Building a Hefner Monologues Show

[thehefner]

So thanks to the ton of comments, advice, and insight regarding my last Hefner Monologues post (keep 'em coming, folks! I really appreciate it!), I have come up with a few new ideas and done away with a few others.

I'm starting to think that maybe I shouldn't tell the whole Tammy story after all. I mean, I do think it could hold up on its own as an entire show (which is also a point; it needs a whole show, and I wouldn't be able to tell some of the other stories that I'm really gonna NEED to tell for this first show.) And honestly, telling the Tammy story isn't the purging, cathartic story it was for me two years ago. I don't need to tell it anymore. But I still kinda want to tell it, insofar as I think/hope it's a good story. But not for the first HEFNER MONOLOGUES show. Several of you folks have convinced me of that.

Now look, I don't want to just tell a series of unrelated anecdotes. Stand-up comedians can do that, but that's not the way I roll. I like there to be an arc, a throughline (thanks, covenhouse_cat). I had one with the Tammy story, which was, "I told these stories to help me cope, then it got so bad that I thought I'd never tell these stories again, and then I got better and I could, (not) the end" and so on.

Now, I'm trying to think of a solid, complete show that I could make just based on a bunch of "The Best O' The Hefner Monologues" that I have so far. adaptor was right: Tell. The. Best. Stories. "If bowing to theme costs you one moment of pure entertainment I will personally be waiting outside the theatre with the bees." I agree. But remember, I want people to come away from the show with something. I don't want them to just enjoy it and forget it. I want to create something with substance, lofty as that may be, above and beyond just making people laugh. But laughter is damn important too.

So here are some of the stories I'm thinking about telling:

"The Wedding/Erection Story": this is a logical start, as it's also the origin of the Hefner Monologues themselves. This will be the extent of explicit Tammy material (it pains me that I'll have to save the oral sex story for the entire Tammy show).

"Visiting the Playboy Mansion when I was 8 Years Old": And here, I may have a perfect resolution to the "Hefner" question. Because this is honestly a great story and one of interest to people: I get to live the dream of many a straight man by getting a guided tour of the Playboy Mansion, at an age when it totally doesn't count. It also opens up a theme that appeared in the book, trying to find an identity for myself. This doesn't mean that I'll still be totally milking the Hefner connection in my promotional material, but it can still be a relevant factor. Especially when I ask myself the question of "What the hell kind of Hefner am I?!"

"Blue Surge/Going Naked on Stage": One way I made a name for myself? I utterly destroyed Harry Nilsson's "Coconut" for every single person who saw Blue Surge. A small part of me thinks I really should get actually naked for this show, but I neither want to nor do I think I really should, as the way I describe those events work great on their own accord.

"Drunk in Bath": It's a fan-favorite. I gotta do it. But probably near the end, because unless I build up my stamina, there's no way I'll be able to do much more after.

"Traffic Court": Maybe, along with "Blue Surge," this story belongs with the big Tammy story, because they help cut the non-stop angst. But this is also a fan-favorite (from my dozen or so fans). And it'll also serve an important point: telling this story is much scarier to me than ever going naked on stage. It'll take balls for me to tell this story and make it work, without all women pitying me and all men wanting to kick me in the balls on principle. My own mother called me a "pussy" for this.

"The Nerdy Guy": A short (fifteen minutes?) story of life at the comic shop. Including "The Nerdy Guy" story (another identity I've acquired for myself), and maybe a bit of how I burst out dancing to Oingo Boingo when the store's empty.

"Meeting Misty/Our First Date": Wherein my nerdiness is reaffirmed by a drunken topless girl with a crush on me, and I discover the hazards of a shorn scrotum (as that was a late addition to the story, perhaps only little_dinosaur knows what I'm talking about there. Heh heh). But it might also be worth noting that Misty had a Hugh Hefner fetish too...

"Sitting on my porch, smoking a pipe as the snow falls": covenhouse_cat suggested this. I wouldn't have thought about it, but maybe it would work too. Just a nice moment of quiet sincerity, amid all the loud, arms-flailing sincerity.

