thehefner: (Default)
Earlier tonight, I was ready to destroy the world because someone posted a key spoilery screenshot of the Breaking Bad season finale. Seriously, I was ready to spread destruction across the globe in my fury, as I'd been waiting all week and all night for the episode to pop up on SOME site, since I couldn't watch it when it aired due to fatherly duties. So when I saw that screenshot, I was in full-on KILL ALL HUMANS mode. I instantly knew that it was one of those moments that, had I seen it in the episode itself, would have utterly floored me in the way that Breaking Bad has floored me in ways that no one show in recent memory has, and I was furious that such a rare viewing experience was stolen from me.

But having seen the episode, even that jaw-dropping awesomeness was nothing, nothing compared to that last shot. In that instant, all my excitement was tempered with a bone-chilling twist in my gut that I must exorcise.

I know that most people haven't seen Breaking Bad (Best show that no one is watching? Probably), but I NEED to hash out that ending with people. If you haven't seen the show yet, please, for the love of god, don't click the cut-tag, don't read the comments, basically abandon this post entirely and either rent the series or watch it on Netflix Instant.

thehefner: (We Don't Need... Rhodes)
The general consensus on The Walking Dead--the Darabont-helmed AMC show based on the great comics by Robert Kirkman--seems to boil down to two reactions:

1.) People who've read the comic loved the pilot.

2.) People who haven't read the comic thought the pilot felt like pretty much every zombie movie ever.

I definitely fit into the first category. I wasn't thinking, "What's gonna happen next? Oh, so they're hitting the same zombie movie beats we've seen a million times before," because... well, that's what happened in the comic. I was expecting exactly that. What I wasn't expecting was for the show to do it better.

Because look, I love the comic, but like much of Kirkman's work, it takes six or so issues before it finally kicks in and takes off. Kirkman likes to set up ways that feel like going through the motions, so that he can then tear it all down with what the story's really about. Walking Dead, in particular, had a rather standard start that worked at the time because it felt refreshingly back-to-basics and old school in the sudden Fast Zombies boom with the Dawn of the Dead remake and 28 Days Later*. It was so refreshing to see someone doing classic Romero slow zombies again as an ongoing series that I cut Kirkman some slack.

But since then, zombies have over-saturated the market to the point that such an opening episode feels like "classic" and more "cliched." Should Darabont have rewritten Kirkman's opening to make it fresher and more distinct? Only if it could mean the people in Category #2 could be as excited as those of us in Category #1.

The reason I loved it so much was because, even though I knew what the story was going to be, and what was going to happen next, I was awestruck by the storytelling. Darabont understands the essential, oh-so-basic rule that no one seems to frickin' understand: nothing is scarier than silence. Almost any other show/movie (especially modern zombie ones) would fill those spaces with creeeeeeeepy music, and uh oh, it's getting creepier and more suspensful, so you know something's about to happen, whoooaaaa!

No. Fuck that. For true horror, silence is golden. Silence doesn't give you the safety net of clues to tell you what to feel. Silence lets your imagination run wild. When Rick was walking through that hospital, the casual background images of the bullet holes in the walls was all you needed to know. Even when we saw the zombies, there was no music. The horror speaks for itself in this dead world.

BUT... it's only when Rick went back to his house, desperately searched for his wife and son, found nobody, and broke down crying... that's when the dramatic soundtrack swept in. And I just wanted to kiss the air, like a compliment to a fine chef. Because the music was humanity. The music was only for the living, and the feeling. And it was only when the very living sorrow broke through that the silence was itself broken, if only for a moment. Fucking beautiful.

The rest of the show carried on magnificently, I thought. After soundtracks, the second greatest reason why most horror movies suck today is "BOO!" scares. Ughhhh, there's nothing so lazy in horror as the "BOO!" scare. True horror comes from letting your imagination fill in the gaps, as your dread mounts. That's what TWD show did so wonderfully. For now, there were no big action sequences, so Savini Showcase gore effects, just character-focused moments, interaction, and dread.

The pacing just made me extremely happy. Henchgirl (who fell into Category #2) said it felt like a 70's film. For me, I think that's a fantastic thing, and I hope it's maintained throughout the series. I also hope the show does start getting more original and distinct, as the comics themselves have, now that the familiar groundwork has been so expertly laid.

