Failing to comfort a crying girl
Sep. 28th, 2004 01:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thehefnerI go out to brush my teeth, and I hear, distantly, what sounded like a sob. I track it down to the open door of a friend of mine, a girl with whom I am vaguely friendly and who I used to have a thing for, but what of that. Sitting in plain view, no lights on, on the floor, sobbing. What the hell was I supposed to do? Ignore her? Pretend like she's not there? Or be the White Knight, doing what one does when he sees a damsel in distress?
I opted for the latter, asking first the most stupidly obvious "are you ok?" question for lack of anything else, which I quickly covered by, "Do you want to be left alone." She shrugged, not even looking at me, and well shit, that put me in a hell of a position. I ended up standing there, totally helpless to help her, and her with no interest to share it with me, for about five, maybe ten minutes. I should have left her alone sooner than I did, but man, how do you do that without feeling like a heel, especially if she didn't expressly ask you to leave?
Well, if she doesn't close her door or move soon, with all the traffic of people going back and forth, sooner or later someone's gonna notice. Either way, of course it'll settle itself one way or another. Even still, I feel kinda crappy. If I couldn't help, I shouldn't have offered. But how could I just ignore her...?
I need to get some sleep.
I opted for the latter, asking first the most stupidly obvious "are you ok?" question for lack of anything else, which I quickly covered by, "Do you want to be left alone." She shrugged, not even looking at me, and well shit, that put me in a hell of a position. I ended up standing there, totally helpless to help her, and her with no interest to share it with me, for about five, maybe ten minutes. I should have left her alone sooner than I did, but man, how do you do that without feeling like a heel, especially if she didn't expressly ask you to leave?
Well, if she doesn't close her door or move soon, with all the traffic of people going back and forth, sooner or later someone's gonna notice. Either way, of course it'll settle itself one way or another. Even still, I feel kinda crappy. If I couldn't help, I shouldn't have offered. But how could I just ignore her...?
I need to get some sleep.
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no subject
Date: 2004-09-27 11:30 pm (UTC)My guess: when somebody is unhappy like that they want to be helped and know nothing will. So they don't turn you away, hoping you'll (metaphorically) pull a rabbit out of your hat or tap dance or something. It won't help; sadness isn't like that. You weren't going to make her any less unhappy.
Maybe, the tiniest little bit, by just showing an interest. That's pissing in the ocean, but hey, if the ocean gets a little warmer and yellower, then... well, that metaphor wasn't going anywhere good. Suffice it to say you did all that could be done, and feeling crappy doesn't make it any better for her or you. Not that my telling you that is going to make you feel any less crappy, either.
Hey! Look at the silly monkey! Isn't it silly? What a silly monkey!
no subject
Date: 2004-09-28 08:56 am (UTC)From a try-to-be White Knight to another...
Date: 2004-09-28 12:12 am (UTC)Besides, if she didn't want someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on, she wouldn't have been sitting where anyone could see her.
Re: From a try-to-be White Knight to another...
Date: 2004-09-28 12:22 am (UTC)Actually, I'm not convinced of that. I'm not sure she'd thought the situation all the way through. One can be pretty thoughtless when one is unhappy. I think he did the right thing by assuming it was true, but in the end misery does not always love company, even if it asks for it.
Re: From a try-to-be White Knight to another...
Date: 2004-09-28 12:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-28 12:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-28 08:57 am (UTC)