"One-man version of 'Little Girls.'" It's an idea.

That's what I have so far, but what do you folks think? Are there any stories/bits that stand out for you, that you think I should tell?

Comments

[wendywoowho.livejournal.com]

...I can't wait to see this.

[fishymcb.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha...oh man, I would be so honored if Blue Surge rears its ugly head in Hefner Monologue form. If it's a good fit, don't forget my "If John's getting naked, you're getting wet" remark. Now that's good directing!

For serious, I think this is a good eclectic mix. You've got some sex stuff, some flashbacks to Lil' Hefner, some heartfelt stuff, some silly stuff. It's a zesty summer tonic, as they say. Goferit.

[morganashkevron.livejournal.com]

I have to agree with adaptor - stick to the best stories. It doesn't matter if they lack a thematic connection to each other in a high art sort of way because they still have one very important thing in common - they are all stories about your life. So maybe you can tell them in chronological order. Or find points where they intersect or overlap to use as transitions to the next part. Regardless, they're great stories and nobody else could tell them like you can. All you have to do is figure out the best way to present them.

[dormsquirrel.livejournal.com]

Ok, I'm going to have to disagree with a lot of people, because I think there should be some sort of throughline, but that it shouldn't necessarily be an easily articulated theme that would place unnecessary restrictions on the stories you tell. But I do think the audience members should wind up someplace different at the end that they weren't in the beginning (as obvious as that sounds) and that they should be able to have an intuitive sense of what's leading them through this journey.

A throughline, then, is acknowledging the narrative needs of your audience.

Well that wasn't super helpful, but there you go anyway.

[dormsquirrel.livejournal.com]

Also, a clear theme isn't high art. It's high school.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

A very good point. One I have to keep in mind. My whole mentality is just, "But no theme/throughline at all is just rambling without a point."

I hope, when I throw a big Hefner Monologues reading party at my house in a month or two, you'll be able to make it. I'll make a formal post about that in a couple weeks or something. I want to get ideas and insight from peeps, and it sounds like you've got quite a bit yourself. I just bring it up to you explicitly since I don't see you so often these days.

[chickenhat.livejournal.com]

I have only one thing to add about the idea of NOT having a central theme that connect the whole work.

Don't be Pericles.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Now, I'm not sure what you mean by that. I hate the play, but I absolutely adored the Shakespeare Theatre production of it, even though I know of a couple folks who didn't.

[chickenhat.livejournal.com]

They did a fine job with the production values, but honestly, I was bored because they kept jumping like a lfea from one plot line to anopther. Nothing seemed to get resolved, just left behind.

Don't just make it a bunch of disconencted stories starring John Hefner. You DO have a theme of searching for self-identity, use it or something else to string it together or it'll be the bees.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Personally, I was in love with every second of that production. I wish I had it recorded so I could figure out just what exactly it was that clicked for me. My first thought is that it was like Shakespeare doing BIG FISH with dashes of PRINCESS BRIDE.

If nothing else, man? I thought they did a wonderful job with the script. *shudder*

OK, good, good, that's exactly what I want to do. I very much don't want disconnected stories starring John Hefner. Nor do I desire THE BEEEEEEES!!! I think the search for self-identity, coupled with a teeny dash of "I tell these to cope" (even though that's much better suited to the full-blown Tammy story), is the way to go for now, as I write out the first draft.

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

The Wedding/Erection story as a prologue is great. It sets the whole mood up. I think the "Hefnerian" thing as an adjective, like a tone, is a better cohesive thing than trying for a theme.
I feel so privileged. They're gonna interview me about it for your episode of "Behind the Music".
You, uh, might have to take this to the Montreal Fringe Fest once you've conquered your hometown. I wanna see it! And don't worry, they'll let you perform in English for an English-speaking crowd. They might make you wear a feather boa just to fit in, but that's it. And then you'd have a story about how I made you eat something made of french fries, cheese curds and gravy.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Well, in addition, I'm considering doing a... trailer, you might say. Read Jaki (as in, "Jaki, I'm getting a blowjob!)'s LJ entry here and find our comment thread:

http://tazira.livejournal.com/299893.html

It's been an inside joke, my reenacting of movie trailers as only I can. So I'm considering opening the show, first and foremost, by reenacting the entirety of the 300 trailer, right down to the NIN music. That might warm 'em up. And then the Wedding/Erection story. What think you?

