thehefner: (Aguirre: ORLY?)

I hate to say this--to be the ONLY person I've seen so far to say this--but "meh."

I'm actually at that point of superhero exhaustion where the Avengers trailer does absolutely nothing for me aside from that bit of the Hulk saving Tony and Loki's snazzy new outfit. I never wanted to feel this way, but ugh, I just can't muster up anything close to enthusiasm for it. At this point, it feels like being excited for the next big event storyline, all hype and gimmick, which has almost certainly been overly-produced by committee until all life has been mushed out, just as Iron Man 2 was. There's too much at stake with this film for there to be much anything in the way of breathing space, creatively-speaking. And whatever there is will be coming from Joss Whedon, whose dialogue and creative bad habits I absolutely loathe.

In more intriguing-to-me news which will only be relevant to the more hardcore geeks amongst you:

God, he's so magnificently hubristacular. Also, I love that the format for the film is a TED Talk. I don't know why, but that touch makes me ridiculously happy.

That said, some people are taking Ridley Scott at his word that Weyland will be the one and only connection between Prometheus and Alien/Aliens (there are no other movies! None!). This is patently not true, considering that the also-awesome trailer clearly showed the same ship and "space jockey" room from the beginning of Alien. So either Ridley's gone Lucas-levels of delusional on us or--more likely--he's fibbin' to try and keep a few surprises secret.

I can't imagine that we won't see ONE glimpse of a Xenomorph, even something as small as an egg. But even still, I don't need that. I like that they're fleshing out the Weyland-Yutani Corporation in of itself. I think that'll add some nice extra enjoyment to the older movies.

Of course, the question now is whether nor not Aliens VS Predator is continuity, since Lance Henricksen played Mr. Weyland. People are already speculating that Lance and Guy could be uncle/nephew or something. I like the idea that Guy!Weyland designed the Bishops after his uncle. Of course, that would mean that he's the same guy who's in AlienĀ³ WHICH DOESN'T EXIST LALALALA NEVER MIND.

And just to bring this back full circle, I feel it worth reminding the world that Joss Whedon wrote Alien Resurrection. While I love me some Marvel comics, I think I'll be putting all my intrigue on the side of Prometheus.

Never mind that Prometheus is being co-written by one of the main writers for Lost, so your own mileage may vary there. Hopefully Ridley's creative control with counteract any of Lindleof's bad habits.
thehefner: (Venture Bros: Boop)
Back to general nerdiness.

First, I should mention that I finally watched TRON last Friday for the express purpose of being able to watch the much-hyped trailer for TRON LEGACY, and holy sweet bejabbers, you folks weren't kidding. That is one sweet trailer. And maybe it's just me, but man, Bridges' delivery of "Not anymore" is downright goosebumps-inducing.

It actually made me like the film more than the film itself did, just to see Jeff Bridges' character seeming to take a bit of Obie Stane* to heart there. I hear tell that Flynn's apparently been in gameworld so long that he's gone full-on Col. Kurtz. Awesome. Between that and the prospect of more Boxleitner and that's one ticket fucking bought.

Man, Jeff Bridges is one of those actors who possesses the most double-edged kind of brilliance. He's so good that no one notices. He's just so natural, not showy at all. He deserves way more praise than he gets.

Now, for the main reason I called you all here today.

[ profile] american_arcane posted this latest bit of utter and complete amazing awesomeness on his Facebook. To quote Ren Hoek: "I'M. SO. HAPPY!"

Full cast behind the cut, just so all the awesome surprises aren't spoiled )

I've always had a strange love for G.I. JOE, just because of the characters. How they all had such rich backstories and personalities. I adore them all, no matter what form they come in, be it the cheesy show, the legitimately far-better-than-you'd-ever-expect Marvel Comics by Larry Hama, epically brain-breaking three-part Fringe musicals, god I'm STILL recovering from COBRA: THE MUSICAL, PART III... heck, I'm seriously tempted to see the film, which is either awful or awesomely stupid, depending on who you ask.

