Well ya can't outsmart me, cuz imma mo-ron.

Well, it seems I failed to neglect to mention that when I had written that last post, I already HAD replied to Gary saying "Yes! Yes! Yes! When's the best time for an audition for you?"

I'm on it. I ain't no chump.

Even if the whole prospect is huge and kinda scary at this point.

Now Gordon's talking about canceling our tickets for London if I get into Grad School. But look, I don't care how much everyone else might fucking do the same, I fucking wanna go to London. Damn it. Ah well, I shouldn't worry about it till I actually find out whether I get accepted or not. Still. I am fucking serious. It's bloody important to me.

Now I gotta speed memorize something from David Sedaris' SantaLand Diaries, but I've never even READ the bloody thing yet. Anyone got any ideas what sections might be best for me to audition with?

As I'm supposed to be doing more age-appropriate audition pieces, I'll also put the King Lear aside in favor of Hamlet's "Too, Too Solid/Sullied Flesh...", which has always been a favorite of mine.

I got till 4:30 Tuesday. So we will see.

One day. Yes, one day.

So I'm just reading my friendslist, minding my own business and thinking about maybe starting to find a section to memorize from SantaLand Diaries or maybe finishing my revisions for Hefner Monologues so I can send the manuscript off to the literary agent by next Tuesday... when my eyes should scan over thirdbase's journal... and I should spot this:



Y'know, discounting the fact that my brain blew up a little bit right there... it always bloody amazes me this mad, silly little ideas of mine (that I adore and want to see come to life, of course, but still) are actually that memorable and interesting to others. It always does.

Looking at that ticket puts me in mind of what Spinal Tap would do when they were on tour. Their opening act would be The Folksmen. For those who haven't seen A Mighty Wind, the Folksmen are a trio of aging folkies played by the very same members of Spinal Tap. And the story goes that the Folksmen were routinely booed offstage by an audience that didn't know they were the same band!

'Course, I'm not sure Johnny Go would stand to play opening act for some yammering chatterbox going on and on about some daffy broad and how he can't hold his booze.

I'm Not David Sedaris

I'm reading SantaLand Diaries and while I am enjoying it immensely, part of me can't stop thinking of the five or six separate occasions that THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES have been likened to David Sedaris. I stress again, until just this hour I've *never* read Sedaris' work. The first three times I heard that, it was flattering and encouraging. Every time since has, well, kinda gotten me concerned. Defensive. Triggering my neuroses. I could just see it now:

"John Hefner-- the poor man's David Sedaris."

"That's Hefner guy's ok, but he's no David Sedaris."

"Pssh! Hefner's stuff is just cheap cash-ins trying to ride off the success of David Sedaris!

"Mr. Hefner! I LOVE your work, especially that story you did about being a Christmas Elf at Macy's!"

On the other hand, Dave Chapelle was the poor man's Chris Rock for several years there too. And honestly, I'm half-joking here. I'm not all that worried about it. Yet. I mean, let's get the books published first. Still, it gives me an idea for a Hefner Monologue, maybe even the title of a book:

THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES: I'M NOT DAVID SEDARIS

Maybe I can get David Sedaris to write the intro for it too. That'd be sweet.

(he said with a mixture of sincerity and knowing irony)