casting call for a suspiciously Hefnerian reality show

[thehefner]

When ernmissprism sent me this, at first I thought a spambot had taken over her LJ account and targeted me. If so, man, they're getting really good at this.



reality show wants to get you laid and paid

Casting Call:

All you lonely and lovelorn men out there, a TV show is on the way that’s going to make you the man you want to be!! This isn’t Bachelor, this isn’t a mystery, this show will revolutionize the way you see the world and how the world sees you.

Man Oh Man (MOM) is a made-for-men TV series; a sexy and hip trio of expert hosts leads a dynamic and diverse group of men who represent the unlucky in love, the socially inept, the romantic exiles on Main Street, and brings their tales of love lost to the nation's preeminent gurus who's mission is helping these men.

We’re not in this just so you can get laid. This show is packed with information that will help you, challenge you and change you.

We’re looking for guys who are lost, who want to find love but can’t. Have you been hurt badly by a woman and just don't know how to get back in the game? Are you shy and too afraid to go up to a woman and ask her out? Have you been rejected too many times to count and just don't know why? Are you clueless how or where to find the right woman for you? Divorced? Single? Never been in a relationship? We're here to help men of all ages- from 18 to 80.

Please submit a photo and tell us your story. Explain why you feel you are the best candidate for the show and would benefit from the help of the world's best love experts.

Entrants need to be willing to bare their soul, to live with a cast for a short period and bust their ass.

In return, we promise you a shot at love AND $100,000.

Send information to:

apply@manohman.com



If this is legit, I think I may have to. Just for the story. Also the money and the recognition, but mainly the story.

Comments

[torberg.livejournal.com]

There are a few "cautions" of which I can think, but I suspect there's one more relevant than the others:

Sure, if they choose you you'll get a great story (and cash), but be prepared that if they do choose you, there's a good chance it will be because of: "Dude! A Hefner needs our help with the ladies. Think of the marketing hook for the show!"

I just know that you're largely trying to be yourself without the name.

[tragical-mirth.livejournal.com]

I don't think you could ever pass for "too shy and too afraid to go up to a woman and ask her out," even if you are.

You might win points on the "willing to bear their soul" requirement. XD

Eh, what the hell. It worked for Judd Winick, did it not? *

I'm still suspicious of the supposed "made-for-men" disclaimer, though.

*Technically, it did not work for Judd Winick. Barry Ween worked for Winick (and omfg, it worked so wellllll. I *heart* Barry Ween. Had there been no Barry Ween, he would still be that mousy guy on the season with Puck.

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

I'm excited for you to be in this.

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

I agree with this. But I think that's totally why you should do it. You're practically guaranteed to get it.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

No, there are totally red flags here, from the "made-for-men" thing to do "get laid and get paid" tagline.

I totally am too shy and too afraid. I don't know how to do it. I walk into any social situation, and nine times out of ten I just clam up, hiding in my little corner. I generally just talk to the girls who talk to me first. And I approach most situations with the subconscious assumption that they wouldn't be interested in me at all anyway, unless they were crazy (as I am a magnet for crazy).

Furthermore, I don't know how to flirt. At all. My version of flirting is indistinguishable from my excited geek conversation. Girls often have no idea that I was flirting with them.

So no, the above still applies to me. I'm still an awkward ball of insecurity and shyness when it comes to most social situations, which is why I'm increasingly (and sometimes disconcertingly) more comfortable here on LJ, where folks can passively get to know one another without pressure without fear of instant rejection.

Actually, as I understand it, it DID work for Judd Winnick. Would he have gotten Barry Ween noticed and published by Oni if he hadn't been "that guy from THE REAL WORLD with Puck and Pedro"?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

That might not be a bad thing in this case. Ultimately, it'd still be about how *I'm* awkward and inept. And besides, at this point in the Monologues, the show's already been upped the whole Hefner-connection thing anyway, so theoretically, it wouldn't be doing anything I'm not doing already.

It wouldn't hurt to give it a go anyway. I think Ms. Bagel overestimates my chances, and I'd be concerned and stressed over how this would affect my Fringe schedule (which Festivals would I have to cancel? Whose toes would I step on and which bridged might get singed?), but hey, it can't hurt to just apply, right?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Ha, well, let's just see how the application process goes. If I do get in, I shudder to think of how that's screw with my Fringe schedule. I'd hate to cancel stuff and piss people off.

Also, this sounds hella-sketchy in places. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing for story opportunities, mind you..

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

Exactly! YOU CAN'T GO WRONG!

I was actually just looking at the variety of clothing I can buy with your face/name on it. I might have to get a tank top or something to wear when you come to town.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Clothing for me or clothing for you to wear for me? Because I'm cool with either one! ;)

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

lol, ah yes. For me, I promise. Though if you want me to buy a shirt with a picture of your face on it and present it to you as a gift, that is acceptable.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Excellent, then I look forward to seeing 'em on you!

I already have a box of those shirts. No, really. What I'm hoping to do eventually is a line of official HEFNER MONOLOGUES thongs with my grinning face on the front, giving an enthusiastic thumbs-up. Totally kinda not kidding.

