Cover Letter, first draft/appeal for help

[thehefner]

So here's my cover letter for THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES that I'm thinking of sending to the literary agent.



John Hefner
6616 81st St.
Cabin John, MD 20818
Day: ____
Work: ____
Evening: ____
E-mail: ____

May 7, 2007

Dear _________,
“How do you make a name for yourself… when someone else already has?” That’s the question that I, John Hefner (hopeless romantic and estranged second cousin of a certain PJ-wearing worldwide icon) explore in my book, The Hefner Monologues. This painfully funny collection of tragicomic stories recounts such (mis)adventures as:

--My one and only visit to the Playboy Mansion (at age seven) and subsequent estrangement from the Hefner family
--My hilariously doomed love affair with a uniquely dangerous girl
--How I scarred a whole generation of classmates with a theatrical performance, and forever ruined Harry Nilsson’s song “Coconut”
--How I emasculated myself in traffic court to save my driver’s license

Plus many more, all as I struggle to find an identity in a world where “Hef” is a household name, and I am, for all intents and purposes, the “Anti-Hefner.”
This is my second finished book and my first memoir, born out the oral stories I’d been sharing and honing for years. My style has been likened to David Sedaris with a shot of Denis Leary and a dash of Garrison Keillor, but with a neurotically-charged openness and passion that’s all my own. It’s perfectly suited for fans of Sedaris, Augusten Burroughs, John Leguizamo, and NPR’s This American Life.
If you would like to read my manuscript or just a couple selections, please let me know and I shall send them to you promptly.
Thank you for your time and interest.
Sincerely,
John Hefner

***


Does it need to be shorter? Anything I do usually does. Is there anything that could be worded better? Am I forgetting anything? Is there a better way for me to point out who I'm like/how I'm unique/who my audience is/why this should be of ANY interest?

Your help is greatly appreciated, as always.

Comments

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

Oh, you've provided your full address. Now I'm tempted to mail you strange things.

I don't know anything about theatre, but I can help with this!
I'd change "worldwide icon" to "international icon". Because it sounds good. Alliteration, you know.
I'd change the last two examples to "Scarring..." and "Emasculating myself...". I don't know why. My edity-sense is tingling.
Oh, and "a couple of selections". Because I think it's safe to assume that at least one of the people who'll read this will be a grammar Nazi.
If you're feeling wild and crazy, I'm also leaning toward changing "PJ" to "pyjama" and "shall" to "will", because I am almost unbelievably picky.
Good luck!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Ooh, awesome, thankee. Really appreciate it! (I was hoping you, who'd read the sorta-final draft, would respond!)

Also, heck, send away! I love strange little surprises in the mail! Just, y'know, as long as they're not dead things. Unless they're *delicious* dead things.

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

Fabulous.
Also, I've seen your mom's Spidey cake on s_d. Tell her that at least three Canadians think it's awesome.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

As the sickly little orhpan said regarding the need for a new wall for the orphanage, "three is not enough." Let me know when 30 Helens agree that the cake is awesome! ;p

[entropicalia.livejournal.com]

I don't know how differently things work when it comes to drama instead of novels, but a really, really amazingly excellent resource as far as writing cover letters, etc., to agents is misssnark.blogspot.com

She's a literary agent in New York and she gives incredible advice. Search through her tags and I bet you'll find some useful stuff.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Ah, OK, I'll check her out when I get back. Thankee!

[gnort.livejournal.com]

Is it a query letter or a cover letter? As I understood the process (you're more familiar with it so you'd know better then I would but this is my neophyte understanding of the publication submission process), you put a sample of the manuscript in with the cover letter and a query is more in line with what you wrote, that is to say it's a letter asking to see if they're interested in reading such a piece. It could very well just be nitpicking and needlessly dwelling on semantics.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

(Meant to be) a cover letter. That's all she, the agent, wanted for now, before I sent in any part of the manuscript.

[gnort.livejournal.com]

Ah well in that case ya done good. The advice given in the first two comments is also definitely worth considering. Length-wise I think you're ok. You kept it under a page so I don't think it will be a problem unless the editors have a REALLY short attention span.

[kmousie.livejournal.com]

I second almost all of what little_dinosaur said. ("Scarring" and "Emasculating myself..." seem okay to me, but I'd be happy to see what alternatives you come up with.)

If you want to talk about picky, I'm going to suggest deleting the comma after "performance":

How I scarred a whole generation of classmates with a theatrical performance, and forever ruined Harry Nilsson’s song “Coconut”

You're doing both actions in the sentence. If you take out the prepositional phrase "with a theatrical performance," you've got "How I scarred a whole generation of classmates and forever ruined...." No comma.

The second sentence of the first paragraph and the first sentence after the list have a whole bunch of clauses.

With the first one, you can at least delete the comma after "book" because The Hefner Monologues isn't your only book. (It's the whole restrictive and non-restrictive clauses thing..."my brother, John" is different from "my brother John"; I say the first because I have only one brother, and his name is John.) I don't know if anybody reading the letter will be that picky, though.

For the second one, try a dash after "name" instead of a comma.

Plus many more, all as I struggle to find an identity in a world where “Hef” is a household name — and I am, for all intents and purposes, the “Anti-Hefner.”

It might increase readability.

Just my two cents!

[civilbloodshed.livejournal.com]

81 st ST?

Expect random packages of Ridiculous Shit.

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

- I'd cut the word 'worldwide' from the first paragraph (not needed, and sounds a bit like you're bragging as opposed to just highlighting the fact that you're name's kinda been 'taken.')

- And I'd cut "and subsequent estrangement..." because it might give them the impression you're writing a tell-all about the other Hef meat.

- I think I'd also cut the line about the affair because everyone thinks stories about their ex are interesting. I know you well enough (well, digitally speaking) to know that's not the case here, but you don't want to leave any room for doubt in their mind. Remember, the key to a good pitch cut them fast and deep, and then offer to sell them the bandaid.

(And thanks to my expensive film & tv production degree, I can throw around terms like 'the key to a good pitch is...' Kids, don't try this at home!)

- I'd also cut the word 'finished' from the phrase 'second finished book' because without it we'll still assume you probably have a few unfinished projects under your belt, but with it we might start wondering just how many.

- I'd also cut 'plus many more' because it sounds a bit too infomercially. Saying 'such (mis)adventures as...' establishes what you need there.

- This is an even more personal quirk of a note than the rest, but I'd cut the (mis) bit on (mis)adventures as it feels like it's cluttering the style and not offering anything new. I just feel like the effect would sound smoother and more professional without it.

But for that note, as with them all, bear in mind they're IMHO and YMMV.

(But other than that, yes, great letter!)

[tankgirl88.livejournal.com]

its great

...and i love this american life!