they call me, "the nerdy guy"
Apr. 4th, 2007 01:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thehefnerThis is sorta a Hefner Monologue, but I've decided to put the actual story behind a cut-text, leaving skimmers free to just skim right ahead to the anecdotal punchline.
My boss, Peter, said, "I have something to tell you. You're not gonna like it, but I find it so funny, I'm gonna tell you anyway. So I've been talking with several customers about you recently..."
And I thought, aw man, people aren't complaining about me, are they? I know I've been snarky and judgmental in the past, but I've really tried to be better, even if the people are total idiots...!
Because yes, there definitely are times when I feel like a person frequenting my store is a total moron. There was even a time when, occasionally, I really didn't bother masking my feelings too much. But I've honestly tried to be better, knowing that, at any given occasion, someone could be looking down at *me.*
Peter once said, "I can never understand it, John. You're an actor! You should be able to bullshit being nice to the jerk and idiot customers! Look at me! People think I'm a nice and helpful guy!"
And I'm like, "Yes, Peter, that's because you're the Antichrist, while I am a walking open wound."
Peter was born a bitter asshole, and growing up as the only boy among four sisters only made him worse. But me, even though I wore my heart all over my body like a foam Disneyland character costume, I was determined not to become the Comic Book Guy.
Like, I had this one customer come into the store a few weeks back. Right from the start, I pegged him as Vin Diesel's brain-damaged frat boy brother, and my initial response to his slack-jawed guffawing was only intensified when he gravitated straight for BATMAN: HUSH RETURNS. Bad enough that the original HUSH was the comic book equivalent of the most utterly vapid, cliched Hollywood schlock (not surprising, as it was written by the guy who did COMMANDO and Howie Long's FIRESTORM), but HUSH RETURNS was even worse, a middling, painfully mediocre cash-in just waiting for a sucker.
But I caught myself before I went any further. I thought, Ok, stop it, you have no right to pass judgment on this guy. What he wants to read is his choice, even if YOU don't think it's worthwhile. If he likes it, why should you care? To which the voice of Peter chimed in, And if he's buying a lot, who gives a shit? Suck 'im dry!
Because it's not just bad for the store when people don't buy comics. It's bad for the industry, period. We want people to buy comics, even bad comics. That was why I never actively discouraged customers from buying something, but made the conscious effort to steer them towards the actual good stuff in the store. Because I don't want to just promote comics, I want to promote quality! Er, within my own totally subjective opinions, of course, but I am comforted in the knowledge that most people love my recommendations.
So taking on a mindset of belligerent philanthropy, I thought, Ok, when he comes up to buy HUSH RETURNS, I'll make a few suggestions for things he might also like, things that he could get for the same price as that book, but are far better. Which I was just about to do, when he asked me:
"Hey, do you have the latest issue of 'UNI-SIN-KNEE' X-MEN?" That was best as I can approximate how he pronounced it.
I said, "Wait, what?"
"'UNI-SIN-KNEE' X-MEN?"
"You... uh, you mean ULTIMATE X-MEN?"
"No, no, 'UNI-SIN-KNEE' X-MEN!"
"... you... you mean UNCANNY X-MEN?"
"Aw, is that how it's pronounced! Huh huh!"
"I... I... yeah. You can... find it in the back."
"Great, awesome!"
"... enjoy BATMAN: HUSH RETURNS, sir."
So you see, if I could hold my own during that, I figured I was definitely improving. Which was why I was so concerned when Peter came in yesterday, saying, "I have something to tell you. You're not gonna like it, but I find it so funny, I'm gonna tell you anyway. So I've been talking with several customers about you recently..."
"Yeah...?"
"... and it seems like every time someone talks about you, they always describe you as 'that nerdy guy.' Like, they're asking about one of the workers here, and I'd say, 'You mean Mark, the big guy who works Sundays?' and they're like, 'nah, I mean the nerdy guy.' 'Oh, John.' 'Yeah, that's him!'"
Yes. To an undisclosed number of customers at Big Planet Comics in Georgetown, I am known as "the nerdy guy."
And it's affectionate enough, I'm sure. Because by and large, the customers really like me and love the recommendations I make. And I can't say I'm entirely surprised, since I know I have a passion for the material, matched by a pretty rich knowledge of most stuff in the store. Plus, some have found me rather "intense."
But still. "The Nerdy Guy?"
Peter, who is the J. Jonah Jameson to my Peter Parker, the Dr. Cox to my J.D.*, had a good long laugh at that one. For a day now, I've been shifting back and forth between good natured, self-deprecating humor and SCRUBS-ian (or just plain Hefnerian) neurosis over this.
Because the thing that really bites me about all this, though? The thing that I just can't get my brain around?
It's the fact that comic geeks are calling me... "The Nerdy Guy."
...
Just something else to go into a HEFNER MONOLOGUES book someday.
