Still Alive. You?

[thehefner]

Hey there, whoever's left in LJ land. How's it goin'? Hello? Is anybody even still here?

Man, I've noticed more and more people have dropped off, and I'm not quite sure why. I miss LJ as it was, with people actually blogging every day or two, rather than just posting status updates or glorified tweets on Facebook. Of course, I'm no different, at least when it comes to my personal blog here. But then, I have a baby, so I think I'm excused. And even then, I'm still rocking out on About_Faces as best as I can, doing a post or two a week. I'm pleased with that. It's where I get my best writing out these days.

Which itself isn't a great thing. I should be writing a new show or two. I should be writing one of those books I have in the pipeline. I should finish so many of those projects, but I just feel... it's like, for the past year or so, I've felt creatively constipated. Or perhaps I should say "constipated, creatively-speaking" but even that kinda sounds like I'm coming up with new and innovative ways not to poop. You know what I mean. I hesitate to call it writer's block, since... well, I dunno why.

See, there it is right there, I can't even put words together. I'm frankly amazed I'm even writing this post as well as I am! I've tried to come back write here, I really have, but all attempts have been thwarted by frustration from the inability to find the right words, and/or my lack of personal confidence in anything.

I've got a handful of half-written LJ posts saved, including one about the secret history of Terry Silver, the villain from Karate Kid Part III, as well as the big post wherein I explained why I finally left scans_daily. I also tried doing a New Year's Eve post about bullet points for the year, everything from the fiasco with the DeathBox of a Winnebago that nearly killed us to my anger towards to horrible mismanagement behind DC's Capital Fringe Festival this year. But I just couldn't manage to finish those posts. My energy and insecurity took over, and they become chores rather than... whatever it is that happens when you write something from the heart, be it something silly or heartfelt.

Having the baby and the full household of responsibilities doesn't help. One little thing can throw off the writing groove, and it's hell trying to get back in, because that groove has now been filled in by any of a number of factors. Again, doubt and insecurity, which goes hand in hand with procrastination and distractions. And then there's the exhaustion, oh the exhaustion. Maybe if I weren't so damn tired all the time, none of this would be a factor anymore.

So for the time being, I try not to force anything, and just focus on keeping the house together. Keep the baby healthy and happy. Make sure the girl is okay. Make sure I'm fed and relatively healthy, a count on which I'm definitely failing. And also making sure to keep up with About_Faces, which feeds the struggling fires of passion and excitement and geekiness which I so very much need in general, and especially right now. I gotta be a motherf*king ' ADULT best as I can, while trying to maintain enough of the passion and energy and enthusiasm by the time things calm down. For now, I'm just so damn tired. Bone-tired in ways I cannot--Hemingway help me--put into words.

Okay, back to working on the latest post in my current series of reviews exploring the entire history of Two-Face in Batman: The Animated Series, which I shall compose between bouts on World of Warcraft. Because I still don't quite know the meaning of the words "motherf*king ADULT," you see.

Comments

[eyeofthedivine.livejournal.com]

I wish I could say that I use my blog half as effectively as you do. I know what you mean when you say that you start writing a post and you think what the hell? What do I say? How do I say it? Not a day goes by that I don't start a post to put up on LJ and it fails epically. Hence why my blog is pretty much dead.

When I started writing my story it just seemed to flow so naturally and now I haven't written in over a month :(. But back to LJ in all seriousness I'd much rather wait for an amazing post from you than have you force yourself. You have a family now and its important you look after yourself as well as your family. So don't be so hard on yourself at least you have a good reason for loosing your concentration I know for a fact I have no such excuse.

[foxhack.livejournal.com]

Who the hell are you and why are you on my LJ friends list

[ievil-spock-47i.livejournal.com]

sup

"This was a triumph..."

[sara-lakali.livejournal.com]

Um yeah. I still haven't written up a blog post about my strokes at the end of 2010 and Memorial Day 2011 or my road to recovery, or pretty much anything so, te absolvo.

[leiacat.livejournal.com]

Still here. Glad to see you come out for air.

[shadowlongknife.livejournal.com]

I'm still wandering about aimlessly, and need to get back to my LJ. Facebook's been pissing me off to no end lately, so maybe I'll beat a retreat back here.

[box-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

Even without a wife or a kid, I'm just in one of those periods where I'm trying to keep my head above water, in a number of different ways, but I'm still here.

[1mercystreet.livejournal.com]

Ooh, a fellow Warcraftian. I'm just getting into it and I fear it is sucking in my soul. But I play one of the Forsaken, so I'm not sure I have one.

[pure-doxyk.livejournal.com]

Babies steal your life, literally -- you take a chunk of life and outsource it into this other person, and for a while they just run with that, sucking up every drop they can get. Ah, procreation. ;) And to whatever degree it's happened to you, it's probably worse for your girl...that's just what they are; a big dumpload of sacrifice that, by most counts, is totally worth it in the long run (with which I agree, though I definitely wouldn't do it *again*, personally). If you hang in there, persist with keeping your passions alive in the cracks, and get lucky, you get some of your life back in a decade or so. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

(Oh yeah -- still here. Still my favorite dumping-ground for emo bullshit, though other sites have taken over some of the social / creative / other stuff load. And nice to see you; you were one of my favorites to read!)

[whimmydiddle.livejournal.com]

Nice to see you. Hang in there. Thank you for propogating the human race so I don't have to. The kid is more important than any writing, so if you raise him well,, consider that Awesome & forgive yourself of any other failings.

*Edited to correct gender of your kid. Oops, sorry!

[recalcitranttoy.livejournal.com]

Still here. I've just been too [fill in the blank] to post. And yeah, baby is super important. How else will you prep him to take over the world? It takes time and effort to teach proper world domination skills.