RAMBO non-review

[thehefner]

spacechild and I went to see RAMBO last night.

Now, I should say that, having now seen all the RAMBO films for the first time within weeks of one another, the experience pales to the genuine (and very meta) tour de force that was watching the entire ROCKY saga in one week. Maybe I should re-edit that essay, flesh it out, and submit it to cracked.com or someplace. Because I genuinely, absolutely believe the whole of the ROCKY saga rivals LORD OF THE RINGS and surpasses THE GODFATHER and STAR WARS are a rich and complete multi-film epic.

The RAMBO films are not about such depth, save in the sense that RAMBO represents to absolute dark side to ROCKY's inherent noble humanity. It's fascinating how Stallone's two most famous roles are polar opposites in spirit. The RAMBO films deal with loss of humanity, amid the all-too-true real-world horrors that go unnoticed or undiscussed. In RAMBO, Stallone seeks to illuminate the genocide in Burma, much in the way that FIRST BLOOD openly commented on the treatment of Vietnam Vets, the way RAMBO II addressed ongoing concerns of remaining POWs, and how RAMBO III... well, RAMBO III was just "Yay, Taliban! Get those commies! Have some guns, Taliban! BFF!" But it sounded good and noble at the time.

And hopefully this will spread awareness of the Burmese horrors. Many scenes were just unflinching in their violence, although I certainly flinched more than once. I actually wanted to turn away from the opening sequence, it was so disturbing. There's a real weight and urgency behind this film, and those images are just one of the reasons that RAMBO will stay with me. Even though the reality is probably ten times worse.

So I'm not going to say RAMBO II and III are good movies or anything (UHF was so not exaggerating one bit), but there's an element of noble intentions in these films. That's what Rambo, the character and the films, are about.

Also, huge fucking explosions.

Oh my god, the huge fucking explosions. RAMBO may well have said the single greatest explosion I have ever seen in a movie, ever.

You know what? Eloquence has failed me. Allow me to copy-paste theblackoil's pitch-perfect review of RAMBO:



FUCK.....YEAH!!!!

HOW INSANELY FUCKING AWESOME IS RAMBO?!!! IT'S SO INSANELY FUCKING AWESOME THAT I'M TYPING IN ANNOYING CAPS TO EXPRESS HOW INSANELY FUCKING AWESOME THIS MOVIE IS!! DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? THEN RAMBO WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE, TEAR OUT YOUR COLON, BEAT YOU IN THE FACE WITH IT, THEN STUFF IT BACK IN SO YOU CAN PROPERLY SHIT YOURSELF IN FEAR...AND THEN HE WILL GRIMACE AT YOU!!!!

Rambo is the best PURE action movie I've seen in YEARS. Maybe rivaled only by John Woo's The Killer. I don't know what it says about me that I clapped after watching John Rambo literally blow an entire Burmese army unit to shreds with a BIG FUCKING GUN. Probably nothing good. Probably that I have issues. Probably that this movie is another sign of the Fall of Our Civilization. Probably that the entire human race is screwed. You know what? I don't fucking care. Unlike Paris Hilton, Rambo is safe to go back into for more. It also has a BIG FUCKING GUN!! And BIG FUCKING EXPLOSIONS!!!

Rambo knows what it's supposed to be, and wastes barely any time getting to the point. The Burmese army is established as a bunch of sadistic assholes beyond any redemption whatsoever. Some missionaries hire a reluctant Rambo to take them into the war zone. They get captured by the Burmese army. Rambo and a bunch of mercs go in to rescue the missionaries...AND KILL ALL THE ASSHOLES. That's it. Ok, there's a little stuff about human rights, nobility, can a warrior ever escape his nature, taking a stand when no one else will, etc etc, in there. But this movie is a about JOHN FUCKING RAMBO going ape shit, and it never disappoints.

It's also brutal and gory. It does not shy away from graphic depictions of what the Burmese army does (and which are probably still not even close to the REAL horrors in the region). There's no CGI blood.* It looks as real as it gets. This movie will not be for everyone.

I remember when I heard there was going to be a new Rambo film, and I thought it was a joke. Rambo vs. the Bingo Lady. Rambo vs. Cardiac Failure. Rambo vs. Wilford Brimley. Then I saw those eary trailers, went "Holy fuck!" and couldn't wait to see it. And it is everything I thought'd it be.

Rambo...FUCK YEAH!!!




*Except there kinda was a lot of CGI blood. They still haven't quite nailed that effect yet. The scene where Julie Benz, wearing all white, runs through a mid-air blood splatter without getting a drop on her did kinda annoy me, much in the way Kirk's floating blood stain in WRATH OF KHAN annoyed me. But otherwise, a minor complaint.

Comments

[kali921.livejournal.com]

The movie is getting critically panned. Eric Trautmann posted a hilariously scathing indictment of it as trashy, mindless, sending disturbing messages about the desireability of violence, and being pro war. All of which leads me to conclude that this probably completely sucks.

Because God knows we need another film about a white American going in to teach a country full of little brown people a lesson.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Because God knows we need another film about a white American going in to teach a country full of little brown people a lesson.

I think you've missed the point completely, and are unduly judging a film you haven't even seen. A film that, by all accounts, I thought you'd be totally behind.

There is a LOT of Frank Castle in this film, Kali. A fucking lot. It's got you printed all over it. So go see it and then judge for yourself.

And I don't know what reviews you've been reading, but this is a movie for geek cinema, and the geek critics at aintitcool.com and chud.com have been raving about the film. It's not for everyone. It's for people like us.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Also, pro-war? Are we talking about the same RAMBO, whose themes are "the government chews people up, turns them into killing machines, destroys their souls, spits them back out and spits on them"??

Pro-war? Seriously. Reagan was backwards and assheaded to co-opt Rambo as a Republican pro-war icon, made all the worse that people have followed suit. Stallone personally regrets Reagan ever saying that.

[jackolantern.livejournal.com]

I would criticize the whole glory-in-the-gorefest thing, except that I spent quite a bit of quality time last night, in Half-Life 2, cutting zombies with alien parasites called "headcrabs" on their head in half with rusty sawblades. Oh, and I also dropped some cars on them, too.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Hehehe. Truly, RAMBO was missing cars being dropped on people riddled with alien parasites. Maybe for the next sequel, after which he will battle COMMUNIST ROBOTIC APOLLO CREED.

[the-mithril-man.livejournal.com]

Nah nothing wrong with you. We all like to think and hope and pray that there are people like that in the world. People, who when they see a wrong they go and fix it. It's not a sign Civilization is falling, it's how it got started in the first place. Going to see this Saturday, and thanks to you I know it will not be a wasted trip. Thank you good sir.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

First Blood part 4: Rambo kills everyone in Burma (mostly)

or..

First Blood part 4: 532,897,256th Blood