Photos: Route 66, Day Two (AKA "Get Me The Fuck Out of Missouri")

[thehefner]

Stupid overexposure. I look like the Question going spelunking.



So according to ROAD TRIP USA, Missouri was the state where I would find one of Route 66's greatest must-see attractions:



To quote RTUSA: First developed during the Civil War, when the natural saltpeter was mined for use in manufacturing gunpowder, the caves were later popularized as a place for local farmers to get together for dances; the largest room in the caves is still used for Easter Sunrise services and occasional crafts shows and chamber of commerce meetings. Meramec Caverns was opened as a tourist attraction in 1935 by Lester Dill, who guided visitors through the elaborate chambers and, more importantly, was a true master of the art of garnering cheap but effective publicity for his tourist attraction. An example: After World War II, Dill and some friends hung from the top of Empire State Building dressed up as cavemen, and threatened to jump off unless everyone in the world visited Meramec Caverns.



Fun fact: according to the guide, the saltpeter wasn't the only thing they got from the caverns to make gunpowder. Apparently they derived the other major non-charcoal component, potassium nitrate, from guano. Can you imagine how many soldiers in the Civil War were killed with bat shit?



Fact and fiction mix freely at Meramac Caverns, adding to the pleasures of seeing the massive caves. Jesse James used these caverns as a hideout, and at least once took advantage of the underground river to escape through the secret “back door.” The natural formations are among the most sculptural and delicate of any cave you can visit, and the manmade additions are all low-tech enough to be charming: The hand-operated sound-and-light show ends with a grand finale of Kate Smith singing “God Bless America,” while the red, white, and blue of Old Glory is projected onto a limestone curtain. (See the first picture)





Wish I'd learned about the "low light" feature on the camera for some of these shots, particularly the above. That's an optical illusion made by an inch of water flowing through the cavern.



A moonshiners cabin!



I think I dated the Cavern Queen once.

Fun fact: the only other guys in my tour that morning were two fellas from Ohio, one of whom looked and sounded exactly like Christopher Guest in BEST IN SHOW. Right down to the red mustache. I'm so sorry I couldn't get a picture. I just wanted to ask him to start naming nuts.

So yeah, Meramac Caverns was indeed utterly awesome. Too bad the rest of Missouri was were fun goes to die, stretched out over a whole state. After a while, I just stopped trying to follow the old Route 66 and went right back on the highway, just to get me the fuck out of Missouri. The book had suggestions, but frankly, I had absolutely no interest in the world's biggest BASS Pro Shops Outdoor World fishing emporium, nor the Precious Moments chapel.

Instead, I kept my eyes on the prize, heading to the brief tip of Kansas along 66 for some primo, RTUSA-recommended grub at Murphey's restaurant in Baxter Springs, which supposedly has awesome pies that...



Denied.

That's when the ghost towns really started popping up. Such as the ironically-named Commerce, Oklahoma.





But thankfully, my long, depressing drive was soon rewarded by one recommended diner still up and kicking, a place favored both by the book and buy that chubby guy with the bleached spiked hair on the Food Network who shills for TGI Fridays!



I ordered their famous "Chicken and Dressing," which Dunn from Brooks and Dunn called "The best in the world!" Which indicates there are other chicken and dressings out there, apparently! How could I turn down such a recommendation? Indeed, it was so awesome, I couldn't even finish the German Chocolate Pie that I got over in Claremore, but I'll discuss that in the next post.

As there were a number of even non-pie-related neat things to do in Claremore, I decided to stay there for the night. After realizing there was no place to pull the minivan over where I probably wouldn't be harassed by the cops, I reluctantly checked into a skeezy motel for the night. There, I discovered something odd about the complimentary soap:



"Hotello"? Is that like "hotel" and "hello?" Or "hotel" and "Otello?" Is my soap going to smother me if it thinks I've been unfaithful?



Say, what the hell is up with my icons occasionally disappearing and getting replaced with bizarre random other ones? Does someone hack into my account to mess with my icons or something? Or is this just a malfunction from the LJ maintenance work that left me utterly deprived for four hours this morning?

Edit: And I'm clearly not in Cabin John, obviously. Stupid automatic pilot.