Doom Pays Reed Richards a Visit

[thehefner]

Greetings, Richards! Now, now, Richards, lower your Ultimate Nullifer, there's no need for all that. Doom is not here to do battle... *this* week. We never just talk, you and Doom. So... how is your accursed, idiotic family? HA! PSYCHE! DOOM CARES NOT!

What is Doom doing here at the Baxter Building, you ask? Oh, well, Doom was in the neighborhood, on his way to the Latverian embassy to smite a few human rights protesters... when Doom realized there's something he wanted to ask you! Not that there's anything you might know that DOOM does not know even better!

You see, Doom just saw a little movie called THE INCREDIBLES. Perhaps you have heard of it? Doom found it *very* interesting... a family of superheroes wearing the same costume scheme with a variety of powers... super strength, invisibility, stretching... why, the young child even busts into flames! How fascinating, don't you agree, Richards? In fact, the girl doesn't just turn invisible, goodness no. She can even create force bubbles! Now who would ever have thought to associate invisibility powers with the ability to create force bubbles? Doom cannot imagine from whence they got that idea!

So Doom was just curious, Richards... what do you think is sadder? The fact that the film shamelessly rips off you and your pathetic family, thus searing the beloved Incredibles into the public consciousness of an entire generation, leaving *you* a sad relic of a bygone era, remembered only by smelly losers who still live in their parents' basements?

Or... the fact that THE INCREDIBLES is a pretty well perfect Fantastic Four movie? Granted, Doom cannot abide your weakling dedication, narcissistic "heroics" and saccharine family dynamics... but Doom must admit, Pixar pretty well nailed the pure spirit of everything that makes you and your simpering cadre special, did they not?

After all, when one thinks about it, who really knows who Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Johnny Storm, and Benjamin Grimm are? Naught but a handful of aging social outcasts, fading from memory while the current generation dedicates their lives to GRAND THEFT AUTO.

Meanwhile, THE INCREDIBLES is a gigantic mainstream hit, a modern classic beloved by children and adults alike! So how does it feel, Richards? How does it feel to know that for generations to come, when your average person will look at a family of superheroes with your powers, they will think of Mr. Incredible, not Mr. Fantastic?

HA! That is all Doom was wondering, "Coach." Oops, Doom means, "Reed." HA! This day, as it always is in the grand scheme, Doom is... triumphant! Farewell, you stupid, stretchy bastard!

Ahh, what a beautiful day. It is good to be Doom. Doom thinks he shall stroll through the park on the way to the embassy. Now, Doom shall... hey! Hey, you kids! No, go away, leave Doom alone! Away! Yes, yes, Doom has very shiny armor, now you ...what? What's that? Is Doom *who*? No, Doom most assuredly is NOT! You DARE to question Doom's identity? Know you not DOOM?! DOOM IS DOOM! ALL KNOW DOOM! NOW BEGONE, OR DOOM SHALL UNLEASH THE POWER COSMIC UPON YOU INSOLENT WHELPS!!!

Bah! Foolish children. Who is this "Darth Vader" and why does every other person mistake Doom for him?





"HA! That is all Doom was wondering, "Coach"... oops, Doom means, "Reed." Doom shall take his leave n... what? Er, no, Richards, Doom has never watched CHARMED, whatever that is. Oh wait, is this the show with that shrill bitch with the one eye that's higher than the other? Why should Doom care about that? Oh, you say you shall happily lend me the DVDs, do you? HA! Do you really think Doom will fall for such a ploy as... ooh, Alyssa Milano and Rose McGowan are in it? Ooh. Doom's armor is getting tighter... Very well, Richards! Doom has decided to, um... SEIZE your beloved CHARMED DVDs for himself!"

***

I wanted to see if I could have Reed triumph by showing Doom the show that starred the man who would eventually play him, as well as the abysmal FF movie. For a number of reasons, I abandoned that idea and just let Reed enjoy the silent victory of knowing that even Doom influenced a character who will be remembered by more people than the original inspiration.

