Well, that's a first.

[thehefner]

Today was the first time I was ever so upset that I not only cried, but threw up. It was this morning, and I missed breakfast, so even though there wasn't much to bring up my stomach just needed to expunge something. I spent the rest of the day looking red, puffy, and miserable. One person though I had the flu. Man, I wish.

This weekend has been one of the worst weekends of my life, emotionally. If I ever get the time for it or if it even feels worth it, I'll post the whole horrible, sordid details here sometime. Be warned, it'll be a long 'un. I mean, if it gets written at all. This situation... "mess" doesn't even begin to describe it. Mother of Fuck. It's so fucked up and I don't understand why! Gah!

Two weeks 'till school's over. Two weeks 'till school's over. Just keep reminding yourself that, Heffie, and finish your damn work. Don't even worry about the two French exams coming up, you have a C average and you need to graduate with a passing grade, that's a D- or higher, you'll be fine. Focus on drama thesis. Focus on the play. Focus on the portfolio for Sophie Kerr. Focus on anything except what you're thinking about right now. Stop it. I'm serious. No. Bad Heffie. Don't be pining, Sparky! Don't be pining!

Two weeks. Two weeks. Two long, horrible, painful, heart-wrenching fucking weeks. And it's over.

Comments

Good Job!

[fiveseconddelay.livejournal.com]

I managed to hold it down but wished I hadn't. It took years to expunge.

Re: Good Job!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Wrong word? Sorry, guess I was in Dr. Doom mode again.

serious posting needs not a serious reply

[fiveseconddelay.livejournal.com]

Internally:
What word? (at first referring to your original post, and then) Oh, mine - how cute, the youngster seeks a flaw!
But was I wrong?
(looks up word in dictionary) What?! I was? I was seeking "Expurgate" How to get out of this! (panic)
No wait, example of "Expurgate" given as "...to EXPUNGE objectionable parts from..."
(insert yatta dance here)

Dude, I was trying to be honest for once, (maybe I should have antlers to wear while doing so...or at least a separate icon) but I'm glad to see you are still willing to go against me so I guess all is not lost. Particularly as I once again put you in your place. Thanks for making the daily experience of being me just a little bit more spectacular. Appreciate it!

Re: serious posting needs not a serious reply

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Heh, aw, I hope it's not too late to feel touched. I like your ribbing, but I honestly prefer and appreciate when you are honest at times like this. If only because it doesn't come often, it means all the more when you are honest. Even if sometimes I have a hard time telling the difference. So thank you, sincerely.

(puts antlers back on, somewhat)

[fiveseconddelay.livejournal.com]

It's just my own lazy way of not obsessing over what I have to say most of the time. You're not being able to tell reinforces my point. But that holds its own personal frustrations I am willing to live with. (damn, I really need that icon)

Irreverent is often a push-button word.
Irrelevant is somewhat easier to delineate.

But are you entertained?

Re: (puts antlers back on, somewhat)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

You do mean "your" and not "you are," yes? I wouldn't normally ask, but since the antlers are back on somewhat, I have to *try* to compete, don't I? Of course, I'm always entertained by you, Alan. If not from your entries, than your icons, all of which highly amuse and entertain me.

Re: (puts antlers back on, somewhat)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Wow, Alan, you're like what would happen if the Argument Clinic and iTunes got together. Or do I mean the Abuse Clinic? Either way, please sir, may I have another?

Re: (puts antlers back on, somewhat)

[fiveseconddelay.livejournal.com]

Any word under 50 cents is free.

Speaking of which, and why I needed to drink tonight, if you know you can't either a) spell, b) type, or c) write coherently, why don't you, for the love of God, d) proof read or e) get it reviewed?!
(in comparison, LJ is just blowoff for me)

For example, it is disheartening to see your work being paraphrased from effectively: "We believe there may be a possible connection..." to "There is a connection..."

Re: (puts antlers back on, somewhat)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Ahhh, yyyyeah, as to that last part, that'd do it, wouldn't it? I've got nothing smart-assed to say to that, you win.

Re: (puts antlers back on, somewhat)

[fiveseconddelay.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

Good night!

Try the veal!

