For the love of God, Montressor

[thehefner]

Y'know what I really hate about remakes? I'm afraid that the remakes will replace the originals. Think that fear is baseless? I was wondering that too until I thought about SCARFACE. The original 1933 SCARFACE is so overshadowed, it's not even being made on VHS anymore, much less DVD. Any new TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE products I see are all based on the utterly inferior remake. They should remake bad movies, movies people want to forget. Not classics, and especially not brilliant classics that the youth of today has probably not seen, much less heard of. Which brings me to my point:

Please. For the love of God. DON'T see the THE PINK PANTHER.

I love Steve Martin, don't get me wrong. THE JERK, LA STORY, and PLANES, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOBILES are all-time favorites. His stand-up work and his writing, brilliant stuff. He is an absolutely brilliant Steve Martin. But he is not Peter Sellers. I shudder to think how many people going to see the remake, Beyonce Knowles fans for example, would go "Who's Peter Sellers?"

Do yourself a huge favor and rent A SHOT IN THE DARK and THE PINK PANTHER STRIKES AGAIN. See the original too as well, but those are the very best of the best Clouseau movies. The remake isn't so much a remake of the original PINK PANTHER; in that, Clouseau was barely a supporting character. It was in those two films especially that he became an icon, and it's those two movies that are being remade and trampled upon. A SHOT IN THE DARK is in my top ten comedies of all time, right alongside LA STORY.

Please, people, stop giving Hollywood money for being unoriginal and trying to profit off of superior movies. Which is not to say that there aren't good remakes; THE FLY and THE THING are absolutely brilliant. And sure, I haven't seen the new PINK PANTHER yet, I guess I can't really judge. But Beyonce? Fucking Beyonce? Come now. And besides, nothing changes this fact:


See that? Clouseau. Accept no substitutes. Not Alan Arkin, not Ted Wass, not Roberto Benigni, and not even Steve Martin.

And while you're at it, also watch (if you haven't already) A FISH CALLED WANDA and LEON: THE PROFESSIONAL to see Kevin Kline and Jean Reno perform for something other than just another paycheck.

Comments

[tompurdue.livejournal.com]

Five words:

Cheaper by the Dozen.

Two.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

My point exactly.

Maybe the same aliens who kidnapped the real Michael Jackson in 1985 and replaced him with the double did the same with Steve Martin after LA Story.

[tompurdue.livejournal.com]

I think they waited a few years before trying it on Steve Martin. The double they made of MJ isn't very good. It doesn't look like him at all!

[bimmin.livejournal.com]

Sorry, this post just made me think of the following thing that was once said to me:

"Hey Bimmin, did you know there was ANOTHER Red Dragon movie? Without Ed Norton?"

To me, it's kind of like saying, "You mean, this was once a book?" >_<;; I agree with you that there are brilliant remakes but really, Hollywood needs a serious injection of originality!

Yeah...remakes....yeah... ;_;

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Gahh... guhhhh... huff... owwwww...

Man oh man oh GOD. MANHUNTER is another one of my favorites, and RED DRAGON (aside from Ralph Finnes' performance) was a phoned-in paycheck movie for everyone involved. It saddens me to think that MANHUNTER was actually the more faithful adaptation, changed ending and all.

[jayel4192.livejournal.com]

I liked Philip Seymour Hoffman in Red Dragon. Not as much as in, say, State and Main. But still worth wasting film on.

now if only they had edited the rest...

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can't really hate my rumpy doppelganger...

[jayel4192.livejournal.com]

just think of it as a stepping stone to that vicarious Oscar you just got nominated for.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Oh god, vicarious Oscar? I think you've just stumbled upon something brilliant in its geekery there.

[jayel4192.livejournal.com]

i really couldn't agree more. i just don't know what happened to steve martin.

i wonder if it's a lack of humility of a sorts. clearly he's choosing movies he personally loved, and is remaking them as his own. a lot of actors do that. but something has gone horribly horribly wrong.

i think there have been some very good literature to movie conversions recently. Mirrormask and Sin City both come to mind from last year. and that dnd remake with the ring of power in new zealand, but anyway.

but Clousseau should have been locked away and never tried again.

i'd love to see Hollywood have a Hall of Fame: nothing in the hall can be re-made, unless by another hall of famer. afterall, guilds (writers', actors' and directors') should be responsible for quality control.