Hell, I almost can't even consider it a parody. Of course Cobra Commander loves 70's boogie and would force Three Dog Night to reunite. The guy was a used car salesman, for god's sake! Seriously! It's canon and everything!


Now I can truly go to bed happy and fulfilled until the crushing disappointment that always sinks in not long after waking in the morning. Yay!!!

*I wish I could remember who it was that noted how Stane in IRON MAN was just the nicest Marvel villain ever. "Tony! How're you doing, buddy? Hey, I have pizza! YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY! Nah, I'm just kiddin'! Hey, lookit me, I got a Segway, wheeeeeeee! Hey, is that your heart? Mind if I FUCKING RIP IT OUT K TNX HAHAHA IS EVIL."
thehefner: (In the Mouth of Madness: Blue)
Apparently this might actually be a real short film. If it's not just a joke trailer, then it just might work stretched out to short film length. But if nothing else... well, I'll let it speak for itself...

And yes, JACKASS fans, that is Wee Man.
thehefner: (Watchmen Babies: V For Vacation)
Via [ profile] mirthical, who saw this and for some reason thought of me.

I'm just saying, if that's supposed to be Dr. Manhattan, it should glow in the dark and/or feel like a D battery when you put your tongue on it.

By the way, WATCHMEN's theatrical length will be 156 minutes long. The subsequent Director's Cut will be 190 minutes, which in Snyder's words will be "considerably more violent... and sexier." Whatever that means.

And then, in the Fall, they'll release another cut down the line, splicing in this*, which will be hitting DVDs at the end of March:

So that the full, final version of WATCHMEN the movie will ultimately be 205 minutes. And that's not even counting the UNDER THE HOOD "documentary," included with the TALES OF THE BLACK FREIGHTER DVD.

It ain't a 12-part HBO mini-series, but that's still pretty goddamned impressive.

Hell with the worry and the apprehension and the snobbery. March 6th needs to fucking get here fucking NOW.

*Among other things, including cut scenes like more Dr. Manhattan on Mars, dialogue scenes at the newsstand, and the death of a certain character that involves a statue. At first, it's hard to imagine those last two not being in the final cut, but then you remember just how much fucking stuff there is in WATCHMEN.
thehefner: (Grindhouse: Reel Missing (PT))
I think it's only fitting that in the recent passing of blaxploitation great Rudy Ray Moore* of DOLEMITE fame (which featured one of the greatest trailers of all time)...

... that he and blaxploitation in general should be so gloriously homaged in this upcoming trailer.

And before you ask, yes, this film is real. In fact, I think I'm just going to cancel all of my fringe festival performances to spend 2009 pimping this movie.

BLACK DYNAMITE is my new god now.

Rated "Arrr-ruh!"

EDIT: When I first posted this, I realized I actually called him "Dudley Ray Moore." I'm now trying to imagine ARTHUR as a blaxploitation film. And now I am indeed in a happy place.
thehefner: (Fountain: Death is the Road to Awe)
I cannot wait to see this movie, and am incredibly jealous that [ profile] fishymcb will be getting to early, with Darren Aronofsky there for a Q&A.

Has it been officially said anywhere that this story is inspired by Jake "The Snake" Roberts? Because it looks like BEYOND THE MAT brought to life, a powerful film that, halfway through, stops being about wrestling and becomes three powerful portraits of artists addicted to their art, with Roberts' story being the most devastating. Combine that with the meta-level of how it reflects Rourke's life, and I already want to give him Best Actor for that trailer alone.

That said, I'm disappointed but unsurprised to see the trailer not say "By the director of THE FOUNTAIN" (to its credit, nor does it mention the REQUIEM FOR A DREAM). I can at least take comfort that these days I only find one person who hates that film for every three that love it.
thehefner: (Watchmen Babies: V For Vacation)
And in comics this week, Harvey Dent fights a werewolf.

... huh.

And not for the first time in my years of reading superhero comics, I can't quite decide if this is ridiculous or badass.

