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Doom Pays Reed Richards a Visit
Dec. 9th, 2006 06:25 pmGreetings, Richards! Now, now, Richards, lower your Ultimate Nullifer, there's no need for all that. Doom is not here to do battle... *this* week. We never just talk, you and Doom. So... how is your accursed, idiotic family? HA! PSYCHE! DOOM CARES NOT!
What is Doom doing here at the Baxter Building, you ask? Oh, well, Doom was in the neighborhood, on his way to the Latverian embassy to smite a few human rights protesters... when Doom realized there's something he wanted to ask you! Not that there's anything you might know that DOOM does not know even better!
You see, Doom just saw a little movie called THE INCREDIBLES. Perhaps you have heard of it? Doom found it *very* interesting... a family of superheroes wearing the same costume scheme with a variety of powers... super strength, invisibility, stretching... why, the young child even busts into flames! How fascinating, don't you agree, Richards? In fact, the girl doesn't just turn invisible, goodness no. She can even create force bubbles! Now who would ever have thought to associate invisibility powers with the ability to create force bubbles? Doom cannot imagine from whence they got that idea!
So Doom was just curious, Richards... what do you think is sadder? The fact that the film shamelessly rips off you and your pathetic family, thus searing the beloved Incredibles into the public consciousness of an entire generation, leaving *you* a sad relic of a bygone era, remembered only by smelly losers who still live in their parents' basements?
Or... the fact that THE INCREDIBLES is a pretty well perfect Fantastic Four movie? Granted, Doom cannot abide your weakling dedication, narcissistic "heroics" and saccharine family dynamics... but Doom must admit, Pixar pretty well nailed the pure spirit of everything that makes you and your simpering cadre special, did they not?
After all, when one thinks about it, who really knows who Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Johnny Storm, and Benjamin Grimm are? Naught but a handful of aging social outcasts, fading from memory while the current generation dedicates their lives to GRAND THEFT AUTO.
Meanwhile, THE INCREDIBLES is a gigantic mainstream hit, a modern classic beloved by children and adults alike! So how does it feel, Richards? How does it feel to know that for generations to come, when your average person will look at a family of superheroes with your powers, they will think of Mr. Incredible, not Mr. Fantastic?
HA! That is all Doom was wondering, "Coach." Oops, Doom means, "Reed." HA! This day, as it always is in the grand scheme, Doom is... triumphant! Farewell, you stupid, stretchy bastard!
Ahh, what a beautiful day. It is good to be Doom. Doom thinks he shall stroll through the park on the way to the embassy. Now, Doom shall... hey! Hey, you kids! No, go away, leave Doom alone! Away! Yes, yes, Doom has very shiny armor, now you ...what? What's that? Is Doom *who*? No, Doom most assuredly is NOT! You DARE to question Doom's identity? Know you not DOOM?! DOOM IS DOOM! ALL KNOW DOOM! NOW BEGONE, OR DOOM SHALL UNLEASH THE POWER COSMIC UPON YOU INSOLENT WHELPS!!!
Bah! Foolish children. Who is this "Darth Vader" and why does every other person mistake Doom for him?
( Notes on a considered alternate ending )
What is Doom doing here at the Baxter Building, you ask? Oh, well, Doom was in the neighborhood, on his way to the Latverian embassy to smite a few human rights protesters... when Doom realized there's something he wanted to ask you! Not that there's anything you might know that DOOM does not know even better!
You see, Doom just saw a little movie called THE INCREDIBLES. Perhaps you have heard of it? Doom found it *very* interesting... a family of superheroes wearing the same costume scheme with a variety of powers... super strength, invisibility, stretching... why, the young child even busts into flames! How fascinating, don't you agree, Richards? In fact, the girl doesn't just turn invisible, goodness no. She can even create force bubbles! Now who would ever have thought to associate invisibility powers with the ability to create force bubbles? Doom cannot imagine from whence they got that idea!
So Doom was just curious, Richards... what do you think is sadder? The fact that the film shamelessly rips off you and your pathetic family, thus searing the beloved Incredibles into the public consciousness of an entire generation, leaving *you* a sad relic of a bygone era, remembered only by smelly losers who still live in their parents' basements?
Or... the fact that THE INCREDIBLES is a pretty well perfect Fantastic Four movie? Granted, Doom cannot abide your weakling dedication, narcissistic "heroics" and saccharine family dynamics... but Doom must admit, Pixar pretty well nailed the pure spirit of everything that makes you and your simpering cadre special, did they not?
After all, when one thinks about it, who really knows who Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Johnny Storm, and Benjamin Grimm are? Naught but a handful of aging social outcasts, fading from memory while the current generation dedicates their lives to GRAND THEFT AUTO.
Meanwhile, THE INCREDIBLES is a gigantic mainstream hit, a modern classic beloved by children and adults alike! So how does it feel, Richards? How does it feel to know that for generations to come, when your average person will look at a family of superheroes with your powers, they will think of Mr. Incredible, not Mr. Fantastic?
HA! That is all Doom was wondering, "Coach." Oops, Doom means, "Reed." HA! This day, as it always is in the grand scheme, Doom is... triumphant! Farewell, you stupid, stretchy bastard!
Ahh, what a beautiful day. It is good to be Doom. Doom thinks he shall stroll through the park on the way to the embassy. Now, Doom shall... hey! Hey, you kids! No, go away, leave Doom alone! Away! Yes, yes, Doom has very shiny armor, now you ...what? What's that? Is Doom *who*? No, Doom most assuredly is NOT! You DARE to question Doom's identity? Know you not DOOM?! DOOM IS DOOM! ALL KNOW DOOM! NOW BEGONE, OR DOOM SHALL UNLEASH THE POWER COSMIC UPON YOU INSOLENT WHELPS!!!
Bah! Foolish children. Who is this "Darth Vader" and why does every other person mistake Doom for him?
( Notes on a considered alternate ending )
