Hef Smash

[thehefner]

Man, I'm angry. This semester has been like one big slide downhill. I never used to get angry, mind you. I just got hurt. But more and more this semester, all the shit's been piling up and I'm just getting angrier and angrier. And of course it's the little things that do it, the ones that get harder and harder to shrug off.

I've got a fuck of a lot going on in my life right now, and I just want what anyone else wants. I want things to go smoothly. I want plans to work out. I want to get those little bits of happiness (y'know, the true happiness that Denis Leary talked about) that make up for the little bits of misery, that make it allll worthwhile. I just want... what I want. Y'know what I mean? Well, some of you do more than others.

I just have no place to put this anger, that's the problem. Not in acting, at least; Tartuffe is a fun role, but he's hardly venting. If the free DDR machine were still here, you bet your ass I would be there every night. But as Dave once said about me, "There is a wellspring of anger there," and I want to be able to channel this in a healthy way before something bad develops in my body or before I totally snap when someone throws one acid vial too many in my face. I always knew I was Harvey Dent, after all. I just don't want to become Two-Face.

At least for now, I have the perfect plan to make me feel better: a big plate of nachos, lunch with a beautiful woman, and improv. Hopefully by this afternoon I shall be smiling. Even if something inside me is flipping a coin.

Comments

[tazira.livejournal.com]

Yes and yes and yes.

Hey, if you decide to go off on a killing spree, look me up. We'll pile in that fancy car of yours, pack my weapons and go.

The sad part is, it's actually tempting on several levels.

[dame-ratcliffe.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear...yeah, I think I've been having anger management issues recently too. Can't yell at the bitches at work and therefore have no positive outlet when they really piss me off.

Could you maybe put it into your writing? You've probably thought of that...but it was the first thing that popped into my mind.

[pokeyburro.livejournal.com]

Divide and conquer. Isolate each thing bothering you, one at a time, and fix it. If you can't fix it, make progress on it and revisit later. If you can't make progress on it, make sure it's worth worrying about; you might be able to just let it go. If it is worth worrying about, then yeah, grab that bar in front of ya and hang on for the ride, but chances are only one thing in your life at a time will reach that stage.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Actually, you're absolutely right. I need to be writing. More than anything else, that's what I need to be doing. I'd completely forgotten about that.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Yes, you're right. It's just a matter of which of these matters can be address and which can't. My theses are huge specters, but with some hunkering down they can be achieved. Other issues are more troublesome, more elusive.

Sometimes it feels like doing nothing makes them worse, but doing something escalates and provokes it anyway. Unfortunately, it happens to be one of the bigger concerns on my mind these days.

I'll do what I can. And I'll try not to sweat the rest in the meantime. Just some days, man. Some days. And those days seem to be getting more and more prevalent.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I haven't yet reached the desire to kill people. I've nothing against people, just some of the things they do. Of course, give me time, I may well be right there with you. I even have an icon for that.

[pokeyburro.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, writing will certainly help. And if I read your mood right, long after you're done, you will likely consider it some of your best writing.

As my high school art teacher (the guy with the English Ph.D.) said, all great art comes from great pain.

[pokeyburro.livejournal.com]

Ah. Sounds to me like for at least one of your bogeymen, its strength is in your simply not knowing how to address it. So learning how shall be your critical node. Hard work.

If you think you could use advice on it, remember, we're here. Some of us are in our 30s, and have likely gone through similar stuff.

my .02 on the matter of stress (and the relief thereof)...

[metalcrowe.livejournal.com]

Two words: Martial. Arts.

It has certainly helped me through stress and anger to calmer places. Plus, you get to hit stuff ;-)