Why? Because RED FUCKING SKULL, that's why!

[thehefner]

Holy crap, people, MySpace is a very special hell unto itself, isn't it?

I've spent several hours now working on a HEFNER MONOLOGUES "Comedian" page (eventually with performance clips and whatever other cool stuff comes to mind), but I've needed a snazzy layout, and have so far found nothing after slogging through about twenty "free layout" sites. Guh, so this is the face of modern American youth, is it? No wonder Captain America is dead.

Once I eventually do get this all pulled together... somehow... this will be my home page for all HEFNER MONOLOGUES info. But in the meantime, putting this page together must be penance for something I did in a past life, that's all I can say.



So thanks to the incomparable jellied, I've spent the past few days listening to The 25 Most Exquisitely Sad Songs in the Whole World.

Now, understand: I'm one of those people who likes to compile whole "Sad Bastard" mixes. I say this because some people have no interest in "Sad Bastard" music, much less understand why anybody would want to listen to music that makes you want to kill yourself. When bloo_mountain and I reached that early phase in the relationship of "let's exchange music mixes!" her Sad Bastard mix was just one disc, and even by her own admittance, more melancholy at most. Nothing that would make you want to snap the CD in half and cut your throat with the jagged edge.



Granted, I haven't edited it in over a year, and not all songs are of the "kill yourself" variety... but I tried to make a nice miserable journey of peaks and valleys.

"Here Comes the Flood," Peter Gabriel
"As You Turn To Go/Give Me Back My Dreams/He Didn't," The 6ths
"The Blower's Daughter," Damian Rice
"Llorando (Crying)," Rebekah Del Rio (I love Roy's original, but in this company? Gotta go with the MULHOLLAND DRIVE version)
"Vanishing Act," Lou Reed
"The Briar and the Rose," The Cottars (who would have thought that a band of Nova Scotia teenagers could make such a haunting, beautiful cover to a Tom Waits classic?)
"To Wish Impossible Things," The Cure
"This Love (from CRUEL INTENTIONS)," Craig Armstrong
"Nara," E.S. Posthumus (this had made trailers for sub-par movies look AWESOME)
"The Piano," Michael Nyman
"The Grand Finale (From EDWARD SCISSORHANDS)," Danny Elfman
"Theme from MILLENNIUM," Mark Snow
"Exile," Enya (if you've seen L.A. STORY and you remember the airplane scene, you'll understand why)
"Half Sorry," Emm Gryner
"Without You," Harry Nilsson (just makes me think ofthe bathtub scene in RULES OF ATTRACTION)
"For Crying Out Loud," Meat Loaf
"Hurt," Johnny Cash (well duh)
"A Smile That Explodes," Joseph Arthur
"Send in the Clowns," Michael Ball (most soul-rending version I've heard)
"The Departure (From GATTACA)," Michael Nyman
"When It's Cold I'd Like to Die," Moby
"I Want You to Hurt Like I Do," Randy Newman
"Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word," Ray Charles and Elton John
"I'm Sorry," Red House Painters (powerful reworking of a John Denver song)
"A Heart Needs a Home," Loudon Wainwright III & Richard Thompson
"Adagio for Strings," Samuel Barber
"But Not For Me," Harry Connick Jr
"I Grieve," Peter Gabriel
"Mutineer," Warren Zevon
"Unicornio," by Unknown
"Tactile," Hefner
"Breathless," Emm Gryner (she turned a bouncy Corrs tune into a sad, tender ballad... God, how I love this girl)
"I Miss You," Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes
"If It Be Your Will," Leonard Cohen (like Waits, Cohen could fill a whole album)
"Cinema Paradiso Theme," Ennio Morricone, as done by Henry Mancini
"Taxi," Harry Chapin
"Ambition," Doves
"Superstar," Sonic Youth (more creepy than anything, but it helps the whole mood)
"FINAL DOOM Memoriam Remix," DJ Redlight (Many who played FINAL DOOM the game would stop to just listen to this track on its own. A powerful dirge)
"Trouble in Mind," Marrianne Faithful
"Hallelujah," Rufus Wainwright
"Tom Traubert's Blues," Tom Waits
"Auld Land Syne," Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin (if I ever decided to hang myself, I'd be playing this at the same time)
"My Girl," Loudon Wainwright III & John Hiatt
"A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow," Mitch and Mickey
"Perfect Day," Lou Reed
"Book of Love," Peter Gabriel (beats the crap out of the fun original Magnetic Fields cover)
"Straight to You," Emm Gryner (the subject of a Hefner Monologue)
"The Curtain Falls," Kevin Spacey as Bobby Darin (this will be the last song Johnny Go will ever sing)