So as I understandably missed Spike TV's awards show last night, I subsequently missed out on the WURLD PRU-MEER of not one but two teaser trailers. First, for the new FRIDAY THE 13TH remake/reboot (fast forward through the annoying pretty people at the awards show to the annoying pretty people in the actual movie):

Friday the 13th: Exclusive First Look

Gotta say, the 80's fanboy in me is excited. And while I loathe fast zombies, I think I'm digging fast Jason based on that two-second clip. The speed of Leatherface, the precision of Michael Myers, the ferocity of Jason Voorhees. Jason's a character I've always loved for some reason, way more than any of his actual movies.

While I wince at the knowledge that this film is by the same asshats who remade TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE, one of the most horrible remakes I have ever seen... I, for one, welcome our new Camp Crystal Lake overlords.

Oh, and of far more interest to most of you, the new WATCHMEN trailer:

I still love the music on a purely subversive level. The fast-slow-fast effects scream "style over substance," but all critics who attended a 25-minute screening of footage have universally raved about the film, and how the speed changes actually work beautifully to convey the shifts in speed of actual comic panels, translated to film.

I know the fandom world is aflame with reports that OMG THEY CHANGED THE ENDING WTF but I'm reserving judgment until we hear more. As I understand, those reports come from a small handful of dubious sources at a rough cut screening. And besides, some things are just gonna have to be cut to later be reinserted into the 5-hour long final DVD cut down the line. I recommend a philosophical and patient perspective for the time being.

By the way, is this tagline an actual line in the book? If so, it's awesome. If not, it's cheesy. Yes, that's my geek double-standard and I'm sticking by it.

thehefner: (Al Bundy: Shoot Me)
And here I worried that my life of hermitude was keeping me from getting any more material. Hefnerian events will always find me.

Let me tell you, it's a complex feeling indeed to realize that you're only within the first fifteen minutes of a Hefner Monologue. And there's no way of knowing whether it'll end up being an anecdote, a show, a mini-series, or a tome.

I feel like Harold Crick. I just wish I knew whether it was a comedy or a tragedy. But then, with me, they've never been so clearly defined.

I guess what I'm saying is, get me a tattooed Maggie Gyllenhaal, stat!


Fuck it, have some videos.

First, watch this whole thing. It's only a minute long, just watch it all the way, for it ends... magically.

If you, like I, were totally confused while laughing your/my ass off, this should help clarify matters.

This has been making the rounds, but bears viewing for anyone who has missed it. Batman vs. Penguin: The Debate! (No mudslinging!)

They're good, but eh, I still believe in What's His Face.

Here's the trailer for a Swedish film I hadn't heard about until the announcement that it was being remade (by the director of CLOVERFIELD, no less), much to the universal disgust of critics. They say there is absolutely no point in remaking this brilliant, moving film, a film which may well be one of the greatest vampire movies ever made.

The trailer for LET THE RIGHT ONE IN.

Even considering how much I hate vampires, I cannot help but be intrigued. Hopefully we get to see it before it gets brownc... er... overhyped, so we can all look down upon the inevitably wrong-headed and inferior American remake. By the CLOVERFIELD guy.

EDIT: Two More!

Via [ profile] kali921, KNEEL BEFORE ZOD'S KITCHENS!

And finally, via [ profile] benchilada, who got it via [ profile] foxhack, it now falls unto me to bring you a video of the hardest motherfucker on the planet:

thehefner: (Watchmen Babies: V For Vacation)
Did anyone else see THE SIMPSONS last night? I kept wondering what this strange sensation was that I was feeling throughout the episode. Was it... my god, I... I think it was laughter. Why yes, I dare say it was! Not a lot, not like in the old days, but the parody of THE DEPARTED actually had more than a few chuckles. What a feeling!

But the real kicker was the ending, the absolute perfect moment, where the rat runs along the screen ala THE DEPARTED, and Ralph Wiggum pops out of a trash can to helpfully announce, "The rat is symbolic for obviousness!"

I laughed for a full minute straight.

Movie Trailers of Note:

Am I wrong, or does this trailer for GET SMART actually not suck total ass?

New IRON MAN trailer. Aaaaaaand there go my nipples again.

