Why? Because RED FUCKING SKULL, that's why!

[thehefner]

Holy crap, people, MySpace is a very special hell unto itself, isn't it?

I've spent several hours now working on a HEFNER MONOLOGUES "Comedian" page (eventually with performance clips and whatever other cool stuff comes to mind), but I've needed a snazzy layout, and have so far found nothing after slogging through about twenty "free layout" sites. Guh, so this is the face of modern American youth, is it? No wonder Captain America is dead.

Once I eventually do get this all pulled together... somehow... this will be my home page for all HEFNER MONOLOGUES info. But in the meantime, putting this page together must be penance for something I did in a past life, that's all I can say.



So thanks to the incomparable jellied, I've spent the past few days listening to The 25 Most Exquisitely Sad Songs in the Whole World.

Now, understand: I'm one of those people who likes to compile whole "Sad Bastard" mixes. I say this because some people have no interest in "Sad Bastard" music, much less understand why anybody would want to listen to music that makes you want to kill yourself. When bloo_mountain and I reached that early phase in the relationship of "let's exchange music mixes!" her Sad Bastard mix was just one disc, and even by her own admittance, more melancholy at most. Nothing that would make you want to snap the CD in half and cut your throat with the jagged edge.



Granted, I haven't edited it in over a year, and not all songs are of the "kill yourself" variety... but I tried to make a nice miserable journey of peaks and valleys.

"Here Comes the Flood," Peter Gabriel
"As You Turn To Go/Give Me Back My Dreams/He Didn't," The 6ths
"The Blower's Daughter," Damian Rice
"Llorando (Crying)," Rebekah Del Rio (I love Roy's original, but in this company? Gotta go with the MULHOLLAND DRIVE version)
"Vanishing Act," Lou Reed
"The Briar and the Rose," The Cottars (who would have thought that a band of Nova Scotia teenagers could make such a haunting, beautiful cover to a Tom Waits classic?)
"To Wish Impossible Things," The Cure
"This Love (from CRUEL INTENTIONS)," Craig Armstrong
"Nara," E.S. Posthumus (this had made trailers for sub-par movies look AWESOME)
"The Piano," Michael Nyman
"The Grand Finale (From EDWARD SCISSORHANDS)," Danny Elfman
"Theme from MILLENNIUM," Mark Snow
"Exile," Enya (if you've seen L.A. STORY and you remember the airplane scene, you'll understand why)
"Half Sorry," Emm Gryner
"Without You," Harry Nilsson (just makes me think ofthe bathtub scene in RULES OF ATTRACTION)
"For Crying Out Loud," Meat Loaf
"Hurt," Johnny Cash (well duh)
"A Smile That Explodes," Joseph Arthur
"Send in the Clowns," Michael Ball (most soul-rending version I've heard)
"The Departure (From GATTACA)," Michael Nyman
"When It's Cold I'd Like to Die," Moby
"I Want You to Hurt Like I Do," Randy Newman
"Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word," Ray Charles and Elton John
"I'm Sorry," Red House Painters (powerful reworking of a John Denver song)
"A Heart Needs a Home," Loudon Wainwright III & Richard Thompson
"Adagio for Strings," Samuel Barber
"But Not For Me," Harry Connick Jr
"I Grieve," Peter Gabriel
"Mutineer," Warren Zevon
"Unicornio," by Unknown
"Tactile," Hefner
"Breathless," Emm Gryner (she turned a bouncy Corrs tune into a sad, tender ballad... God, how I love this girl)
"I Miss You," Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes
"If It Be Your Will," Leonard Cohen (like Waits, Cohen could fill a whole album)
"Cinema Paradiso Theme," Ennio Morricone, as done by Henry Mancini
"Taxi," Harry Chapin
"Ambition," Doves
"Superstar," Sonic Youth (more creepy than anything, but it helps the whole mood)
"FINAL DOOM Memoriam Remix," DJ Redlight (Many who played FINAL DOOM the game would stop to just listen to this track on its own. A powerful dirge)
"Trouble in Mind," Marrianne Faithful
"Hallelujah," Rufus Wainwright
"Tom Traubert's Blues," Tom Waits
"Auld Land Syne," Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin (if I ever decided to hang myself, I'd be playing this at the same time)
"My Girl," Loudon Wainwright III & John Hiatt
"A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow," Mitch and Mickey
"Perfect Day," Lou Reed
"Book of Love," Peter Gabriel (beats the crap out of the fun original Magnetic Fields cover)
"Straight to You," Emm Gryner (the subject of a Hefner Monologue)
"The Curtain Falls," Kevin Spacey as Bobby Darin (this will be the last song Johnny Go will ever sing)


Now as for this list of the so-called 25 Most Exquisitely Sad Songs... most of these didn't do much for me. Many were from people I'd never heard of. The only one of those that really stood out for me was Chocolate Genius' "My Mom." Maybe it's just because my grandfather had Alzheimer's, and my Mom is so terrified of getting it herself, it's running the risk of almost becoming one of those self-fulfilling prophesies. But this song was really pwerful.

