Photos: Route 66, Day Two (AKA "Get Me The Fuck Out of Missouri")

[thehefner]

Stupid overexposure. I look like the Question going spelunking.



So according to ROAD TRIP USA, Missouri was the state where I would find one of Route 66's greatest must-see attractions:



To quote RTUSA: First developed during the Civil War, when the natural saltpeter was mined for use in manufacturing gunpowder, the caves were later popularized as a place for local farmers to get together for dances; the largest room in the caves is still used for Easter Sunrise services and occasional crafts shows and chamber of commerce meetings. Meramec Caverns was opened as a tourist attraction in 1935 by Lester Dill, who guided visitors through the elaborate chambers and, more importantly, was a true master of the art of garnering cheap but effective publicity for his tourist attraction. An example: After World War II, Dill and some friends hung from the top of Empire State Building dressed up as cavemen, and threatened to jump off unless everyone in the world visited Meramec Caverns.



Fun fact: according to the guide, the saltpeter wasn't the only thing they got from the caverns to make gunpowder. Apparently they derived the other major non-charcoal component, potassium nitrate, from guano. Can you imagine how many soldiers in the Civil War were killed with bat shit?



Fact and fiction mix freely at Meramac Caverns, adding to the pleasures of seeing the massive caves. Jesse James used these caverns as a hideout, and at least once took advantage of the underground river to escape through the secret “back door.” The natural formations are among the most sculptural and delicate of any cave you can visit, and the manmade additions are all low-tech enough to be charming: The hand-operated sound-and-light show ends with a grand finale of Kate Smith singing “God Bless America,” while the red, white, and blue of Old Glory is projected onto a limestone curtain. (See the first picture)





Wish I'd learned about the "low light" feature on the camera for some of these shots, particularly the above. That's an optical illusion made by an inch of water flowing through the cavern.



A moonshiners cabin!



I think I dated the Cavern Queen once.

Fun fact: the only other guys in my tour that morning were two fellas from Ohio, one of whom looked and sounded exactly like Christopher Guest in BEST IN SHOW. Right down to the red mustache. I'm so sorry I couldn't get a picture. I just wanted to ask him to start naming nuts.

So yeah, Meramac Caverns was indeed utterly awesome. Too bad the rest of Missouri was were fun goes to die, stretched out over a whole state. After a while, I just stopped trying to follow the old Route 66 and went right back on the highway, just to get me the fuck out of Missouri. The book had suggestions, but frankly, I had absolutely no interest in the world's biggest BASS Pro Shops Outdoor World fishing emporium, nor the Precious Moments chapel.

Instead, I kept my eyes on the prize, heading to the brief tip of Kansas along 66 for some primo, RTUSA-recommended grub at Murphey's restaurant in Baxter Springs, which supposedly has awesome pies that...



Denied.

That's when the ghost towns really started popping up. Such as the ironically-named Commerce, Oklahoma.





But thankfully, my long, depressing drive was soon rewarded by one recommended diner still up and kicking, a place favored both by the book and buy that chubby guy with the bleached spiked hair on the Food Network who shills for TGI Fridays!



I ordered their famous "Chicken and Dressing," which Dunn from Brooks and Dunn called "The best in the world!" Which indicates there are other chicken and dressings out there, apparently! How could I turn down such a recommendation? Indeed, it was so awesome, I couldn't even finish the German Chocolate Pie that I got over in Claremore, but I'll discuss that in the next post.

As there were a number of even non-pie-related neat things to do in Claremore, I decided to stay there for the night. After realizing there was no place to pull the minivan over where I probably wouldn't be harassed by the cops, I reluctantly checked into a skeezy motel for the night. There, I discovered something odd about the complimentary soap:



"Hotello"? Is that like "hotel" and "hello?" Or "hotel" and "Otello?" Is my soap going to smother me if it thinks I've been unfaithful?



Say, what the hell is up with my icons occasionally disappearing and getting replaced with bizarre random other ones? Does someone hack into my account to mess with my icons or something? Or is this just a malfunction from the LJ maintenance work that left me utterly deprived for four hours this morning?

Edit: And I'm clearly not in Cabin John, obviously. Stupid automatic pilot.

Comments

[thirdbase.livejournal.com]

Oh, damnit. Ever since I saw the crystal caves in Bermuda, and heard that Mark Twain had visited and been fascinated with them, I was convinced they were the inspiration for that piece of Tom Sawyer. The caves were discovered by two boys, one of who pretty much fell through the opening and found, upon climbing down with a lantern to check it out, it was impossible to see back up, but when the torch was extinguished, he could see light that hearkened daylight, and an exit (his entrance).

But no. Seeing that picture made me ALL OF A SUDDEN think "Wait...the caves in Bermuda were discovered in the very early years of last century and didn't he write Tom Sawyer befo... aw crap."

Wiki confirms what I am not going to call my mother back about. I am embarrassed, and she'll never see caves in either place. Damnit. I thought it was so cool to see the caves that inspired him!

[heykidzcomix.livejournal.com]

You passed up the Precious Moments chapel? What the Hell kind of aficionado of kitsch are you?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I need my kitsch offset by genuine awesomeness, and while Meramac Caverns was a great example of the latter, the rest of goddamn Missouri didn't make me want to stop unless I absolutely had to. It just wasn't worth it, girl!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I didn't know they were based on anything until I went there. Hey, who knows, if you ever find yourself in St. Louis, it's just an hour, hour and a half out of town!

