Are you all wearing your Silver Shamrock Halloween masks?

I wanna be this guy when I grow up:



Just bike into town, go up to random people, and say, "Doomed! You're all doomed! Just, y'know. FYI. ... DOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!"

I'm told there may be a party or two tonight. Keep me appraised, folks. I'm tempted to be a hermit, but avoiding children will be a fine excuse to make me social.

In the meantime, maybe I'll compile my favorite horror movie moments. Or not. If nothing else, have a bit of this:

Hey, at least I didn't post the last minute of SLEEPAWAY CAMP. I watched it on a whim and now I can't goddamn sleep.

Heffie's Favorite Horror Movie Moments

( My top ten favorite horror movie moments... )

2009 Tour Announcement

So I just won the CAFF lottery. That is, the Canadian Association of Fringe Festivals lottery, where you can apply for at least five Fringe Festivals in the CAFF union. There are ten winners selected in all: five Canadian, five international. Obviously, I was one of the latter. I figured my chances weren't too terrible, because who really has the time or sanity to devote to *five* whole Fringe festivals? Fuck, I nearly went mad doing three!

Now, I am officially signed up to perform THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES in...

New York City (Frigid): Feb. 25 – March 8, 2009
Montreal: June 11 - 21, 2009
Winnipeg: July 15 – 26, 2009
Indianapolis: Aug 21 – 30, 2009
Vancouver: September 9 - 20, 2009

I'm also almost certainly signed up for Orlando (May 14 - 25, 2009), to do the revised hour-long version of HOW HEFNERIAN, and as if that's not enough, I'm gonna shoot for Minnesota (July 30–Aug. 9, 2009), which I wouldn't do if I hadn't repeatedly heard how insanely awesome it is. So I'm definitely doing five festivals, probably six, and hopefully seven.

And maybe... I'm possibly considering doing Sydney, Australia in the Fall, after the US tour.

Oh my god. Oh my god. I need revise the Monologues soon. I need to get them fresh and tight, make them really mean something to me again. Not that they don't, but after performing this for a year and a half, you know what I mean. I need to get some kind of cheapie photoshop program to make posters. I need better marketing! "Meet the black sheep of the white bunny family" is tempting, but it might not be what I really need! What's better? "It's hard out there for a Hef?" GAH!

I need marketing people! I need a secretary! I need... I need a hundred beers! Exactly. Exactly a hundred, thank you.

I am having a heart attack. But in a good way. I think. I hope. I'm gonna die now.