Now as for this list of the so-called 25 Most Exquisitely Sad Songs... most of these didn't do much for me. Many were from people I'd never heard of. The only one of those that really stood out for me was Chocolate Genius' "My Mom." Maybe it's just because my grandfather had Alzheimer's, and my Mom is so terrified of getting it herself, it's running the risk of almost becoming one of those self-fulfilling prophesies. But this song was really pwerful.

Some of the other tracks on the list were by people I'm not fans of, but kinda liked nonetheless. This is the second Amy Winehouse song I've heard, and I like it far better than "Rehab." And the Radiohead one is fine, but I still don't get the crazy appeal of that band. I'm trying, but still failing.

And once again, I think Jeff Buckley's version of "Hallelujah" is overrated. Now, I'd admit that I may have an unfair bias towards it, since both Misty and Guy Bender bonded over it, calling it "angelic," whereas I just found it warbly and weak, especially compared to the heartfelt passion of Rufus Wainwright of the Leonard Cohen-ness of Leonard motherfuckin' Cohen's original. Also, John Cale's (the one actually in SHREK the movie) was great too. Chalk my complete inability to understand Buckley's appeal as to why I'm not a real music snob, and still a plebian.

However, I think the list's real gems, besides "My Mom," are Sinatra's "In the Wee Small Hours," Roy Orbison's "In The Real World" (having loved Orbison's music but never heard this song before, this one really hit me hard), and the one that should have gotten the number one spot, Johnny Cash's "Hurt." Seriously, who the hell are the Pernice Brothers, and what in the name of great googily moogly makes "Chicken Wire" a better sad song than "Hurt" or "Eleanor Rigby"? I ask you!

Comments

[yancentric.livejournal.com]

what a shit list by "spinner".. (and who are they anyway?)

I didn't used to care for Radiohead, but they steadily worked their way into my heart. Some of the tracks are still too whiny for me, while others are magnificent. "No Surprises" has always been a favorite, but what about it is so exquisitely sad? If you want to go for that, try listening to "How To Disappear Completely." Fantastic song for dismal, lethargic moods!

[suburbfabulous.livejournal.com]

Fuck YEAH.
Cale's Hallelujah messes me up every time.
Re: Mr. Buckley?
Overrated pretty boy, and not a very strong swimmer, either.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I have no idea, but at least they were good enough to provide the entire tracks of each of the listed songs. Which is more than I can say for most "Best Of" lists.

OK, since I had Kid A burned on my laptop from Bloo (I didn't listen to it past the first two tracks, which I just so disliked upon first listen... I know, I'm a plebian, I suck!) I just now give my first listen to "How To Disappear Completely." Nnnnnnot bad. Moments make me go, "ooo" and other moments make me go, "aw, nuts," as it shifts into moments of typical Radiohead amelodic style. But no, by and large, I kinda liked that. Mmmmmmmmaybe I'll give all of Kid A another chance. Maybe.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Again, Cale's was the one that introduced me, and a whole new generation of people, to that song. Not long after that I discovered Leonard Cohen, and, well, there we are.

And ouch.

[lonebear.livejournal.com]

oh well, i'll have to figure out how to see the monologs stuff somehow.

I refuse to load that 'social networking' abortion of a site on any computer i have access to. everytime you load a page money goes to Murdoch. Who is also evil.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Well, I've already listed it as our official page in the marketing form to the Fringe people, so there we go. But it's meant to be temporary anyway, until such time as I can get a decent whole page of my own. With blackjack! And hookers!

In fact, forget the web page!

[kali921.livejournal.com]

Oh, please. You don't have Joy Division's "Dead Souls" on this list!

YOU FAIL!!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I have Frank Sinatra! SINATRA TRUMPS ALL! SO SPEAKS SUTHERLAND!!!

[civilbloodshed.livejournal.com]

I SECOND THIS!

