Zac must go to the "Steve Perry School of Music Video Performance"

[thehefner]

Bloo had finished editing the Harvey Dent novel (it's really going to need a title one of these days), and now I can finally say the first draft is truly finished.

Aside from the fact that my abuse of italics rose above wallop-worthy levels straight into "I am going to THROTTLE you if you italicize one more word...!" proportions, her response was mightily positive. She'll be sending her edits to me soon, a manuscript soaked in the ink of a dozen red pens, and I feel bloody great.

Once I incorporate her edits, I'll leave the manuscript be for awhile. At least until we see THE DARK KNIGHT, after which we will probably find fodder for further revisions. I'll keep coming back to it every few months for the next year or two, until I finally think it's ready.

(Hm, I wonder if I can get it in perfect shape by the time the third Batman movie comes out, where Two-Face will be the main villain? If ever I had a shot for getting DC to publish the thing...)

In any case, I'm damn proud of this book. I've put a hell of a lot of time, energy, and myself into this novel, took a number of risks, and by and large, I think it either worked out or can work eventually. Hopefully with time and editing, I'll finally have a real complete book I can call my own... even if none of the characters are mine.



And now, without further comment, I am just going to copy-paste Max Burbank's i-mockery blog entry here, for your enjoyment:

Gentle reader, last night I told me eldest daughter it was my plan to divorce her mother and gay marry Zac Efron. I advised her to get used to the idea that Zacky was going to be her new dad as quickly as possible. I did this because A.) I am the best Dad ever, and B.) Zac Efron is the most dreamiest dreamboat crown prince of unintentional comedy that ever was.

My daughters are twelve and seven, so I’ve seen “High School Musical” (or at least been in the room when it’s on) several times now. Zac’s big show stoppin’ song and dance tirade ‘Bet On It’ is so howlingly hilarious I was quite literally reduced to tears the first time I saw it. Check it out!

I’ve memorized large bits of the choreography and will sometimes burst into song and sometimes spring from my chair during breakfast. At work I lope maniacally past my co-workers cubicles, shaking invisible dice and advising them to “Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on me!” There’s something undeniably appealing about taking Zac’s boyish, cluelessly over the top intensity and forcibly translating it through my quivering, spastic middle-aged body. I won’t lie; the ‘ladies’ love it.

I want you to consider the many, many moments in your own life that would be best responded to with an homage to Mr. Efron’s “Bet On It”. Ideally I’d like to inspire thousands of people to adopt performances of “Bet On It” in its entirety as a response to tense situations. Imagine how scared your boss would be to tell you there are no raises this year if there was a fifty percent chance you’d soon be prancing around him shrieking about listening to your own heart talking and counting on yourself? How could any girl turn you down if in doing so she ran the risk of being exposed to a hip-wiggling, homoerotic, Zactastic performance of “Bet On It”? I honestly don’t think there’s any situation that wouldn’t benefit from a profoundly felt tribute to Zac’s artistry.

C’mon, sing it with me you splendid bastards! “Bet on it, Bet on it, BET ON IT, BET… ON… ME!!!!”

Comments

[suburbfabulous.livejournal.com]

Guthrie is.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Is that Kirbyesque comment in response to anything in particular?

[suburbfabulous.livejournal.com]

Zac Efron angers us on a cellular level.
He is obviously part of the Anti-Life Equation, as few people who have lives can stomach the whelp.
And yet, there must be another way. Even cosmic domination is not worth clicking on that link again.

[kali921.livejournal.com]

Kali was.

[suburbfabulous.livejournal.com]

Kali is eternal.

[jcsbimp.livejournal.com]

How fun... he stands in the middle of Windows wallpaper and does screamingly inane song-and-gesticulation.

My daughter has, so far, not had the lapse in good taste necessary to expose me to "High School Musical." She brought "Hairspray" over for me to watch, but that's a whole different caliber -- I liked it a lot... but want to see the original John Waters movie sometime soon.

[kali921.livejournal.com]

I got fired from beta duties? What?

[suburbfabulous.livejournal.com]

He was a good man, if a touch diminutive.
He will be missed, at least until you adjust for windage.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

You've never responded to the stuff I sent you!

And besides, Bloo's my # 1 on this, always has been. This novel wouldn't be happening if it weren't for her.

I'd still love your thoughts. If you still haven't gotten any further on the stuff I originally sent you, I'll send you the new manuscript once I incorporate the notes.

[mirthical.livejournal.com]

awww. when you say that I squee a little inside.

and then I think of seeing The Dark Knight with you and kick my feet in PURE UNADULTERATED JOY.

I sent the package by FedEx Ground yesterday - you should be seeing it soon!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Seeing this with you is my most anticipated event of 2008 so far. Maybe something Hefner Monologues related will overshadow it, which would be awesome. But for now, there it is, and I can hardly wait.

Rock and roll. I look forward to it, and will brace my eyes for all the red ink of doom.

