The Hefner Monologue... no, I mean, the other Hefner

On the other hand, the more I think about it the more I find I rather like the idea of a cable channel doing a whole weekend of movies dedicated to me getting over my ex.

My mother has taken to watching The Girls Next Door, a reality show about Hugh Hefner and his live-in girlfriends. Ol' second-cousin/first-cousin-once-removed Hef really isn't looking that good. The combover really ain't doin' it. Mom's right, it's really creepily uncanny how he looks and acts like my father. Is this what a lifetime of fucking many, many beautiful women does to us Hefner males? If that's the case, at least I finally have one reason to not worry about my future. *rimshot* Ha ha, I kill myself.

Seriously though, I still want to contact the old man. In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea to contact him through his direct mansion address. Especially since considering the reason my Dad and I are estranged from him is supposedly because Hef percieved us invading his privacy which he values deeply or some such thing. I don't know. And it was probably a really bad idea to invite him to my high school graduation. No matter what my letter may have said otherwise, only a wedding announcement screams "I WANT MONEY!" more.

If I ever do my freaky beatnik road trip, which would have to be soon, after CLOSER, I'm gonna try to contact him one more time. I'll go out to LA personally anyway to see Gordon's relatives, maybe I can kill two bunnies with one stone.

Or at the very least I'll have my picture taken outside the gates, locked out. And that will be the cover for THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES. Maybe I'll be swigging a bottle of whiskey. Maybe it'll be the brand my characters in my novels drink, Christensen Mists brand dry gin. Heh heh. It's funny how I turn my pain into self-depricating art.

Maybe I'll finish the book before he dies and send it to him.

Still considering dropping off the link to the Emm Gryner monologue on Emm's myspace page. Or e-mailing it to her. We'll see.

TV Musings

In the ten minutes of show I caught while on the treadmill, GILMORE GIRLS featured Shakespeare trivia about how many plays Falstaff was in, a girl in a Dead Kennedys shirt, and a rebellious-teen-girl character who rebels by dressing up in a bunny suit for kids' parties and stalking Tom Waits. Shit, I'm going to have to watch this show now, aren't I?

Watching DARIA re-runs when they air at 3 am. Is it just me, or does Sandi have the same accent as Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons? I wonder if that's some sort of regional California elitist accent or something. I can so hearing Sandi saying, "That is the worst... outfit... ever. Rest assured I will be registering my disgust to the entire Fashion Club."

I looked up DARIA info on tv.com, and wow, the insight these people give to the shows. It's amazing, it really is. Why, do you know what they had listed under "Episode notes" for the final episode of the show? It read, "This episode is sort of sad." **headdesk** I really do wonder why so many Daria fans are people who Daria would hate. Not that there's many people who Daria likes, but you get my point.

As for James Marsters as Brainiac, I just hope they actually CALL him Brainiac. It's important that they do. Sure, I'd be very happy if they'd give him the green skin, head-circuitry, and of course the purple booty shorts, but let's at least give him the name. No more things like "hot exchange student Mr. Mxyzptlk."

Half the cast of FIREFLY does voices for JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED. You people need to watch this show. It's as brilliant as anything Whedon has ever done. I'm not even kidding.

Also, what's with the aversion to FARSCAPE? I'm serious, people, you would all love it. Especially FIREFLY fans. How come this space opera masterpiece is getting short-changed with a good show that only lasted one season? Blows my mind.

Ok, this post was as much an excuse to use this new icon as anything else. Yes, it's a real panel. The first appearance of Catwoman, oddly enough. It never fails to bring me joy.

(no subject)

There's a party at Washington College tonight. A lot of people will be there. Old friends, graduates and students alike, for Labor Day weekend. I'm not doing anything tonight. I miss my friends. I miss my college. My friends are there. Kevin, Molly, Mikey, Joe...

And Misty. Misty and Clancy. Even if I don't see them, which is pretty unlikely in that school, they'll be right there.

I'm not sure if my not going up there is cowardice or self-preservation.

I miss my girlfriend. I miss my lover. But more and more, I also miss my friend.

My first Hefner Monologue fan mail! Sorta.

I joined up with myspace out of boredom, soon finding it rather pointless as have no idea how to find anyone else I might concievably know of on there to "friend," but hey, Emm Gryner has a page with free music, cool beans. I haven't yet summed up the courage to directly send her the Hefner Monologue about my adventure to her concert, but I did post the link to it on her "comments" page, open for all (including hopefully her) to see. Later today, I recieved the following e-mail from a guy named Brandon:

"Hey man,

Just wanted to say I enjoyed reading your Emmshow blog. I was at that show (with my sister).

I actually looked over at your table a couple of times thinking, 'look at that motherfucker with all the chicks!!'. Then I overheard some giggling and thought, 'oh they are just a bunch of lesbians, it figures that most the music I listen to has an enormous lesbian fanbase'.

Upon further discreet observation (prior to Emm's set), and between songs, I noticed that these girls weren't paying much attention at all to the music, and were on their cellphones!! This angers me to no end when I am at shows, especially in small venues. So now I am thinking, 'why the fuck did these bitches even show up if all they are going to do is play with their goddamned cell phones all night?!'.

My evening ended quite well, as I got to have my picture taken with the lovely Emm. Unfortunately I noticed that she is sporting an engagement ring. Damn, there go my fantasies... well almost ; )

So I am glad you had a good time. I have been to more than one concert alone, and it's not so bad... as long as you really dig the music.

Take care
-Brandon-"