bitching

[thehefner]

Momentary bitching on. And I am not one for bitching, but if I don't get this out, I'm a-gonna scream.

Okay, so not only am I at work alone on Wednesday, the bugfuck insane crazy day, but I have to deal with people coming in trying to buy all copies of the new CAPTAIN AMERICA, thinking it's going to be a huge collector's item. MEMO TO EVERYONE: SUPPLY AND DEMAND DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. STOP HOARDING AND ENJOY THE COMIC.

Then I had to endure not one, but two visits by this guy with freaky-long fingernails, chapped lips, untied shoes, and did I mention he fucking reeks? Seriously, I have never, ever smelled B.O. like this before. Every comic store has their Catpissman, but this guy is worse, I swear to God. Ugh! He doesn't even look homeless! What the hell is your deal, pally? What, are you a Ringwraith, and can't get near water?

And to top it all off, I have SIX boxes of UPS reorder shipment to check in! And not books in bulk, but a whole lotta little things I'm going to need to check in one by one by one!

I'm still jet lagged, I'm sick with a sore throat and stuffy nose, and shit, I'm still tender from my Seattle experience. And all I'd like to do is sit with some tea and write a long Hefner Monologue to explore these feelings, get them all out there as a whole, because just trying to talk about them individually is like a bowl of fish hooks: you pick up one and they ALL come out.

I am so not in the mood for further bullshit.

Okay. I'm breathing. Deep breaths, as best as I can through my congested and sore sinuses. Okay. Back to work. Only four more hours to go.

Comments

[angrylemur.livejournal.com]

I could tell you stories about the skeezy porn guys we get at the bookstore. If it would make you feel better about the smelly, long-fingernails guy.

Once I saw a dude flash another dude in our store. It was fairly hilarious. You know, after we kicked him out.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I can only imagine!

And yet, when I worked at the video/porno store for a couple weeks, I was more unsettled by the sheer numbers of "normal" guys renting titles like "Cum Belchers # 12."

I'm still something of a prude at heart, believe it or not.

[angrylemur.livejournal.com]

I have more or less gotten used to it. Sometimes porn videos have hilarious names and I have to stop myself from giggling whenever people rent them, though.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I try, but then we get titles like this:

http://www.cracked.com/article_15830_15-most-sexually-unappealing-porn-titles.html

And I remember why I compulsively soak my hands in sanitizer hourly.

[angrylemur.livejournal.com]

That list is amazing.


I think hand sanitizer is greatly underrated.

[tazira.livejournal.com]

Wow.

So I guess I shouldn't admit that I've actually seen one of those, should I?

Edward Penishands, you were better than your near-namesake.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

What, you're saying the porno was better than the Burton film? Are you against puppies and Christmas as well?

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

"And to top it all off, I have SIX boxes of UPS reorder shipment to check in! And not books in bulk, but a whole lotta little things I'm going to need to check in one by one by one!"

I used to run a very large magazine department. And our biggest supplier figured out a great way to rip us off was to overship by so much there's no way we'd get it all processed in time to ship back to them within the 24 hour return period.

Your pain. I feel it.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, I think about something a friend of mine said in regards to a very different situation that would be tasteless to bring up here:

"Fire is a cleansing tool."

[nymphgalatea.livejournal.com]

You are kindred spirits with my local Comic Book Dealer. He's developed this weird little twitchy-eye thing when you say the words "Captain America" and "Collectors item" in the same sentence.

I'd feel sorry for him, but then I remember all the times he's mocked my taste in comics, and I just laugh instead.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

hehe, well, it looks like I may have to eat my words. Quesada's been a marketing machine, getting press out to the Daily News, NPR, and even the Colbert Report! All of which resulted in us selling out of CAPTAIN AMERICA on the first day. Insanity.

So, yeah, I feel your dealer's pain. But it looks like this one just might be, if there are enough suckers to go around.

[nymphgalatea.livejournal.com]

We've had nothing over here in the UK about it though, so in my shop it was business as normal. (The Death of Cap was reported a bit in a couple newspapers last year, but there's been nothing about this issue).

When my Comic Dealer sneers at my beloved Blue Beetle comic I like tormenting him with the memory of the day Captain America 25 came out. That was the day I walked into the comic shop to find a 40 year old guy in a classy business suit having an epic hissy fit over the fact that they were only selling 2 copies apiece. This big burly Glaswegian guy was nearly in tears. It was so bizarre and beautiful.