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

I fully endorse this.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

The trick is finding the best company to make them. I have it on good authority that CafePress, for one, makes really shitty thongs that fall apart.

But clearly, this just has to be done. There is no way but this.

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

But cafepress is so EASY.

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

LIES. I got on a renovation show for a story not even half as good as yours.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

What show was this, dare I ask? Did they totally make you over and/or was a fake-millionaire involved for your love?

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

....It was a renovation show, I just said!

Debbie Travis' Facelift.

http://www.debbietravisfacelift.com/episodes/20030921/tales.php

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Oh, d'hoy.

Was it fun? Did they do a neat job?

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

Click "Before and after". And yes! Stunning.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

That is amazing! It's so much more alive and vibrant, and I love the tiled floor! Astounding!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

And CRAP, apparently!

[bagelofdeath.livejournal.com]

Right?! It's funny, because the rest of the house is gorgeous and antique-filled and he just hated that kitchen.

I feel like it's squirt bottle time.....

[themadhatter26.livejournal.com]

I know it's not my business, but I gotta say I don't like this idea. Let's face it John, you need help with the ladies, and recognition could be good for you, but I don't think this is the right way to go about it. With regards to the recognition, I fear that you may find yourself known only for being "that Hefner that couldn't get laid" rather than "that Hefner that puts on funny and insightful about his life." Also, I'm naturally suspicious of anyone offering to give you money and invade your personal life. If you decide to go through with this and get in, for the love of Mario have someone with legal experience go through the contract with you.

With regards to helping you with the ladies, I know I haven't been as a good a friend in this as I could be, but I'd like to make up for that. As such,I am willing to take a weekend out of each month to be your wingman in a nearby city of your choice. I will take you out to bars, take the risks of introducing you to ladies, and see you safely to your (or her) home. Heck, I can probably even get the tab.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're an excellent man John Hefner, and I'd rather not see you do this for fear of you getting used by some corporate machine. It's your choice, however, and I'll be there for you either way.

Re: I feel like it's squirt bottle time.....

[themadhatter26.livejournal.com]

Note: I'm not even drunk when I write this. How f'ed up is that?

Re: I feel like it's squirt bottle time.....

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Whether or not I actually do go for it (and whether or not I get accepted, and whether or not I accept their acceptance), I want you to know that this response of yours really means a lot to me. And the fact that you're sober is both heartening and amusing.

Y'know, I've similarly been concerned of what would happen to me if Hugh ever *did* try to strike up relations with me again and take me under his wing. A bunch of similar risks would arise. And yet, I'd be tempted to take them anyway, because I do tend to get frustrated and impatient and fearful that I'm not gonna get anywhere at the rate I'm going right now.

It's funny, someone recently told me that I gave the impression of wanting fame. I'd never thought of it that way. I realized that it wasn't fame that I wanted, but recognition for my work, and simultaneously for my work to be good enough to warrant said recognition. Sometimes, in the face of other brilliant performers at the Fringe Festival, that sometimes seems like a distant, near-impossible goal.

Hell, I'm rambling and tired. We'll hash this out later, over beer and video games sometime soon. I greatly appreciate your feelings on this, I really do.

[tragical-mirth.livejournal.com]

Ah, Pedro. I forgot. How could I. *tears up*

I could say much the same thing of myself. People I like never know I like them (according to Chris). Or they look at me like terrified animals and run away. Thus, after getting kicked in the face repeatedly, I stopped trying, and at a certain point, everyone else did too. It's shitty to be made to feel like shit (ah, a literary device! that I don't remember the name of! weeks before my masters exam! brilliant!), so I avoid it. Then I still feel like shit. I'm not sure that it's an improvement.

So, I don't know how to tell you about girls. All I know is that they flock in groups and make fun of me. I avoid them too.

Here, Rob Brezny thinks you should grab the beast by the balls. Make of that what you will.
http://freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/gemini.html

[tragical-mirth.livejournal.com]

It is. Very crap. Expensive crap, too.

Re: I feel like it's squirt bottle time.....

[tragical-mirth.livejournal.com]

I don't think you're under the illusion that this is actually going to help you in the female department, but I agree with themadhatter26 in that it could give the opposite impression to the people you want to respect you. It would get you fame/notoriety but not so much fame/respect.

The key is whether or not you care. :)

I also prescribe deciding what exactly you are looking for: Three chicks on every arm or that one special girl? They generally don't coincide, that I *do* know about girls.

I get the impression that this show is going to be run by the sorts of douchebaggy assholes who write articles for Maxim. (Shit, I want to write articles for Maxim. I'll bet they pay a fortune, and I know I could play that role well enough under a pseudonym that no one would ever know.)

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

Not sure if this has been pointed out, but you noted that the only reason that would be a good title is if they get moms in to give you motherly advice, yes? (Yes, of course you have. Bad adaptor for not reading the comments!)

[nectarousness.livejournal.com]

... Wow, this made me laugh harder than anything. Well, if it gets you publicity, I don't see why not.

Then again, reality shows are really the little annoying brother of all things TV. It can be entertaining... but kind of a bother after a while.