Until then, I hope it rises above the over-saturation of today's market (I think it's Pride and Prejudice and Zombies that really killed the trend) and catches on with more people, especially those from category #2. Because damn it, I want to geek out about this with more people. Especially once Michael Rooker (Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer) joins the cast.

For now, I just have one thing to say to those of you in category #2: if the show is anything like the comic, then don't get too attached to any of the characters. Even the ones you assume are safe. Even the lead. There was a point when I seriously thought Kirkman was going to kill off the entire cast and continue the series focusing on the father-son team of Morgan and Duane. It wouldn't have been surprising.

Man. I hope they bring in the Governor. *shudder*

*In fact, with 28 Days Later evoked, let's look at TWD's opening. Both the comic and the show featured the main character waking up in the hospital, having been in a coma while the zombie outbreak started.

Most people accuse Kirkman (and now the show here) for ripping off 28DL, but what few realize (so few that it's not even mentioned on Wikipedia) is that 28DL itself ripped off a New Zealand film called The Quiet Earth. In it, a man wakes up (in the same full-frontal nude shot that was replicated in 28DL with Cillian Murphy) to discover that everybody else on Earth has vanished.

So, yeah, give ripping off credit where it's due.
thehefner: (Twin Peaks: O HAHAHA)
Now that Devin Faraci's left, the only reason left to visit that site is to read M Morse's retrospectives on every single episode of Twin Peaks. Morse previously analyzed all of Lost in a way that enhanced my enjoyment of the show more than any other critic or blogger, so it's a pleasure to read his insights on Lynch.

Morse does what all best critics do, which is to articulate the artistic experience, which thus lets me look at art a different way. I already loved this show, but Morse's insights are so good (I actually got chills from his review of the episode where Laura's killer was revealed) that they've made me want to revisit the entire series. And of course, I'm trying to draft Henchgirl into watching it with me. Because what's the point if you can't show it to someone who hasn't seen it before, and doesn't know what's waiting for them?

I'm not sure it's clicking with her yet, but anyone remembers those first few episodes might understand why. Even by the game-changing second episode, I'm not quite sure what anybody watching this show for the first time might make of Leland's dance:

Henchgirl's reaction: "So were these two ever able to find work after this show?" I admit, I was a bit thrown by this reaction, while at the same time completely understanding why she'd say that. Looking at this scene, it should feel like overwrought melodramatic crap, the kind of bizarre overacting that would go on a YouTube video compilation alongside Troll 2 clips.

The scene itself veers on unwatchable, but something about it hints that it's unwatchable not because it's bad, but because there's something much more disturbing, raw, and just plain horrifying happening underneath the nervous-laughter-inducing weirdness of The Unstoppable Spinning Leland moaning with every rotation.

Which, of course, immediately gives way to one of the greatest scenes in television history: a seven-minute sequence that I still can't believe was actually aired on primetime TV, much less was embraced by the public at large.

Speaking for the TV viewers of 1991, Henchgirl shouted, "WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH?!" Which, of course, is the appropriate response.

God, I just wanna blaze through the whole show right now. But she's asleep, and didn't I already wanna subject her to Brook's King Lear? Argh! Stupid Wilmington Fringe Festival, why must you be this weekend, when I'll be performing The Road to Nowhere on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday?

Be there. Or I'll catch you with my death-bag.
thehefner: (I'm a pirate! YARR!)
Did anyone ever watch the short-lived SILVER SURFER animated series on Fox Kids in the late 90's? I'm not sure anybody did.

I certainly didn't, and I probably wouldn't have liked it if I had. I was a DC kid, and while I could appreciate even the subpar X-MEN (JEEEEEEEAAAAAAANNNN!!!) and SPIDER-MAN (ugh, so lame, except for a couple awesome Dr. Octopus moments), I couldn't get wrap my head around Marvel's cosmic stuff, certainly not the heady philosophy of classic SURFER.

Credit (some of) Jim Starlin's THANOS, Straczynski's SILVER SURFER: REQUIEM (woobie), and Marvel's whole ANNIHILATION events and books for setting me straight. There's something so wonderfully epic about Marvel's cosmos, something utterly awe-inspiring in ways that even DC's can't reach (even though I prefer DC's, mainly due to GL, naturally). Also, I gained a healthy appreciation for all things Jack Kirby.

