(no subject)

[thehefner]

At 1:30, I went with a bunch of peeps to the playground of the local elementary school, and for a few hours we played hide and seek and capture the flag. Much fun was had by all, and I found out that, of all things, I'm pretty damn good at stealth. Who knew, right?

Depressed lately. Not sure why. It's not the old stuff, I'm done with that. It's finished, over. But just, since then, something's felt... missing, y'know? Like something that was so vibrant and burning before has just died inside me. Turned to coal. Even when I was going crazy and miserable with stuffs over the past couple years, there was still this spark inside me. Now... I don't know.

I don't want to turn into one of the South Park goth kids. I want to get happy again, I mean fundamentally happy. Gonna work on that. Resentment's been building up in me. The deep frustration with being dicked over and put upon, the recurring sense that I deserve better than this shit (and who am I to talk, everyone here's felt that), and again I'm trying to find ways to vent it before it gets to me.

Ahh, look at what I'm doing. Shut up, Hefner, go to sleep. See SIN CITY tomorrow, that'll help.

Comments

[jgurlpunkrck.livejournal.com]

Ok, I had to be a killjoy, but the only time it's showing tomorrow is 7:20. So I'm thinking Friday maybe...

[tazira.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I do know. Been there, am there, dicked over, put upon, and I too deserve better than this shit. And I too would like to be fundamentally happy. I used to be.

We'll figure something out. Does feel like I've lost something central to myself; sounds like you're feeling the same. Feels like this person walking through the world and going through the motions and saying and doing all the required things isn't me.

Maybe my upcoming break will help. Maybe you should let yourself have one, too.

[pokeyburro.livejournal.com]

Sounds like momentary depression. That's all. Check back here and see if you still feel this way by the weekend.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Yeah, just as well, I need to sleep more today. We'll find another time, promise!

[fishymcb.livejournal.com]

I just saw a Batman Begins teaser...that help any?

No?

Don't make me come down there. It's looking like next weekend, the 15th-17th, is a go. So there.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Will do.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Cool. I'm gonna need some excuse not to be doing my thesis (which, I think, will be due about that next week, nyarg). Lookin' forward to it!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Mutual breaks are probably good things for us both, but on the other hand I have to wonder if maybe I don't suffer from some kind of workaholic mentality- call it collegaholic. Without a daily schedule of stuff and a constant atmosphere of friends, I fear I'm gonna be feeling rather aimless.

I mean, I remember last summer, when I had nothing to distract my Tammy misery but a lonely house, depressed mother, asshole father, and miserable job. Hell, sometimes I suspect the only reason I'm not in a constant state of misery is because of my friends here. Suddenly, the post-college aimlessness takes on a whole new meaning, and I'm not really sure what to do. At least, I hope, we'll have each other, and all of our friends, to pull us through when need be.