When I grow up, I'm going to save Christmas with a vampire!

There were a number of people to whom, for a number of reasons, I was unable to personally wish a Merry Christmas. You people probably know who you are. Well, it's late, but I sincerely hope you had a Merry Christmas and, in case I don't see you, I hope you have a Happy New Year.

(oh, and a happy belated birthday to myoffenceisrank! All hail the Sultan of Twat!)

I don't know if THE PRODUCERS is for everyone. Mom couldn't understand how anyone could possibly dislike the movie, whereas I'm well familar with the mind of the snob. I should know, after all. I hate lots of crap. If people are gonna dislike THE PRODUCERS, fine, go ahead, be snobs. Be superior. Call it "dated" and "stagey" and "over the top" whatever else.

Me? I fucking loved the whole damn thing, warts and all. As with when I saw the original broadway cast perform, I don't think the smile left my face for a second. This was pure happy in a movie. It's kinda like SPAMALOT in that it cannot, should not, and MUST not replace the original. Everyone should see the original, if only for the performances. This is a big musical homage to the original. Unlike SPAMALOT, however, it's actually more than a decent fun time. It's pure delight.

There is not one ounce of subtlety in this movie, and I loved every second of it. I mean, I would! This is pure John Hefner. This is the biggest Audience Whore movie I've ever seen. Seriously, I want to play every male role in the show. Every single one. Hell with it! I want to do a one-man-show of THE PRODUCERS, with special guest star Val Larson as Ulla!

(Because holy God, I want to see Val as Ulla. Stat!)

The cast: Nathan Lane is one of the last great vaudiville performers, from the mold of Jackie Gleason and, yes, Zero Mostel. I liked Matthew Broderick much better here than on stage; on film he's able to play off his wonderful facial expressions much better. Roger Bart is delightfully freaky. Will Ferrel was pretty well perfectly cast as Franz Liebkind, and his "new song" during the credits is fucking beautiful. I'm really trying hard not to transcribe here what he whispers to the audience at the end, it's great. And holy bejezus, I'm no longer the only person in the world not to find Uma Thurman sexy. Ooh wah wah wah WAH wah wah!

If you see it, don't be a wimp. Stay to the end of the credits. Seriously. I always do, and it sometimes pays off. This is one of those cases.

Oh, and also? Baileys Irish Cream + Egg Nog doesn't equal crazy delicious. It equals soothing and lovely and oh so the happy. Hmmm. Nighty night.

Christmas Haul/2005 in Review

You know, there really should be some sort of law against springing bad news on a person before they've had breakfast. That off-handed insult or unwelcome bit of mail or daily irritation is a million times worse on an empty stomach within the first couple hours after waking. It can ruin your whole day.

So instead of sweating it, I'm just gonna chill and focus on the things I have. Namely, my newly-acquired material goods thanks to my father, who was particularly generous. Plus, Mom got me socks, boxers, and beef jerky. Always good. Oh, and silk Playboy boxers, since I need to live up to the family legacy and all. Which means I need to begin banging three utterly vapid scrubbed blondes on a reality show. But it wasn't just clothes and dried animal flesh for Heffie, no sir!

( My Christmas Haul! )

And also, here's a Year in Review meme gacked from the incomparable jellied:

( 2005: A Retrospective. )

(no subject)

RIP Vincent Schiavelli
1948-2005

You might remember him from ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST, AMADEUS, FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, BATMAN RETURNS, BETTER OFF DEAD, BUCKAROO BANZAI, or one of the greatest X-Files episodes, "Humbug."



Talk about one of the true "Oh, that guy!" actors.