One minute you're a looker that looked, and the next you're a hooker that's hooked!

THE RETURN OF CAPTAIN INVINCIBLE is one of the weirdest goddamn films I have ever seen. And I've seen THE NINTH CONFIGURATION.



Several times throughout the viewing, I wondered if I'd fallen into a codeine-induced slumber. Only that could explain the bizarre mishmash of superhero parody, superhero satire, legitimate post-modern superhero movie, Australian (with bad American accents) comedy fantasy musical with corny jokes and cornier special effects.

And as I feared, the rest of the movie doesn't quite match up to the still-brilliant
"Name Your Poison" musical number where Christopher Lee tempts recovering alcoholic superhero Alan Arkin with booze. For the love of god, is there anything in that previous sentence that isn't break-breakingly awesome?

See, that's the thing: I can't quite tell how self-aware this film is, and that's part of the charm. Indeed, it's a bizarrely charming film for how it's clearly meant to be tongue in cheek, yet there are moments throughout where the tongue slips out and settles into a decidedly earnest palate (I'm like fucking Fred Astaire with my metaphors here!).

It's an weirdly uneven film, and yet by the time we get to Richard O'Brien's theme for Captain Invincible, I found myself grinning from ear to ear, or at least as much as I could in my codeine stupor.

I need to own this film, but the Netflix DVD I got was only technically widescreen, in that it was obviously cropped from a standard format cut, thus making it not only but a portion of the film but also even grainier (my widescreen high-def screen doesn't help). Dare I take the risk and purchase the DVD 3-pack, which also includes the director's two other masterpieces, the Christopher Walken probe-fest COMMUNION and the surely-classic THE HOWLING III: THE MARSUPIALS? Even if it's cropped to shit, I don't suppose it's worth holding out hope for a remastered special edition DVD one of these days, right?

This film is one of those little tragedies: a perfect cult film sorely lacking a following. But at least it's one of Terry Pratchett's favorite films, so that's something, eh?

In the meantime, I at least have clips online such as this utterly smexy and badass (in its way) musical number, "Evil Mister Midnight," showcasing the delightful awesomeness of Alan Arkin in tights and Christopher Lee singing about EVIL while surrounded by sexy dancers surely fresh off the alternate-universe set of Bob Fosse's ROCKY HORROR SHOW. If you can't find something to like in that clip, then god help you.

The trick is, you call it for 'em.

When I discovered that these existed, I was going to post it here and simply say, "WANT. WANT TWO." But I just went ahead and bought a pair, which finally arrived yesterday. As you can imagine, they made me a happy panda indeed.

Really, I would have bought a two-headed silver dollar years ago, except that no novelty coin makers ever produced two-headed silver dollars older than the Susan B. Anthony dollar. And sure, there have been stories with Harvey's coin being gold, but come on, he does not use Sacajawea dollars. I had thought finding a two-headed Morgan Silver Dollar would have been the way to go, but imagine my delight to discover that the coin used in THE DARK KNIGHT was a real coin: the Peace dollar! For shame, Heffie, not knowing your obscure obsolete currency well enough!

It's bloody perfect, as legit as you could possibly get, especially as it's not even pre-scarred. No longer will I have to live with the guilty pleasure of using the aluminum coin that came with the BATMAN FOREVER Two-Face action figure. That said, the size and weight of the Peace Dollar (replica) takes some getting used to. No wonder these were discontinued; you could use 'em as drink coasters! Yet I must say, the weight increases the chances of a solid catch with each flip, landing heavy in my palm with an authoritative fwap!

So now the question is simply how I'll go about scarring one of the coins (I'm keeping one untouched, as a physical reminder of the fucked-up game Harvey's father would play). I'm loathe to rush into such a task, so maybe I'll just wait until inspiration hits. Well, either that or the acid. What can I say, I'm determined to finally win first prize at the Project: Rooftop costume contest.

Which reminds me, I'm pulling together a snazztastic Riddler costume for this year. More on that later.