I'M FREAKING OUT! ... in the very best way possible

[thehefner]

So with the $400 sent into the Capital Fringe Festival (thank you again so, so much, Rude Mechanicals!) and the contract signed, THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES is/are officially underway! Well, I mean, Julianne at the Fringe said they got the money, but there's no word on if they successfully received the contract. Eh, the money's the more important part anyway. Right?

Barring unforeseen circumstances, I'll be performing THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES in a 35-seat space at the Warehouse Arts Theatre, Friday 7/20 at 5:30pm, Saturday 7/21 at 11:00pm, Tuesday 7/24 at 9:00pm, Friday 7/27 at 9:30pm, and Sunday 7/29 at 3:00pm. Not a terrible assortment of times, all things considered. The first Friday and Saturday present some problems, while the Tuesday is a good time on a tricky night.

Even for the good times, how am I going to get attention for this show? How can I fill a 35-seat space for five nights (beyond my usual circles of friends?) I have no idea what to do for posters/flyers/photos. Should I get my headshot photographer to do some publicity shots of me? If so, what should they be like? Pictures of me in the smoking jacket? Or rolling around in rose petals? And/or just me in my shiny blue suit busting a move?

Additionally, I'm thinking about offering punch and pie at my show. No, seriously. I'll put it right on the poster: "PUNCH AND PIE." Or maybe Mom will bake a cake. Or we'll give away spinach knishes. I dunno, something.

Dash it all, I'm no designer or ad-wizard, but I'm a-gonna need this stuff too. I know I should focus on the show itself first and foremost, which is frankly what I'd love to do, but the rest of this is gonna need consideration. For now, I just need to focus on writing and then performing the show.





So now it's just a matter of... figuring out what the hell I'm going to do.

I mean, there's the script itself. I need to make a complete show, not a stand-up routine of observations and anecdotes. So rather than just tell the Tammy story, I think the heart of the show will be about how I tell these stories to turn the painful parts of my life into entertainment. I'm a big ol' walking open wound, and the stories are my coping mechanism.

So the question becomes, for a show that'll roughly be about an hour and a half, just what Hefner Monologues should I include? Some stories like the "Wedding/Erection" story or the "Day in Traffic Court" story serve the narrative well, while other stories like "Drunk in Bath" would be excellent, but have no real relevance to the larger story.

What would make the strongest show? That's an obvious question, of course. When you're a long-winded bastard as I am, the question is harder than ever.





And going back to the whole "publicity" issue, there's the whole "Hefner" thing itself. Even if I don't tell the story of my visit to the Playboy Mansion (where would I find the room??), I have to start wondering just how much I'm going to want to ride the Hefner family name. Mom thinks I should milk my connection for all it's worth, that revealing how I'm Hugh Hefner's cousin (of sorts) is an easy attention-getter, and perfectly fine considering he's not in contact with me anyway. But then, she always has had more of a "whore oneself out there" mentality when it comes to making a name for oneself.

I suppose the Hefner connection would be unavoidable, especially for a show called THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES. But how much do I really want to ride on his coat-tails? My book is ultimately about me sorta allowing myself to get out from under his shadow; I recently discovered that most people who know me instantly think of me when they hear "Hef" instead of Hugh, which I thought was pretty cool.

Do I really want to re-enforce the notion that he's everything synonymous with the name, and that I'm just the "other" Hefner? Or would it be unwise, this early on in the game, to not play an easy attention-getting card? Is there a way I can have my cake and eat it too?

... Maybe that could be the basis for my second show. All the more reason I need my first to be a success!




Your constant constructive support is essential, folks. I wouldn't have gotten this far without it, nor will I get anywhere in this crazy world if y'all ever stopped. Know that it is always deeply, deeply appreciated.

Comments

[ortugatay.livejournal.com]

Having advertised at the Fringe in Schotland, here are some advert thoughts.

-The punch and pie thing is a good idea. It's different and people love free food.

-Making up some nice posters and asking shop keepers to put them up inside or in windows is a good way to get noticed, especially stores whose shoppers would make good audiences (bookstores, comic shops, the Speakeasy, etc.)

-Fliers are SO IMPORTANT. Posters are good too, but people can take fliers with them to look at later and write down dates from. Fliers are what determined what shows we saw when we were in Scotland. We would take our stacks home and read them and pick shows that sounded the most interesting. Flashy, bright, or unusual pictures attract people. (So a picture of you doing something wacky would undoubtedly be great. You have good ideas and fun facial expressions.) Funny, quirky show descriptions attract people. Dates written in BIG letters make people remember them. People don't, however, want to read too much stuff, so don't overload fliers. I'd get someone to design one, if I were you, and make them either half-sheet or postcard sized for convenience.

