If you don't name your poison, I'll have to get the boys in

I...

... have just discovered one of the greatest things ever.

By which I mean, not greatest for everybody (although I'd hope everybody with a soul in their heart can appreciate such things), but I'm talking about something that just might beat GARTH MARENGHI'S DARKPLACE on levels of sheer "they must have found an alternate universe version of John Hefner, given him a camera, a budget, some cocaine, and a time machine, and set him loose" factor. Because only in my wildest dreams could I--and only I--have fashioned something like THE RETURN OF CAPTAIN INVINCIBLE.

Who has seen this movie? I haven't, but after seeing this, I know I must. Look, just... just watch this for yourself.

Alan Arkin as an alcoholic superhero. Christopher Lee as the supervillain. And music by Richard O'Brien.

I am in Heaven. I am one step closer to being ready to die.

"Every day that I wake up, I thank my father for being an abusive alcoholic...

... because it was in that exact kind of environment that I find makes great talent."

Speaking of videos that may not be for everybody but utterly delight John Hefner...



Yes, my friends, they actually made a HEARTS OF DARKNESS style "documentary" (done as a parody of Werner Herzog! WERNER HERZOG PARODY, PEOPLE!) about what happened behind the scenes of the ill-fated war epic TROPIC THUNDER. Featuring all-new scenes of the characters in character*, especially Downey Jr.** Did I mention Werner Herzog parody? Lord knows this isn't for all tastes, but it's like porn for John Hefner. You can download it through iTunes from here for FREE, which you should do, go now.***

I've gotta say, I'm rather disappointed that TROPIC THUNDER has been met with such a mixed reception. While I do think that it didn't go as scathing as it should have gone, thereby preventing it from being a true classic, I thought there actually was a good deal of substance behind the jokes (and while there were a couple lags, I was in pain from laughing so hard in places).

For example, David Chen at SlashFilm wrote a fascinating essay about TROPIC THUNDER's themes on white cultural appropriation, thoughts which were furthermore expanded upon by everyone's favorite bastard, Devin from CHUD.com. Reading the comments sections on both--which I don't recommend in general for anyone who likes their brain cells--indicate just how mixed the reception is, even after the excellent points Chen and Devin raise.

I had thought of it as a big film that I liked a lot, but which failed to achieve true greatness. But if the reception is so tepid and mixed, shit, maybe someday we'll look back on TROPIC THUNDER as an underappreciated gem, much the same way we do GALAXY QUEST. Or, for that matter, ZOOLANDER.


*Holy crap, but I never realized till now just how much Steve Coogan with long hair eerily resembles slaversbane. Like, crazy so, just blonder and pastier. There's even a moment where I swear to god he looks like he's reenacting "Gotta beat my dad, gotta beat my dad, gotta fuck my mom, gotta fuck my mom, raise the kids, they're EVIL! EVIL KIDS! EVIL!"

**Makes you wonder just how much unused footage there was. Really, Downey is just hypnotic in this film, no matter what he's doing.

***Oh my god, Herzog fans, go to www.rainofmadness.com and read the blog aloud in Herzog voice. It's comedy gold, people.