*except less actually intelligent and knowledgeable than Perry, although his relationship to his girlfriend is freakishly similar to Cox and Jordan's.
My boss, Peter, said, "I have something to tell you. You're not gonna like it, but I find it so funny, I'm gonna tell you anyway. So I've been talking with several customers about you recently..."
And I thought, aw man, people aren't complaining about me, are they? I know I've been snarky and judgmental in the past, but I've really tried to be better, even if the people are total idiots...!
Because yes, there definitely are times when I feel like a person frequenting my store is a total moron. There was even a time when, occasionally, I really didn't bother masking my feelings too much. But I've honestly tried to be better, knowing that, at any given occasion, someone could be looking down at *me.*
Peter once said, "I can never understand it, John. You're an actor! You should be able to bullshit being nice to the jerk and idiot customers! Look at me! People think I'm a nice and helpful guy!"
And I'm like, "Yes, Peter, that's because you're the Antichrist, while I am a walking open wound."
Peter was born a bitter asshole, and growing up as the only boy among four sisters only made him worse. But me, even though I wore my heart all over my body like a foam Disneyland character costume, I was determined not to become the Comic Book Guy.
Like, I had this one customer come into the store a few weeks back. Right from the start, I pegged him as Vin Diesel's brain-damaged frat boy brother, and my initial response to his slack-jawed guffawing was only intensified when he gravitated straight for BATMAN: HUSH RETURNS. Bad enough that the original HUSH was the comic book equivalent of the most utterly vapid, cliched Hollywood schlock (not surprising, as it was written by the guy who did COMMANDO and Howie Long's FIRESTORM), but HUSH RETURNS was even worse, a middling, painfully mediocre cash-in just waiting for a sucker.
But I caught myself before I went any further. I thought, Ok, stop it, you have no right to pass judgment on this guy. What he wants to read is his choice, even if YOU don't think it's worthwhile. If he likes it, why should you care? To which the voice of Peter chimed in, And if he's buying a lot, who gives a shit? Suck 'im dry!
Because it's not just bad for the store when people don't buy comics. It's bad for the industry, period. We want people to buy comics, even bad comics. That was why I never actively discouraged customers from buying something, but made the conscious effort to steer them towards the actual good stuff in the store. Because I don't want to just promote comics, I want to promote quality! Er, within my own totally subjective opinions, of course, but I am comforted in the knowledge that most people love my recommendations.
So taking on a mindset of belligerent philanthropy, I thought, Ok, when he comes up to buy HUSH RETURNS, I'll make a few suggestions for things he might also like, things that he could get for the same price as that book, but are far better. Which I was just about to do, when he asked me:
"Hey, do you have the latest issue of 'UNI-SIN-KNEE' X-MEN?" That was best as I can approximate how he pronounced it.
I said, "Wait, what?"
"'UNI-SIN-KNEE' X-MEN?"
"You... uh, you mean ULTIMATE X-MEN?"
"No, no, 'UNI-SIN-KNEE' X-MEN!"
"... you... you mean UNCANNY X-MEN?"
"Aw, is that how it's pronounced! Huh huh!"
"I... I... yeah. You can... find it in the back."
"Great, awesome!"
"... enjoy BATMAN: HUSH RETURNS, sir."
So you see, if I could hold my own during that, I figured I was definitely improving. Which was why I was so concerned when Peter came in yesterday, saying, "I have something to tell you. You're not gonna like it, but I find it so funny, I'm gonna tell you anyway. So I've been talking with several customers about you recently..."
"Yeah...?"
"... and it seems like every time someone talks about you, they always describe you as 'that nerdy guy.' Like, they're asking about one of the workers here, and I'd say, 'You mean Mark, the big guy who works Sundays?' and they're like, 'nah, I mean the nerdy guy.' 'Oh, John.' 'Yeah, that's him!'"
Yes. To an undisclosed number of customers at Big Planet Comics in Georgetown, I am known as "the nerdy guy."
And it's affectionate enough, I'm sure. Because by and large, the customers really like me and love the recommendations I make. And I can't say I'm entirely surprised, since I know I have a passion for the material, matched by a pretty rich knowledge of most stuff in the store. Plus, some have found me rather "intense."
But still. "The Nerdy Guy?"
Peter, who is the J. Jonah Jameson to my Peter Parker, the Dr. Cox to my J.D.*, had a good long laugh at that one. For a day now, I've been shifting back and forth between good natured, self-deprecating humor and SCRUBS-ian (or just plain Hefnerian) neurosis over this.
Because the thing that really bites me about all this, though? The thing that I just can't get my brain around?
It's the fact that comic geeks are calling me... "The Nerdy Guy."
...
Just something else to go into a HEFNER MONOLOGUES book someday.
*except less actually intelligent and knowledgeable than Perry, although his relationship to his girlfriend is freakishly similar to Cox and Jordan's.
