the wrong kind of monologues

So for those you don't already know, my step-father Gordon is a special, special man.

He's liked The Hefner Monologues so much that he thought it would be great if I wrote a response to The Vagina Monologues, entitled, of course, The Penis Monologues. I said, "Gordon, no. It's too obvious, and besides, I am not going to write..."

But he interrupted me and said, "Aha! I have it! The Rectum Monologues! Think about it, you could say, 'I had originally thought to do The Penis Monologues, but that would only appeal to half the audience. So I'm doing The Rectum Monologues because I believe in equality of the sexes!' You see, John? It's perfect, everybody can relate to it!"

...

The worst part is, he's been thinking about it continuously for the past two weeks. I come home from my trip yesterday, and what do I find on the table? The man has written four pages of The Rectum Monologues and printed them out for me. I haven't got the guts to actually read it yet.

I really have no words here.

I pimp Justice League

Ok. Through the magic of YouTube, allow me to show you just why JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED so utterly and completely rocks.

"The Once And Future Thing." This is a complete episode where the League chases the time traveling villain Chronos into the Wild West. Why do I think any of you would care? Take a look at this voice cast:

Bat Lash: Ben Browder
Jonah Hex: Adam Baldwin.

Jayne from FIREFLY and Crichton from FARSCAPE. Together in the Wild West. Plus Peter Macnicol of GHOSTBUSTERS 2 and ALLY MCBEAL fame. Why aren't you watching this already?

Or if you'd prefer a short but sweet clip instead, What happens when arch-bad guy Lex Luthor's brain gets switched with that of the Flash? In this clip, Lex (voiced by Clancy Brown of Highlander fame, among tons of other things you've seen), addresses the Legion of Doom. But it really isn't Lex, it's the Flash, who has to try to impersonate Lex so the other villains are none the wiser. The results are marvelous.

Seriously, watch. It's not like most of you were gonna tune into Cartoon Network or pick up the DVDs.

blah

"You 'sound' awful. You're not your usual quirky 2 steps away from subverted madness self."
-bimmin, via AIM

Even over Instant Messenger I sound like death warmed over. Headaches, stuffy, conjested, aches, and my throat and mouth is a mess of sores. Not even warm salt gargles are helping. Blech.

Meantime, I shall sleep in, watch movies, and amuse myself with things like this Budweiser Commerical by Oingo Boingo.