And finally, a very happy birthday to the fantastically talented and pitifully ill [ profile] aeonata!
thehefner: (Grindhouse: Reel Missing (PT))
Heath Ledger died before completing filming for THE IMAGINARIUM OF DR. PARNASSUS, directed by Terry Gilliam. Even besides the tragedy of the loss to Heath's family and the world of film, many were immediately reminded of the troubled and cursed history Terry Gilliam has had bringing his films to life.

With Heath gone mid-filming, what would happen to DR. PARNASSUS? Would the film be abandoned, the footage never to be produced, leaving Heath's final performance to be the Joker (some have already bemoaned this, saying how it's hardly as tender and dignifying a farewell as, say, Henry Fonda in ON GOLDEN POND)?

Well, I don't know the specifics of the DR. PARNASSUS script, but as I understand, the story lends itself to a bit of Dr. Who style casting, with two or more actors being able to play the same character. So the film could and would be completed, with Heath's footage intact!

But who would they get? Who could Gilliam possibly get to finish Heath's true last film?

Johnny Depp.

Jude Law.

And Colin Farrell.

All paying tribute to Heath with their interpretations of his performance.

Awesomeness. I absolutely love this idea, and can't wait to see how the film turns out. And besides, it's Terry Gilliam. His films are always worth watching (although I've heard people who both deeply love and deeply loathe THE BROTHERS GRIMM, and his latest--TIDELAND--is... well, I haven't seen it, but I've heard a good deal about it. Has anyone seen TIDELAND?), and hopefully this will be a true return to form.

By the way, who told me THE FISHER KING was a depressing movie? Lies! It was a grand film!

And since we're talking movie news, have a red-band trailer for PINEAPPLE EXPRESS:

Man, I wish it was in Quicktime. But otherwise, yayyyyyyyyyyyy.

Oh, and didja also hear there's a trailer for INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL?


Between this and RAMBO, you just can't keep the old geezers down. And we are all the richer for it. YAY!
thehefner: (Fountain: Ascending)
1.) I really, really, really, really should have known better than to read the message board responses to an interview with Christopher Hitchens in the A.V. Club. That might well be the single most masochistic thing I've ever done without actually dating someone. (Not what you think; or if you know me, it's exactly what you think.)

2.) QUOTE OF THE DAY: [ profile] theblackotter described this moment at a gay bar: Also they played "Enter Sandman". Watching gay men react to Metallica is like watching cockroaches react to a kitchen light. It's AWESOME.

3.) Image Comics has a contest to create a superheroine. It's a really tempting prospect, if only as a creative challenge. To create a compelling, fleshed-out well-rounded female superhero, just personally speaking, would really push me to write in decidedly different areas, especially with the incentive of getting paid and published if it wins. This bears consideration.

4.) JUSTICE LEAGUE: THE NEW FRONTIER trailer is posted, which I'm not directly posting here, because the trailer looks like ass. Who the hell put that shit together? There's more text and narration than actual footage, nor any voice work! Nonetheless, NEW FRONTIER is exactly the JUSTICE LEAGUE movie that they should be making, and one of my most anticipated films of next years.

5.) If you don't hear from me ever again, it's likely because I will be been walloped into oblivion by [ profile] bloo_mountain for my rampant abuse of italics in my Harvey Dent novel. Just putting that out there.

6.) For loathers of musicals* (and why do some people blanket-hate all musicals? Never understood that) or the unfamilar who are intrigued by SWEENEY TODD, please check out the A.V. Club's Primer to Stephen Sondheim. Neato list, and it even gives me some direction.

(SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH GEORGE is "intermediate"? I suppose it is; maybe I should ease people into it before subjecting them to "The Test." It's kind of a rite of passage to be a close friend of John Hefner, I'm starting to realize.)

*I originally wrote "musical haters," but then realized that could be construed differently. But really, if more bitter assholic misanthropes sang their sneers and danced their intolerance with awesome choreography, the world would be a better place. "Yeah, Christopher Hitchens is often a contrarian asshole**, but damn if he's not a dazzling tap-dancer!"

