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I think I'm getting better already
Jul. 6th, 2007 12:01 pmThis morning, I saw a commercial for a Lifetime Original Movie (the things I must endure for FRASIER re-runs), expecting it to be yet another battered-single-mothers-eating-pudding film, every other one which stars Nancy Travis and/or Harry Hamlin. But no, this was something else entirely.
I looked line an airplane thriller from the start, but little did I know the true nature of the threat. What could possibly besiege the Mother/Daughter protagonist team? Gary Oldman? William Sadler? Ray Liotta? Dare I dream, snakes? Possibly snakes played by Gary Oldman, William Sadler, and Ray Liotta? They could do it, and Liotta wouldn't even need makeup!
No. Not even that.
Ants.
Bullet ants. THE MOST EVIL ANTS KNOWN TO MAN.
Seriously, check out the synopsis I pulled off imdb:
While on a flight home from Columbia, the plane that Dr. Carrie Ross and her daughter are on, is attacked by bullet ants- whose sting is the most painful and deadliest on the planet. Joining forces with air marshal Ethan Hart, Dr. Ross, an entomologist, tries desperately to save the flight from disaster. In the end, their struggle brings them closer together and offers the couple hope for the future.
And what, I ask you *what*, is the name of this epic?
DESTINATION: INFESTATION
Starring Antonio Sabato Jr. as Ethan "We couldn't afford that other kid from GOOD BURGER" Hart.
... I love how this sounds like a Sci-Fi Channel movie (albeit sub-MANSQUITO), but the synopsis proves that Lifetime is actually making ANTS ON A PLANE into a chick flick.
Which reminds me, I saw 1408.
All in all, it was a real letdown. Because regardless of what most of the reviews said, this was just yet another typical, watered-down Stephen King adaptation. The problem with Stephen King movies is that people don't seem to realize King's true power is in his storytelling, not his plots (and certainly not his endings, but that's neither here nor there). Not enough people mention that his greatest strength is his ability to weave a story, to suck you in; you can sometimes get a hundred pages into a King book before realizing it's crap.
Still, it's nice to see John Cusack again. I've always rather liked him, even if I can't think of a single film of his I actively enjoyed*, but really, for my money the only bright point comes from Samuel L. Jackson. Sadly, the scene from the commercials wasn't in the film at all. I really wanted to hear Sam Jackson shout, "I WARNED YOU ABOUT 1408, MOTHERFUCKER, BUT YOU DIDN'T MOTHERFUCKING LISTEN, DID YOU MOTHERFUCKER! FUCK NO! THIS AIN'T NO PETER GABRIEL 'IN YOUR EYES' BULLSHIT!"**
But at least there was one moment that pretty well made the ticket cost worth it. You've seen in the ads where Sam Jackson says, "It's an evil room"? That's not exactly what happens. You see, John Cusack is saying, "Yeah, I don't believe in ghosts or poltergeists."
Jackson, as the hotel manager, says, "Uh, I never said it was a ghost or a poltergeist. Room 1408 is something else entirely."
Scoffing, Cusack asks, "Oh yeah? What is it?"
Jackson leans in, eyes dead on his, and whispers, "It's an evil fucking room."
Now that's just gold, pallies.
*I dislike Cameron Crowe and didn't care for GROSSE POINT BLANK when I saw it in theatres... but maybe it's time to revisit that one, especially as THE RICHES has greatly elevated Minnie Driver in my eyes.
**Joke stolen, I believe, from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fishymcb
I looked line an airplane thriller from the start, but little did I know the true nature of the threat. What could possibly besiege the Mother/Daughter protagonist team? Gary Oldman? William Sadler? Ray Liotta? Dare I dream, snakes? Possibly snakes played by Gary Oldman, William Sadler, and Ray Liotta? They could do it, and Liotta wouldn't even need makeup!
No. Not even that.
Ants.
Bullet ants. THE MOST EVIL ANTS KNOWN TO MAN.
Seriously, check out the synopsis I pulled off imdb:
While on a flight home from Columbia, the plane that Dr. Carrie Ross and her daughter are on, is attacked by bullet ants- whose sting is the most painful and deadliest on the planet. Joining forces with air marshal Ethan Hart, Dr. Ross, an entomologist, tries desperately to save the flight from disaster. In the end, their struggle brings them closer together and offers the couple hope for the future.
And what, I ask you *what*, is the name of this epic?
DESTINATION: INFESTATION
Starring Antonio Sabato Jr. as Ethan "We couldn't afford that other kid from GOOD BURGER" Hart.
... I love how this sounds like a Sci-Fi Channel movie (albeit sub-MANSQUITO), but the synopsis proves that Lifetime is actually making ANTS ON A PLANE into a chick flick.
Which reminds me, I saw 1408.
All in all, it was a real letdown. Because regardless of what most of the reviews said, this was just yet another typical, watered-down Stephen King adaptation. The problem with Stephen King movies is that people don't seem to realize King's true power is in his storytelling, not his plots (and certainly not his endings, but that's neither here nor there). Not enough people mention that his greatest strength is his ability to weave a story, to suck you in; you can sometimes get a hundred pages into a King book before realizing it's crap.
Still, it's nice to see John Cusack again. I've always rather liked him, even if I can't think of a single film of his I actively enjoyed*, but really, for my money the only bright point comes from Samuel L. Jackson. Sadly, the scene from the commercials wasn't in the film at all. I really wanted to hear Sam Jackson shout, "I WARNED YOU ABOUT 1408, MOTHERFUCKER, BUT YOU DIDN'T MOTHERFUCKING LISTEN, DID YOU MOTHERFUCKER! FUCK NO! THIS AIN'T NO PETER GABRIEL 'IN YOUR EYES' BULLSHIT!"**
But at least there was one moment that pretty well made the ticket cost worth it. You've seen in the ads where Sam Jackson says, "It's an evil room"? That's not exactly what happens. You see, John Cusack is saying, "Yeah, I don't believe in ghosts or poltergeists."
Jackson, as the hotel manager, says, "Uh, I never said it was a ghost or a poltergeist. Room 1408 is something else entirely."
Scoffing, Cusack asks, "Oh yeah? What is it?"
Jackson leans in, eyes dead on his, and whispers, "It's an evil fucking room."
Now that's just gold, pallies.
*I dislike Cameron Crowe and didn't care for GROSSE POINT BLANK when I saw it in theatres... but maybe it's time to revisit that one, especially as THE RICHES has greatly elevated Minnie Driver in my eyes.
**Joke stolen, I believe, from
fishymcb