As such, I think I'm finally ready to appreciate this:

Geez, it's like a near-perfect intro to all things Marvel cosmic. Galactus! Skrulls! Kree! And eventually, Drax and Thanos! And KIRBY CRACKLES EVERYWHERE!!! It's like a living Kirby comic, right down to the heavy inks on close-up figures!

I've only seen the pilot so far, and it wasn't brilliant, but it was damn intriguing. There's serious potential here for something more moving and deep than the Fox Kids lineup was ready for. I eventually hope to get Henchgirl into Marvel Cosmic stuff, so I'm thinking this might be a great place to start for her. Me, I just wanna see what they do with Thanos. Thaaaaaaanos.
thehefner: (Harrumph)
Let me tell you... going from sobbing my eyes out at LOST to laughing my ass off in BOONDOCKS, all within the space of three minutes? Yeah, I think we can call that emotional whiplash.

An hour later...

ME: (skimming through Twitter, Facebook, and LJ) Unsurprisingly, a lot of people hate the ending of LOST.

MOM: Well, they're pussies, what can I say?

Over the next few days (years?), I look forward to reading the complaints about that finale, giving them my full attention and consideration. For now, I'm gonna continue to think that that ending was almost as perfect as that show could possibly have, against all fears and expectations to the contrary.

I'm betting that some of you are sick and tired of hearing the mere mention of LOST, and I'm just adding to the problem. Frankly, as someone who got into this show very late in the game, having to spent every Thursday (or was it Wednesday?) mornings wading through all the geekgasms and spoilers from people raving about the previous night's episode... yeah, believe me: I feel your pain. I was never a LOST fanatic.

After being disappointed and frustrated too many times by where the characters did or didn't go, I was watching it pretty much purely to see what happened next. I never had the investment that others did, considering that I watched the first five seasons on DVD, without having to wait week to week, season to season, theorizing and geeking out with fans. Not until this season did I finally understand that fun, on what was considered by many to be the worst season ever. Now, I want to find everyone who complained about the Sideways Universe being "pointless," and I just wanna go "FUCK YOUUUUUU."

Maybe it was the Johnny Go martini that I made at the show's start. And/or maybe it was the Dark 'N Stormy I made at the halfway point. Or maybe it's the fact that I'm soft and sappy from being in a relationship with Henchgirl, to the point that--even though she was exhausted and napping upstairs--there were four separate occasions (guess which!) where I wanted to wake her up and kiss her for reasons she wouldn't understand.

With a couple minor exceptions, I feel like this ending made me love the show as a whole in ways I never could before. And unsurprisingly, many of the hardcore fans who DID love it all these years... many of them seem to outright loathe this ending. Or at least, they're left cold. Unsatisfied, perhaps deeply.

Right now, I don't care. I'm still feeling very tender, very sappy, and incredibly grateful that I didn't watch it at a party, or with hardcore LOST fans. I watched it with my Mom, with whom I've followed the entire series. An hour later, we still couldn't talk about it without blubbering. It hit personal notes that I think completely bypassed many other people, and I'm grateful to have shared it with someone else who felt that way, even if we aren't both big fans of the show.

So again, speaking as someone who is *not* a major fan of LOST... I absolutely fucking loved that ending, and I think it was perfect. It proved once and for all that this show is about character over mythology, and no resolution or any unanswered question would have been half so fulfilling and satisfactory for me as what this finale did.

But if you did hate it, I'm genuinely curious: how should it have ended? You don't have to answer it now, as I expect this will be debated for years and years to come.
thehefner: (Al Bundy: Shoot Me)
This theatre festival--the Rogue--feels less like a Fringe and more like college, where folks have their shows and things to do, but spend most of their time hanging out and just having a chill time. It's a really nice change of pace from the hectic non-stop promoting between cramming in three or five shows per day, not to mention the exhausting three-hour-process of pre/during/post-performance itself.

Plus, there's none of the clique mentality that we find on the Canadian Fringe circuit. Which is to say, we're actually kinda the cool kids here. I have friends, I have buzz, and while there was no chance that I'd come away from this festival with anything resembling a profit, I'm having a great fucking time.

