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[personal profile] thehefner
Hey there, whoever's left in LJ land. How's it goin'? Hello? Is anybody even still here?

Man, I've noticed more and more people have dropped off, and I'm not quite sure why. I miss LJ as it was, with people actually blogging every day or two, rather than just posting status updates or glorified tweets on Facebook. Of course, I'm no different, at least when it comes to my personal blog here. But then, I have a baby, so I think I'm excused. And even then, I'm still rocking out on About_Faces as best as I can, doing a post or two a week. I'm pleased with that. It's where I get my best writing out these days.

Which itself isn't a great thing. I should be writing a new show or two. I should be writing one of those books I have in the pipeline. I should finish so many of those projects, but I just feel... it's like, for the past year or so, I've felt creatively constipated. Or perhaps I should say "constipated, creatively-speaking" but even that kinda sounds like I'm coming up with new and innovative ways not to poop. You know what I mean. I hesitate to call it writer's block, since... well, I dunno why.

See, there it is right there, I can't even put words together. I'm frankly amazed I'm even writing this post as well as I am! I've tried to come back write here, I really have, but all attempts have been thwarted by frustration from the inability to find the right words, and/or my lack of personal confidence in anything.

I've got a handful of half-written LJ posts saved, including one about the secret history of Terry Silver, the villain from Karate Kid Part III, as well as the big post wherein I explained why I finally left scans_daily. I also tried doing a New Year's Eve post about bullet points for the year, everything from the fiasco with the DeathBox of a Winnebago that nearly killed us to my anger towards to horrible mismanagement behind DC's Capital Fringe Festival this year. But I just couldn't manage to finish those posts. My energy and insecurity took over, and they become chores rather than... whatever it is that happens when you write something from the heart, be it something silly or heartfelt.

Having the baby and the full household of responsibilities doesn't help. One little thing can throw off the writing groove, and it's hell trying to get back in, because that groove has now been filled in by any of a number of factors. Again, doubt and insecurity, which goes hand in hand with procrastination and distractions. And then there's the exhaustion, oh the exhaustion. Maybe if I weren't so damn tired all the time, none of this would be a factor anymore.

So for the time being, I try not to force anything, and just focus on keeping the house together. Keep the baby healthy and happy. Make sure the girl is okay. Make sure I'm fed and relatively healthy, a count on which I'm definitely failing. And also making sure to keep up with About_Faces, which feeds the struggling fires of passion and excitement and geekiness which I so very much need in general, and especially right now. I gotta be a motherf*king ' ADULT best as I can, while trying to maintain enough of the passion and energy and enthusiasm by the time things calm down. For now, I'm just so damn tired. Bone-tired in ways I cannot--Hemingway help me--put into words.

Okay, back to working on the latest post in my current series of reviews exploring the entire history of Two-Face in Batman: The Animated Series, which I shall compose between bouts on World of Warcraft. Because I still don't quite know the meaning of the words "motherf*king ADULT," you see.
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