**Who, to be fair, makes some good points. But let's not go into all that here, shall we? (See how I tied it all back to topic # 1 there?)
thehefner: (Harrumph)
Couple new trailers worth time, attention, and--perhaps, indeed--love.


Why haven't we been hearing more about Pixar's latest here? Are we just assuming that, since it's a Pixar/Disney movie, it's already gonna be all over the place in a few months' time, so why bother starting now? Whatever the reason, even the Pixar fan that I am was surprised by this trailer.

A post-apocalyptic film the whole family can enjoy! Or is it that humanity has just abandoned a ruined and wasted Earth? I think it's the latter, but I'm going to pretend it's the former for as long as I can.


... yes.

I really have nothing else to offer. Look at that shit, man! Whee!
thehefner: (Joker: Classy Motherfucker)
Finally, the power just returned to our household. We've had blackouts on and off for the past six hours or so. The lights had just flickered on as I was leaving to go to [ profile] jcsbimp's house to watch a double-feature of ERASERHEAD (Calvin's choice:I find it admirably nightmarish but I still don't care for it too much) and THE STRAIGHT STORY (my choice: still my favorite Lynch movie and the most tenderly human movie I've ever seen), but I'd returned four or five hours later to a black house.

So, with the timeless words of wisdom of Skwisgaar Skwigelf: There's only two things to do in a power outage: get drunk... one thing."

So I've been sitting here, drinking a subpar Manhattan* and a couple glasses of Jameson, finishing THE GOLDEN COMPASS (see me sometime at work [ profile] fragmentedsky and starting Vonnegut's BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS (more on that later, if I remember any of it), and what happens? Bam! The power comes back on.

Now, as much as I'd love to respond to my LJ comments of late, I've learned the hard way not to do so when I'm drunk. Even writing this entry is fraught with peril; what am I going to regret tomorrow morning?

So, lest I go any further and risk making an utter arse of myself, allow me to simply post this:


... yes.

(Notice, not a single mention or screenshot of Harvey Dent. For reasons you may or may not understand, I am very pleased.)

*A good Manhattan is so bloody elusive! There's like a one in ten chance that each Manhattan I make will turn out right, and the odds are so rarely in my favor! Argh!
thehefner: (Grindhouse: Reel Missing (PT))
Seen at the showing of BLADE RUNNER: THE FINAL CUT* earlier tonight:

New I AM LEGEND trailer.

Maybe I'm just blinded by the use of the heartbreakingly beautiful soundtrack for THE FOUNTAIN (I must listen to that CD at least twice a week ever since it came out) in the trailer, but damn if that film isn't starting to look good. It looks like they're being fully faithful to at least the spirit of Richard Matheson's novel, which may well be the greatest vampire story ever written (if it weren't more like the first ever zombie apocalypse story).

But will they have the guts to do the ending justice? That's the real question. THE LAST MAN ON EARTH didn't quite do it, nor did THE OMEGA MAN, but this time around, they're actually calling it I AM LEGEND, a title that makes absolutely no sense without the actual ending. It's not an easy ending to pull off, not a "Hollywood" one, but one that gives me chills each time I read it. I'll sometimes just go to the last couple pages and read them out loud, just to feel the power of that book, and those last words.

EDIT: This just in: Not only is the ending already unfaithful, but the studio has just last week ordered a reshoot of the ending.

Well fuck me up the goat ass. Thank you, Hollywood.

Folks, if ever I wanted you to read a book before you saw the movie, now is the time. If you have any possible interest in I AM LEGEND, I beseech you, check out Richard Matheson's book first.

As for BLADE RUNNER itself... what an absolutely mesmerizing experience at the Uptown, the biggest non-IMAX screen in DC. I'm hard-pressed to actually describe why it's such a moving and entrancing experience. It's something about the work as a whole.

It's easy to decry the whole thing as hollow, overrated pretentious bullshit, as's resident joyless bastard Devin Faraci does, but even with those legitimate complaints in mind, I still agree with's Jeremy Smith in thinking that--even if the "Final Cut" isn't your preferred version--BLADE RUNNER is an elusive masterpiece.

September 2012

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