[civilbloodshed.livejournal.com]

I really have nothign when it comes to sad songs. This however, makes me sad... :(

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

Can't listen to Jeff Buckley. Bad associations have totally prevented me from ever being able to evaluate any of it, though I expect he's not my thing anyway.
Haven't heard a lot of these, although my mind rebels at the notion of "Perfect Day" being a sad song. But I was thinking about Sad Bastard music, which is not my area of expertise, and I've got a mini-list! Not that I would ever listen to them all in a row, of course. I have a Stupid-Happy mix for listening-to purposes. And I don't know how sad they are. They just make me sad. I submit for evaluation:
"Without Mythologies" by the Weakerthans, "Providence" by Sonic Youth, "Too Late" by the Streets, "The Best Ever Death Metal Band in Denton" by the Mountain Goats, "Alexandra Leaving" by Leonard Cohen and "Poor Edward" by Tom Waits to finish the job.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Good, perhaps that means you're not a big ol' romantic masochist like me. That's a good thing!

[civilbloodshed.livejournal.com]

Dude, I cry listening to like, Brand New and The Decemberists. I feel it's best not to indulge in my overly sensitive...sensibilities.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Well, "Perfect Day" was Misty's Sad Song of choice, listening to that over and over again and crying during her high school days over her first breakup. So maybe I still have associations with that. But doesn't it have to do with heroin anyway? I mean, it is a Lou Reed song, but still...

... Aside from "Alexandra Leaving," which I find tender but not as hard-hitting as "If It Be Your Will", I don't know any of them. Since you know the Tammy story, perhaps it would better explain things to know that I first heard "If It Be Your Will" from off the mix tape that Guy Bender gave me JUST JUST JUST before the meltdown with Tammy and Oedipus/Antigone and the rose petals, when I was supposed to be backstage with her but not speak to her to contact her in any way.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Aha, makes sense, aye, never mind then. Good, then I can feel manly by comparison!

[suburbfabulous.livejournal.com]

I bought that CD for the Fatima Mansions track, and it's almost the weakest one on there (as I am their biggest fan, that is saying quite a bit.)
And no ouch necessary. I'm more than tired of that Mississippi buoy-gone-bad. He wasn't any better than a lot of people you've never heard of, and yet most of the folks at The Space (the performance venue where I held court) worshipped the guy.
F him. F him with a tugboat. I liked the first album, but there were better. Lots. OK COMPUTER, for one. Damien Rice's O. The Clash's COMBAT ROCK ("Hey fellas! Lauren BaCALL!")
You get the picture.

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

Did you ever see the way they used that song in the season 3 finale of West Wing? It was already one of my favorite songs at the time so I was bawling by their use of it.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

No, I hadn't! Which version did they use? Cohen, Buckley, Cale, or Wainwright? Or someone else's?

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

Buckley, and no, it isn't as good as the others, but the song itself is used well (oh, so well).

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Aye, that I can believe, even if it isn't my favorite version. It's still a great song. Cohen rules...!

[jellied.livejournal.com]

I get incomparable thrown at me quite a bit, don't I?

I didn't say it was a good list- but it'll suffice. My Sad Bastard Music tends to be more angry than anything else. I usually will switch over to metal or riot grrl. Though there was one blue period where all I did was lie on my bed and listen to Radiohead's entire discography, and one brutal December where it was Fiona Apple's "When the Pawn". I rediscovered that album at the right time-- apparently.

I'm still bitter about that actually.

[plasticity.livejournal.com]

"The Departure" from the Gattaca soundtrack was the last track on a mix I made for a guy I dated a few years back. it was a bit of a mix of our relationship, but also just songs I thought were romantic and beautiful and he should hear. but this one crept in right at the end. ...and before I could give it to him, he dumped me! so it's hilarious to listen to now because in retrospect, OF COURSE it's a song about endings and melancholy.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

It was how you were first described to me, and not only has it stuck, it was proven quite apt.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Aw! Well, it's his loss. That soundtrack--and hell, the whole movie-- is wonderful. That and THE FOUNTAIN are the two most beautiful movies I think I've ever seen, insofar as I describe cinematic beauty.

[kmousie.livejournal.com]

what in the name of great googily moogly makes "Chicken Wire" a better sad song than "Hurt" or "Eleanor Rigby"? I ask you!

"Hurt" and "Eleanor Rigby" are two of the most devastating songs in the history of sad songs. I experience physical pain when I listen to them.