And yet, all I want to do tomorrow is spend three hours in a coffeehouse, catching up with the last three weeks' worth of LOST. Because seriously, going fucking insane here. Henchgirl thinks I'm insane for sitting outside in below-freezing temperatures, eating ice cream and leeching off a nearby Qdoba's wi-fi to watch LOST.

But come on, it was the episode with Smokey and Sawyer and the cave and shit. Try and tell me that wasn't worth the hypothermia! Just try it!

... seriously, spoil me, and I will cutchoo. Gesundheit, thank you
thehefner: (Harrumph)
Really? Really?

I finally catch up with LOST to the point that I am able to watch the premiere (more or less on the day it actually aired), for the first time actually being in on the the next-day torrent of jizzy LOST-fan geekgasm dripping off my f-list...

... and nobody is talking about the season premiere?!

Well, okay, *one* person (hi, [ profile] greedyslayer!) But no one else? Really?

To paraphrase "Locke," SONS, I AM DISAPPOINT.
thehefner: (Joker: Spinning in Chair!)
If I could cast someone to play Jonathan Crane, AKA "the Scarecrow," AKA "Squishy" (don't ask), I'm torn between Jeremy Davies or Michael Emerson. Maybe Emerson should be Mr. Freeze instead.

I'd forgotten how much fun it was to get plastered and stay up till six in the morning catching up on a seven-hour marathon of LOST with my mother. We're halfway through Season 5, and will actually be watching Season 6 in first run with everyone else (for once)!

Well, more or less, considering the fact that half of February and all of March will be spent on the road to and from Fresno, CA, where Henchgirl and I will be doing a special 45-minute version of THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES at the Rogue Performance Festival. This trip will be an excuse to revisit my Road Trippin' routes going the other way.

From Tuscaloosa, AL, we'll head to LA via the Southern Pacific route, do Fresno, then Vegas, then Route 66 to Chicago, then either home or Pittsburgh to see Henry Rollins. The purpose is to revisit the places that I'm using in THE ROAD TO NOWHERE, and maybe get a couple better pictures for the show, as well as see the parts I missed the first time around.

By the time we return, we'll have ample ammo for THE ROAD TO NOWHERE's premiere at CapFringe... assuming I get accepted into CapFringe. Or if I get bumped up on the Orlando Fringe waiting list, and have to get the new show ready two months ahead of schedule, that'd be fun. Either way, it's definitely going up at the Indianapolis Fringe.

My point is, (or Hulu, if it's on there) will be my friend as I finally enjoy LOST the proper way. Because damn it, I want to be able to read my f-list without fear of spoilers. Seriously, you guys. Someone always has to blab about who dies, don't they?
thehefner: (Iron Man: Life is Empty w/o GIN)
Anyone else watching the Gabriel Byrne therapist show IN TREATMENT? It's the only show I've ever known to drive me to drink, Dan-Backslide-style. Seriously, I almost can't watch this show while sober. And even then, it hurts.

Because here's the thing: the show is brilliant. Every episode is a showcase of writing and acting* brilliance. Every. Single. Episode. Even the worst ones have moments that hit the writer and/or actor in me and make me sick to my stomach with how goddamned great they are by doing so very little.

And even then, it's not brilliant in a fun or exhilarating way, in the way many call LOST brilliant. This is brilliant in a "claw open your chest, crack open your ribs with a ball peen hammer, and then smear the insides with salt" kind of way. Each of Paul's patients are all deeply fucked-up in their own deeply fucked-up ways, human and complex and often disturbingly recognizable, and Paul himself...

... you know how you can start calling lines before characters even say them? That happens even on LOST. "You just killed everyone on that boat." Who the hell DIDN'T hear Ben's "So?" coming?

But on IN TREATMENT, Paul as therapist never, ever replies in that predictable, human manner, no matter how emotionally compromised he may be at the moment. In some of the most heated bits, when anybody else would be screaming back at these neurotic crazy people--some of whom are directly trying to attack Paul himself--he deflects that back like I imagine any good therapist would with another probing question.

