thehefner | for my own sake, as well as some of yours

Look.

I fully realize that I'm almost certainly not going to become world-famous with THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES. Heck, I'll be lucky if I can even get a decent bit of living cash off of it in the long run.

Now, it's been suggested that I actually might have something promising in an entire show of one-man movie trailer re-enactments. Thing is, if the show weren't having to be constantly updated (300 parodies were dated even when I did my one-man trailer of that) and even assuming the people in the audience have seen the trailers and/or movies I'm parodying so they could get the jokes... if I could beat all that, and I theoretically could... I agree, I could probably be pretty damn successful with TRAILER TRASH. Probably enough to make a decent living, like the MacHomer guy or Lypsinka, both of whom I admire.

In fact, I was interning at Studio when Lypsinka (the world's foremost lip-synching drag queen) came to do two shows. One was the usual Lypsinka show, while the other featured the man behind the makeup, John Epperson, performing a spoken word one-man show of memoir monologues, jokes, and new songs set to showtunes. Clearly, the Lypsinka shows are his geek passion, but the SHOW TRASH was much more meaningful and personal to him. But how did audiences respond? You can guess which of the two shows in which they were more interested. Today, Lypsinka continues to perform to packed houses. John Epperson himself likely hasn't been seen on stage since.

So I know, first-hand, what I'm in for. I know that novelty shows, that gimmick shows, are more interesting to your average theatregoer than personal one-man monologue shows. I could indeed make a name for myself with TRAILER TRASH. And that name would be "the TRAILER TRASH guy."

Can you imagine how much that would suck, to be famous for doing something that's so close to what you really want to be doing? That no matter what else I try to do creatively, I'd just be "the TRAILER TRASH guy." My only claim to fame would be regurgitating.

But that's not the point. There's even more to it than that. No, this isn't just a matter of "I'm doing what I love," although I suppose that's a super-simplistic way of explaining it. It's more complex than that.

Look, I know one-man shows don't exactly rake in the cash. Hell, even Spalding Gray, perhaps the most famous spoken word artist of them all, is virtually unknown to the vast majority of pop culture. Realistically speaking, all the odds are against me, and THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES will end up being known as a personal quirk among my friends while real life settles in all around me. Or something along those lines.

Here's the thing, though. At the end of my very first Principles of Realism acting class at Studio Theatre, Kate said, "Okay, everyone who really wants to act for a living, raise your hand. No, seriously, if you don't, that's perfectly fine, really, but anyone who does, raise your hand. Okay? Mm-hm, okay, one, two... mm-hm, yeah. Yeah, you're all insane."

She went on to say, "Do you know how much the average professional actor made in D.C. last year? Guess. Go on, guess. $6,000."

I've picked at the professional world for a couple years now. Hell, I have a number of friends who've struggled through it for years and years and years. Some, like

cavenessity, have come out of it pretty damn well, not being "stars" exactly, but still making a pretty great name for themselves, and growing too! Most others don't, of course. It's a whole lot of struggle for very little in return, a pittance for playing role after role, many or most of which aren't very good. I mean, seriously, my fellow actors... how rarely does that one great role comes along? How many shit roles have you performed compared to the really meaningful ones?

So. I could spend the next few years... hell, maybe even the rest of my life, struggling and competing in an artistic field doing whatever I can get, whatever I have to do, to make a name for myself and to find those precious, rare roles-of-a-lifetime...

... or I could spend the next few years, hell, maybe even the rest of my life, struggling and competing in a field that's utterly personal to me, that's exactly what I want to be doing, Every. Damn. Time.

And yet... for all that, who cares?

So it's important to me, big deal. SHOW TRASH was important to John Epperson, but he was greeted with polite applause and people saying, "glad you got that out of your system, now put the wig back on." Why should the HEFNER MONOLOGUES be any different? People don't care about personal shows. They care about novelty. They care about gimmicks. What do I possibly have for that?

Well... I have Hefner.

Y'see, I have a show with a name that's world-famous, tied into a variation on a popular show title, and the tagline "How do you make a name for yourself... when someone else already has?" And in that, I have a hook that could, I think, be even more interesting to your average Joe Theatregoer than a geek-tacular TRAILER TRASH show, or some such thing. After all, only a certain kind of people have seen 300. But everyone knows the name Hugh Hefner.

And when they actually see the show... I turn their expectations upside-down. They come in expecting something to do with Hef, and leave knowing Heffie.

But even still... who cares?

So I get their interest, big fucking deal. Why should they stay interested?

Y'know, I've noticed a pattern in all creative writing classes I've taken. Whenever the class, as a whole, would review and comment on a story I'd written, 3/4 of the people didn't really care for it either way, not always misunderstanding it necessarily, but it just wasn't for them. Very few outright disliked my offerings, but for most, the work of John Hefner was mildly interesting but whatever.

But every damn time... that other 1/4 passionately loved my work. Like, with an enthusiasm not shown for any other writing that entire semester. And sometimes, it was less than 1/4, maybe 1/5 or, heck, sometimes it was just one person. But that one person absolutely, totally got it.

It was then that I realized I would never be a mainstream success. I don't know whether if I'm a bit too "geek" or "pop culture" or "genre" or whatever, the fact was that the "literary" world and I never met eye to eye. And I already know my geek aspects will keep me from connecting with your average person.

But I know there are people who will get what I'm doing, and get it passionately. I know, because many of you are friends on my LJ right now! I don't dream of mainstream success because I know I'd never have it. But what I could have, what I am working and fighting to have... is a strong cult following. With a passion that could browncoat me for other people!

I have a great first script here. There's the potential for a really fantastic first show. And from here, from the first "Hefner/Hef/Heffie" show, I can build upon this foundation with later shows of Tammy, Misty, Dad, the comic store, all things that are purely me. I can make a real series here, grown exclusively out of JOHN HEFNER. You see what I mean?

That's my goal here, and I think I have a better shot than most people. I could do this. Fuck it, I can do this. I have the potential, the talent, decent looks, incredible friends, a hook with having a HELL of a last name...

... and yeah, let's face it... I'm doing what I love.

And if I'm starving, I'm starving. But I'd be starving being a working actor/writer anyway. I might as well starve doing exactly what I want to do with my life.

Or I could be this guy for a living.

Your continued love and support means more than even a long-winded bastard like I can put into words. Keep it coming.