(no subject)

[thehefner]

First of all, I am so grateful for the outpouring of support from you guys. Sorry if I don't respond back personally to every one; there are just too many! But know that even if I don't, I absolutely read it and it's exceedingly appreciated.



So, there's this girl at the comic shop.

Well, a woman, really. Mid-30's, best as I can tell. Pretty cute. I can talk to her for hours, more comfortably and loquaciously than with any other customer at the store.

For example, I told her about how, when I went to see PIRATES 3, the trailer for TRANSFORMERS came on, and a group of mid-20's girls behind me said, "Stupidest movie ever!" When I told the woman this, she was appalled and said, "Idiots! I would have turned around and said, 'you bite your tongue!'"

So, yeah. I kinda have a teeny crush on this gal. When I discovered she'd never seen EVIL DEAD 2 (ED and AoD, yes, but not ED2) I summoned up the courage to invite her over for a movie night sometime. With her work schedule, that won't happen for another week or so.

However! A couple days ago, she invited me to go see 1408 (as we're both Stephen King fans), with her cousin in tow. Sounded fine to me; it's not a date-date, but it's a chance to hang out with her at least. I mean, you guys know me, I'm all-or-nothing so much of the time, so that while I'm quite familiar with burning, fiery passion crush for someone, I'm less familiar with the standard, normal, "Y'know, I kinda like this person, I have a great time when I'm with her." I'm trying to accustom myself to such feelings.

Of course, my has father died since that invite, but I feel like I'm still up for it, that being with friends and cool people is what I need at this time. I called her up to let her know, whereupon she commended me, very impressed but understanding and compassionate, then added:

"Actually, my cousin..." won't be able to make it? Please say won't be able to make it! "... is bringing along a friend of hers from work. She's been saying how much we have in common and how I should meet him. He's a customer at Big Planet Comics, actually. So this should be interesting!"

...

g... splk... hkk... nerrr... th... pk...!

You never stop, do you, Richards? Never! It's so... so... HEFNERIAN!

What, is the patron saint of Hefnerianism looking over my shoulder and saying, "Pshh, your father died, big deal! That's a boring story! Everyone's father dies, who cares? We gotta spice this up! Work the kidneys, Richards!"

But of course I have to go. I don't know what would be worse: if this customer would be a great guy or if he's one of the idiot jerks I have to put up with, but no matter what, I have to cock-block like there's no tomorrow. I have to become such a bright, burning flame of arms-flailing loud geekness that she'll have no choice but stare at me, awe-struck, as if watching a car crash... into a lava lamp. Two mesmerizing images that EXPLODE together!

CAPTAIN BUZZKILL IS BACK. AND THIS TIME... IT'S PERSONAL.


You folks caught the ironic tone there, right? Just making sure.


Sweet merciful Gandhi. It never ends for Heffie, does it? Whoo boy.

Comments

[bimmin.livejournal.com]

Soooo...an outfit consisting of part Bill the Butcher, part the Joker, some of Bubs...a Galacticus hat or a Doom mask and maybe the idea that all these personalities in one references the torn anguish that is Harvey Dent?

Definitely Coo-coo baby....

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's quite the blues number you're working up there, aren't you?

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

Here. Have a kitten in a box.

[pondering-duck.livejournal.com]

Wh-WHAT! (splutter)

Representing all "nice guys" everywhere, and as a former chief treasurer of the awful-luck-with-girls club: You get her John! Get her for us all!

[eliyes.livejournal.com]

Just be very awesome and facilitate her enjoyment of the film. Hopefully she'll like you better. For all you know, the cousin's friend got invited along thinking "Hey, movie with a cute gal I like, and a chaperone -- nice and casual -- wait, she wants to set me up with her cousin? Oh, crap, and I can't back out now."

It could happen.

Good luck! *hugs*

[torberg.livejournal.com]

Heh...icewolf010 was in your place once before. A guy was interested in someone else, but had also said to icewolf010, "Hey, come with us to see this."

Or, as she put it, "I was invited on a double date...but there was no date for me."

You'll note I ended up marrying icewolf010, not the other woman.

Good luck.

[civilbloodshed.livejournal.com]

You know what to do Hef: a girl like that needs something real.

[thirdbase.livejournal.com]

Oh, and the Joe Schmo Monolgues are better than the Hefner Monologues? I think not!!! Play it cool, go as her friend - the friend & the cousin will serve as future conversation.... nurture this, don't necessarily jump it.

[marred82.livejournal.com]

Wow...I'm so glad I gave you "Hefnerian" to work with, and yet so sad that it must be used! Want me to take this girl out? I'll give you her kneecaps as trophies.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

wow.. that sucks.

well, just work it. you are the man. invoke +20 cock of the infinite and bring the hammer down.

by the power of Greyskull.. YOU have the power.

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

I leave for four days and suddenly there's cock-blocking? How exciting.
Enjoy. Anything can happen! (If it hasn't already. I'm rather behind.)

[justhappynstuff.livejournal.com]

Oh John, I'm so sorry to hear about all this! I wish I could give you a great big hug right now. I know you've heard this a million times, but if there is anything I can do please let me know. You're in my thoughts and prayers.