Jason vs. The Universe

[thehefner]

Over at scans_daily, the great foxhack posted all three parts of the epic JASON VS. LEATHERFACE crossover love story. You think I'm joking? Read that first part alone. Read it. Now. Even from over here in Rehoboth Beach, I very much expect to hear the popcorn-like sounds of your heads exploding when you witness the tender love of Messrs. Voorhees and Sawyer (none of this "Hewitt" bullshit!).

After seeing that, themadhatter26 and I started rambling about how much we loved our JASON VS. ALIENS idea, and it got me thinking how I'd love to see a whole series of JASON VS. _______. It'd be like BATMAN: THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD, only it'd be "Who will be this week's special guest star, and how will Jason slaughter them?" Here are just some of the ideas we came up with:

Jason vs. Aliens
Jason vs. Predator
Jason vs. Ripley
Jason vs. The Punisher
Jason vs. Bill the Butcher
Jason vs. Mordor
Jason vs. Buffy
Jason vs. Teddy Roosevelt
Jason vs. Zombie Teddy Roosevelt
Jason vs. the RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD zombies
Jason vs. Jaws
Jason vs. Orca
Jason vs. Quint
Jason vs. Steve Irwin
Jason vs. Zombie Steve Irwin
Jason vs. Mecha Steve Irwin
Jason vs. the Roman Empire
Jason vs. Olympus


Now, I know with some of these, you'll be thinking, "Even Jason Voorhees couldn't stand a chance in that fight!" But you forget, while he doesn't even have a healing factor, his true superpower is shitty continuity. Like, didn't Part 3 end with him getting an axe to the face? In Part 4, whoop, he's back on his feet and good again! In Part 8, he was splashed with toxic waste and turned into a crying Asian boy, and in Part 9, he was a body-jumping demon slug thing. Why the hell not!

And oh, I'm not done yet:


Jason vs. the Harlem Globetrotters
Jason vs. Danzig
Jason vs. China
Jason vs. Lincoln
Jason vs. EVIL Lincoln
Jason vs. Muhammad Ali
Jason vs. Jesus
Jason vs. the Cold War
Jason vs. Scott Pilgrim
Jason vs. Rex the Wonder Dog
Jason vs. Godzilla
Jason vs. the Doctor
Jason vs. the Daleks
Jason vs. Dracula
Jason vs. Galactus
Jason vs. John Locke
Jason vs. Benjamin Linus
Jason vs. the Economy
Jason vs. Rorschach
Jason vs. Anton Chigurh
Jason vs. The Thing
Jason vs. BEES!

The possibilities are endless. Although my personal favorite has to still be this drawing done for a "Jason Vs." contest on Ain't It Cool News:



"Jason vs. His Own Personal Demons."

I'd buy that for a dollar.

Okay, I probably should be getting back to actual work now.




BEEEEES!!!

Comments

[tragical-mirth.livejournal.com]

Oh, come on. You know that's Tony Stark under that mask.

Jason vs. Rahm Emmanuel

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

*snerk!* cue icon.

hahahahaha, YES.

re: Jason + LF

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

This had best be erotic.

Re: Jason + LF

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Just... see for yourself.

talk about your slash fics....ow my soul

[gnort.livejournal.com]

Jason Vs. Wolverine. That would probably be one of the longest bloodiest fights ever seen.

Re: Jason + LF

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

I did. AND IT WAS ONLY STRONGLY IMPLIED.

Question: what's the deal with Jason's bumpy-ass head? Is there a REASON for it? Or can I just accept it?

Re: talk about your slash fics....ow my soul

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

So true. Hell, if they could somehow duel with their muddled and contradictory backstories, this battle could last for years.

Re: Jason + LF

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I suppose I only have myself to blame for hyping it, but THE ROSE. THE ROSE, GIRL! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT.

It looks like they were using the JASON GOES TO HELL design of Jason, where the mask was fused to his head and the head itself was bumpy and lumpy, almost like a big exposed brain or something. I'm not sure even they knew what they were doing, if that movie was any indication.

