The Songs of Johnny Go

Since I have insomnia as I can never sleep whenever I have a thing going on the next day, I figure this would be the perfect time to issue a final reminder of the HEFNER MONOLOGUES: HOW HEFNERIAN reading/dry-run at tommx's place tonight, 8:00ish!

Light snacks and wine shall be provided! And maybe we'll all go see a late showing of STAR TREK afterward!

So! Who wants to see my new show and drink beer (it's BYOB, but I'll try to get a nice case of inexpensive something-something)?

Then come on by tommx's place next Friday, May 8th, for a special rough-as-hell run-through of THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES: HOW HEFNERIAN! Help prepare me for my return to triumphant return to the Orlando Fringe Festival, in the hopes that I don't make a complete and utter boob of myself!



But in the hopes of avoiding self-boobery, I'll be taking a day or two to hermit up in the Catoctin Mountain so I can work on the script without being distracted by my mother, my grandmother, my grandmother's friends, my stepfather, Mom's dogs, my needy bully of a cat, my grandmother's screeching Conure, or that robin who keeps humping his reflection in the window, leaving the glass smeared with robin jizz.

Hopefully I can also swing by Sugarloaf Mountain Vineyard, where I can finally get a vineyard tour by no one less than Judge James McKenna himself. I honestly have no idea what I'll say to this great man to whom I once emasculated myself before an entire traffic court, but hopefully, there'll be a new story in this reunion. I'm hoping to someday finally find a way to use the Traffic Court Story in a new show.

Also, his wine is wicked good to boot.



In other news, I am Twatting on Twitter, even though it's seriously not long-winded-bastard-friendly. YOU ARE NOT REPLACING MY LJ ANYTIME SOON, TWITTER.

Speaking of/in all caps, I wanted to finally start officially following ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER, only to discover this as his latest Tweet:

I GOTTA LEAVE THE STATE AND LAY LOW FOR AWHILE SO I WONT BE ONLINE SO ILL SEE YOU FUCKERS LATER IM OUT

3:42 PM Apr 22nd from web

I have no reason to doubt he's telling the truth. The internet shall be a poorer place until you return, or perish in a tragic flaming blimp accident. Whichever comes first. This can only be described in one way: WACK AS FUCK.

When I want a short way to describe this hippie community to people, I say, "When that whole 'Miracle on the Hudson' thing happened, they held a candlelight vigil for the bird." That sums 'em up pretty well. :)

Which reminds me, when said 'Miracle' happened, my brother called me up. I was in Tuscaloosa, in the midst of having a ridiculously-successful Daniel Day-Lewis movie trilogy marathon with bitemetechie, and as such I hadn't been watching the news. Edd, over the phone, explained, "Yeah, apparently one of the engines got obstructed by a BIRD BIRD BIRD, THE BIRD IS THE WORD, BUH-BUH-BUH-BIRD BIRD BIRD, THE BIRD IS THE WORD...!"

If Edd taught me anything, it's that brilliance and obnoxiousness sometimes go hand in hand. Maybe that's why I consider JACKASS performance art. Seriously, some day, I'm just gonna do an entire dissertation on why Johnny Knoxville and crew are some of our generation's truly great performance artists. Anyone who doesn't believe me clearly hasn't seen JACKASS NUMBER TWO. Tee hee hee.

Okay. Gotta get serious. Going up tomorrow, first show of Frigid. I need to get pumped.



No. No, that's not doing it.



Shit. Even that's not getting me pumped. I need major pumpage here, people! I need to feel like I could kick Galactus in the junk! Come on, internets, WHAT. HAVE. YOU. GOT?!

Damn skippy, commune-full-o'-hippies. I am gonna monologue the fuck outta this shit.

Tomorrow. After sleep. Which will not be coming for hours yet. Ding-dang it.

TOMORROW! STILL FREE!

THE (newly revised) HEFNER MONOLOGUES!

The Cheap-Ass Low-Tech Holy-Crap-There's-A-Fucking-Audience-Here Dry Run-Through!

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009
Fort Fringe
607 New York Ave NW
Washington, DC 20001
8:00, runs One Hour (that's the hope, anyway!)
Punch and pie
Pizza!
Okay, so if no one minds, I'm gonna alter my incentive for food. Rather that pizza, I'm thinking we head to Regional Food and Drink (aka THE INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF BEER) and, I dunno, I buy a couple pitchers of something or whatever. We'll figure it out.

I'm really excited for this, guys. It'll be rough, as it'll be my first time trying out this new take on familiar material before actual human beings. Bring notepads and pens, for I will need your input!

I'm told there's parking on L Street or New York Avenue, but I'm probably gonna Metro in, if I can. I'll be there around 7-7:30ish. Hope to see you there!

All righty, folks. Difficult though it was, I've settled on a date for my open dress rehearsal.



THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES: THE CHEAP-ASS EDITION

Free to all! Even people I barely know! Hell, hobos welcome!

Come, watch, laugh, wince (in a good way), and offer constructive criticism as I prepare to kick off my utterly suicidal 2009 tour through NYC, Orlando, Montreal, Winnipeg, Indianapolis, Vancouver, and sweet mother of god maybe even Minneapolis too! Even if you've already seen it, trust me, this HEFNER MONOLOGUES is a rather different beast from the HEFNER MONOLOGUES of even a year ago, much less summer '07! One night only!

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009
Fort Fringe
607 New York Ave NW
Washington, DC 20001
8:00, runs One Hour (that's the hope, anyway!)
Punch and pie Pizza!

Let me know if you're coming, so I'll know how much pizza to order! Also, if there are any special considerations for toppings that I'll need to know about, otherwise we'll just go for cheese. On one hand, cheese, eh. On the other, free pizza and a show!