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Thanks for the imput on the headshots, everybody! Wow, it looks like I really should have chosen that last shot for my actual headshot. I chose that first serious one based on 2 factors: 1.) I wanted a good, dramatic-looking picture so I could get cast in more dramas, which I really want, even though I know I'm great at comedy, and 2.) it was late and my mother helped me choose it since she was the only one who could in the time I had left. If I have a real reason to do so, I'll print up a few headshots of the "HEFFIE APPROVED!" pic, but in the meantime I have about 35 extra resumes of the first pic ready to go. Hopefully I won't have lost any casting opportunities by doing so.
In other news, why am I awake so late? Because, dear friends, I discovered that a certain cable channel, "Noggin," airs an hour of DARIA from 3-4 AM. I've been very, very tired lately. In fact, yesterday I slept in really late. You see, normally, my father has me trained to call him around 1:00 PM to tell him what my plan for the day is before I go see him (because I *will* see him, of course), but yesterday I said to myself, "John, you don't have a job, you have nothing to do tomorrow other than see him, and you need sleep. Fuck him. Just don't set your alarm, see what happens." And I conked out.
Sure enough, around 2:00, he called me. First words out of his mouth, I could tell he was very drunk and very "hurt." Within a minute, he would be fuming, and through the receiver I could almost smell the melting plastic from the venom dripping from his jaws onto his phone. I had to think fast. I told him I had to sleep late because I was up until 5:00 in the morning, which was true. Exasperated and unbelieving, as if no answer could possibly justify this offense, he asked, "Why were you up until 5:00 in the morning?!"
"Because," I said, "every time I close my eyes, I see Misty."
"Oh." He said. That shut him up instantly.
The best part is, it was a lie. Well, that time anyway. I was up watching DARIA and an airing of one of my favorite B-movies, NIGHT OF THE CREEPS (frat kids who become zombies when alien slugs lay eggs in their brains versus a cripple, an idiot, and B-movie god Tom Atkins as a crusty old cop who says "Thrill me!" constantly! From the director of MONSTER SQUAD!). It was rather satisfying saying something that could just completely deflate his trumped-up fury.
Regardless, I decided to bite the bullet and go back to Al-Anon. Let me say, it was not easy to do. I really felt deeply uncomfortable going back there. For one thing, these people, they just... they're not my people, exactly. They're not like the Rudes or my friends at WAC. They're... well, they're children of alcoholics. And God, within five minutes I could see all the patterns again. One person said that his ex-girlfriend called him something that stuck with him, that he was never able to shake. He said she called him a "people-pleaser." Ohhhh dear. And that was just one of many familiar themes.
Maybe, just maybe, this group is what I need to get my life back in order. Dave used to wonder how the hell I'm so sane and functional considering all the bullshit and trauma I've had to endure. Part of the answer is people like my Mother and Gordon. But I didn't even consider the more obvious answer- Al-Ateen. It put things in perspective. It salvaged me. These people understood me and I them is ways that is impossible to convey. Going back now, I'm still not entirely certain about them. I no longer think the alcohol is as much a problem as the man himself, nor am I entirely certain about the emphasis on how we're all "weak" and "powerless" in these meetings or doing things like saying the Lord's prayer at the end of the meeting when I've only one step above being agnostic... but I'm gonna keep going back. Over the next few weeks, we'll see if any progress will be made. Maybe, just maybe, they can put me on the path of being ok again.
In completely other news, I just saw Takeshi Miike's ICHI THE KILLER. And that is most assuredly NOT what one should watch when one is looking to be "ok." Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with the Japanese??
In other news, why am I awake so late? Because, dear friends, I discovered that a certain cable channel, "Noggin," airs an hour of DARIA from 3-4 AM. I've been very, very tired lately. In fact, yesterday I slept in really late. You see, normally, my father has me trained to call him around 1:00 PM to tell him what my plan for the day is before I go see him (because I *will* see him, of course), but yesterday I said to myself, "John, you don't have a job, you have nothing to do tomorrow other than see him, and you need sleep. Fuck him. Just don't set your alarm, see what happens." And I conked out.
Sure enough, around 2:00, he called me. First words out of his mouth, I could tell he was very drunk and very "hurt." Within a minute, he would be fuming, and through the receiver I could almost smell the melting plastic from the venom dripping from his jaws onto his phone. I had to think fast. I told him I had to sleep late because I was up until 5:00 in the morning, which was true. Exasperated and unbelieving, as if no answer could possibly justify this offense, he asked, "Why were you up until 5:00 in the morning?!"
"Because," I said, "every time I close my eyes, I see Misty."
"Oh." He said. That shut him up instantly.
The best part is, it was a lie. Well, that time anyway. I was up watching DARIA and an airing of one of my favorite B-movies, NIGHT OF THE CREEPS (frat kids who become zombies when alien slugs lay eggs in their brains versus a cripple, an idiot, and B-movie god Tom Atkins as a crusty old cop who says "Thrill me!" constantly! From the director of MONSTER SQUAD!). It was rather satisfying saying something that could just completely deflate his trumped-up fury.
Regardless, I decided to bite the bullet and go back to Al-Anon. Let me say, it was not easy to do. I really felt deeply uncomfortable going back there. For one thing, these people, they just... they're not my people, exactly. They're not like the Rudes or my friends at WAC. They're... well, they're children of alcoholics. And God, within five minutes I could see all the patterns again. One person said that his ex-girlfriend called him something that stuck with him, that he was never able to shake. He said she called him a "people-pleaser." Ohhhh dear. And that was just one of many familiar themes.
Maybe, just maybe, this group is what I need to get my life back in order. Dave used to wonder how the hell I'm so sane and functional considering all the bullshit and trauma I've had to endure. Part of the answer is people like my Mother and Gordon. But I didn't even consider the more obvious answer- Al-Ateen. It put things in perspective. It salvaged me. These people understood me and I them is ways that is impossible to convey. Going back now, I'm still not entirely certain about them. I no longer think the alcohol is as much a problem as the man himself, nor am I entirely certain about the emphasis on how we're all "weak" and "powerless" in these meetings or doing things like saying the Lord's prayer at the end of the meeting when I've only one step above being agnostic... but I'm gonna keep going back. Over the next few weeks, we'll see if any progress will be made. Maybe, just maybe, they can put me on the path of being ok again.
In completely other news, I just saw Takeshi Miike's ICHI THE KILLER. And that is most assuredly NOT what one should watch when one is looking to be "ok." Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with the Japanese??