Still, rather than trash it entirely, I included this little bit here. Mainly because I have a soft spot for Shannon Doherty jokes.

Comments

[heykidzcomix.livejournal.com]

I'm kind of disappointed that the Venture Bros. never really had a good Doom. There was the Baron, but he was Rusty's nemesis, not Dr. Impossible's. Also he was kind of lame, unlike Doom, who is ünlame.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but on the other hand, can we really imagine a villain going after the Brothers who isn't inept? I mean, the Baron was a pretty clear Doom parody ("How long as it been since... COLLEGE?!"). I mean, the only what that'd happen is if David Bowie tried to kill the Ventures, and honestly, I don't think Bowie has it in him.

It reminds me, there's a picture of Doom in the current 1602 mini-series that just screams to be iconed "Say hello to goodbye, Richards!"

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

i thought you lived upstairs at your mom's place, Heffie.

[heykidzcomix.livejournal.com]

BOWIE LOVE VENTURES

What I meant was a good, competent nemesis for Dr. I, not Dr. V. Dr. I's better than Dr. V in every other way, so why not have a real bastardly faux-Doom? Just saying.

[tompurdue.livejournal.com]

Why, everybody knows who darth vader is:

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Response a.) Yes, that was the joke. Thanks for playing!

Response b.) But it's not a basement, is it?

Response c.) Shaddup, artard.

Response d.) SILENCE, FOOL, OR DOOM SHALL BANISH YOU TO THE MESOZOIC ERA!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Maybe because Dr. Impossible actually IS very much the cold, ruthless bastard Doom thinks Richards is. I could imagine Dr. Impossible actually having sabotaged the college experiment, ruining his "Doom's" life, giving him a lobotomy, and giving him to Ned as a plaything.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

i'm really bored at work.

go to my latest post and comment on funny stuff.

then write some more stuff on yours so i can refresh lj and read it.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

That never fails to instill in me a double-feeling of disturbed horror and giddy delight.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I'd love to, but I gotta head out to get some snacks for a friend coming over tonight. Sorry, pally. Later, I promise!

If you're still bored, seriously, you have GOT to check this out:

http://www.nicklogic.com/boygenius/index.php?date=2005-08-19

That's as good a starting point as any. Or start from the first one. Definitely read a large handful... it's surprisingly wonderful!

[kosher-jenny.livejournal.com]

What's the saying? Oh, yes: I lol'd. I lol'd hard.

Of course, this is the part where I admit that I have watched Charmed just for Julian McMahon, but have not yet seen the Fantastic Four movie. >_> I have severe Jessica Alba aversion problem. Plus rubber suit Thing. I heard the actor playing Johnny was good though, so I'll probably rent it sometime.

I wonder, does DOOM celebrate Christmas? Will Victor be having another year of sipping eggnog by the fireplace, all by his lonesome?

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

Wait, what?

your confusion amuses me

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Hmm, it occurs to me, you might not have been my LJ friend long enough to remember my period where I dealt with my post-breakup recovery by pretending I was Dr. Doom most hours of the day. This resulted in two of my very favorite entries:

http://cats-n-crying.livejournal.com/201331.html

and the sequel

http://cats-n-crying.livejournal.com/203554.html

What I just wrote today was my first DOOM entry since then. It honestly just started with me making the observation of how The Incredibles was a better FF movie than the actual FF movie... and somehow, it became a Doom rant. It seemed only natural that Doom would gloat about that. Thus, it's a bitterly funny rant to me.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Oh. Wait, sorry, reading just my LJ recent comments page, I didn't realize you were referring to just this Darth picture. I thought you meant my entry in general!

Well... just in case, check out my earlier Doom entries. I think you will be pleasantly amused!