[heykidzcomix.livejournal.com]

I think I saw something once that said the best custard in the country could be had at the place where Rt. 66 leaves St. Louis. That would have been worth it, SIR.

Your ghost town photos are pretty bitchin'--I hope you have more like that. One of these days I really want to head up to Centralia and see the dead town there, though I am concerned about catching fire myself.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Okay, so that's two, fine. But they're both wayyyy off at the East side of the Route, smooshed together!

I do have more, but I could and should have taken way more along the way. Actually, I don't really see many other such towns until I reach Arizona (I'm still trying to figure out where I can incorporate "We can never go back to Arizona!") and California. That latter is the one where I was really able to get some good shots.

[angrylemur.livejournal.com]

I love those old ghost towns. They're so eerie, full of history everyone has completely forgotten. Anyone can read a plaque about those caves; to know what happened in those towns, you'd have to ask around, talk to people, get to really know the place. It's more work, but it's also probably got more stories.

Heh.

[philippos42.livejournal.com]

I guess I live about halfway between Baxter Springs & the Precious Moments Chapel.

Yeah, southern Mo. We have caves. And, um, rocks.

Re: Heh.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Hell dude, you shoulda said something! We could have gotten... pie, or something, I'd have been grateful for something to do!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Totally. Many were killed off in the 70's, when the major highways came in and made Route 66 obsolete, but many clung on for years, decades even. The fact that some only recently closed down indicates to me that the economy delivered the killing blow to several of these stops.

People say how America has no history, but there are ruins everywhere, hidden from sight because no one takes those roads anymore. I used to think our only ruins, the only equivalent that we Americans have to all the Roman leftovers scattered throughout Europe, were old train tracks. How amazing and sobering to actually drive through these old towns. Often unsettling too, which is why I rarely lingered.

I was too shy to ask around, but thankfully, there's no shortage of Route 66 historians who aren't. If nothing else, I can now read up like I should have and learn a lot more about these places.

[heykidzcomix.livejournal.com]

How are you heading back to Maryland? If you came back along I-90 (the northern route through Montana and all that) you might run into some cool stuff. You might even see the Dale Creek Gorge, which would be significant to you if you reading GC :D.

Speaking of, if you were looking for a satisfying chunk of comic to read, I recommend trying to catch up when you get back from California. I think you'll like what's going to happen in the next few weeks--or at least you might finally see where I'm going with it.

Also, ha ha, Route 69 :D.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I'd love to do the Northern route, but it'll be impossible (or way too much of a hassle) during January/February. Instead, I'll head down to Vegas and then Tuscon, AZ, and take Route 80 through the South, which should be very nice at that time of year. However, I'm planning/hoping to hit up the Northern route in the summer, as I travel from Indianapolis Fringe to Vancouver, so I'll try and make it a point to see cool stuff, including Dale Creek Gorge!

I won't be back till mid-Feb. Should I start catching up now, or wait a few weeks?

[heykidzcomix.livejournal.com]

You'd have to leave the highway to really see the gorge, but there's a really cool random pyramid in the area, so maybe worth it? Inasmuch as anything in Wyoming is really "worth it" XD.

Mid-February? I didn't realize--probably wouldn't want to wait that long. I think we should have the relevant pages up by early December; you could start now, but something is coming in the next few pages that changes the game, and I think would be more enjoyable for you. Up to you, I guess.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Yeah, avoiding the expressways unless I'm in a rush to get (or get out of) somewhere is my priority throughout this trip, focusing on the two-lane highways and taking important detours, such as for the Gorge and that pyramid.

Okeedoke, tell you what: how about I start up once I reach Seattle in a few weeks?

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

Oh my God.

The pictures of Commerce are amazing. And the others, too. I have such a love for small/ghost towns in the States and road tripping like that is a dream of mine. I know it probably actually sucks and I'm just some poseur upper-middle-class Canadian with a vaguely disrespectful passion for gritty Americana but LOOK AT IT. IT'S SO AWESOME.

[heykidzcomix.livejournal.com]

Why, that'd be fine :D. I only mentioned it because I thought you were away for a week or so, and that dovetails nicely with my planned schedule. I'd be really interested to hear your take on it, since you only very rarely squee.

As far as I know.

Oh hey, when you go to Vegas, be sure to stop off at Zzyzx Road on I-15. I've always wanted to go (with bolt cutters, so I can steal the exit sign). It sounds appealingly desolate.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you like 'em! Man, I really wish I'd taken more, and that I knew about the "low light" setting. Can you see--on one of the Commerce pictures--how all that's left is the facade, that it's completely gutted inside save for a brick doorway and that you can see to the other side?

Now I do regret not following the back roads all the way through Missouri or having the courage to brave the miles and miles of Texas panhandle wasteland, because maybe I might have found more. But I definitely got some more in two or three posts from now!

No, it's not disrespectful in the least! I totally get off on this shit! Well, as I said above, it's a bit more unsettling and sobering to actually see it in person, when you're there alone. Especially when you're paranoid about car troubles, and don't want to get stranded in such a place.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Happily will I check it out upon my arrival in Seattle! But I rarely squee? Hm, maybe not on LJ. I've always thought of myself as giddy and squeeing on occasion. Others would have to verify.

Zzyzx Road exists? I thought it was just the name of the lowest grossing movie of all time! I will absolutely seek it out, as long as I remember to do so come mid-January.

[fiveseconddelay.livejournal.com]

Yep, it's a town.

Corn Palace, SD!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I've totally been to the Corn Palace! Edd and I went back in the day. I think we were oddly disappointed somehow.