[mirthical.livejournal.com]

there isn't really that much red ink. I don't think I even killed one pen.
See, what I should have done was brought home a fatter red marker for the comments I really wanted to jump out and bite you in the face.

But I didn't.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Save it for the second draft.

[chickenhat.livejournal.com]

wtf?

Did he just kill all the teletubbies and steal their set or something?!?!?!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I've never seen the movie, but I like to think it started off as the biggest lawn in the history of high schools before they just decided to randomly turn it into a golf course.

Because really, when you have him shaking invisible dice and flinging sand ("Sandhands!" are the new "Jazzhands!"), all bets are off. So to speak.

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

Love Zac Efron's angsty moment, but not as much as the "I Don't Dance" song. It's got more double-entendres.
(All my friends are gay and a lot of them are very into Disney camp. I bet I've seen this more times than Max Burbank.)

Sorry about not sending you anything on the Two-Face book, by the way. But it sounds like you are in more expert hands with Bloo's editing. I'm still gonna read the old version, if you don't mind.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Seriously, it seems he's trying to directly challenge Journey's Steve Perry for intense music video angst.

I have no idea what "I Don't Dance" is, nor do I think I want to.

How can anyone over the age of fifteen take this stuff seriously?

No worries on the Two-Face book front! I realize people do have lives and whatnot. By all means, go ahead and finish the old version, but do be aware that it's rough, man.

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

You can tell he's enraged because he's wearing black!

Darling, you asked for it. If you thought the Zac Efron number was homoerotic... I mean, is that not testosterrific? And you watch the whole thing, Mister "I KISS GIRLS". You can then recover with Frank Sinatra's "I Won't Dance", which is quite different.

They don't!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Here are my reactions throughout:

"No, no, I asked for no such thing!"

"Oh Jesus GOD..."

"You're killing me!"

"God, the music is sub-Backstreet Boys!"

"You're history's greatest monster."

"Wait, what does I KISS GIRLS have to do this that!?!"

[skalja.livejournal.com]

...

Well, uh, I suppose he deserves credit for being able to rehearse that to the point where he can perform it on camera without falling over laughing, good God!

Congratulations on getting through the first draft! If you get DC to publish it, can I come get it signed?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

It's like the chorographer started with the intention of making it the gayest thing since gay came to Gaytown, and then halfway through told Zac, "You know what? Fuck it, just go nuts." It just melts down into I don't even KNOW what, and the result is oddly magnificent.

Damn straight you could! Autographs for all!

Now if I could just get David Mazzuchelli, Darwyn Cooke, Bruce Timm, or Matt Wagner to provide accompanying illustrations...

[civilbloodshed.livejournal.com]

I'm glad my younger siblings grew out of their religious viewings of Disney Channel movies just before this one came out. I'm a little creeped out by the staggering numbers of adults caught in its thrall with slavish devotion though. Groce~.

HOWEVER! I bring tidings from the land of awesome: Behold--I Drink Your Milkshake! As user abrahamjoseph states: "this site is appropriately ridiculous".

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Sweet merciful Gandhi, that's awesome.

Have you read the "about" page?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have traveled over half our state to get here this evening. I couldn’t get away sooner because my new site was coming in at idrinkyourmilkshake.com. That site is now flowing at two thousand hits per day, and it’s paying me an income of five thousand dollars a week. I have two others uploading and sixteen producing at About.com. So — Ladies and Gentlemen — if I say I’m a web man, you will agree.

I do my own coding, and I paid quail prices for the domain. This is the way that this works. Sign up now and get your very own idrinkyourmilkshake.com email address.

[civilbloodshed.livejournal.com]

I've been too busy reading the posts: "I drink your milkshake is the new "pwned." No doubt about it."

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

TOTALLY.

I just wrote my own post there asking if he's the reincarnated Bill the Butcher. I thought it would fit well with the site's general tone.

[swimpenguin.livejournal.com]

That blog made my night. All the moreso since I find Zac Efron to be the freakiest person in existence-to me his plastic human like casing (ie. him) is huge proof that something like a Matrix world with robot people does exist. At the grocery store one day I counted him on 6 magazine covers, and not just the teeny bopper ones. :shudders:

[swimpenguin.livejournal.com]

I'd love to read the Harvey Dent novel when you're ready to have it read for enjoyment.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Absolutely!

[sabine42.livejournal.com]

I admit, this it totally spas-tastic.
I guess shouldn't admit when I was knocked flat with my back out I actually watched High School Musical...and can therefore i.d. this as actually HSM 2? Really, I know, what a thing to admit.

*but he really was adorable in Hairspray...some vague notion of talent when not working on disney-crack Or maybe it's just James Marsden acting like a goober and Amanda Byne's lollipop....

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I'd have to say Marsden absolutely clinches it. God bless 'im. Glad to see he's finally getting recognition. If only he had it back when he was Cyclops, maybe the character wouldn't have gotten shafted for all three movies...