-Making up some Hefner Monologue t-shirts might not be bad, especially if they're brightly colored. Get your friends to wear them around, and people will notice them and it'll be yet another thing to stick in their minds.

-Coming up with a very quick and energetic and interesting spoken blurb, so when people ask you "So what's the show about?" you'll have a prepared and snazzy answer.

-Getting people to help you. Get friends to come help pass things out and heckle people into seeing the show. The more people that help, the more audience members will hear about it.

-Attracting newspaper attention.

-Being persistent, in general, will pay off. Don't leave people alone, get help, pass out ads, and make people remember you. When we were at the Fringe, we tended to see shows when we were approached by people who were able to talk to us and engage our attention (because then we remembered them and wanted to support them)

I hope this helps some! Feel free to bounce ideas off of me anytime :-)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Good, this is very, very helpful. If anything else comes to mind, please let me know. Thankee!!!

[testopolis.livejournal.com]

Dude.

Listen to Molly. I second everything she said, whole-heartedly.

Also-- USE THE NAME! WHORE IT OUT! Just about any publicity is good publicity. We read the worst review possible while we were over there, and it almost made me want to see the show. I still remember information about the show, and I didn't even see it. (It was called "Rabbit," I believe. And it was apparently the worst show ever.)

Bright. Catchy. Memorable. Make people want to find out more. Be funny. Be personable. Should be easy! ; )

[lonebear.livejournal.com]

yes use your connection, if only a little. "Hear Heffner in person" comes to mind as a hook.

the biggest things i see are the joining of the stories. you need to time out the stories that you wish to do and figure how to join them together.
With your prelim. idea of turning the pain to good is the perfect story to stitch the tales.

One thing to look at with the space is do you have access to a spot. You like moving when telling your tales. luckily, in a space that small you should not require a mic.

you need to figure out what you want to do for music if anything. some mood music to set the mood as people come in. you could also arrange for tunes to puctuate the stories. and to give you a chance to drink in between tales.

my offer of tech still stands, though i now need to look at the dates and make sure they work for me.

we can discuss more on the phone, you should have my number or it's in my journal.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

The designated one tech day I've been given is Thursday 19th 1-3. Which should probably be enough; I might have other ideas, but if nothing else, all I'm gonna need is decent lighting so people can see me. Beyond that, well, we'll see what ideas I come up with.

I haven't seen the space yet, but I hope to soon.

Yes, I would indeed like your tech help, please! Assuming the dates work for you, of course. Although I don't know what there is to discuss at present (although I certainly hope that changes soon!)

[ortugatay.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, and milk the Hef's cousin thing for all it's worth. It's a fast way to get attention and have people remember. Heck, perhaps your flier could feature the shadow of Hef (I guess just someone wearing a smoking jacket with a lady on their arm) and you popping out from behind that with one of your classic Hef faces. And a slice of pie. If, um, that made any sense.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I'll probably have a few publicity shots of me in the smoking jacket as well. Just in case.

Classic Hef faces... hehe, I'll have to remember that.

Ditch the Grand Unifed Theory

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

First of all - Icon love! Now that that's out of the way, let's take this piece by piece.

1. Tell. The. Best. Stories. You don't have to hit people over the head with your theme. You are not a developing character over the course of the night. If bowing to theme costs you one moment of pure entertainment I will personally be waiting outside the theatre with the bees.

2. The Hefner connection: You could touch on this with your poster campaign. Something like Kids = Rowling, Adults = Hefner (Got Hef?). That's just what first popped to mind for me after seeing you'll be up on HP day.

3. Okay, those were my only two thoughts so far. But seriously, the audience will just be looking for a kick-ass good time. You could make a really great lounge singer with anecdotes. Talking about your theme is great, but it should really only take up space your performances pieces don't need at the time.

IMHO and YMMV. I am *so* excited for you!!!!!!!!! :-D

NOT THE BEEEEEES!!!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Telling the best stories... aye, I think that's the best possible advice in regards to my actual performance. Righty-right, I'll just have to find a way to tell the story about getting drunk in Bath. And maybe, just maybe, my adventure at the Playboy Mansion.

All while trying to give a far shorter version of my 80-page (when double-spaced) Tammy story. Whee!

Re: NOT THE BEEEEEES!!!

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

You could indicateon the fliers that smoking jackets are optional. Maybe a few people will take you up and come dressed as if they would for the playboy mansion.