Some of the other tracks on the list were by people I'm not fans of, but kinda liked nonetheless. This is the second Amy Winehouse song I've heard, and I like it far better than "Rehab." And the Radiohead one is fine, but I still don't get the crazy appeal of that band. I'm trying, but still failing.

And once again, I think Jeff Buckley's version of "Hallelujah" is overrated. Now, I'd admit that I may have an unfair bias towards it, since both Misty and Guy Bender bonded over it, calling it "angelic," whereas I just found it warbly and weak, especially compared to the heartfelt passion of Rufus Wainwright of the Leonard Cohen-ness of Leonard motherfuckin' Cohen's original. Also, John Cale's (the one actually in SHREK the movie) was great too. Chalk my complete inability to understand Buckley's appeal as to why I'm not a real music snob, and still a plebian.

However, I think the list's real gems, besides "My Mom," are Sinatra's "In the Wee Small Hours," Roy Orbison's "In The Real World" (having loved Orbison's music but never heard this song before, this one really hit me hard), and the one that should have gotten the number one spot, Johnny Cash's "Hurt." Seriously, who the hell are the Pernice Brothers, and what in the name of great googily moogly makes "Chicken Wire" a better sad song than "Hurt" or "Eleanor Rigby"? I ask you!

Comments

[yancentric.livejournal.com]

what a shit list by "spinner".. (and who are they anyway?)

I didn't used to care for Radiohead, but they steadily worked their way into my heart. Some of the tracks are still too whiny for me, while others are magnificent. "No Surprises" has always been a favorite, but what about it is so exquisitely sad? If you want to go for that, try listening to "How To Disappear Completely." Fantastic song for dismal, lethargic moods!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I have no idea, but at least they were good enough to provide the entire tracks of each of the listed songs. Which is more than I can say for most "Best Of" lists.

OK, since I had Kid A burned on my laptop from Bloo (I didn't listen to it past the first two tracks, which I just so disliked upon first listen... I know, I'm a plebian, I suck!) I just now give my first listen to "How To Disappear Completely." Nnnnnnot bad. Moments make me go, "ooo" and other moments make me go, "aw, nuts," as it shifts into moments of typical Radiohead amelodic style. But no, by and large, I kinda liked that. Mmmmmmmmaybe I'll give all of Kid A another chance. Maybe.

[plasticity.livejournal.com]

re: Kid A: DO IT. I can completely understand why you'd dislike it if you haven't sort of "built up" to it, as I think latter-day Radiohead is an acquired taste, but once you learn how to listen to them there's no one more exquisitely angry/melancholy at the state of civilization. I went through about four straight years of being completely obsessed with them. ooh, in addition to "how to disappear completely" try "idioteque" and "optimistic."

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

But once you learn how to listen to them there's no one more exquisitely angry/melancholy at the state of civilization.

Now, lord knows I'm the Master of Hyperbole, but... really?! Not having "acquired that taste" yet, can I at least offer perhaps Tom Waits as a counter-argument to that? Or the Cure? Or the Smiths?

[plasticity.livejournal.com]

ooh, sorry, having you reread back to me what I've written makes me realize how pompous I sounded there ("you couldn't possibly understand!," etc.). I just meant that radiohead's amelodic stuff is not for all tastes - it took me a while to figure out how they were making music and I wound up loving both their sounds and their structures; my sister, though, never really cared for them, despite loving similarly slightly weird folks as Bjork. so, pardon the unintentional assholeishness! no slight intended.

that said, I'm not familiar enough with Tom Waits to make any call either way; but with the Smiths, for one, while their lyrics are ridiculously depressed and angsty, their music itself if often quite boppy - it almost sounds cheerful until you listen to what Morrissey's actually saying. (some of the Cure is similar, although not as consistently - it varies depending on album.)

I guess I feel Thom Yorke & co. are more specifically angry about society as a whole, whereas the Cure and the Smiths are a little more microcosmically/personally melancholy. readiohead's also a little more topical and relevant merely by being more recent.

and of course I am biased, because I luuuuuurve them. so, grain of salt. *shrug*

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

No, no, I didn't take it as that. Merely just being swept away by one's own geek passion, and I of ALL people know what that's like. You're talking to a guy who's writing an incredibly specific "Top Ten Greatest Things Ever" list.

So yes, grain of salt with me too. We're passionate, after all.

I'm only marginally knowledgable in all things Waits, but I already think he's a must. Leonard Cohen is high on that list too, but not for anger. Both are just, like, yeah, totally essential. All-around. little_dinosaur, for one, will back me up on that.