cha-cha! Thank you, I'll be here till Thursday, fuck you, Gus Van Sant.
I made a Caramel Apple shot. It's equal parts butterscotch schnapps and Pucker Sour Apple schnapps. I think my teeth are still melting.
Okay, small and intimate it'll be. That's fine. Just means less snacks and booze I need to buy. It's just as well, as I'm starting to fear that I can't wear the Two-Face makeup for long without it starting to drip blood over my new pinstripe suit. Stupid sweat.
So some of you may recall our female tenant having very loud sex in our thin-walled house. We hadn't heard much of her in the past few months. Heck, we hardly see her as it is; she leaves early in the morning and doesn't return until around 1 AM.
But last night, she was at it again. Boy oh boy, was she ever. She must have a new boyfriend, because the last guy was strictly a Six Minute Man. Best as I could figure over the hour, they went at least three times. And she was louder than ever.
And y'know, I'm no voyeur. I don't get off on listening or watching people have sex live in front of me no more than I like watching people enjoy a sumptuous banquet. But more than ever last night, you couldn't not hear this woman. It really got to the point of morbid fascination. Partially because she really doesn't seem to know we can all hear her.
Her mother moved in for a month a while back, and bragged to the mother (which the mother, in turned, bragged to my mother), "Yeah, Mr. ________ has been coming over late at night when I get home from work. He's been helping me out, as I've been so sick..." which is true, he has been because she's been sick as a dog, "Roberta probably thinks I'm sleeping with him, ha ha ha!"
Honey, either you're covering your ass for your Mom, or you think we're downright idiots. I mean, last night, it was the full ensemble.
"eeh, eeh, EEh..." (pause.) "... aaahUGHAHHH! Oh God! Oh my God!"
*creak creak creak creak creak*
*bedpost slamming into wall over and over*
"Oh my God! Oh my God! Augh! Augh! Auuuughh!"
Man: Shhhh!
"OH MY GODDDDD! AUUUGHHAH! AH! AH! AH! AH!"
Man: Shhhh! Shhhh!
*Mom and I, looking at each other with wide-eyed astonishment*
... I just don't know what to do with this girl. She's not bothering us, exactly. But there's no way to tell her (aside from my original plan), and I'd love to make a monologue about all this, but I don't know how to do it without humiliating her.
Watched fifteen minutes of the PSYCHO remake. While it's pointless to harp on such a universally despised bad idea, I have to ask: who the hell thought it was a good idea to cast Vince fucking Vaughn as Norman Bates? The guy's not a pube on Tony Perkins' nutsack. Let's compare the two...
Perkins: nervous, shifty, scared, creepy but not in a way that anyone had ever been creepy before. You know why? Because he invented that kind of character! On top of that, he also seemed in some ways genuinely innocent and kind of a nice guy with serious issues. In other words, a complex and wholly unique character.
Vaughn: Buff slimy-charming frat boy who looks like a stereotypically creepy rapist from the very fucking second you see him.
I don't want to be thinking, "Hey there, and welcome to my new show, 'Vince Vaughn Bangs Your Mom,'" especially not when he's supposed to be Norman Bates. *shudder*
*wags cigar* I've hoid of 'dry-humping', but this is ree-dick-er-ous! *rimshot* Hot-ta-cha-cha-cha! Thank you, I'll be here till Thursday, fuck you, Gus Van Sant.
I made a Caramel Apple shot. It's equal parts butterscotch schnapps and Pucker Sour Apple schnapps. I think my teeth are still melting.
no subject
Ugh. I sat through it during my first year of law school, when I was trying to watch all of Viggo's movies. (I've since stopped trying to do that...there are some that were a v. bad idea. Not his fault, but bad ideas nonetheless.) I feel the same way about movie remakes as I do about covers of songs. I think we may have discussed that before. If you're going to do one, there has to be something different and yours about it. Otherwise, it's just an impression and will leave me cold. So redoing a classic film shot for shot just because you can is nothing but a party trick. Not to mention insulting to Hitchcock and his cast. *shakes head* Gus Van Sant, you are not that cool.
no subject
And I hate hate hate hate hate the remake, which was playing at the same time as the PSYCHO remake on TV. Ugh! I will say, the TCSM remake did try to be different than the original, yes. But the thing was, the original was a unique work of art, while the remake was a cliched and lame modern horror film. So yes, it was different from the original because it was the same as everything else! Oy.
Sorry to tangent, but I think I at least half managed to keep true to the intent of your reply. :)
no subject
No, I've never actually seen any of the TCSM films. Scary things like that aren't really my cup of tea. I've gotten braver over the years, so maybe someday.
no subject
It's funny reading the reviews for it, many of which echo Ebert's thoughts: "The movie is some kind of weird, off-the-wall achievement. I can't imagine why anyone would want to make a movie like this, and yet it's well-made, well-acted, and all too effective."
With no irony, I consider it a landmark 70's cinema masterpiece right alongside TAXI DRIVER and THE GODFATHER.
But there are very, very few people I'd tell to watch it. You're... not one of them. :) But! If you do decide to check it out, let me know what you think.
If you can find it on VHS, do so. It actually benefits from being grainy!
And then you can get to the mixed-reviewed part 3 with Viggo! (which probably isn't actually scary at all, I'm willing to bet. It's likely just silly)
no subject
I've seen all the others, including the terrible 4th one starring Matthew Mconaghy (sp?) and Renee Zellwegererer.
no subject
Aaaaaan you know what else? I just checked and apparently I have Escape From New York waiting for me at home!
Sweet.
no subject
Ugh! Part four! Let us never speak of it again. That was actually the first part I'd watched! I'm amazed I love the original as much as I do. God, I hated that movie.
no subject