(no subject)

At TARTUFFE rehearsal last week, I was distracted and not paying attention. When asked why, I said I was in HeffieLand, The Land of Cats and Crying, to which one person quipped: "That sounds like the saddest amusement park in the world." Added another: "Featuring a roller coaster, 'The Despair'; it only goes down."

Has anyone here ever read or seen BEYOND THERAPY by Christopher Durang? It's a brilliant play, perhaps his masterpiece, and was utterly mutilated by Robert Altman in the movie version. A production of it went up last week, and I realized something rather unsettling- Bruce, the main male character, was me.

When I say he's me, I mean both in how I actually am and how I'm perceived (I haven't actually been cats and crying for awhile now... I don't like cats so much and I haven't cried unless I've been really hurt emotionally, as opposed to the frequency I did before I met the Rudes and knew the joys of an actual social life). When I tried to share this revelation with anybody else, I was returned with blank stares, but apparently Misty got it. She absolutely saw the connections, even prefacing her thoughts with a dubious "I know you're going to take this the wrong way, but..."

Has anyone seen this play? Man, I need to re-evaluate this. Because I don't know if being Bruce is a good thing for a bad thing. I mean, I'm not completely him. I'm not actually insane, nor do I have a male lover, nor do I think I'd fuck around with the gasman behind my wife's back. But he has a lot of other qualities that maybe only Misty and Tammy could attest to; the random goofy comments, the insecurity, the intensity, the desire to make everybody happy, the deep analysis of other's behaviors and my own, the desperate "What can I do to make this work? Just tell me and I'll do it!" questions, the chest hair, and, of course, the sensitivity.

And of course I'm so insecure I'm gonna be pondering over this for years now, going to people with the play and saying, "Read this. Is this me? Is that a bad thing?" Hell, maybe I should add Bruce to the list of characters I must play someday. It's a great play, well worth the reading. Again, just don't see the movie. Altman can suck my ass.

(no subject)

At 1:30, I went with a bunch of peeps to the playground of the local elementary school, and for a few hours we played hide and seek and capture the flag. Much fun was had by all, and I found out that, of all things, I'm pretty damn good at stealth. Who knew, right?

Depressed lately. Not sure why. It's not the old stuff, I'm done with that. It's finished, over. But just, since then, something's felt... missing, y'know? Like something that was so vibrant and burning before has just died inside me. Turned to coal. Even when I was going crazy and miserable with stuffs over the past couple years, there was still this spark inside me. Now... I don't know.

I don't want to turn into one of the South Park goth kids. I want to get happy again, I mean fundamentally happy. Gonna work on that. Resentment's been building up in me. The deep frustration with being dicked over and put upon, the recurring sense that I deserve better than this shit (and who am I to talk, everyone here's felt that), and again I'm trying to find ways to vent it before it gets to me.

Ahh, look at what I'm doing. Shut up, Hefner, go to sleep. See SIN CITY tomorrow, that'll help.

meme gacked from jay and ty

I'm sure there are more and better choices than these, but there you go. EDIT: It occurs to me I should have waited for more people to guess before I responded to the first two. Ah well. If you WERE gonna guess someone else, feel free to post it, since I'd love to see who you would have thought I'd have liked.

-List ten of your favourite movies/books/television shows.
-Have your friends comment and try to guess which character is your favourite. (if I've got more than one, the # is in parentheses
-When guessed, bold the title, post the correct answer, and explain (briefly) why.
-Pass this on like a communicable disease.

1.) WATCHMEN (book)
- Rorschach. He's uber-right-wing, psychotic, cynical, and deeply nihilistic, but his uncomporomising determination to do the right thing (with no superpowers at his disposal) coupled with the creepy bad-assedness of the character makes him one of my all-time favorites.

2.) ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST (movie)

3.) THE ICEMAN COMETH (play/movie)

4.) CLOSER (play/movie)
- Larry. He's every dark, evil, hurt, manipulative, toying, vindinctive thought and feeling that I had deep within but would never let myself become. At least, not to the extent that Larry does. I've never been willing to fuck anybody over just because of my own hurt. Still, he's fun as hell to watch.

5.) L.A. CONFIDENTIAL (book/movie)

6.) A MIGHTY WIND (movie)
- Mitch. I'm not even sure what I can say about him. The character just kind of speaks for himself, and if you don't get it, I don't suppose I can blame you.

7.) GANGS OF NEW YORK (movie)
- Bill the Butcher, as if anyone couldn't guess. He was so badass, charming, charismatic, and complex, it was almost easy to forget he was an evil racist bastard. He was the real hero of the movie, and even at the end he had more true honor and strength than Leo did. Now, if the movie had been about Bill vs. Liam Neeson's Priest, that would have been a match and a movie worthy of an Oscar.

8.) CASABLANCA (movie)
-Louis Renault. Claude Rains, what a magnificent bastard you are. Charming, self-serving, corrupt, but with a heart of... well, bronze, at least.

9.) SIN CITY (comics/movie)
- Hartigan. I love Marv, but when it comes down to it, I think Hartigan might be the only true hero of Sin City. The only one not motivated by vengeance or mere survival, an honest cop to the end, sacrificing everything to keep one person safe. It just appeals to the redemption-seeker in me, I guess.

10.) BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES (show)
- Harvey Dent. Not just as Two-Face, Harvey's my favorite comics character, fully realized in the show, thanks in large part to Richard Moll (yes, Bull from NIGHT COURT)'s performance(s).