thehefner | smashy smashy

I rented THE INCREDIBLE HULK: ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION video game. I haven't rented a game in over eight years (my last system was a Sega CD/Genesis, which still works). Heck, the only reason my mom got me a PS2 was because she thought DDR might help cheer up my Misty Misery. Mistery. Mistsery? Ministry?Good band. Whatever.

Well, I rented this game because I had a shitty ass day and needed to blow off some steam. And I had heard that the premise of the game is that it's one of those fully-rendered environment games like GTA or Spider-Man 2, where you can play or you can just chill and explore. The difference with this game? You can destroy everything. So I started playing it, and it's ok and all, not the greatest, sure, and the novelty of being able to smash everything you can possibly get your hands on starts to wear off about the time oh who the fuck am I kidding this is absolutely fucking amazing smashy smashy SMASHY!

I have spent the last five hours picking up buses and throwing them at helicopters. Tearing cars in half and wearing the metal as gloves. Picking up soldiers and throwing them at other soldiers (new favorite last words: "I think he's learning as he goes along!" SMASH!). And fighting a giant green scaly Ron Pererlman. Oh, and Puny Banner is voiced by Neal McDonough, of RAVENOUS and MINORITY REPORT fame, so yeah, major squeeage there.

There's a reason why I stopped playing video games. They take up too much time for no good reason! Time I should be spending writing! Or something. Why, today I almost finished a new Hefner monologue! I decided I would open the whole thing off by telling the story of how the first Hefner Monologue came about, this being when I told the Tammy Wedding story for the first time. I think that'd be appropriate.

And what was I doing instead? Same thing I shall be doing all day tomorrow as a polish off lines (erm, we DO have rehearsal tonight, right?). Smashy smashy smashy smashy.