You have two seconds to tell me why I shouldn't fire you. Go.

[thehefner]

The good news: so as some of you know, I have a rather high-profile contact in the literary world who has offered his hand in helping to get my novel published. Now aside from some revisions, my book's finished and pretty much ready for review, and my guy is ready to put in a good word with his agent.

The bad news: I need to think up a smart, sexy, and *short* pitch for my novel, along which he will put in a good word for me. But like the leagues auditions this Tuesday (GAAAK!) I have one shot at this and very little time/space at my disposal, so it has to be good.

Wait, did I just do that in parenthesis above? I'll say it again. GAAAK!

I haven't the fainest clue what to do, what to say. I have one or possible two book synopsis, but how do I write this letter? How do I make it eye-catching and memorable? How do I get them to want to read my manuscript? Think, Heffie. Think think think.

In the meantime, I finally have an animated Sad Jesus icon from the Simpsons. As God said to Homer, "I sent my son down to earth once. I don't know what you people did to him, but he's never been the same since." The sheer perfection of that Jesus depiction can keep me amused, even when I'm stressed and concerned.

Comments

25 words or less. No, really. More than 25 and you're screwed.

[chickenhat.livejournal.com]

Sorry, haven't read your novel. Don't know what it's about.
The closest I've had to do something like this is director notes/play synopsis.

Try answering the following:
One main Character, or several plotlines?
What do they do? (Profession or stereotype? What are your adjectives here?)
Plotline, or several plotlines?
Is there a central theme?
What's the friggin' Title?

Because otherwise, you might as well just construct a "... they fight crime!" sentence as your synopsis.

[tompurdue.livejournal.com]

If we had time to read it, we'd help you write the proposal, but instead I can give you some advice.

* Most importantly, they read a billion of these letters. Eye-catching is good, but mostly he's going to read the first paragraph of the book, then flip to the middle, then scan the last page. That's more important than the letter. That's how he decides whether he's going to refer it to some intern to actually read.

* That said, your letter is one extra page he's going to read. In general, the letter should say, "Here's my book. It's about a guy who does X. It's really important because of Y. I'm heavily influenced by P, D, and Q. It's really funny/dramatic/scary/combo. Thanks for reading it." Basically, tell him why it's going to sell.

* Be short. Three or four paragraphs, top. Less than a page; leave some white space at the bottom. If he thinks the letter is going to be a slog he's not gonna want to read it.

* Yeah, it sucks to try to summarize your book in a page, so don't. The book will speak for itself. The "guy who does X" part really can be a single sentence or paragraph; no more. You're just trying to let him know what it is he's reading so he knows what to expect. That's how he thinks he can get away with evaluating the book by reading just three pages (first, last, and middle). Give the poor guy a break.

Finally: if Tazira contradicts me on any of this, she wins. I've sold a few books (one book and a few booklike long articles) but no fiction, so she has trumps.

[tankgirl88.livejournal.com]

that is the greatest icon ever!

[tankgirl88.livejournal.com]

oh and did you hear about the zatanna movie in the works?..::gagging noises::...why must screan writers continue to rape my beloved marvel charicters?

[morganashkevron.livejournal.com]

*is trolling*
Um...does your awesome contact perhaps need an editor? On a permanent basis, somewhere in the shining land of publishing? Or even on a freelance basis in the not-as-shiny land of the Internet and postal service?

Do you have the bookjacket summary yet? If you do, you may consider picking main points from that and working them into your letter. Think of it like a cover letter to go with your resume - what makes this book cooler than other books and why should they pick you? You have 3 paragraphs. Go!

And you know, at some point, you'll have to tell me what the book is called so I can buy it and make you sign it.

[majestas.livejournal.com]

Whoa, you're WAY ahead of me, aren't you. I really wanna read your book! It was your thesis right? as in i can read it next semester at the library?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Yeah, or I could send it to you if you'd like. I'm still self-conscious about it (I can go naked in a play, but I shiver with nervousness at the prospect of having my work read aloud) but I'm sending it via e-mail to anyone who wants it. Whichever way works best for you, if you're still interested. Thanks!

[majestas.livejournal.com]

ctomkin2@washcoll.edu

Send it soon, before they hack away all of our storage space.

Thanks : )

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Eh, it hasn't made much news at the sources I usually go to (aintitcool, chud, comics2film.com is the most comprehensive) so I wouldn't worry too much if you're concerned about it. Although Zatanna is DC.

By the way, have you been reading the latest Zatanna miniseries? I haven't yet, but have heard good things. The art alone look be-yoo-ti-full.

[tankgirl88.livejournal.com]

omg!...i know she is DC..im not even a big fan of marvel...and yet i said it anyway..-_-..arg..i must have been thinking of it at the time and i somehow typed it..ah well...and yeah, i know i shouldnt worry, but when i waas looking for my Zatanna icon i kept finding all these articals..its directed twards tweens..TWEENS!!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

You'll probably find great icons from art from the new miniseries. The tweaking of her costume, so hot. Very hot. Have you seen it?

ooh me too

[ortugatay.livejournal.com]

I'd like very much to read it too, if you want to send it to my wacmail. :-)