yo, where my WASPs at?!

fiveseconddelay said when he saw this commercial, he went out and bought the product just for the ad alone. It's a rare, rare thing when I think an advertisement is really entertaining, much less worth posting on my LJ to pimp to the world. This is one of those exceptions.

I actually *am* supposed to be here today

So I arrive at the comic shop today to find our "Open/Closed" sign hanging off the glass door by its last suction cup . I reapply the sliding plastic sign, careful not to drop the plastic white letters that spell out the store hours, and go about opening the store. Half a minute later, BANG! It falls off completely, crumpling the paper taped to the door underneath it, the paper that listed our post-Holiday hours (new comics come out THURSDAY this week, not Wednesday as usual...).

Just as I go to fix it, two Pretty Prada girls come into the store. They're young, no older than nineteen, either in high school or freshmen at Georgetown U. They look around for a minute or two, and--really, it's a wonder why I don't see this coming from the second they walked in--ask me if I know when the shop next door opens.

You see, we're right next door to a "Country and Western Boot Shop" that also just happens to sell Fake IDs. And so every couple of weeks, we get some people who walk into the store who, it becomes increasingly apparent, have never picked up a comic before. People who aren't geeks of anything. Depressingly normal, passionless teenagers, the kinds of kids who never gave me the time of day when I was their age and are only giving it to me now because they want to know when the shop next door opens.

BANG! The sign falls down again. I put the fucking thing back up again and wet the damn suction cups this time.

The guys we usually get in here are frat boys in the making. You can smell it on them amid the lingering pot and the phantom fragrances of vomit that may not actually be there, but oh, soon will be. Not jocks, really; the most athleticism these guys show is kicking around a hacky-sack or having spitting contests. But then, almost as often, we get the Pretty Prada girls. All handbags and scrubbed blondes, the sort you just know owns or fantasized about owning a dog that can fit in a mitten.

Neither group really shows contempt for comics as much as they treat our store like some sort of sideshow diversion... flitting from one curiosity to another, never staying for long except to maybe point and gawk for the benefit of one of their peers, "Duuude, look, it's your comic! 'Betty and Veronica!' Huh huh!"

The real kicker was the time I actually had a group of about six guys come in here. Their designated leader, a pock-faced kid with a backwards baseball cap nestled over hair that wasn't even fashionable in the 70's, asked me, "Hey, man, you know if the place next door makes fake IDs?"

I couldn't help it, I just collapsed in a short fit of laughter at the pathetic idiocy on display. I just wanted to say, "Man, you guys deserve to get busted. If this is your idea of discretion, dear lord, I only wish I could be there when the cop pulls you over and you say, 'Hold on, Officer, let me put my beer down first'!" But they all tensed up at my laughter, leading me to suspect that it would probably be in my best interest to just suck it up, suppress the smile, and slowly say, "Yes. They sell fake IDs."

The girls left our store to try the "boot shop" next door. I haven't seen them since. You know what I'd like? I'd like it if these kids who came into our store to waste time and gawk actually took the time to pick up and read one of our comics. I'd like it if, in their brief venture into this strange foreign land, they'd look around and think, "Hey, this is pretty interesting. Maybe I'll come back sometime. I can get something for my (family member/friend), or maybe something for myself." That would honestly be really nice.

We haven't had a single paying customer in the first hour. Just the Pretty Prada girls and one 12-Center (that's the name I just made up for the people who look around and say, "$2.99 for a comic?? When I was growing up, comics used to be twelve cents!" as if no one's ever said that before and as if nothing else has gone up in price as well!!!). The slowness could be attributed to the fact that it's the day before New Comic Day, often the slowest day of the week.

Or, I realize, it could be that--BANG!-- there's no "Open/Closed" sign in the door. So I pull out a couple scrap fliers from our New Year's Sale, a sharpie, and some tape. I make one sign saying how new comics come out tomorrow. And just above that, in the biggest letters I could fit, I write:

I ASSURE YOU, WE ARE OPEN .

Just another day at the local comic shop.

movie tidbits

EPIC MOVIE looks terrible. Utterly terrible, not surprisingly. However, it has Kids In the Hall's Kevin McDonald as Harry Potter and Crispin Glover as Willy Wonka.

Let me repeat that: Kevin McDonald as Harry Potter and Crispin Glover as Willy Wonka.

I am there.


So the good news is that I wasn't the only one who thought Hugh Jackman would be a good choice for Harvey Dent in the upcoming Batman sequel THE DARK KNIGHT. The bad news is that it ain't gonna happen. Yes, they're talking about "unconventional" casting for him, just like Heath Ledger as the Joker. None of these decisions fill me with confidence, to say the fucking least.

However, Nolan wowed us before. So I will be very, very, very interested to see what he's doing. I want to like it. But so far, I'm very worried.

But as least I have a boss new Harvey Dent icon.


Finally, this trailer reminds me of Peter Jackson's glory days with a touch of SHAUN OF THE DEAD and DOG SOLDIERS, just turned to the absurd maximum. Also, the fact that it's being produced by Mel Gibson's Icon Production company only solidifies the glorious surrealism of this film. I cannot wait to see this. Cannot wait.

BLACK SHEEP.

Zombie. Sheep. Motherfuckers.