[jellied.livejournal.com]

Yeah, by who? I don't recall typing up my praises in my sleep.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

By... I don't recall her (I think it was a her) username. Her icon was of... Peeps? I think so. I've never seen him/her comment on your journal since.

He/she was responding to a post I did, from whence I discovered that you had ganked a meme from me. Something like, "I heard about you from the incomparable jellied." Which I found strange, considering I'd never heard of you before, and wondering how you found my LJ. I don't think you'd even friended me at the time. And yet, there you had a meme from me on your LJ.

So I friended you, you friended me, and the rest is history. Such is the legend as shall be passed down by the remnants of humanity over trashcan-fires, as the Skynet planes fly overhead, the dead roam the earth, and the Mole Men scurry underground. Or something.

But yes. You were dubbed incomparable then, and have lived up to it.

[plasticity.livejournal.com]

re: Kid A: DO IT. I can completely understand why you'd dislike it if you haven't sort of "built up" to it, as I think latter-day Radiohead is an acquired taste, but once you learn how to listen to them there's no one more exquisitely angry/melancholy at the state of civilization. I went through about four straight years of being completely obsessed with them. ooh, in addition to "how to disappear completely" try "idioteque" and "optimistic."

[plasticity.livejournal.com]

yah, I went to see Gattaca for my, um, sixteenth birthday, I think? and totally fell in love with it. and promptly bought it when it came out, and, um, I might still cry at the ending, with Vincent in the aircraft seeing the stars and Eugene in the shower with his medal, and Michael Nyman freaking SLAYS me.

all that said, anything that compares to it in beauty is a must-see. The Fountain, therefore, strictly on this recommendation, has been on my to-watch list for months now. I shall let you know what I think. (plus, Hugh Jackman, not a hardship.)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

But once you learn how to listen to them there's no one more exquisitely angry/melancholy at the state of civilization.

Now, lord knows I'm the Master of Hyperbole, but... really?! Not having "acquired that taste" yet, can I at least offer perhaps Tom Waits as a counter-argument to that? Or the Cure? Or the Smiths?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I do not make the comparison lightly. Nor when I compare it to 2001.

That said, this is a movie that has sharply (literally 50-50 on rottentomatoes.com) divided audiences. Half think it's very pretty but meaningless pretentious art house crap, all flash and no substance. And half, like me, think it means everything. So take that as you will, and don't be prepared to be blown away or anything. It's movie that's very wide open to interpretation, so you'll almost certainly get something different out of it than I did. Treat it like 2001; just let it unfold. And if you still don't like it in the end, hey, you still don't like it.

Also, know that I've been listening to the soundtrack by Clint Mansell and Mogwai on a loop every few days.

Finally, this is the greatest performance of Jackman's I've ever seen, IMO. When I saw it, I thought, "Wow, he is going to be SO snubbed come Oscar time."

[plasticity.livejournal.com]

ooh, sorry, having you reread back to me what I've written makes me realize how pompous I sounded there ("you couldn't possibly understand!," etc.). I just meant that radiohead's amelodic stuff is not for all tastes - it took me a while to figure out how they were making music and I wound up loving both their sounds and their structures; my sister, though, never really cared for them, despite loving similarly slightly weird folks as Bjork. so, pardon the unintentional assholeishness! no slight intended.

that said, I'm not familiar enough with Tom Waits to make any call either way; but with the Smiths, for one, while their lyrics are ridiculously depressed and angsty, their music itself if often quite boppy - it almost sounds cheerful until you listen to what Morrissey's actually saying. (some of the Cure is similar, although not as consistently - it varies depending on album.)

I guess I feel Thom Yorke & co. are more specifically angry about society as a whole, whereas the Cure and the Smiths are a little more microcosmically/personally melancholy. readiohead's also a little more topical and relevant merely by being more recent.

and of course I am biased, because I luuuuuurve them. so, grain of salt. *shrug*

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

No, no, I didn't take it as that. Merely just being swept away by one's own geek passion, and I of ALL people know what that's like. You're talking to a guy who's writing an incredibly specific "Top Ten Greatest Things Ever" list.

So yes, grain of salt with me too. We're passionate, after all.

I'm only marginally knowledgable in all things Waits, but I already think he's a must. Leonard Cohen is high on that list too, but not for anger. Both are just, like, yeah, totally essential. All-around. little_dinosaur, for one, will back me up on that.