Dang, now I'm going to be working mentally on fliers all week. If no one can pay Arctic Monkeys next month I'm so blaming you!

Re: NOT THE BEEEEEES!!!

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

"The Hefner Monologues

Zero bunnies

Tons of funnies"

Meh, I'll keep working on it.

[chickenhat.livejournal.com]

World War Z and the Zobie Survival Guide are written by Max Brooks.

It's only way after the fact that it's been revealed that this IS actually Mel brooks' son.

To thine own self be true and all that, make The Hefner Monologues about you.

1st month to finish the writing and come up with a photo/poster
(you can figure the poster out after the script is done, I recommend you keep it at 20 pages for now, because trying to cut your own story will be more painful than coming up with more material)

2nd month to start working out the staging, sound, lighting, etc, and to start getting the posters up and the word out, and to finish with Faustus

3rd month, after Faustus and what's left of July, to work your pasty white ass off re-pimping and hammering out the details for staging and scheduling and making sure you invite every one on your e-mail address book, LJ, MySpace, and on every store window that'll let you put up a poster in a 6 block radius of the venue

(5 times 35 = 165 max attendance, so don't beat yourself up too much trying to do it all)

Yes, you could use a stack of free postcards, too, if you have places where people will actually pick them up, or if you have people and a bunch of 20 cent stamps to mail them out with. Some places will make a small run of 100 or so for free, go googling and check for yourself once you have a poster image. Probably not worth it in your particular case.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

See, yeah, that's what my gut says. But I dunno, you're the first person to say otherwise (so far).

20 pages? You mean 20 whole pages of script, no more? Fo' cereal? Single-spaced or double? Yiiiiipes.

That's all I have to respond to for just right now. I'll get back to the other stuff later on.

[dormsquirrel.livejournal.com]

Well, you gotta go with your gut, no matter what anyone else says.

But as for both Mel Brooks' son and Stephen King's son (who I'm adding as an example in the same vein), they're both A.) a son, not a cousin and B.) doing similar work to their fathers, in a broad creative sense.

So that's my two cents. :o)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

And also, yeah, he is my cousin, and unlike Brooks and King, I don't even get a Christmas card from the guy, much less contact or support of any kind.

Hmm. I dunno. There could still be some merit to "Hear the adventures of Hugh Hefner's estranged second cousin (or first cousin once removed, we're still not sure which)!" Or maybe "The Other White Hefner."

[lairdofdarkness.livejournal.com]

Why does the "Real Peterman tour" spring to mind?? The one where Kramer told his life stories to Elaines Boss, Peterman. Peterman put them out in a book about his own life and then Kramer got in on the act.
Seinfeld for those who dont know.
I would go with being you though, I dont think milking the connection would make much of a difference. Then again all publicity is good publicity. Maybe a shot of you in smoking jacket with some ugly girls (difficult to cast) and a bubble pipe?? From what I have read on LJ, it will be an entertaining night and that will generate word of mouth. This is probaly more valuble to getting bums on seats (thats butts/asses/arses for you americans not tramps/hobos/glaswegians!).
The punch and pie is a good idea...especially if you dont actually have any. Then again maybe South Park fans aint your target audience.
Good luck with it though bud, I await the you tube that will hopefully follow...that and the region free dvd!!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Nah, I'll actually have snacky-snacks of some sort. But those who get the "punch and pie" joke shall be all the richer for it.

And thankee, pally!

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

Wow, good luck! And as far as using the family name, I duno! I can't be constructive here, but I wanted to throw in some words of support :)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

And they are mightily, mightily appreciated. :)

I'm also seriously pondering whether or not to include the running gag of "CURSE YOU, RICHARDS!" which features prominently in the written stories. Probably not this time, but we'll see where my writing takes me.

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

Well, I'd laugh. ^_^ But you have to cater to a larger audience.

[katenesswac.livejournal.com]

So, my initial reaction to this post was, 'Hey, I'll design your publicity,' before I realized I do not currently have the proper software. But if you really want me to, I bet I still could. I won't be buying that shiny new Adobe CS 3 pack anytime soon seeing as how even the student price is a tad high for my current budget, but I'm sure I could work something out. One less thing you'd have to worry about doing, one more thing I can slam in my portfolio. Everyone's happy and I get to help from across an ocean!

By the way, next year? Take that shit to Scotland.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Oh, very cool! Well, when things get a bit more solid in terms of story and all, I'll run it by you. I'd be very interested to hear what comes to mind.