Re: Jason + LF

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

Dude, Abe & Kroenen. GO BIG OR GO HOME.

Okay, yeah, I was wondering about that! Okay, good. Because it's weird. Have you seen The Midnight Meat Train?

Re: Jason + LF

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Hey, it was all they could do at the time! Give them credit! Hell, if the internet had been around in the 80's like it is today, I guarantee you it'd would've happened! Hell, for all you know, comics like this were trailblazers for folks like you!

I have not yet, no! Is it any good? I've read the short story, and I liked the first half, but I 'unno... still, the film looked like it had potential. It's so hard to find true gems in horror, but Clive Barker's always worth a go.

Re: Jason + LF

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

No, the movie is awful. AWFUL. I don't know how someone watched it and said "Yeah, this is good enough to release". It's poorly edited, the characters are ALL annoying and painfully stupid and the dialogue is horrid.

BUT it has these little tube things growing off Vinnie Jones. And he slices them off with a scalpel and puts them in jars of liquid, which he keeps behind his mirror. For no reason at all. And I guess it's gross, but like...what?

ALSO, the wrap-up from the story where it TELLS YOU WHAT'S UP is basically left out of the movie and replaced with some guy who can't act being cryptic.

Re: Jason + LF

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Damn it, that's seriously disappointing. Not surprising, but I really wanted this to be a good one. I love good horror movies, but why are they so hard to find and/or make?

[scarydavedc.livejournal.com]

Jason vs. Hank Rollins?

Re: Jason + LF

[american-arcane.livejournal.com]

Hey! I liked Midnight Meat Train!

It wasn't the best film of Barker's work brought to the screen, but it was better than anything the Hellraiser series has sunk in to... and I found it more outright creepy than most other horror films I've seen over the last few years.

Then again, I like ambiguous character actions, sad endings and plots that don't always tie up neatly. :)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Ooooooooh, I approve.

I'd also want to see the Monologue-Off.

Re: Jason + LF

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

That's one for, one against! Hrmm. I am now at the level of "if I catch it while flipping through late-night cable, I won't turn it off."

[scarydavedc.livejournal.com]

Rollins confuses Jason with his patented Argument of Common Sense!

Re: Jason + LF

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

Where was the creepiness?! TELL ME WHERE.

And I could find no sadness in the ending because I had absolutely no feeling for these cardboard characters. They were just so predictable. I was rolling my eyes, too, at the

My favourite part of the film was the cry of "JURGIIIIIIS!!!!" in the train.

MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SPLIT UP AND GONE EXPLORING LIKE EVERY OTHER HORROR MOVIE CHARACTER WHO HAS EVER HAD A JOB THAT SHOULD NOT BE SPLIT-UP.

[leiacat.livejournal.com]

Btw, I've come to the conclusion that after watching BtBatB with you, watching it without you just ain't the same.

[fragmentedsky.livejournal.com]

...this post makes me happy.

That's all, carry on.

[themadhatter26.livejournal.com]

Here's some more Jason Vs. I think tomorrow I'm ujust gonna start a google doc so we can keep track of them all:

JASON VS.:
The Marquis de Sade
Jeeves & Wooster
Sherlock Holmes
The Terminator
Nancy Pelosi
Stephen Colbert
Ann Coulter
The Senate
Dick Cheney
Darth Vader
FOX News
Ann Coulter
PETA
Mega Man
The Vietnam War
Sarah Palin
Gandhi
Lizzie Border
Bonnie & Clyde
John Wayne
Wyatt Earp
Al Capone
KISS
They Might Be Giants
Mr. Rogers

[kali921.livejournal.com]

...Oddly, I posted to LJ this morning and referenced both you AND bees, and I hadn't even read this post!

[darkestnova.livejournal.com]

I want to see Jason vs. the Harlem Globetrotters. Okay, I'd like to see anyone vs. the Harlem Globetrotters.