[morganashkevron.livejournal.com]

Dr. Strangelove is my personal favorite Seller's movie. And you're so right about Hollywood - they should do remakes of bad movies to make them better. I mean, there are a ton of flicks out there that had a good story but bad direction or horrible acting or any of a dozen other problems that made them duds.

[fishymcb.livejournal.com]

As long as you're championing Peter Sellers, it goes without saying that DR. STRANGELOVE: OR HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB is a must. And I agree. I'm starting to wonder if Steve Martin and Eugene Levy have Eddie Murphy disease, in which they are unable to judge the merits of a script and thereby star in every film that is sent their way. It's really tragic. The only cure is fire.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Well, we do have BOWFINGER and BRINGIN' DOWN THE HOUSE and evidence of cross-casting between these three. Except for Levy, who keeps fluctuating between great movie and crap back and forth.

[fishymcb.livejournal.com]

See, all I said is that they take on every project they are sent. I guess Eugene's agent is making sure a few good films sneak into his pile.

[sexualdiva.livejournal.com]

Why the hell put Beyonce in a movie like the pink panther? Something is terribly wrong there. And as for Steve. Somehow, I don't think that anyone could replace the original Clouseau.

[ortugatay.livejournal.com]

Ah, I do love me some oldschool Pink Panther (I have Strikes Again on VHS). And now I reeeally wanna watch Fish Called Wanda again. You're the one who got me to check that out and I love it, despite my sea creature phobia. Ever see Fierce Creatures?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Not in many a year. I remember liking it more than Fish Called Wanda at the time, but I've come to seriously deeply love Wanda with time, so i dunno how I'd feel about it today.

[disc-sophist.livejournal.com]

One example of many: I looked every day from November through January for Miracle on 34th Street with Edmund Gwenn. Could only find Attenborough and that stupid kid with the big eyes. Love R.A., but it made me very sad. And no, I won't be seeing Pink Panther. arg.

I second my boy's hall-of-fame suggestion. It'd be like retiring the number, only more useful.

Recommended double feature.

[whimmydiddle.livejournal.com]

See "Cyrano de Bergerac" with Gerard Depardieu. Beautiful film. Then see "Roxanne" and marvel at Steve Martin's brilliance both as a writer & a performer.

Re: Recommended double feature.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I know and love Cyrano and have seen/read several versions. I also know and love Steve Martin's work in the 80's. Yet I found ROXANNE to be insufferably mediocre at the very best. I'm as shocked as you are. I know it's generally considered brilliant, but for me, it was no different than watching a Shakespeare adaptation without the Shakespeare language; it's not the plot that made the original work, it's the execution and the dialog.

[karmaflouge.livejournal.com]

saw A Fish Called Wanda. good movie. good plot. coulda lived without seeing John Cleese's buttocks though.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it's the actor who has to suffer for comedy. Sometimes it's the audience.

[erzebetbathory.livejournal.com]

*snicker snicker*
i was thinking about "a fish called wanda" the other day, because i was hanging out with my friends, which i do every day, and they are these 6 italian people (aside from one american, and one hungarian who sounds SO like dracula, all my friends are italian, how strange) buuuut, anyway, italian people are not so good with speaking english, and since i'm the only non italian one, they just talk to each other in italian, and then english to me (about 40% of what they say to me is english anyway, the rest is in italian, which i do not understand, at all, talk about language barrier)

but anyway, my point, i do have one. all the while they were talking, i kept thinking to myself, "boy, if only i could speak some italian... mozzarella! ravioli! lasagna!"

*snicker* heh, i think it's funny.

ps, sorry about the sudden bombardment of comments, since we're not friends listed, i get these random hefner cravings or something, and then i binge, happens every time

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Haha, y'know, that reminds me of one of my favorite Beavis and Butt-Head moments:

TEACHER: Butt-Head, can you speak some Spanish for me?
BUTT-HEAD: Uhh... huh huh... uhh... tacos... burritos... nachos...
BEAVIS: Heh heh... SPAGHETTI!

So yeah, Mike Judge would think your joke is funny too. As do I, actually.

"Random Hefner cravings," interesting way to put it.