Starro Sez: "Fuck You. Have Some cupcakes."

[thehefner]

Ladies and gentlemen.





One of the Justice League's oldest enemies, Starro is truly a powerful malevolent force of five-pointed evil, a cosmic despot who comes to Earth every now and again and seriously fucks shit up with his mind-control powers.

Oh, you don't think a big alien starfish is all that scary, huh? "Oh no, it'll drip on us! Quick, someone get a sunlamp and build the world's largest beach gift shop!"

FOOLS. For it is while you are mocking Starro the Star Conquerer that Starro the Star Conquerer suddenly and viciously... uh... conquers! YOU!





...

Okay, so I couldn't find a more intimidating picture of Starro's abilities to take over people's bodies and turn them into slaves of his evil, evil starfish will. The League here looks just sorta nonplussed.

In all seriousness, JLA writer Grant Morrison particularly played off the downright creepiness of all of your friends and allies, one by one, being taken over by slimy starfish drones latched onto their faces. Shit, they needed Neil Gaiman's Sandman to save the day last time!

Really, he's like Grant Grant in SLITHER. Only less drippy with KY and less likely to kill his zombie hosts. But he'd also probably have a thing for Elizabeth Banks. Mmmm, oh Elizabeth Banks, you make the subpar last season of SCRUBS totally worth watching, even if your character is kind of annoying.

So why the hell am I bringing up Starro, you might ask? Well, you see, there was a recent issue of SUPERMAN/BATMAN, where Superman had a dream sequence of sorts, on his death bed, being visited by all his friends, family, allies, and even enemies. It's a great sequence, good fun, but one moment stands out above the others. For Starro is among the visitors, and he comes bearing...

... cupcakes.

Yes, in full-on Strindberg and Helium fashion and all.



Now, when I was initially skimming this issue, I read Starro's alien font as "Fuck you." As in, "Fuck you, have some cupcakes."

I mentioned this on scans_daily, and it since became a mini-phenomenon! In that, like, five other people thought it was funny, and started saying it themselves. I think we call that a "mandate" these days? Why, even today, people are still using my now immortal phrase even if no one remembers who originally said it.

Truly, my misreading of what he says is likely still totally in keeping with his brainless (literally; thank you, ANIMANIACS!) starfish tyrant intentions. And you know, I think we could learn something from Starro here. Even if we have a long-time opponent who has, time and again, thwarted our plans and sent us hurdling back toward the cold, cold cosmos where no one loves us... when said opponent is down for the count, a certain amount of respect--even kindness--is warranted.

Now, said opponent is still your sworn enemy, no doubt, and should he ever recover, you shall peel back his fleshy shell and suck out the insides, possibly over ice with Tabasco sauce and lemon juice before a hot date with some lovely echinoderm-ette. But until that time, malevolence must momentarily give way to magnanimousness.

And it doesn't even have to stop there! Need to end a heated argument with a good friend? A way to break the ice when meeting your prospective in-laws? A diplomatic resolution to long-time national and international conflicts?

Only one thing to say.


(Macro by j_park).

Comments

Thank you ...

[treyhawk.livejournal.com]

... for completely shutting down my brain on a Friday workday. B)

Re: Thank you ...

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Hell, I'm just glad someone finally took notice and commented! Here I feared I was once again amusing only myself. ;p

That said, maybe I should have added a warning: NOT FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION UNTIL AFTER 5 O'CLOCK.

[shadowlongknife.livejournal.com]

I mistrust baked goods made by a critter that doesn't even have thumbs. That could be speciesist of me, though.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Not to mention one that wants to turn you into one of its countless zombie slaves. Plus, as the Japanese have taught us, nothing good comes from tentacles.

But still... cupcakes! The only people who don't love cupcakes are commies and unwed mothers.

[kali921.livejournal.com]

Boo!

[chickenhat.livejournal.com]

Curse you for winning the internets again with your poor eyesight and enormous wit!

Seriously, tho, I've got to use that next time we play Call of Cthulhu...

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Boo?

Arrooo?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Even the Great Old Ones love Hostess Cupcakes and Fruit Pies!

[fishymcb.livejournal.com]

I, too, read that as "fuck you". I wonder if they're full of laxatives? Perhaps Turbo-Lax, of Dumb and Dumber fame?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Turbo-Lax would not be enough for the likes of Starro. It would more likely be COSMOLAX! He's Parallax's more socially awkward cousin.

[shadowlongknife.livejournal.com]

Hey, I love cupcakes, depending on what they're made with. Cupcakes made of sorrow and mind control, not so much. But, you know, if there's chocolate chips, we can talk.

[shadowlongknife.livejournal.com]

They're not saying "Boo". They're saying "Food."

I'm reasonably sure.

[droidboy010101.livejournal.com]

Sir, you lie... everything good can come from tentacles.

Why is it when you said Starro I wanted to think about Starman from NES's Pro Wrestling...

"Fuck you, have a cupcake." I like it.

[icewolf010.livejournal.com]

*snicker* That was my attitude when I stage managed a production of The Crucible.

Re: "Fuck you, have a cupcake." I like it.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Truly, it would be an invaluable addition to any Stage Manager's arsenal!

Re: "Fuck you, have a cupcake." I like it.

[icewolf010.livejournal.com]

There's also this icon. It comes from Maria, the stage manager in Slings & Arrows , which you TOTALLY have to see, upon the completion of the opening of the most stressful production of Hamlet ever.

In episode two, Maria also tells the actors off. (Please note: not that I don't love each and every one of you, but sometimes the mantle of organization lies heavy on the crown, etc....)

I love Maria.

[kali921.livejournal.com]

I'm saying "boo" to my boo, shadowlongknife.

AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

BAROOOOOOOOO!

[kali921.livejournal.com]

A 180 degree "barooo" is rarely executed, let alone ATTEMPTED. (http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2007/10/a-180-degree-ba.html)

Re: BAROOOOOOOOO!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

hehehehehe!

gotta show that to me Ma.

[puffdoggydaddy.livejournal.com]

I love that.

Cupcakes! Hooray!

puff

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

I just keep picturing him in a little apron, humming to himself and sticking a toothpick in one to check if they're done.
Also, a few days after you called, there was a Golden Age Green Lantern cover on s_d. He was just like you said! It was beautiful!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I was hoping you'd see that!

I mean, behold Alex Ross' versions:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/75/Alan_scott-ross.jpg/250px-Alan_scott-ross.jpg

http://z.about.com/d/comicbooks/1/0/I/C/GreenLantern_I.jpg

Regardless, I maintain that he's ultimately the most badass GL, and will be the last one standing.

kali921 and I keep planning on somehow doing an animated LJ icon of Flash, Wildcat, and GL that goes "Funny hat. Whiskers. Everything about this costume. And they're *still* more badass than you. The JSA."

[shadowlongknife.livejournal.com]

I will NEVER mock Ted Grant's whiskers. That man could punch my head so hard all my teeth would wind up on the outside.

Oh, that icon. :)

[shadowlongknife.livejournal.com]

That icon never fails to get a laugh out of me.

PUPPY!

Re: "Fuck you, have a cupcake." I like it.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

My god, but of course I've seen SLINGS & ARROWS! Not season 3 yet, though. Eventually. It's pitch-perfect, I adore it.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

"Must... resist... urge... to... twang whiskers...!"

They now gave his mask little fangs. My god, they made his costume even sillier! (and I say that with deep love and affection for the characters)