Re: (puts antlers back on, somewhat)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Buh-dum-bum-ba-da-bum! BWARR!

Re: Good Job!

[reazik.livejournal.com]

You're a good man, Alan... :)

in my great love, i display my distress for you in the monkey icon of negativity.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

that sucks, brother.

whatever the hell is going on, you'll get through it. you're tougher than you know.

i have faith in you.

and i'm here if you need me.

and BR 1 n 2 are here for you too ;)

Re: in my great love, i display my distress for you in the monkey icon of negativity.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. It'll be a fine reward after exams!

Re: in my great love, i display my distress for you in the monkey icon of negativity.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

we'll figure it out.

let me know.

[tazira.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear it, hon. It's pretty bad times all around. There's a bright side: your misery has a set end date, beyond which it will immediately improve. It won't get 100% better right away, but you'll be away from the situation, and that'll hopefully help.

Hugs to you, and hang in there.

is this your post or mine?

[karmaflouge.livejournal.com]

i did that two days ago. hang in there hon. if you feel you're at rock bottom, you can only go up from here.

[findingjuliet.livejournal.com]

Heffmeister--you know where you need to be at the end of the month? I'll tell you where you need to be...your ass needs to be on a plane with Roddy, Yancy and myself headed down to New Orleans where you can indulge your schoolboy fantasies with a voodoo queen and celebrate your freedom from the closet of academia with a hurricane. you know you want to. give yourself this little graduation/I survived present. you won't regret it.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

When? What's the date? My graduation's the 22nd. Can I still make it? If so, that'd be awesome.

[findingjuliet.livejournal.com]

It's on MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND MAY 28-31.

You have no excuse :) See my first post from this morning and get on it. You can split a hotel room with Yancy, Calvin, Josh, Roddy and myself (hmm, me with five guys, ahh, the possibilities).

my sis is getting married. she and her new hubby will be down there to celebrate. she remembers you fondly from the New Year's party and when I told her our plans she asked specifically if you were coming :)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Hot damn! Uh... ooh, erm... so wait, do I need plane tickets? We're taking the plane now, aren't we? I so prefer road trips. I will be an impoverished college graduate, must save me da money! Maybe Ma'll help me out. Maybe I could bus it. Hmmm.

[findingjuliet.livejournal.com]

we're taking the plane. act fast and you can get a ticket for under $200, that's not bad. or maybe you and melissa could hook up and take the bus together. she's opted out b/c of plane costs too but might be willing to hit the road with you.

DO IT HEFF, DO IT!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I think I'll go with the bus, either with Mel or alone. When I get the chance I'll look up fares, unless you have a good suggestion as to where to look. The one in Chinatown, perhaps? I wonder if they even go there.

Ok, so tell me: what aprox. times should I be wanting to arrive and depart, so's we can be all coodinated-like?

[reazik.livejournal.com]

Greyhound is the only place that goes to New Orleans from here, and the fare would be $138.00 if you get it before May 20. After that, it goes up to (gulp) $211.00.

Most people are arriving by around 10:00 AM on Saturday. FSD and I will be there at around 11:30. They'll be leaving on Tuesday morning. This would be your best bet:

Departure Schedule for Friday, May 27, 2005
Departs Arrives Duration Transfers Carrier Schedule
09:30a 11:45a 1d,3h,15m 1 Greyhound 1051

Return Schedule for Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Departs Arrives Duration Transfers Carrier Schedule
10:00a 04:10p 1d,5h,10m 1 Greyhound 1562

[reazik.livejournal.com]

This is a poem that always helped me. It was written for women, but I took the liberty of changing the gender, because it is appropos for men with broken hearts as well. I hope it helps a little.

______

After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the strength of a man, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads
On today, because tomorrow's ground
Is too uncertain for plans, and futures have
A way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate
Your own soul instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn.
_____

I am always there for you.

[pokeyburro.livejournal.com]

Heh. John, you know what you need to do, so I'm betting the next two weeks won't be as bad as you think. You've got the right idea by focusing.

It's funny how some people, I think, just don't really need help.

A reward at the end couldn't hurt, though. Go to Nawlins if you want; if not, we gotta plan a graduation dinner for ya. Something good. Heck, we should do that anyway.