Bear in mind, I'm also gonna need some publicity shots, so ideas there too would be grand.

And you betcher arse that's what I'll be doin'. Assuming the Fringe experience here doesn't crush me and utterly destroy all dreams I have for doing Hefner Monologues on stage.

[katenesswac.livejournal.com]

OOOO! I just had a cool idea. While thinking of ways around the no InDesign software problem, I was like, I HAVE COMIC LIFE! I want to see what sort of crazy thing sI can do with that program, but I bet it would lend itself well to your show, seeing as how you're a comic sort of guy and the possibilities are endless when it comes to comic panels. It would be especially great for flyers. But a comic theme might be great for your publicity in general.

Anywho, I'll let you plan away in the meantime. Just a thought.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Oh heck, that just might be good! But let's keep that as one option, because this isn't a comic-centric show (I'll have a later one for that), although it might well serve to get a number of different ideas across. It would also be a great way to utilize publicity photos of me, especially if I were to do that photo shoot.

[marred82.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm....tagline...tagline....

'Come for the pie, stay for the punch'

'GABBO! GABBO! GABBO!'

'Nudity by request only'

'Leave your smoking jackets at the door'

'Hefner: the other white geek'

'Not affiliated with that porn guy'

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Well, that last one's not technically true, now is it?

I am very tempted to print up some teaser fliers/posters going "HEFFIE! HEFFIE! HEFFIE!" And the nudity one would make a funny file print tagline. Except for the fact that you just KNOW someone would request it, and that ain't frickin' happenin'.

I kinda like "Leave your smoking jackets at the door" though... hmm...

[covenhouse-cat.livejournal.com]

I think "Wear your smoking jackets" would be better.

I see your point about The Throughline. Critics need one. But you can deviate from it if you are entertaining enough. Spalding Gray did.

I would check out Monster in the Box, Swimming to Cambodia, Gray's Anatomy and Slippery Slope from your local llibrary and try to follow his throughline from opening to closing, noting how far off the path he occasionally travels.

Also, while I understand your need to purge the Tammy story, understand that that kind of story, while fairly universal, is often an unpleasant thing to behold. I would rather you focus on your multitudinous observations on everything else.

I like the tales which feature your unrequited crush on the aerobics trainer, your tales of shows and comics geekery, and that sweet little story about going out in the snow for a smoke on your pipe. But that's just me, man.

Also, can you let us out-of-towners know where and when you'll plan to perform? I'm not familiar with your area at all, but I might be free enough to come see.

[pokeyburro.livejournal.com]

I'm gonna go with chickenhat on this one. If the Monologues are a hit, you may find yourself wondering whether it would've made it without the Hugh connection. If you didn't play up the Hugh connection, you'll feel that much more confident.

After all, you're not just doing this to get rich, right?

(Not that there's anything wrong with that if you are.)

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

first off.. the Hefner issue?

i think that you should hit it head on and make a quick joke of it, then leave it in the dust..

"my name is John Hefner. yes, its the same Hefner. he's a 2nd cousin or something like that, it ain't getting me any blondes in bunny ears, doesnt do me any good, i'm bitter, let's move on.."

and then just move into whatever is next.

thats just my idea.

i think you need, NEED, to track down a copy of Leguizamo's "Freak" and then sit down and watch it and some Chris Titus and study them both. both are incredibly funny, but poignant. try to see if you can figure out what makes their stuff work.

how do they connect the funny to the tragic, and then make the tragic funny? how do they move from topic to topic seamlessly? what tone and speech patterns do they use to draw in the audience?

etc etc you'd know more than i what to look for.

but yeah, i think it'd be good for you. take what works for you and leave the rest.

you can do this, brother. its going to be great.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Check out the next entry I did for resolution on the Hefner issue. I think what I have in mind there will work best of all.

Of course I need to see FREAK, but dude! DUDE! Who do you think you're talking to, here? I WORSHIP Chris Titus! Holy crap, man! Didn't you know that?? He's one of my heroes, right up there with Garrison Keillor!

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

i'll check that out.

and i know that you love Titus.. thats part of why i suggested studying his technique for this.

not that you havent done so before.. but in prep for this it might be a good idea.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

There are times when I'll watch Titus' "Norman Rockwell is Bleeding" or listen to Garrison Keillor's Lake Wobegon stuff before I get to writing Hefner Monologues, just to get me in the rhythm. Yeah, they're great for that. I have to go back over what I write later to make sure the final product isn't overtly aping their styles, of course, but I do worship the way they tell stories.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

they are good ones to learn from, my friend.