State of the Hefner: Thursday Edition

[thehefner]

Thanks to everyone for the comments, congrats, warnings, comfort, and jokes send my way in response to the whole "Hey, my girlfriend is pregnant, how about that?" post. The response has been so overwhelming that I simply don't have time to respond to many or even most of them, but know that I read and deeply appreciated every single one.

It's funny how, days later, some friends here or on Facebook are still catching up to the news, as evidenced by the exasperated phone call I just received from the great fishymcb (who, incidentally, runs a great blog dedicated to old Topps baseball cards). For a long while there, it felt like he and I were the last bachelors of our old college crews, with pretty much everyone else either in a happy relationship, or married (but all still childless, as of this date).

I figured that Fishy'd be the perfect person to try out a joke I've been bouncing around for a couple weeks now. I said, "Hey, at least I beat all those college friends in one way!"

To which he replied, "Yes, it's true. You went bald first. I'm sorry, that was really mean."

Oh Fishy, you magnificent asshole, I miss you so.

Thing is, I'm actually getting less flailingly insecure about my hair loss (no matter how much my Mom keeps trying to push the idea of me getting a transplant so I can still possibly get lead roles in plays) ever since I learned of the pregnancy. Baldness doesn't seem so bad when coupled with fatherhood. It's like I already have an excuse, even if it's the Homer Simpson method.

What I'd really like to stave off is the process of "Shackroyding Out," as Henchgirl's dubbed it. Look, I know I'm gonna go the way of Dan Ackroyd and William Shatner eventually, but thanks to the psychosomatic hell that is sympathetic pregnancy, I'm getting there wayyyyy sooner than I would have expected.

Seriously, we're just waiting for the ninth month, when surrealname decides to rub my belly instead of Henchgirl's, and ask me when it's due.

So off to the gym with me. And then maybe I'll actually have something new to post here, at some point. Thanks for the support, folks. I feel like there should be a weight-gain pun there, but eh, I'm hungry and phantom-nauseous.

Comments

[box-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

Speaking as someone who already looks like Kevin Smith, you do not have my sympathy. :P

Funny story: Bob Dole appeared on Leno after losing in '96 (which was also after Aykroyd played him on SNL), and he was fucking HILARIOUS (seriously, him and Samuel L. Jackson were RIFFING off each other on the couch), and when Leno asked Dole what he thought about Aykroyd's impression of him, Dole said, "Two things: Bob Dole is a bit less pudgy than Dan Aykroyd, and Bob Dole doesn't say Bob Dole's name as much as everyone says Bob Dole does. Bob Dole doesn't know where people get these ideas about Bob Dole."

[surrealname.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

You underestimate me.

[surrealname.livejournal.com]

it's that he has a sense of humor about himself that keeps me from hating bob dole.

[surrealname.livejournal.com]

Also, what's wrong with you? why do you keep on giving me more ammunition?

[tompurdue.livejournal.com]

How is your mother doing? My first thought was "I don't get to use the word 'conniption' very often", but for all I know she's doing great.

[yaseen101.livejournal.com]

So wait, that picture of you, you once posted was you actually being bald, instead of y'know you playing a part?


Also man, I got no place to mock baldness,I was nicknamed 'Micheal Scofield' in High School because of my hair (or lack of thereof), which was more of a choice than something that happened. And now I'm currently getting worried about my now, longer hair falling. Jeezus, is it something the air? No bald spots as of yet.

[fiveseconddelay.livejournal.com]

likes this

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Oh, she's actually super-happy about this. She actively wants a grandchild in the area, and she's been the most supportive, calming, sensible voice in this whole situation. She's all for it, particularly since she was afraid we weren't gonna be able to even have kids, for a couple reasons.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Which picture? Me as Nosferatu? Either way, I've never used a bald cap or shaved my head, so yeah, I was that bald. Which is depressing to consider, no matter which photo you meant!

Because I'm not really bald, but my hair is so thin and blond that many photos make it look like there's much less there. So it looks worse than it actually is, but it will be as bad as it looks soon enough. If that makes any sense. I'm fighting a losing battle.

[yaseen101.livejournal.com]

I was thinking of this one actually. I may be heading another pit fall with this one.

I should mention as someone that there are benefits to having shorter hair, like your head feeling much cooler and so on and so forth.

[1mercystreet.livejournal.com]

CONGRATULATIONS! I'm very happy for you and your lovely Henchgirl. :-)

(If it's a boy, are you going to call him Harvey? Please please please please please call him Harvey. It would be AWESOME.)

[pondering-duck.livejournal.com]

So I haven't been on Live Journal in months and for no real reason I can really name I just jumped on and discovered this really startling/exciting bit of news.

Congratulations!
Good Luck!
And remember to play lots of Mozart!

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

"Thanks to everyone for the comments, congrats, warnings, comfort, and jokes send my way in response to the whole "Hey, my girlfriend is pregnant, how about that?" post."

I go out of town for one dang honeymoon and epic sh*t goes down on the internet!

Congratulations, you two!!! Try to save the crazier name ideas for middle names. Not so much for embarrassment but because remember it's something you'll have to yell when pissed.

Details! Details! (Well, not all details. Culturally appropriate details!!!)