That is, until you get to the episodes where Paul visits HIS psychiatrist (Diane Weist, in a beautifully and subtly manipulative performance) and all the anger and resentment he's been bottling up over the other sessions comes pouring out. And of course, he's as fucked-up as any of them.

Which one can tend to forget when watching the other episodes, where he never talks about himself, doing his job and keeping the focus entirely on the patients. You can almost slip into the mentality that you're watching one-act plays, stand-alone stories, and miss all the many, many little tiny connective tissues about how each subplot affects the others, and how Paul's emotions shape his motivations with how he handles his patients. Layers upon layers, so subtle that repeat viewings might be necessary, but I dunno if I could handle that. I guess it all depends on how the final episodes of this season go, which I have yet to watch.

Good lord, and I haven't even seen Season One yet.

IN TREATMENT. So good it kills your soul a little bit five times a week. BYOB.

*Besides Byrne and Weist, you have heart-stopping performances by Hope Davis (who plays the most some of the most engagingly off-putting characters out there), Allison Pill (one of those "holy crap, she's just a bit younger than me and she can act like that? Kill me now" actors), and John Mahoney (god, Frasier's Dad has gotten old).

I've never thought, "Man, what I would give to be on this show" before for any other series, but to have the opportunity to work with that kind of material, in that setting, to be pushed to performances like those... I would seriously eat a puppy for a shot at getting cast in IN TREATMENT.

Seriously. A whole puppy. It's Gabriel Byrne, ladies, don't tell me you wouldn't do the same for that reason alone.
thehefner: (Watchmen Babies: V For Vacation)
The producer of WATCHMEN speaks openly on the current legal battle.

Frank, insightful, inspiring, and infuriating. Now, more than ever, I feel there is no finer response to this debacle than this.

Coincidentally, I've discovered that there are several fans out there who think that WATCHMEN won't be better than THE DARK KNIGHT. While I agree that may be the case, it depresses me because it should be better.

I don't think WATCHMEN will be perfect, and I'm sure I'll have criticisms just like I performed several autopsies on TDK. But if I have any serious hopes here, it's that WATCHMEN will raise the bar above and beyond how TDK already did. Because that's exactly what frickin' WATCHMEN did and should do.

And in other superhero media news, holy crap, SMALLVILLE is getting a ninth season?

To quote "OK, think about this for a moment: nine seasons of Smallville. That's longer than any Star Trek series by two years. That's going neck and neck with X-Files, which itself should have ended two years before it did. That's approaching the current genre record holder, Stargate: SG-1, and that show had to retool itself bigtime after Season 8."

Did anyone see the Legion of Superheroes episode? Geoff Johns wrote it, right? Certainly gives me hope. Heck, that alone might actually interest me to finally catch up where I left off around the Zod episode, and I subsequently avoided the rest because of things like sexy Mr. Mxyzptlk and dialogue like in the Bizarro episode, "I'm like you, only... bizarre."

I say it's time to don the tights. Let's see some actual Superman versus Lex action in the final episodes.
thehefner: (Al Bundy: Shoot Me)
Am back. I have a veritable assload to post about, which I'll get to over the next couple of days. First, though, I will say that you guys who were worried that I was getting sickly-thin can worry no more, for I have finally consumed White Castle. Daily. For four days.

In the meantime... well, just watch this video wherein Ron Howard takes off his shirt, puts on wigs, and reunites with Griffith and Winkler in character. For Obama.

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die
thehefner: (Darkplace: One-Track Lover)

I feel dirty for how much I loved that episode (that subplot, anyway). But my shame is overshadowed by the *headdesking* I've been doing since discovering just how many people didn't know it was a real song. Like Seth McFarlane made that it up or something. I understand Weird Al Yankovic has that song first on his playlist, that he supposedly notices something new every time he listens to it. That thought pleases me.

Going to NYC, will be back Monday. I probably won't have internet till then, barring an internet cafe or something, so it'll be a few days before I hear all of you thanking me for getting this goddamn song stuck in your head. Like Peter did, I've since made my mother's life a living hell.

If I'm really sadistic AND masochistic, I may try to perform this at karaoke next week. Because there will be karaoke next week. It might be my last week in DC for the next few months.

See you on Monday, folks!
thehefner: (Applause)
So. I haven't finished OZ yet. My rented disc 3 of Season 4 was defective, so I just got derailed entirely.