[deliapuppeh.livejournal.com]

Couple things:

Incredibles was mostly inspired by the sentiment of "what do superheros do when they're not fighting crime? Kick Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne aside, they don't count. We want to know what a family would do." So they brought it, but yes there probably are influences from Fantastic Four, but then again the superhero family is a rather generic sentiment now.

Darth Vader was mostly based off of samurai costumes, but there were some Doom things as well.

Sheesh, I hate it when people say "This is based solely off of this!" and I say, "Silly people, you cannot base anything with a fish! It is too slippery!"

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

But have you ever read the original FF? Or classic Marvel in general? That very question you ask about what superheroes do when they're not fighting crime? Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, and company invented that back in the 1960's! That's what Marvel was all about! And ESPECIALLY, it was started with the Fantastic Four, the first true idea of a superhero family!

Please, please read classic Marvel, like the "Essential" volumes, which are budget reprints of those stories. I loved the Incredibles, but that idea was done way, way long ago! And in some ways, even better! Incredibles just condensed it into a simplified version over two hours.

More than once I saw people make Darth Vader jokes when they showed images of Doom in the movie. Doom existed at least fifteen years before Darth and is one of the single most influential and innovative supervillian designs of all time. You can understand how this might frustrate me, samurai influences or no.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I haven't seen the FF movie, really entirely due to Alba. Sue Storm is a total Naomi Watts type, not the stripper from SIN CITY (she was very weak in that role too... Nancy is a more haunted girl with serious issues but deep strength... Alba played her like an airhead teenager who hangs out at the mall).

I heard Johnny was great too, as well as The Thing, costume aside. They reportedly nailed those two.

I can't imagine Doom doing anything else! I mean, he might sit in on carolers singing at gunpoint, but at the end of the day, it's just him, a straw to drink the eggnog through his mask, and just maybe a quiet memory of his mother (if she celebrated Christmas at all... she was a gypsy witch who sold her soul to Mephisto for power, after all).

And thanks for LOLing. It means a lot to know someone else is actually amused by my antics besides me.

[gnort.livejournal.com]

Aye the FF were indeed the first comic book family. The Incredibles borrowed elements from all sorts of comics though, FF is the obvious one (look at the powers alone) but there were X-Men and Watchmen nods as well, or maybe that was just me.
I'm certain you've played Ultimate Alliance by now but be sure to beat it. They have soundbytes playing over the credits of the "characters" in the recording booth, hiiilarious. One of the many many highlights is Reed Richards pronouncing it "nucular"

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

No, I definitely caught the Watchmen bits too.

I actually haven't played Ult. Alliance, JL Powers, or Superman Returns. Even if I had the time to play them, I can't afford them! I *want* to play them! Bah.

[kosher-jenny.livejournal.com]

Ooh, Naomi Watts I could see as Sue. I made the mistake of reading an interview with Alba once and...well I don't even think she could spell the word invisible by herself, even if you handed her a dictionary. It was pretty depressing. Michael Chiklis I would have cast as Ben myself, but good lord that costume. The Thing costume in the 90's FF movie looked better! Julian McMahon I can't see as being a good Doom though. Not because he's a bad actor, but because he as a very soft voice. DOOM needs to have an actor able to do a deep, booming voice, y'know? McMahon I can see being a villain like Sebastian Shaw or something.

it's just him, a straw to drink the eggnog through his mask,

I...I must draw this. Curse the fact that I'm supposed to be writing a paper right now!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

well I don't even think she could spell the word invisible by herself, even if you handed her a dictionary awww, harsh! But true.

Yeah, the caramel corn Thing does kinda look better, isn't that sad? The redesigns for FF 2 look better, anyway.

Yeah, I love NIP/TUCK, but no, his voice and manner just isn't right for DOOM. But dear lord, now you make me absolutely long to see him as Sebastian Shaw! Ohh, that would be beautiful!

Hee hee. I look forward to seeing it. Y'know, when you finish your paper!

Say, ya ever check out my Joker rantings? I'd still like to know what you'd make of 'em!