If this experience is successful enough that I feel like it's worth it to keep doing the shows (which is to say, the experience won't crush my soul), then Montreal Fringe is TOTALLY on my list. Right with Scotland, Philly, and so on.

[tankgirl88.livejournal.com]

::hugs:: i miss you

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Yew nevah cawl, yew nevah write...

::hugs back::

Mayhaps you could come on down for the show? At least for FAUSTUS. I think you'll dig that. End of May through June.

[tankgirl88.livejournal.com]

i would love to go, where is it again?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

FAUSTUS will be in Laurel, MD, and probably Baltimore. Info will be (soon) available at www.rudemechanicals.com.

I will be performing every other night, as I'm trading off with another guy for Faustus.

Hefner Monologues dates were posted about a week ago in my LJ. I'll mention them again as we get closer.

I really look forward to seeing you again sometime. It has been far too long.

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

Yay! I got mentioned in cats_n_crying's blog! But then he got One Night In Bangkok stuck in my head.

Does this moment count as Hefnerian?

I'm glad you're looking to find a theme for the evening, I was just worried it'd be too thematic. But if you pick the best material I think you'll find there's already a theme there (and 'what kind of Hefner am I?' sounds like it might be a great one!).

I like the idea of you doing the mansion visit story early, just because it'll be on people's minds. And there's more of 'the Hef' in you than you think. We've seen the smoking jacket!

In my fantasy (yes, this is how my brain works, ignore if you like) you do the preview, then with the stage back to dark you start out audio only doing the funniest dang story you've got. Preferably one that doesn't fit anywhere else because it doesn't have to. Then you finish up with a light on you and introduce yourself, seguing nicely into the Mansion tale.

At least that's how it goes in my daydreams...

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I'm a CHESS geek, what can I say? Yet not a fan of the game. Ah well.

I dunno. We're still working on the definition.

No, I'm definitely thematic-minded, don't worry about that. I want there to kinda be a "point," y'know?

The "What kind of Hefner am I?" rant goes like this:

What the hell kind of Hefner was I?! Where were my legions of women, swooning at the hem of my velvet bathrobe? Where was my mighty mansion, filled to the brim with movies, video games, caves that became swimming pools and rocks that were also speakers? When I died, what kind of legacy would I leave behind?

That’s the real problem here, isn’t it? Most people just come and go in life, leaving hardly a mark or legacy that last beyond a few years, if even that.

The name Hefner would forever be synonymous with pipes, pussy, and PJs, and the man himself would for decades on be as iconic and recognizable as Bugs Bunny. What could I possibly offer to counter that? Could I just imagine, in the not-too-distant-future, guys going around with Green Lantern T-Shirts and great bushy muttonchops, flailing their arms fashionably and remarking to one another, “Ah, I see you’re sporting ‘The Hefner’ too?”

There's more, but that's the meat of it. That, and the thought that the only way I might be remembered a hundred years from now is as a footnote in a Hugh Hefner biography. But then, most people are lucky to even be a footnote, aren't they?

Your fantasy has merit, it does... I am gonna seriously have to consider that. (mm, I'm in ur fantasies, telling mah store-ees...)

[gore-whore-5.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your "What kind of Hefner am I?" rant. I'm in the middle of class stifling my laughter. Your image of sporting "The Hefner" is fantastic. I can't wait until I can see this.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that'll likely be in the show. Perhaps I shall be a trendsetter after all!

[gore-whore-5.livejournal.com]

I actually bragged about you today at the open photo lab. This kid was saying how I'm such a nerd, and I said that the biggest nerd I know is named John Hefner, yes he's related to Hugh. I said how you're writing the Hefner Monologues and putting together a one-man show, yadda yadda yadda. I will totally make the entirety of Howard Community College know your name.