As such, I was not aware of this. This, which is now one of my favorite things ever )the top 100, anyway. One day, when I'm really looking to be distracted from writing, I'll probably compile a list).

I died when I saw that. Then I showed it to Mom, and then she died. Then we watched it again and we died all over again. It's the "Look it's tiiiiiime..." that does it. Good lord, that's magnificent. The Itchy and Scratchy of Oz get their own musical number.

Apparently the whole episode has numbers like this, which a quick search on YouTube confirmed. Father Makuda (B.D. Wong) doing Tori Amos' "Leather" and Sister Peter Marie (Rita Moreno) singing "Days Like These"? Methinks it's time to throw OZ back on the Netflix queue while I wait for LOST season 4 to hit DVD.

Now if only we can get a duet of "Puttin' on the Ritz" between Simon Adebisi and his magical little hat.

title or description

I can just see it now.

ADEBISI: If you're blue and you don't know
where to go to why don't you go
where fashion sits...


ADEBISI: *stabs you with a shiv*

Beat that, Taco.
thehefner: (Charlie: Shun the non believer!)
Look, the only way LOST could possibly live up to its hype at this point would be to produce an epic story with the literary scope of THERE WILL BE BLOOD, WATCHMEN, and Kurosawa's RAN combined, while at the same time somehow getting DC Comics to publish my Harvey Dent novel, and finally providing me with steak and a blowjob. That's what LOST would have to do to break through three-plus years of solid browncoating.*

Like many mysteries, I can't help but wonder if all the smoke and mirrors and twists and questions aren't just enthralling, brain-numbing distractions from what might really be hollow and dumb. Maybe I'm just a bitter old X-FILES fan, but I've been burned before, and won't be able to make a judgment call anytime soon. Probably not until the show's finally finished. For now, what I do know is that I currently don't care about half the characters, and I outright dislike a quarter of the rest.

Yet I'm still engaged like heck. Mom and I have been up till 5am every night blazing through the DVDs over the past week. It reminds me of HEROES,** only with an actual sense of humor and irony, which very much helps take the piss out of even the most over-the-top dramatic stuff.***

So yeah, I'm enjoying LOST quite a bit. Still, I demand steak and a blowjob, stat.

*Sorry, Sabine, there comes a time when simply no other word will do.

**And just as I finally catch up with one fan-jizz-spraying show, another one emerges! I can never win. And there's no way in hell I'm gonna slog through HEROES Season Two; on all accounts, it didn't even have that "enjoyably awful" style of the first, and fuck it, I've got LOST, THE WIRE, THE SHIELD, DEXTER, and BATTLESTAR GALACTACA to watch.

***I kind of love the "big dramatic twist" music they play a couple times in every episode of LOST. You know the kind, the one that comes right before the commercial break after some big twist: "wwwwwrrrrrRRROOOOOWWWWWWW!!!"
thehefner: (Al Bundy: Shoot Me)
Okay, so that minor surgery turned out to be less minor. Or at least more than I was expecting. In the grand hope of repairing my deviated septum and being able to do little things like breathe and taste food normally for the first time in years, I must spent a period of time feeling like oh holy crap.

I'm better than I was post-op, for those first five or so hours... but yeah, perhaps to sweeten the joy of smells and tastes that await me, I must spend the next few days as a mouth-breather. Unable to breathe through--much much less blow--my nose. I've got a splint in there now, so I just gotta let the magic work as I train myself to inhale and exhale through my mouth, and change the gauze strapped under my nose every hour or two. I know it's time to change when I start looking like a bloody Hitler.

To pass the time, I tried to watch BAD LIEUTENANT on Comcast On Demand, then gave up when I realized that it had to be the R-rated version. I've never seen it before, but for a movie with that rep, what's the point if you don't see it right? I demand depravity! I demand my Harvey Kietel wang!

I then attempted to watch THE PRISONER box set, but once I realized I was conking out just the the weird bubble thing finally appeared, I knew it would have to wait. Maybe I'll give it another go tonight, or else go straight to LOST Season One.
thehefner: (Blind Date with Destiny)
Hot damn, Robert McKee (legendary storytelling guru, author of STORY, and featured living subplot for Charlie Kaufman's ADAPTATION) is bringing his intense three-day seminar to NYC this October!

