thehefner | Back. Scared of goo. But back.

Drove from Winnipeg to Chicago in one day, and from Chicago to DC in another. All while still nursing the injuries I alluded to in the last post. Give me some kind of goddamn prize now, hopefully one involving steak and/or blowjobs.

A couple full posts to come in the next few days. For now, here: something courtesy of

mirthical, who decided to be completely and totally cruel by invoking one of my oldest, deep-seated terrors of the Earth, THE BLOB IS REAL AND HAS BEEN RELEASED BY GLOBAL WARMING FUCK FUCK NOT EVEN THE ARCTIC IS SAFE WE'RE ALL DOOMED GAHHHH.

Okay, so the fact that the goo isn't eating the guy as he points to it is a good sign. But seriously, much as I adore the great flesh!horror films of the 80's such as Cronenberg's THE FLY and especially Carpenter's THE THING (the former's in my top thirty, the latter in my top ten), I still refuse to watch the goddamned BLOB remake. Shit scarred me for life as a kid when I watched even the edited version on Fox 5 Saturday movies, and to this day, I'm still wary of drains expressly because of crap like this:

Not even the awesome fact that Frank Darabont of THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION co-wrote the script can ever get me to watch this film again. So the nine-year-old me can still be unnerved by news stories like this, especially as the eleven-year-old in me realizes, oh fuck me, it actually the shit from Stephen King's "The Raft," featured in CREEPSHOW 2:

Welp, we're boned. Gonna hide in the freezer now.