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thehefnerMy friend Val is wonderful. She's as geeky with Shakespeare as I am with comics and movies, a disturbingly talented actress, looks like a Shakesperian Uma Thurman, and is a mean-spirited little playwright as well. Mark my words, by the time she's a junior she will have taken over the drama department. She decided to chime in with her opinion on my current dramatic problem. Do I dare accept both a major role in The Cherry Orchard and the lead in Macbeth with the former opening up only two weeks before the latter? All while trying to juggle a college schedule and not failing French II?
Well, I can tell you how it will go should you decide to do both and all goes as it very likely will.
You go in, and audition. And get both the parts you have in mind. The triumph of this will be only slightly marred by the facts of reality, which at this point have little or no bearing on present events. Then rehearsals will start. At first, things will be fine.
Then, the schedule will start to back up. All of a sudden, you're getting evil glares from not one, but two stage managers, whose neat little schedules you are making difficult. The one for Heather's show will be particularly vehement, knowing that TM's show takes priority and there's nothing she can do about it.
Tech weeks will creep closer. You'll stop sleeping, struggling to finish homework and wondering what the hell inspired you to take French again anyway. Things like eating and showering will become a frivolity. You will be John Hefner, the walking dead. You enter into tech week for Cherry Orchard, and be up until at the very least one in the morning every night, and all the while Heather is giving you looks in no uncertain terms because the damn Shakespearean lines aren't coming out in the right order, and the Russian stuff is looking pretty shaky too. Scottish accents are no longer funny. Neither is absinthe.
Cherry Orchard will go up, and you will have six curtain calls, although the last four or so may have been hallucinations. You will think this is a milestone, and the rest will be as easy as pie. It isn't.
Heather's show enters into tech week. You're up until two in the morning these days, and one morning you wake up and find you can remember every single line, except it's all in French. No one knows how this happens, but everyone tells each other the show must go on. Dress rehearsal arrives. Just before you go on, all the lines come back to you in English, but because this is the Scottish Play, there will be several backstage and onstage accidents, including the Tawes bat flying into Lady Macbeth's hair and your kilt falling off in the middle of "Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow." After Blue Surge, however, this prospect holds no fear for you.
Somehow, you make it through Macbeth, and are home free. You stumble into your dorm room anfavod fall into bed, determined not to move for the rest of the week. A part of you wonders why you go through it. Another part does the John Hefner dance, deep down inside, singing its own little ditty that goes something like: "I did it! I did it! And thank God Almighty, I am free at last!" This part, however, is crushed like a delicate butterfly by the oncoming train of oblivion, as the adrenaline you've been running on for the past few weeks comes and demands payback, with interest.
If you can put up with this, then yes, John. Do both shows. But if you think you can escape the Madness of Tawes, think again. It will be coming for you.
Snuggles,
Val
PS- On the bright side, the new Hefner Monologue entitled "And It Turns Out the Last Four Were Hallucinations" will be a huge success.
Val
Yep. Sounds about right. And as much as peeps here are trying to discourage me in this, I am confident in my abilities to pull it off. I mean, assuming I even get cast in Macbeth at all (it's near certain, but we're not precasting, so who knows what brilliant freshman might pop up in the meantime). I'm just thinking, when the hell else will I have this opportunity? No, this has to happen. I'm a fool for doing it, but as an actor, I'd be an even bigger fool for turning it down. Right, fellas?
...
Right?
...
I'm boned.
Well, I can tell you how it will go should you decide to do both and all goes as it very likely will.
You go in, and audition. And get both the parts you have in mind. The triumph of this will be only slightly marred by the facts of reality, which at this point have little or no bearing on present events. Then rehearsals will start. At first, things will be fine.
Then, the schedule will start to back up. All of a sudden, you're getting evil glares from not one, but two stage managers, whose neat little schedules you are making difficult. The one for Heather's show will be particularly vehement, knowing that TM's show takes priority and there's nothing she can do about it.
Tech weeks will creep closer. You'll stop sleeping, struggling to finish homework and wondering what the hell inspired you to take French again anyway. Things like eating and showering will become a frivolity. You will be John Hefner, the walking dead. You enter into tech week for Cherry Orchard, and be up until at the very least one in the morning every night, and all the while Heather is giving you looks in no uncertain terms because the damn Shakespearean lines aren't coming out in the right order, and the Russian stuff is looking pretty shaky too. Scottish accents are no longer funny. Neither is absinthe.
Cherry Orchard will go up, and you will have six curtain calls, although the last four or so may have been hallucinations. You will think this is a milestone, and the rest will be as easy as pie. It isn't.
Heather's show enters into tech week. You're up until two in the morning these days, and one morning you wake up and find you can remember every single line, except it's all in French. No one knows how this happens, but everyone tells each other the show must go on. Dress rehearsal arrives. Just before you go on, all the lines come back to you in English, but because this is the Scottish Play, there will be several backstage and onstage accidents, including the Tawes bat flying into Lady Macbeth's hair and your kilt falling off in the middle of "Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow." After Blue Surge, however, this prospect holds no fear for you.
Somehow, you make it through Macbeth, and are home free. You stumble into your dorm room anfavod fall into bed, determined not to move for the rest of the week. A part of you wonders why you go through it. Another part does the John Hefner dance, deep down inside, singing its own little ditty that goes something like: "I did it! I did it! And thank God Almighty, I am free at last!" This part, however, is crushed like a delicate butterfly by the oncoming train of oblivion, as the adrenaline you've been running on for the past few weeks comes and demands payback, with interest.
If you can put up with this, then yes, John. Do both shows. But if you think you can escape the Madness of Tawes, think again. It will be coming for you.
Snuggles,
Val
PS- On the bright side, the new Hefner Monologue entitled "And It Turns Out the Last Four Were Hallucinations" will be a huge success.
Val
Yep. Sounds about right. And as much as peeps here are trying to discourage me in this, I am confident in my abilities to pull it off. I mean, assuming I even get cast in Macbeth at all (it's near certain, but we're not precasting, so who knows what brilliant freshman might pop up in the meantime). I'm just thinking, when the hell else will I have this opportunity? No, this has to happen. I'm a fool for doing it, but as an actor, I'd be an even bigger fool for turning it down. Right, fellas?
...
Right?
...
I'm boned.
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Date: 2004-05-05 11:11 am (UTC)