Once I make sure I have enough money in the bank account, I think this is a moral educational imperative. Plus, it'll help me feel less guilty about skipping Studio's "Character and Emotion" class for the third semester in a row. I notice Roma hasn't called to bug me about it. Maybe they've given up on me?

After roughly three years of only being able to breathe completely out of one nostril at any given time, I'm finally getting my deviated septum surgicized. I would have done it much sooner because, y'know, I like breathing and all, but they've said it'd take me a week to recover after surgery, and up till now, I haven't had a week to spare.

So assuming all goes well (all this paperwork and documentation, it's worse than the DMV) I dare say I'm already prepared for the coming week. Mainly, time to catch up on TV. I have the complete series of THE PRISONER, LOST seasons 1 and 2, and SOPRANOS seasons 1 and 2. As if that might not be enough (and, well, I am always a bit hesitant to catch up to almost-certainly-overhyped material) I'm tempted to Netflix DEXTER, or maybe BSG, or maybe even JEKYLL.
thehefner: (SEXLEXIA)
I've said before--in all seriousness--that I used to love SEX AND THE CITY until I got to around the third season and finally realized that it wasn't meant to be a satire. Well, I've come up with an addendum with the following epiphany/theory:

SEX AND THE CITY is a Bret Easton Ellis story if you just replace cocaine with shoes.

I'm thinking of putting that line in THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES: HOW HEFNERIAN, but I've already been warned about my use of esoteric/geek references losing my audience. If only I had Dennis Miller in my audience, he'd laugh.
thehefner: (Titus Andronicus: I made you eat!)
Heads up, fans of Hamlet and/or metal.

For those who don't watch METALOCALYPSE, there's an episode where Nathan Explosion, lead singer of the metal band (and twelfth largest economy in the world) Dethklok records the Complete Works of William Shakespeare. His aim to make Shakespeare metal.

In the actual episode, we didn't see too much of the actual performance. However--and I am very peeved that no one has told me about this--in the DVD, this here video is a special feature.

Online Videos by

(Erm, just ignore this link, the video above is all I'm posting here)

Holy. Bejabbers. I'm dying here.

I haven't had the time to watch the whole thing yet, but that easily joins the ranks of Arnold Schwarzenegger's HAMLET:

And, of course, the still-brillaint South Park (Canadian) HAMLET:

thehefner: (Twin Peaks: O HAHAHA)
So Mom and I just finished the first season of HEROES. God, what a gloriously, magnificently horrible show.

This show has almost zero sense of irony. Everything is so serious and earnest, that when bad actors spout lines like the following, with dead-serious Oscar-baiting brooding intensity:

"Yes, as long as I let this city become a nuclear wasteland." (stands up, turns, and looks out the window) And let my brother explode."

Look, every single time someone said "explode" with a straight face, it was comedy gold. It's hard to imagine Daniel Day-Lewis making that writing work, and they're saddling dialogue like that on that cast... but that single line, complete with the dramatic pause and the cliched "turn and look out the window"... Mom and I were hyperventilating with laughter.

Seriously, this shit was straight out of GARTH MARENGHI'S DARKPLACE*: "I have never exploded. But I know what it would be like. Don't ask me how. I just know. I've always just known." "Now I don't know whether someone close to Garth had exploded - whether it was a colleague or a pet - but you could tell that scene meant a lot to him. There were tears on set. Not from Garth. He was strong for the crew. But I wept. I'm not ashamed of that." observed that great bad b-movies just don't exist anymore, because all b-movies know that they're B-movies, so try as they might, the tongue is always in cheek. But HEROES takes itself so utterly seriously that it's completely oblivious to how terribly written and acted it so often is, and combined with the actual quality elements of the show, the result is something that's magnificently compelling and entertaining.

I'm afraid to watch season two, though, as I understand it goes from "wonderfully bad" to "just plain bad." I think I'd be better off finally watching DEADWOOD, LOST, and BATTLESTAR GALACTACA.

*God, how I love DARKPLACE. Why are there only six episodes?! WHY? As Ridgaway put it, "Hefner, I cannot believe you haven't made this show already."

September 2012

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